wp1------Summary and Response paper----at least 750 words

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ENGL111-91N-N1-201620 - FALL 2016:-91N-ENGLISH COMPOSITION

Final Draft of Writing Project 1: Summary and Response - Submission 1

Zechen Du

on Mon, Oct 31 2016, 12:11 AM

49% highest match

Submission ID: 9e036db1-ee80-4d63-a181-8a7f44105847

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· wp1_final_draft_Zechen.docx49%

Word Count: 1,052 Attachment ID: 140486299

wp1_final_draft_Zechen.docx

Surname 1

Cover Letter Dear Professor Sheila McDermott-Sipe, My purpose of writing this draft is to inform the audience about the some of the how Facebook has transformed many students' Writing for the Better or worse in education system.  MY INTENDED AUDIENCES INCLUDE THE PEERS, MY PROFESSOR, THE OTHER STAKEHOLDERS SUCH AS THE SOCIETY AND PARENTS.  There are few revisions that I made to improve my draft. I restructured my introduction part to capture the reader’s attention. Secondly, in the body i added some direct quotations from article to show the original source, this reduced plagiarism in my work.  ONE MAIN FEEDBACK I RECEIVED FROM PEERS WAS ON THE ISSUE OF POOR SENTENCE STRUCTURE.  I used this feedback to revise the whole document taking into account poor structured questions.  THIS REVISION IMPROVED MY DRAFT IN THAT IT BECAME LEGIBLE, AT THE SAME TIME THE SENTENCES BECAME BRIEF, CLEAR AND DIRECT TO THE POINT.  The challenge I encountered while trying to revise the draft was trying to get more references for my draft- I solved that challenge by going to the library and the use of internet.

Thank you.

Zechen Du

Zechen Du ENGL111 Professor Sheila McDermott-Sipe Facebook Has Transformed My Students' Writing—for the Better Currently, the use of internet has become of the most adorable feature in education system. There are various advantages and disadvantages of using internet. From reliable information, it was reported that writing a complete sentence has been increasingly become endangered species. Many of the students assess good writing and discuss some of the main effect of choice of the words as well as elegant syntax on the experience of the audience. The difficult conflict is worth fighting, however all people need to be aware that something dark than lasting senioritis lines up in the opposition (Simmons 1). Conversely while Twitter and Facebook have battered the writing conventions among many students, they have not destroyed the significant elements in individual writing which comprise emotional honesty as well as reflection.  THE MAIN OBJECTIVE OF THIS ARTICLE WAS TO DEMONSTRATE THE IMPACTS OF USING FACEBOOK IN THE CLASSROOM.  IT CAN BE SUMMED UP THAT THE COMMON STRAND OF THE CHALLENGES OF IS THE DIVIDED ATTENTION.  “FACEBOOK HAS TRANSFORMED MY STUDENTS'  Writing—for the Better” is an article that deals with the young high school boys specifically, social networking which has actually improved the process of writing and not the process or the product (Simmons 1). However the sensitivity as well as inward concentration needed to begin to make a draft that will require editing. The author explains that high school is painful to all sexes, an equal chance destroyer of spirit as well as self-esteem. The author mainly focused on boys for the reason that he had seen the environment play out more forcefully with them. At the same time the author believes that since at one time he was a boy, he understands them better as compared to the girls (Ellison, Steinfield & Lampe, 2007).

The author gives his account in high school; he states that “when he was in high school in the year 1994 boys understood how not show their insecurity and weakness” (Simmons). Mostly, girls did not seem to like guys who expressed weakness. Sportspersons normally estimated stereotypically male features. On top of the showing physical size aggressive, also confidence, an easy gait, stance as well as casual presence show the signs of being contented in their own skins. Even those who were skinniest punk guitarist dressed in hoodies such as amour had a sensitive toughness seasoned by the knowledge of having been bullied in the high school (Ellison, Steinfield & Lampe, 2007).

The climate demanded patience, cool detachment as the default attitude for the young boys attempting not to lose social standing. The attitudes of the young male were as they continued to be shaped by the music as well as other forms of pop culture (Simmons 1). Simmons says that at age of 14 years he was smart, small and artistic. The author wrote well, the view of writing anything that will allow even a teacher to understand what he really thought to terrify him. He has a Facebook page which is dedicated exclusively to his position as the educator. One thing about him is that he does not send a friend request to the students but the former as well as current learners send them to him and he constantly accepts them. He does not post a lot, but he keep up with some learners and share things related to the links when the he delude his self into believing they will be of interest (Simmons 1). Continuing students normally send him friend requests with knowing the consequence of being Facebook friends with their own teacher.

