Descriptive Narrative Assignment (Resurrection Mary)
4. Word choices
- Another element to good writing that we’re going to worry about with this assignment is making good word choices
- So for starters, we’re going to review that list of words you aren’t allowed to use…
- No slang, expletives, clichés, contractions, abbreviations, very, really, pretty, good, bad, great, okay, alright, a lot, lots of, tons of, bunches of, loads of, till, stuff, thru, nowadays, fixing to, have to, in my opinion, in today’s society, in this paper, I, me, my, mine, you, your, yours, we, us, our, ours
WC
- The challenge in this piece will be not to use the I, you, or we because of your topic, but we’ll talk more about that later in the lesson
- So for now, our new rules for word choices in addition to the forbidden word list will be:
- 1. Using words precisely
- - Make sure that it is a word- for example, don’t be Mikey from The Goonies and say retropacle as opposed to retrospective or curny as opposed to curator
- - Now you can see that spell check doesn’t like those- they aren’t really words
WC
- - But sometimes you need to watch the spelling/word choice yourself- you can’t always rely on spell check
- - Because definitely and defiantly are both words, but they mean different things- so do to, too, and two, in addition to many many others
- 2. Using concrete words
- - We talked about this with the definition paragraph
- - Don’t say vehicle when you can say red sports car- or don’t say furniture when you can say La-Z-Boy recliner
WC
- 3. Not, however, being unnecessarily wordy
- - More words doesn’t always mean better description
- - For example, don’t say the studio at which we study ballet when you could just say ballet studio- don’t say at this point in present time when you could just say now
- 4. Not using too many “to be” verbs in a row
- - This would include is, was, are, were, etc.
- - Too many of those in a row makes the writing sound choppy
WC
- - For example, The car is red. The car is shiny. The car is fast. The car is a Mustang.
- - Branch out and use verbs related to the topic- for example- to see, to touch, to hear, to smell, etc.
- 5. Being aware of the denotation and connotation of words
- - The denotation is the dictionary meaning
- - The connotation is the extra meaning that we as a society attach to a word- like gay versus happy or young versus infantile or neat versus OCD
5. Creativity and Your Voice
- Last but not least creativity and your writing voice
- If you paid close attention to the grading standards set forth in the syllabus at the beginning of the semester, you might have noticed that the main difference between the A paper and all other grade letters was creativity, originality, and thought-provoking ideas
- Now, a lot of being original has to do with choosing a topic that hasn’t been done before, or at the very least hasn’t been done to death before
Creativity and Voice
- A lot of including thought-provoking ideas has to do with how you see the topic you’ve chosen- how you present it- what support you offer- in that these things offer something new, or at least something that hasn’t been done to death before
- Creativity, however, has to do with HOW you write the paper- what you include- and while I can’t teach you to be a creative person (for some of us that comes easily, and others struggle more with it)
- I CAN show you some places where you might include creativity in your papers
Creativity
- 1. Titles- according to MLA format, you must include a title after your header and heading, centered on the page
- Now a lot of times, you can get away with something simple like “Death Penalty” for an argumentation essay over that subject
- But that’s not very creative
- So here’s a place where you can add in some creativity, especially if you’re stuck in that high B zone, trying to get to the A
Creativity
- For example, “You Gotta Keep ‘Em Separated” which was an argumentation essay I saw a few years ago over separation of church and state- and it’s catchy because it calls to mind that song by The Offspring- and it fits the topic
- Or “Still Needing the F Word” which has been an essay featured in our book several times now, and of course the funny part of it is that you assume you know which F word she’s talking about, but then you read the essay, and discover the word is Feminism (see- get your mind out of the gutter)
Creativity
- Or my all-time favorite on a student essay- “Show Me on the Teddy Bear Where the Naughty Swan Touched You”- that is the only title in 15 years that has made me dissolve into hysterical laughter (it will make a lot more sense if you look up the poem “Leda and the Swan”)
- 2. Hook- as we’ve already discussed, this is an excellent place to be creative
Creativity
- 3. Tie back and Speak to the Reader – we’ve already discussed the speak to the reader
- In a later lesson, we’ll talk more about what a good tie back is- but for now, it’s related to the hook, which is by definition creative, so it too is a good place for creativity
- 4. Body- there are a lot of little places where you might include creativity in a Body- mainly in the support, in the examples, in the proof that you’re offering to support your points
Creativity
- For example, adding in emotion in an argumentation essay, which we’ll talk about later this semester
- Adding in humor as a point for an analysis, which we’ll talk about later
- Adding in figurative language for a C&C essay, a descriptive assignment, or a narrative, which we’re about to discuss
- Basically, anyplace that you can find where you can include a human emotion- humor, sadness, guilt, pity, fear, humor, sarcasm, etc. – where you can include something new and fresh- where you can include something colorful and eye-catching, DO IT
Your Voice
- Now this all goes hand-in-hand with “your writing voice”
- Each and every one of you has your own unique writing style, your own voice so to speak
- In fact, this is how I catch students so often at plagiarism
- It isn’t that I have some fancy, teachers-only search tool
- It’s that I listen- I revise- I grade you throughout the semester, and I develop an “ear” for what you “sound” like
Voice
- So when you turn something in that sounds nothing like you, I start checking for plagiarism
- And 9.9 times out of 10, I catch someone
- Now we’ve been talking a lot about how to structure an essay (Intro, Body, Conclusion), and what word choices are appropriate for college writing, so where does that leave room for your voice?
