Group Communications paragraph

CHAPTER 9

Building a Cohesive Group

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Be kind, for everyone you meet

is fighting a hard battle.

--PHILO

VERY quality conn'ol meeting began the same way--a magical way--with each

group member sharing one new or significant thing that had happened since the group last met. Barbara, the team leader, had learned about this process during a workshop she had attended some years ago. Every person spoke for oily thirty sec- onds as the members went around the table to "check in," but this brief activity let them touch base with one another, to connect at the human level before conducting their regular business.

Occasionally these "check-ins" would elevate the group to another level of see- ing, understanding, and caring for one another. Once, one woman shared that her

high school daughter's leukemia was in remission. One man revealed that he was afraid to propose to his girlfi'iend. And another woman proudly announced to the group that she had parachuted fi'om 9,000 feet the previous weekend. These and a hundred other little bits of individually experienced life were shared collectively during the sixteen months this group met at Zytech Computers, and each sharing brought these people closer together as a team.

After meeting each week for six months, their leader missed four consecutive meetings because of a business trip. Barbara was temporarily replaced by Doug, a second-level production manager, who began the first meeting with a nervously delivered joke, then proceeded with the agenda. Toward the end of that meeting, Carlos, one of the group members, asked Doug if they could "check in" at the next meeting.

After explaining to Doug what a "check-in" was, Carlos added that he missed hearing what the others had been up to during the past week. The members of the group quicldy agreed.

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"I miss the check-in," added JoAnn. "It's one of the few times that we get to really connect during our hectic schedules."

"Plus, it makes me like you guys, which is a miracle in itself," joked Tim. "I like the way it helps me be more patient and understanding," said Vaveck,

"and most important, I think it makes our meetings much more productive, tO0!"

"I agree," chimed Tim.

"Okay, whatever you guys want," said Doug with a smile. "Maybe this check-in will help me, too."

At the beginning of the second meeting, the group spent the first few minutes checldng in, with Doug concluding the process by sharing that he liked hearing their "new and goods," as he referred to the check-in. The next two meetings began with the check-ins and Doug felt a real connection with these people who were sm-mg- ers just days before. He also observed a positive difference in his own attitude and behavior during those meetings.

At the fourth meeting check-in, Doug shared that he believed that the group's connection at this personal level helped them weather some difficult disagreements. He also told them that he not only appreciated how productive the group was, but how close he had grown to feel about it, too. Doug admitted that he had never experienced awthing quite like this before and wished that he could join the mem- bers for their remaining nine months. And he did.

This chapter examines ways you can create caring and build a social dimension within your problem-solving group that encourages cooperation and productivity. If group members discover some level of personal success, connection, value, support, and

trust during the process of worldng with one another, they will more likely experi- ence a social dimension that produces a cohesive group.

The Social Dimension

The social dimension of a group lives on long after the task has been completed. An individual's feelings of successful cooperation, connection, appreciation, support, and trust derived from the group experience can play a significant role in shaping and strengthen- ing his or her self-concept. If the social dimension, however, is characterized by competition, appre- hension, and mistrust, the group experience can

impact the individual's self-concept and attitude in a negative way for years to come.

The significance of the social dimension can- not be overstated. Without a healthy, supportive social climate in which to conduct the work of the group, task effectiveness can be compromised (Fisher and Ellis, 1990; Shaw, 1981).

Work can provme'" one with a shared smile, a friend for life,

and the liberation of the soul.

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THOMAS MOORE

Whereas the goal of the group's task dimension is productivity, the goal of the social dimension is cohesion, the attraction and connection of group members to one another and to the group.

Feeling Successful

The primary reason for the problem-solving group's existence is to solve a prob- lem. To experience success in problem solving can contribute to building a cohesive group. Members of an athletic team who win all their games during a season will more likely feel connected to one another than will members of a team who lose every game. Successful goal attainment plays a significant role in how members feel about one another and themselves. Without experiencing some level of goal achieve- ment, a problem-solving group often deteriorates into a collection of frustrated, disconnected, and disappointed individuals.

Here are four steps you can take to bring success to your group: agreement on

the group's goal, formulation of mini-goals, emphasis on group cooperation, and achievement of personal goals.