PERSONALLY, I DID NOT CARE SO MUCH FOR THIS ARTICLE, AND THE POINT THE AUTHOR WAS TRYING TO MAKE WAS NOT DONE WITH SIGNIFICANT SUCCESS.  SIMMONS’S STYLE IS AUTHENTIC AND I GOT A STRONG IMPRESSION THAT IT IS DELIBERATELY CLEAR THAT THIS PERSON HAS VAST INFORMATION.  I FOUND THE ARTICLE TO BE INCREDIBLY ORIGINAL.  The article has explained some of the impacts of Facebook and twitter on life of the students.  THIS ARTICLE READ LIKE THE AUTHOR WANTED THE READER TO UNDERSTAND VIVIDLY OF THE USE OF FACEBOOK AND TWITTER AND ITS NEGATIVE IMPACTS.

IN CONCLUSION, THE ARTICLE “FACEBOOK HAS TRANSFORMED MY STUDENTS'  WRITING—FOR THE BETTER” HAS A VERY VALID POINT THAT IT IS TRYING TO MAKE.  I PERSONALLY WOULD RECOMMEND THIS ARTICLE TO SEVERAL OTHER READERS.  THE ARTICLE IS VERY EASY TO FOLLOW AND IS EXTREMELY ORIGINAL.  THE POINTS ARE WELL LAID DOWN WITH EXPERIMENTS WHICH WERE DONE PREVIOUSLY.  IT IS IN MY VIEW THAT MORALS THAT THIS ARTICLE IS TRYING TO TEACH WERE DONE WITH SIGNIFICANT SUCCESS.

REFERENCES ELLISON, N.  B., STEINFIELD, C., & LAMPE, C.  (2007).  5THE BENEFITS OF FACEBOOK “FRIENDS:” SOCIAL CAPITAL AND COLLEGE STUDENTS’ USE OF ONLINE SOCIAL NETWORK SITES.  JOURNAL OF COMPUTER‐MEDIATED COMMUNICATION, 12(4), 1143-1168.

Simmons, Andrew.  "FACEBOOK HAS TRANSFORMED MY STUDENTS' WRITING—FOR THE BETTER.SOCIAL MEDIA HAS HELPED MAKE YOUNG MEN COMFORTABLE WITH OPENING UP EMOTIONALLY."  18 NOVEMBER 2013.  The Artlantic.  22 OCTOBER 2016 <SOCIAL MEDIA HAS HELPED MAKE YOUNG MEN COMFORTABLE WITH OPENING UP EMOTIONALLY>

Citations (6/6)

1. 1Another student's paper

2. 2Another student's paper

3. 3Another student's paper

4. 4Another student's paper

5. 5Another student's paper

6. 6http://www-personal.umich.edu/~cacl/

匹配的文本

Suspected Entry: 100% match

Uploaded - wp1_final_draft_Zechen.docx

MY INTENDED AUDIENCES INCLUDE THE PEERS, MY PROFESSOR, THE OTHER STAKEHOLDERS SUCH AS THE SOCIETY AND PARENTS

Source - Another student's paper

My intended audiences include the peers, my professor, the other stakeholders such as the society and parents

Suspected Entry: 92% match

Uploaded - wp1_final_draft_Zechen.docx

ONE MAIN FEEDBACK I RECEIVED FROM PEERS WAS ON THE ISSUE OF POOR SENTENCE STRUCTURE

Source - Another student's paper

The feedback I received from peers was on the issue of poor sentence structure

Suspected Entry: 78% match

Uploaded - wp1_final_draft_Zechen.docx

THIS REVISION IMPROVED MY DRAFT IN THAT IT BECAME LEGIBLE, AT THE SAME TIME THE SENTENCES BECAME BRIEF, CLEAR AND DIRECT TO THE POINT

Source - Another student's paper

This revision improved my draft in that it was easy to understand, and the sentences became brief, clear and direct to the point

Suspected Entry: 75% match

Uploaded - wp1_final_draft_Zechen.docx

THE MAIN OBJECTIVE OF THIS ARTICLE WAS TO DEMONSTRATE THE IMPACTS OF USING FACEBOOK IN THE CLASSROOM

Source - Another student's paper

The main objective of this article was to demonstrate the impacts of using internet in people’s life

Suspected Entry: 100% match

Uploaded - wp1_final_draft_Zechen.docx

IT CAN BE SUMMED UP THAT THE COMMON STRAND OF THE CHALLENGES OF IS THE DIVIDED ATTENTION

Source - Another student's paper

It can be summed up that the common strand of the challenges of is the divided attention

Suspected Entry: 89% match

Uploaded - wp1_final_draft_Zechen.docx

PERSONALLY, I DID NOT CARE SO MUCH FOR THIS ARTICLE, AND THE POINT THE AUTHOR WAS TRYING TO MAKE WAS NOT DONE WITH SIGNIFICANT SUCCESS

Source - Another student's paper

Personally, I did cared so much for this article, and the point the author was trying to make was done with significant success

Suspected Entry: 92% match

Uploaded - wp1_final_draft_Zechen.docx

SIMMONS’S STYLE IS AUTHENTIC AND I GOT A STRONG IMPRESSION THAT IT IS DELIBERATELY CLEAR THAT THIS PERSON HAS VAST INFORMATION

