revising an essay. read doc file first. 3hrs

You've organized your essay well, and the sub-headings really help guide readers through your ideas in the essay. That's great. We talked about improving your title so that it highlights one of the most significant contrasts you describe; and then, we talked also about adding in many more specific details, for example, about people and places, to help readers visualize the situations you describe.

I've indicated several places where you need to bring the scenes to life in this way: more concrete details about the people, about the places.

At the moment, in the un-revised draft, the writing comes across as very abstract and also somewhat bland: it's the concrete details that will tremendously improve your essay!

I've also tried to help you with aspects of English usage (e.g., the correct prepositions to use with a specific verb) and so as you read through my comments, do make sure to take note so that the next time you'll know to write "inform people ABOUT something" to take just one example!