Agreeing on the Group's Goal

The first step you can take toward success is to make certain that each group member agrees on the group's goal. A group cannot be successful in achieving a goal if there is confusion or disagreement about what that goal is.

In a technical way, this step is accomplished during the second step of the prob- lem-solving agenda, analysis of the problem. During this phase, the group formn- lates the question of policy ("What should be done about . . . ?" or "What should our policy be toward... ?"). This step provides the group with its task goal. Without a clearly defined ,and agreed-upon goal, the group can drift aimlessly.

Formulating Mini- Goals

A simple technique you can use to make your group experience successful more often is to formulate mini-goals--brealdng down the larger goal into its smaller or component parts. For instance, instead of focusing on eliminating neighborhood theft, the group may want to break down this larger goal into its incremental parts. Smaller goals can include gathering information from law enforcement agencies, conducting an attitude survey of neighbors, holding an informational meeting for the neighborhood, and distributing a list of possible solutions to neighbors for their input.

When I chair a problem-solving group, I construct a list of mini-goals with sug- gested completion dates and the name of the individual responsible for each goal. I distribute this list to group members at the beginning of each meeting, and group members announce the progress of their particular mini-goal for that session. I've

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Emphasizing Group Cooperation

A third step you can take toward group success is to emphasize group cooperation rather than competition. A group that encourages competition among its members will often experience a social dimension characterized by mistrust, selfishness, and rivalry. When members attempt to outdo one another, or to win at the expense of someone else's loss, they threaten the group's cohesiveness. Competition creates a

win-lose atmosphere. And where there are losers, there are individuals who don't

feel good about themselves. Here are two ways to emphasize cooperation within your group. First, dMde

the group into subgroups of two or three individuals and make each subgroup responsible for a mini-goal. This will provide members with the opportunity to work together in a smaller group setting, helping to build teamwork and intimacy. Sec- ond, hold what I refer to as an "expert session," in which group members share a problem they might be experiencing with their mini-goal and the other group mem- bers try to provide helpful or "expert" information or advice. This also emphasizes

cooperation between members.

Achieving Personal Goals

Although the primary function of each grouP member is to participate and contrib- ute toward the achievement of the group goal, there are also concurrent persona] needs each individnal hopes to satisfy while participating in the group. Many times these personal needs are minor and incidental, such as the need to investigate a new topic, use a new communication sldll, or brag about an interview. Other times, they can serve as the primary motivation or reason for seeldng group membership. Loneliness, underappreciation, and a desire for control are some examples of why an individual seeks group membership to satisfy personal needs.

You can make it possible to satisfy these needs by having group members state any personal needs they may be conscious of during the orientation phase. After

A great cathedral is built one brick at a time.

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DALE CARNEGIE

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found that people enjoy bragging about their mini- goal achievement and appreciate the compliments

from group members. Another advantage to formulating mini-goals

is that it divides the labor among the group. No individual is stuck doing all the work. When one group member, through choice or circumstance, is left with an inordinate amount of responsibility, the social dimension can suffer. It's more effective from a task point of view to utilize this division of labor and assign mini-goals to each member. Most important, it provides each individual with added opportunities to experience success during the process of attempting to achieve the

larger group goal.

group members introduce themselves, I also have them state one or two personal goals they'd like to achieve during the course of our group work.

Most of the time, individuals share personal goals that can be easily achieved during the course of the group's life. I will occasionally begin a meeting with a check-in. At that time group members are given an opportunity to share an), prog- ress they made toward one or more personal goals. During the course of an hour meeting, I devote three to five minutes to this activity ever}, third meeting. This can do wonders for building a cohesive group.

Feeling Connected

A second way to build a cohesive group is to make each member feel connected to the other members. Some groups are characterized by an atmosphere of distance, coolness, and indifference, whereas other groups enjoy an atmosphere of connec-

tion, inclusion, and trust. Here are some ways you can make your group members

feel connected and included in the group setting: aclÿowledging others, structuring an all-channel network, being interested in others, and socializing as a group.