Source - Another student's paper

Carr’s style is authentic and I got a strong impression that it is deliberately clear that this person has vast information

Suspected Entry: 81% match

Uploaded - wp1_final_draft_Zechen.docx

I FOUND THE ARTICLE TO BE INCREDIBLY ORIGINAL

Source - Another student's paper

I found the story to be incredibly original

Suspected Entry: 75% match

Uploaded - wp1_final_draft_Zechen.docx

THIS ARTICLE READ LIKE THE AUTHOR WANTED THE READER TO UNDERSTAND VIVIDLY OF THE USE OF FACEBOOK AND TWITTER AND ITS NEGATIVE IMPACTS

Source - Another student's paper

This article read like the author wanted the reader to understand vividly of the challenges of using internet in lecture and its negative impacts

Suspected Entry: 62% match

Uploaded - wp1_final_draft_Zechen.docx

WRITING—FOR THE BETTER” HAS A VERY VALID POINT THAT IT IS TRYING TO MAKE

Source - Another student's paper

In conclusion, the article “Does the internet make you dumber” has a very valid point that it is trying to make

Suspected Entry: 87% match

Uploaded - wp1_final_draft_Zechen.docx

I PERSONALLY WOULD RECOMMEND THIS ARTICLE TO SEVERAL OTHER READERS

Source - Another student's paper

I personally would recommend this story to several other readers

Suspected Entry: 99% match

Uploaded - wp1_final_draft_Zechen.docx

THE ARTICLE IS VERY EASY TO FOLLOW AND IS EXTREMELY ORIGINAL

Source - Another student's paper

The article is very easy to follow and is extremely original

Suspected Entry: 100% match

Uploaded - wp1_final_draft_Zechen.docx

THE POINTS ARE WELL LAID DOWN WITH EXPERIMENTS WHICH WERE DONE PREVIOUSLY

Source - Another student's paper

The points are well laid down with experiments which were done previously

Suspected Entry: 100% match

Uploaded - wp1_final_draft_Zechen.docx

IT IS IN MY VIEW THAT MORALS THAT THIS ARTICLE IS TRYING TO TEACH WERE DONE WITH SIGNIFICANT SUCCESS

Source - Another student's paper

It is in my view that morals that this article is trying to teach were done with significant success

Suspected Entry: 100% match

Uploaded - wp1_final_draft_Zechen.docx

“FACEBOOK HAS TRANSFORMED MY STUDENTS&APOS

Source - Another student's paper

"Facebook has Transformed my Students&apos

Suspected Entry: 83% match

Uploaded - wp1_final_draft_Zechen.docx

IN CONCLUSION, THE ARTICLE “FACEBOOK HAS TRANSFORMED MY STUDENTS&APOS

Source - Another student's paper

"Facebook has Transformed my Students&apos

Suspected Entry: 93% match

Uploaded - wp1_final_draft_Zechen.docx

"FACEBOOK HAS TRANSFORMED MY STUDENTS&APOS

Source - Another student's paper

"Facebook has Transformed my Students&apos

Suspected Entry: 90% match

Uploaded - wp1_final_draft_Zechen.docx

WRITING—FOR THE BETTER.SOCIAL MEDIA HAS HELPED MAKE YOUNG MEN COMFORTABLE WITH OPENING UP EMOTIONALLY."

Source - Another student's paper

Social Media has helped make young men comfortable with opening up emotionally."

Suspected Entry: 65% match

Uploaded - wp1_final_draft_Zechen.docx

18 NOVEMBER 2013

Source - Another student's paper

18 Nov 2013

Suspected Entry: 77% match

Uploaded - wp1_final_draft_Zechen.docx

22 OCTOBER 2016 <SOCIAL MEDIA HAS HELPED MAKE YOUNG MEN COMFORTABLE WITH OPENING UP EMOTIONALLY>

Source - Another student's paper

Social Media has helped make young men comfortable with opening up emotionally."

Suspected Entry: 100% match

Uploaded - wp1_final_draft_Zechen.docx

REFERENCES ELLISON, N

Source - Another student's paper

References Ellison, N

Suspected Entry: 100% match

Uploaded - wp1_final_draft_Zechen.docx

B., STEINFIELD, C., & LAMPE, C

Source - Another student's paper

B., Steinfield, C., & Lampe, C

Suspected Entry: 100% match

Uploaded - wp1_final_draft_Zechen.docx

THE BENEFITS OF FACEBOOK “FRIENDS:” SOCIAL CAPITAL AND COLLEGE STUDENTS’ USE OF ONLINE SOCIAL NETWORK SITES

Source - Another student's paper

The benefits of facebook “friends:” social capital and college students’ use of online social network sites

Suspected Entry: 100% match

Uploaded - wp1_final_draft_Zechen.docx

JOURNAL OF COMPUTER‐MEDIATED COMMUNICATION, 12(4), 1143-1168

Source - http://www-personal.umich.edu/~cacl/

Journal of Computer-Mediated Communication 12 (4), 1143-1168