Jamie Acker

Discussion 1: Gregory

   An interpersonal communication need that has been revealed to me is self-awareness.  Burley-Allen (1995) stated that “Listening to oneself is a basic step toward professional growth and development.” Most times we see ourselves making negative statements about ourselves that do not help us grow as individuals and improve our relationship with others.  Negative statements do not help ourselves in anyway, neither those we are communicating with.  As I was reading Burley-Allen’s book, Listening the Forgotten Skill, I realized that I needed to listen to myself and change some of the negative thoughts and statements that I often communicated to others and that affected by interpersonal skills.  The self-examination process allows us to learn when a certain thought process is useful and when is self-defeating (Burley-Allen, 1995, p. 85).  As I learned to listen to myself, I realized that I needed to re-shape my behavior.  I believed that doing people’s favors and saying yes to everyone that asked me for help was the correct thing to do as a Christian. People in church will ask me to volunteer, my answer was yes. My children will ask me to drive them places, my answer was yes. I developed a unachievable agenda that created stress and discontent. I did not realize I had the power to say no. The stress and tiredness of having so much to do made me feel irritated and frustrated with myself instead of feeling enjoyment for helping others.  In the process of learning self-awareness, I learned to accept that I needed to change my way of thinking and re-shape my behavior. This is when I learned that to become self-aware helps to understand that our thought process influences the way we behave.  As, I began to say no to the requests of others, I had less on my plate and felt less pressured and more content when doing things for others. This is why it is important to learn self-awareness. If we do not learn to listen to ourselves, we cannot listen to others.  “The value of listening to the way we talk to others and ourselves lies in the probability of learning about ourselves and developing our own potential” (Burley-Allen, 1995, p. 95).

 

Reference

Burley-Allen, M. (1995). Listening: The forgotten skill (2nd ed.). Canada: John-Wiley & Sons, Inc.

Within the movie Fireproof, one can find a series of interpersonal communication concepts. Specifically, a degenerative spiral is clearly evident within the relationship between the two main characters Caleb and Katherine. The audience is introduced to the husband and wife through a series of brief conversations that clearly indicate the couple is having deep marital conflict. Their relationship has declined to the point where Katherine indicates she "wants out of the marriage." She makes her statement after an explosive tirade from Caleb who expresses that he is never shown any respect from his wife. Trust issues abound as Katherine indicates Caleb is actively viewing pornography on the Internet. She also accuses her husband of not communicating with her which she supports by verbalizing her frustration with not knowing her husbands schedule. Stewart (2012) reports that it is common for negative spirals to exist in a marital relationship when the husband withdraws emotionally ( in this case seeks gratification from porn) and the wife expresses dissatisfaction to the husband (he is neglecting his responsibilities around the home). Personal needs are not being met and the progression of discord escalates to the point of finger pointing and blame. Both individuals demonstrated defensive listening and according to Burley-Allen (1995) "defensive listening is a major barrier to efficient communication and problem solving because it perpetuates non-listening and an argumentative atmosphere" (p. 12).  Fortunately in this case, the marriage ultimately is saved by a successful alteration of communication and behavior patterns.

When it comes to the revelation of identity, Caleb finds his by obtaining respect as an accomplished firefighter. Stewart (2012) suggests that a person not  only has an identity, but actually does one. He states, "Part of an identity is not just having a symbolic sense of it but doing it in the presence of other people and doing it well in their eyes" (p. 87). His desire for respect from Katherine is fueled by that which others tend to give him freely. 

It is in the context of a relationship with a fellow firefighter that self-disclosure is most evident. Mutual respect evolves through transparency and the sharing of personal challenges as Caleb and his friend Michael engage in meaningful conversations.  According to Stewart (2012) "the longer people interact, the more topics they tend to be willing to discuss and the more personally revealing they tend to become" (p. 212).  Self-disclosure plays an important role in the process by which Michael is presented with the opportunity to share his faith in Christ.

 

References:

Fireproof, The movie. (2008). Sherwood Baptist Church of Albany GA. 

Burley-Allen, M. (1995). Listening: The forgotten skill (2nd ed.). Canada: John-Wiley & Sons, Inc

Stewart, J. (2012). Bridges not walls: A book about interpersonal communication (11th ed.). New York, NY: McGraw-Hill.