Acknowledging Others

Do not forget to welcome group members as they arrive to the meeting before it begins. Greet them with a smile and use their first names. It's amazing what a smile, a handshake, and a first name will do to make someone feel welcomed and included. Ifa group member is not included in some of the pre-meeting chitchat, go over and say hello. Offer that person a cup of coffee. Ask how his or her day went. These simple acts of aclmowledging someone's presence can determine the emo-

tional experience for an individual's entire meeting. If in doubt, smile and do your best to make someone feel included and connected to the group. That can be your most important act of the entire meeting.

Structuring an All- Channel Network

Another way to make group members feel con- nected to the group is to structure ,an all-channel

network system for the group process. A commu-

nication network is the arrangement of communi-

cation flow within a system. With an all-channel SALVADOR MINUCHIN

network group members have access to all the other members without having to go through the leader or a central gatekeeper. Each member is free to speak and listen directly to every other group member.

There are a number of specific steps you can take to ensure an all-channel net-

work in your group. First, from a purely physical point of view, have the group

In healthy groups, everyone

gets to talk to everyone.

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Being Interested in Others

Our lives are busy, and we may find ourselves left with little time to become acquainted with even those we work with. Feeling connected to others can also be achieved by taldng a moment or two to show an interest in another group member.

Rather than seeing others as merely cogs in the machinery, you can devote a brief period of time before and after each meeting to initiate a more Praetiee being personal discussion with another group member, interested in others.

Nothing too deep and heavy. But you can show eÿa an interest in another person by simply asldng \VILLIAMFOBESTER questions about family, hobbies, sports, interests, and so on. Don't force anything. Be gentle and friendly. Remember, the point is to connect with another person. The actual content of your after-meeting conversation is not nearly as important as your showing inter- est in another person by asldng questions and listening attentively.

Socializing as a Group

Some of the most famous electronic companies in the world owe a large part of their accomplishments to their legendary Friday gatherings. Companies like Apple Computer, Tandem, National Semiconductor, and Rolm are famous for their social- izing on Friday afternoons. Over food, drink, and music, employees from every level of the corporation get together informally to talk shop, socialize, and get bet- ter acquainted. They've discovered this is a wonderfully enjoyable way to have fun, become better acquainted, and solve work-related problems.

You might want to do something along these lines with your own problem- solving group. It's not necessary to throw a $5,000 bash on a Friday afternoon for the six members of your group, but you might offer to treat the group to pizza and soft drilaks after the next meeting or bring refi'eshments to the meeting. You can

always sit in a circle. Move the chairs or desks into a circle before the meeting begins. Request that latecomers join the circle upon arrival. A circle configuration permits contact among all members. It discourages members from feeling left out, as might be the case if the group sat in rows or at a long table. Second, have group mem- bers exchange phone numbers and e-mail addresses. This enables everyone to have access to each group member. Everyone can speak directly to everyone else. Third, discourage dialogues between two individuals during a group discussion. Whenever two members begin to conduct an extended dialogue, interrupt them and bring the discussion back to the group. Often, two powerful group members will dominate discussion, and the group process will begin to resemble dialogue between two people rather than group communication. Don't permit this to occur. For a group to be cohesive, provide open and equal access to communication.

offer your home for a poduck dinner/meeting the next time ),our group is sched- uled to meet.

Whatever you try, look for ways to occasionally socialize with your group, after or even during the meeting. When we socialize, we change our demeanor and the group has a new fi'ame of reference from which to work. Socializing with the group members is one of the most enjoyable and powerful ways to enhance the social dimension of any collection of people.

Feeling Valued

In addition to experiencing task success and feeling connected to the group, mem- bers need to feel valued for their effort and contributions. Expressions of apprecia- tion and compliments contribute to a strong social dimension in any group, and serve an especially vital function in building a cohesive group. When group members feel valued for their effort, their loyalty and commitment to the group are strength- ened. Here are three ways you can mal<e people feel valued in your group: seeing the best in others, communicating appreciation, and sharing compliments.

Seeing the Best in Others

When was the last time you told someone you appreciated them? Have you com- municated appreciation to someone in the last day? How about the past week? We are often so busy, so preoccupied, and so involved with our own lives, we neglect to notice and appreciate others. In your problem-solving group, you can become more appreciative by seeing the best in others and communicating your appreciation to them.

I have a theory about life: On any given day, eighty percent of our fife is worldng well and twenty percent of our life is not working at an acceptable level. I call it my eighty/twenty rule.

