((((((((((((((((( For kim woods )))))))))))))))))

Khaled Alsahly Against the current Human beings undergo different kinds of changes in their lives. There are many changes that have taken place in my life. Sometimes I think it’s like metamorphosis, changing entirely while having some traces of your older self. To the disappointment of my family, all my changes were against their expectations. I was still the old me but I had a new side to me and not many people knew about that side. I was a kid that was born in the South Eastern side of Kuwait which neighbors the Persian Gulf, an area that is usually filled with much love, peace, and beauty. Smiles and sunshine in every corner, friends and fun everywhere. We were a relatively large family with 8 members, my mother, 3 sisters and 4 brothers. When I was three years old, my father passed away, therefore my mother had to play the primary role of being the father and the mother in the whole family. Even though she was a disciplinarian and strict, she showed us a lot of love and care. She was also very understanding. We were a family that is full of love and care since all my siblings showed a lot of love and care towards me and each other. Comment by Lisa Heyer: Avoid big gneraliztions – get to the specifics of YOUR situation. Start with metamorphosis – connect it to you. Comment by Lisa Heyer: f Comment by Lisa Heyer: Again, very general. Can you say something more deep about Kuwait. Compare it to other countries in the area – assume your reader doesn’t know much about the Gulf states and only thinks about Iraq when you say that.

I was very happy all the time, I was blessed in numerous ways. There was no kind of struggles. I proved to be very confident in wherever I went. Understanding me and connecting with me was something that is very easy since I was outgoing and liked to socialize with everyone. It was evident that when I decided to do anything, I would do so without thinking about the consequences or even giving doubts to the actions. I was a bold person. I hide nothing from anybody and was quick to correct any issue that arose. Enjoying life to the fullest was my philosophy and I did nothing but that. I did not waste anytime, hence enjoyed every stage to the maximum. Islam being my religion was my top priority and was the vessel that guided my whole life, I believed in the principles that shaped my belief and personality. I followed my religion’s teachings so strictly and it made me happy and satisfied with my life. Comment by Lisa Heyer: This is the important idea in the paragraph – it explains why you were happy, etc. You can start with that in the paragraph. And try to paint a picture (or take a photograph) of that time – what would we see?

Upon coming to the United States in the year 2013, I was in my twenties, my confidence, boldness and boldness was still very evident. This confidence however changed overtime when I started making friends with Mahmoud, Kevin and Daniel. In most of our times, we spent a lot of time getting involved in video games and going out. This group made me attend my first party where they took things such as cigarettes, alcohol, weed and many things that I had never done due to the fact that my religion do not allow me to do so. It is unfortunate that I had to get myself taking of the different kinds of the things that were being forbidden by the laws of the religion. I did this so as to connect with the other friends and hence remain very cool. This marked the first step of my defiant life. I changed so much. This was a demonstration of the faith that I had lost in the religion and the fraction of my identity into two. Comment by Lisa Heyer: When did you lose faith? Did this happen before you met your friends? How is it related to what you did?

My life changed to be that of drinking in all the time. My family on the other side, do not know the reality about what I do since I do not share my life experiences with any of them, nor even my friends who are from my dear hometown. My initial character and identity changed gradually. I also become an individual who developed a new personality, I became secretive, nervous and confident. I developed the tendency of being afraid and telling many lies so as to evade the judgment and disproval of my family. My lies were due to the fact that my family could not accept any information concerning my new identity and character. Also, I was disobeying my god, who I have loved and obeyed all my life. Comment by Lisa Heyer: What kind of lies?

At one time, I decided to open up to my friends and the members of my family whom I realized that could support me and accept me the way I was. I was determined to solve the problem of my identity crisis and be accepted by others as before. Even though some of my family members felt betrayed by my character, they soon understood the theory behind my actions and responded by giving me appropriate support. To my surprise, my mother admitted that she had known that I had identity problem as a result of being nervous and secretive at all the time. She accepted me and warned me against doing things that go against the principles of my religion. I had always had the opinion that my religion could not deter me from doing some things since I am just hurting myself. I have accepted my two identities and I’m slowly and gradually learning to adapt with them. Comment by Lisa Heyer: Why did you decided to open up? Did you want to change? What happened to your “un-religious” identity? Do you have both now? Comment by Lisa Heyer: This is the point of your paper – that you have two identities. You could focus on this idea from the beginning.

Khaled,

This is a good start – see my comments for suggestions about how to make your essay more specific and therefore effective and interesting. Think about all the details of a photo, and take the same kind of “eye” and apply it to the written word. What do your viewers respond to in the pictures? What can you give them to respond to in writing?

I also think you could emphasize the idea of your two identities, but you need to explain more about this.

Let me know if you have other questions!

Cheers!

Lisa