Roughly eighty percent of your work life, your personal relationships, your body, your automobile, your yard tools, and so on are working or performing at an acceptable level. The other twenty percent is not. Yet, when you stop and think about it, we often give that twenty percent of our lives 100 percent of our attention. We become ÿxated on a critical remark from our boss. We obsess about someone

else getting a raise. We worry about an overdrawn check. We spend a great deal of time and effort fretting about twenty percent of those things that aren't going well, while we ignore the eighty percent of our lives that is functioning well.

The eighty/twenty rule also operates in our problem-solving groups. We often tend to focus our attention on the twenty percent of frustrations, disappoint- ments, and failures experienced by the group, and neglect the eighty percent that is successful.

In order to appreciate others, we need to wear new glasses. We need to look for those things, big and little, that are worldng. We need to notice that everyone

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arrived to the meeting on time. We need to see that everyone contributed something to the discussion. We need to recognize that we made some progress on reaching consensus. We need to be aware of the

subtle attempts of some members to improve how they interact during discussion. We need to see the best, not the worst, of what is happening in thls moment.

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Communicating Appreciation

Once you've decided to see the best in every situation--to concentrate on the eighty percent of the group process that is worldng well--you need to verbally communicate your appreciation. Simply make an I-statement of appreciation: "Yung, I appreciated your efforts in having us reach consensus this morning," "Alison, I appreciated the questions you asked that helped me clarify my thoughts during the meeting," and "Victor, I thank you for letting me put my report on the agenda today."

These aren't long, involved statements, just short messages of appreciation and thanks. They take only a moment or two of your time, but can remain with the recipient for a lifetime. Try to communicate the appreciation you feel inside. It will be worth your effort.

Sharing Compliments

Everyone appreciates a compliment. During the course of your group work, you can compliment someone's effort, achievements, and character.

Complimenting effort. One area we neglect to compliment others on is effort. We usually reserve our compliments for those moments when the first-place trophy is awarded, when the final problem is solved, or when the last obstacle is overcome. But those moments are few and far between. We need to notice and compliment the effort our fellow group members are putting fbrth right now, long before any problem is solved or any trophies are awarded. A simple statement complimenting someone's effort can really encourage an individual who may feel his efforts are going unnoticed. Compliment a person's efforts and you'll take another step toward building a cohesive group. You might make a fi'iend, too!

Complimenting achievement. Whenever a group member achieves some task or personal goal, verbally compliment the individual in front of the group (and personally after the meeting). Public complimenting of task or personal achieve- ments builds solidarity and goodwill within the group. It communicates an unself- ish, appreciative attitude on your part, and models complimentary behavior to other group members. Remember, your own behavior can have a ripple effect on the entire group. Compliment the achievement of others. It's amazing how

The deepest principle in human nature is the craving

to be appreeiated.

productive a group can be when its members applaud the achievements of one another.

Complimenting character. Who a person is, not what they've achieved, can be the focus of your compliment. Honesty, integrity, patience, understanding, caring, ldndness, compassion, and humor are just some of the components of character you may want to compliment.

Rarely are individuals complimented on their character strengths. They might not even be aware of a particular facet of their character until you bring it to their attention. Complimenting character publicly in the group can also serve to draw attention and focus to a certain ldnd of behavior or attitude you want reinforced within the group. Show your appreciation for them by complimenting their character.

Feeling Supported

A fourth way to build a cohesive group is to mal<e the members feel supported. Dur- ing our lives we may feel no one understands us, no one cares, and no one is there to

lend a helping hand. I think we've all felt this way a time or two. Whether it's show- ing understanding for someone who is frustrated with a group task or experiencing the pain of a recent divorce, these acts of support can deepen the social dimension of a group. A problem-solving group can do a great deal to provide support for its members by communicating empathy; conamunicating caring, and giving assistance.

Communicating Empathy

Empathy is the ability to tal;e the perspective of the other and feel what the other is experiencing. This doesn't mean you need to assist, correct, or rescue the other

person. It means you can understand or feel what the other person is feeling, kaa empathic response is often the only thing an individual wants, to feel someone understands. No desire for evaluation, advice, or even assistance. Just someone who

understands.

Earlier we discussed listening for the speaker's feelings and ways to reflect those feelings back to the speaker. This is the primary way you can demonstrate empathy, to mirror feelings.

If you feel a group member could use the support that empathy provides, try listening for that person's emotional messages. Listen to how he or she might be feeling. Then reflect those feelings with active listening: "Sounds like you're really fi'ustrated about... , .... You're feeling upset about... ," or "Sounds as if you're

really happy about..."

Merely reflecting what you think the speaker is feeling and experiencing is a powerful way to demonstrate empathy. Notice that some of the statements dealt with positive feelings also. Empathy involves positive and negative feelings. So be open and sensitive to reflecting both. Let him or her feel understood.

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Communicating Caring

The second way you can communicate support to a group member is to tell him or her so. Once you understand what an individual is experiencing and you've demon- strated empathy, you can go the next step and communicate your concern. Nothing heavy. Just a word or two expressing concern or caring. Statements of caring and

support can be very encouraging and uplifting. Here are some ways to communi- cate this form of support: "I hope things work out for.you, , , ," "I lmow you'll be fine... ," and "I support your decision to..."

When a fellow group member experiences fi'ustration ÿx;ith a task, is in conflict with another member, or falls behind on his group assignment, a word of encour- agement or concern can make a difference in his attitude and resolve. We all need to kmow others care about what is going on with us. A brief sentence or two com- municating caring can raise the spirits of a disappointed or discouraged individual.

Giving Assistance

In addition to demonstrating empathy and communicating caring, you should offer your assistance to other group members if you have an inclination to help and are in a position to do so. Most of the time such assis- tance will include malting a copy of a report, help- ing with the overhead projector, or distributing written material. Sometimes your assistance might

require more involvement, such as making a visual

aid, typing a report, or giving a ride to the airport. Take the opportunity to lend a helping hand.

I know you have a million things to do yourself, but your assistance can be of tremendous support to another member and will nurture a cooperative spirit within the group. Don't be selfish with your time and energy if you see an opportunity to lend some help. The recipient of your help will remember your ges- ture, and the relationship between the two of you will be changed for the better.

Someone once said, "The purpose of life is to help others make it through." You can make the problem-solving group experience truly meaningful and significant if you help others. Your willingness to put your caring into action will do more to improve cohesion and commitment toward one another than any other act I know.

It proves your support.

We cannot live for

only ourselves, a thousand

fibers connect us with

our fellow men.

HERMAN MELVILLE

A furniture salesman can make us feel acknowledged and included. In fact, he can complement, praise, and flatter us with expert mastery, but deep down we real- ize this is his job. He wants to manipulate and control us. To sell us. To get some- thing from us. But in the end, do we really believe his compliments, warmth, and friendliness? Most likely not. The only way to make

For the social dimension of a problem-solving a person trustworthy group to achieve true cohesiveness, group mem- is to trust him.

bers must trust one another. We need to trust that eÿ

what they're saying is honest and true. We need to HENRY STIMSON

trust that their support and assistance are sincere.

We need to trust that their warmth and friendship are genuine and heartfelt. Without this trust, ,all the other components necessary to building a cohesive group are suspect.

What indicators of trustworthiness are there? What clues can we search for in determining the level of trust we can give a particular individual? How do we lmow we can believe what someone is telling us?

The answer is we can't. No one can measure or predict with 100 percent accu-

racy the truthfulness of another individual's statement or behavior. There are no thil-proof tests, no totally accurate examinations. The best we can do is to assign probabilities to another person's honesty based on our past experiences with this individual. Oftentimes we are 99.99 percent certain that a person's statements are true or his behavior is sincerely motivated. But we are occasionally shocked by that 0.01 percent of the time when our predictions are wrong, and a trusted fi'iend, col- league, or acquaintance lies or behaves in a dishonest way.

For the group to experience a high degree of cohesiveness, its members must have a certain level of trust in one another. A basic trust that what an individual member says is true. That the person's behavior accurately portrays his or her inter- nal feelings and intentions. Without this trust, there can be no extended cooperation within the group, because communication would be doubted and behavior would be suspect.

Although there are no tail-proof tests fbr trusting others, there are two things you can ask to improve your decision to trust a certain individual. Does that person keep his or her word? How does that person treat others?

Although a person may feel included, acknowledged, valued, and supported in a group, the experience can be diluted and even negated if he or she senses an inten- tional manipulation or deception.

Trusting Others

Does That Person Keep His Word?

Does an individual arrive at meetings on time? Can he keep his promise to show up on time or even show up at all? Does he complete assigned tasks? Or does he make up excuses or blame others for failure to finish a job? When someone makes you a promise to do something, does he actually follow through and make good on the promise? After a time, do you continue to believe or do you disregard his commit- ments to you?

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If an individual keeps his word, you should be more likely to believe what he says is true. This doesn't work all the time. And there are exceptions to every rule. But a person who keeps promises is a better risk, as far as trusting is concerned, than someone who does not keep promises. Who keeps promises in your group?

How Does That Person Treat Others?

Pal individual's conduct with others is important to observe when determining whether to trust or distrust someone. How does this individual treat others? Does she gossip about others when the target of the gossip is absent? Does she lie or exag- gerate the truth when she communicates with others? Do you sense manipulation or calculation in her actions and dealings with others? Is she inordinately complimen- tary or flattering to others in the group? In general, do you trust the way she treats

others? These two methods for determining the trustworthiness of an individual are

helpful; but in the end, you must decide for yourself. For the purposes of decision maldng and problem solving in small groups, I assume the best and trust each group member will participate in an open, honest, and responsible manner. From this frame of reference, I can begin the group experience positively and optimistically.

Groupthink: When Groups Are Too Cohesive

Malting group members feel successful, included, acMmwledged, supported, and trusted are five ingredients that make group members feel committed and dedicated to one another. The social climate of the group will determine its task effectiveness. kaad it is the social dimension experience that lives on in the memories and hearts of group members long after the task has been completed.

But you must be careful that your group does not become too cohesive. The primary threat to sound decision maldng and problem solving with a group that experiences extreme cohesiveness is a phenomenon called groupthink.

Sociologist Irving J,-mis coined the term groupthink to describe the situation when a group departs from rational, reality-based decision making to irrational, nonreality- based decision maldng, because they are too cohesive. Although groupthink doesn't manifest itself very often in problem-solving groups at work or school, it is important to understand the factors that move a groÿlp to think it can do no wrong.

You can recognize groupthink when a group believes it is invulnerable and no harm can come to it. This perception is not based in reality, but is due to the extreme cohesiveness of the group. Once the group perceives itself as invulnerable, its deci- sions can involve more risk than the group would normally accept. The second way to recognize groupthink is by observing unusual pressure toward conformity. Dis- sension is discouraged and the group moves toward the majority view. Even if their ideas and proposals appear extreme to the group members themselves, they feel morally justified to pursue their objectives. Closed-mindedness is the final way you

can recognize groupthink. The group will rationalize its decisions, even when the evidence points to contrary conclusions or a group member raises objections to their course of action.

It's important for you to be aware of these signs of groupthink and occasion- ally measure the behavior of your group against them. Does your group think no harm can come to it? Does it pressure its members toward confornaity? Is it closed-minded?

If you answer yes to any of these questions, you need to consider the extent to which it is true. Simply because a group is occasionally closed-minded does not nec- essarily mean it is experiencing groupthink. But if your group experiences some of these telltale signs for an extended period of time, you would be wise No rock group is bigger to bring them to the group's attention, than us. We can do

The best way to avoid groupthink is to take anything we want. precautionary steps. It's much better to avoid the cÿo

development of groupthink from the beginning KEITHRICHAttDS, than attempt to eliminate it once it's established. The RollingStones Here are four ways you can prevent groupthink from developing in your group. First, the leader should stress critical evaluation. From the very first meeting, the group leader should emphasize the role each group member is required to play in critically evaluating mad analyzing the decision-malting process of the group. Second, seek outside feedback. Each group member should discuss the decision-malting processes with trusted col- leagues outside the group and report these outside perceptions with the group. Third, assign a devil's advocate within the group. The leader can assign one group member to play the role of devil's advocate to challenge the prevailing ideas and proposals of the majority. The role of devil's advocate should be given to a differ- ent group member for each meeting. Finally, invite outside observation. The group can occasionally invite a qualified individual from outside to observe the decision- making process of the group.

Use these techniques to keep the decision-malting process in your group open, subject to critical analysis, and reality based. Everything you do in your group affects each member in some way. A smile, a compliment, or an invitation for coffee can

change a life. You might never fitlly realize your effect on the group members, but I would encourage you to discover the caring, sensitive, and loving aspects of who you are. Perhaps it will be in a problem-solving group that you discover many beautiful things about yourself.

This chapter examines five ways you can create a cohesive problem-solving group. Remember, each group member has personal needs and desires that transcend the goals and needs of the group. Rather than deny or ignore this personal dimension of each group member, you can implement many of the suggestions outlined in this chapter to create a sensitive, caring, and cohesive group. It is this group cohesiveness that will enhance their ability to solve the problems brought before them.

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Individual and Group Exercises

Sharing Appreciation

CHAPTER 10

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Personal Goals for New Groups

When the members of a new problem-solving group meet for the first time and chart out their initial plans and agendas for the work that lies ahead, they often neglect the social dimension of the group. They will

fail to consider and become aware of the personal needs and goals of the individual members of the group.

One exercise your new group can do is called "personal goals for new groups." During your fit'st meeting, share one personal goal you would like to accomplish dur- ing your time with the group. Goals such as improving listening, being more punc- tual, handling conflict more consn'uctively, receiving criticism, being more caring, and becoming more assertive are common aspirations. Invite the other members to also describe a personal goal they would like to achieve. If each group member shares one goal, the awareness of all the group members will be greatly increased in terms of what people are trying to accomplish. The group members can devote a few minutes at the beginning or end of each discussion to review their individual progress on their personal goals and receive the ldnd of acknowledgment, encouragement, and thanks they desire. Give this a try. It will help you create a caring, sensitive group.

Devil's Advocate in the Group/

Have your group attempt to solve a mini-problem, and once the group begins to reach consensus on a proposed solution, have one of the mem-

bers play the role of devil's advocate. The role player should question the reasoning and opinions of the majority membership. The devil's advocate should raise objections to the proposed solution and continue to object for at least ten minutes. How did the devil's advocate influence the group? How did the role player feel? What positive contributions to group problem solving can a devil's advocate have on the group process?

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Reflect on your personal life and notice the eighty percent that is work-! 9.1 ing well. From the list of things in }tour life that are going smoothly,

select one individual who is currently contributing to this process. Per- haps it's a friend who occasionally calls just to see how you're doing. Maybe it's a coworker who gave you a hand on a project the other day. And possibly your spouse was especially thoughtful or concerned this morning. After you've selected an indi- vidual who is conn-ibuting to your well-being, thaN< her with some home-baked cooldes, a bouquet of flowers fi'om your backyard, or a gift certificate to your favor- ite restaurant. Let this person kaaow you appreciate her role in your life.

Managing Conflict

No fight. No blame.

--LAo Tsu

HE refrigerator light cast a white glow on the two young boys as the3, sat on the kitchen floor, bickering with one another.

Between the two brothers was a plate containing the last slice of apple pie, which they were going to share. Holding the butter knife in one hand, the seven-year-old was trying to cut the piece in ÿvo, while the younger brother was grabbing at the lmife, complaining he always got the smaller piece when his brother was in charge ofdMding the remains of a dessert. Back and forth they bickered as they tugged on the butter knife. Then their mom entered the scene of the conflict.

"What are you ldds fighting about now?" asked the mother. "When Tyler cuts the pie, he always gives me the smallest piece," complained

the younger brother. "I do not," Tyler shot back. "You do, too," yelled Jared. "Do not."

"Do, too."

"Okay, you guys. Settle down. I've got an idea," suggested the mother. "How

about one of you cuts the pie and the other gets to select the first piece." Smiles slowly broke out on both the young boys' faces. "All right, I'll still cut the pie," said Tyler. And he did. But Tyler never mea-

sured, eyed, and remeasured a piece of pie so carefully as he did this one, because he knew Jared got to choose. So he cut the piece perfectly in half.

Jared got to select the piece he wanted, but Tyler didn't mind because each piece was exactly the same size. Both parties agreed to a solution they found accept- able. The conflict was peacefully resolved, but it wouldn't be the last before they went to sleep.

"And shut that refrigerator door!" the mother said as she winked at the boys.

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