- The answer is everywhere
Voice
- Because while the rule is that a good Intro starts with a hook, you may have something cool you want to do which requires you to move the hook down to the end of the Intro
- While the rule is that you can’t use the word “you,” you might find a place where you really need one in order to pull off something you want to say
- While the rule is that fragments (incomplete sentences) are bad grammar, you might find a spot where you want to use a fragment on purpose for emphasis
Voice
- So what I’m saying to you is- don’t be afraid to bend or even break the rules sometimes
- Just make sure that you have an ACTUAL REASON- and a good reason for doing it
- And it’s always a good idea to run it by me in a rough draft- because maybe what you’re trying to do, does need to be executed just like that- or maybe what you’re trying to do would actually work better like……blank (and I have a better suggestion)
Voice
- So in all this talk of what good writing does and does not do, don’t make the mistake of thinking that we’re telling you that your papers all have to sound exactly the same
- Understand instead that we’re trying to teach you the rules- and point you in the right direction- so that once you’ve learned the rules, you can make good decisions about when and where to assert your voice and where and when not to
- If you’ll notice, the professional writers featured in the book- they break the rules a lot
- So never be afraid to ask- the worst that can happen is I’ll say no or propose an alternative
Additional Tips on Voice
- Think about your audience as you write and be flexible- remember- you’re tying to engage them
- Make your points professionally, but then you can also repeat them with a difference in a more informal manner
- If you’re unsure about a word or phrase- for example a forbidden word, a cliché, a piece of slang- then put it in quotes “”
- Don’t be afraid to use colorful terms
Definition
- So what is Narration?
- What is Description?
- Which are two different modes that we’re going to combine for our next assignment
- Descriptive writing is defined as- writing which paints a picture in the reader’s mind by describing some “thing” using as many of the 5 senses as plausible
- We will use good description throughout the semester in other pieces, like the C&C, analysis, and argumentation
Definition
- And really, we’ve already been using it in previous assignments, we just didn’t discuss it in so many words
- Which is why we need to do it now- get you to understand description now before utilizing it as support in other essays, the longer higher point assignments
- There are many types of description- profiles of people, profiles of places, nature writing, reports on issues (or reportage), and humor/satire
Check out this example…
- “The doctor had never been inside an antebellum mansion until that spring in New Orleans. And the old house really did have white fluted columns on the front, though the paint was peeling away. Greek Revival style they called it- a long violet-gray town house on a dark shady corner in the Garden District, its front gate guarded it seemed by two enormous oaks. The iron lace railings were made in a rose pattern and much festooned with vines- purple wisteria, the yellow Virginia creeper, and bougainvillea of a dark, incandescent pink. He liked to pause on the marble steps and look up at the Doric capitals, wreathed as they were by those drowsy fragrant blossoms. The sun came in thin dusty shafts through the twisting branches. Bees sang in the tangle of brilliant green leaves beneath the peeling cornices. Never mind that it was so somber here, so damp. Even the approach through the deserted streets seduced him. He walked slowly over cracked and uneven sidewalks of herringbone brick or gray flagstone, under an unbroken archway of oak branches, the light eternally dappled, the sky perpetually veiled in green.
And…
- Always he paused at the largest tree that had lifted the iron fence with its bulbous roots. He could not have gotten his arms around the trunk of it. It reached all the way from the pavement to the house itself, twisted limbs clawing at the shuttered windows beyond the banisters, leaves enmeshed with the flowering vines. But the decay here troubled him nevertheless. Spiders wove their tiny intricate webs over the iron lace roses. In places the iron had so rusted that it fell away to powder at the touch. And here and there near the railings, the wood of the porches was rotted right through. Then there was the old swimming pool far beyond the garden- a great long octagon bounded by the flagstones, which had become a swamp unto itself with its black water and wild irises. The smell alone was frightful. Frogs lived there, frogs you could hear at dusk, singing their grinding, ugly song. Sad to see the little fountain jets up one side and down the other still sending their little arching streams into the muck.
And…
- He longed to drain it, clean it, scrub the sides with his own hands if he had to. Longed to patch the broken balustrade, and rip the weeds from the overgrown urns. Even the elderly aunts of his patient- Miss Carl, Miss Millie, and Miss Nancy- had an air of staleness and decay. It wasn’t a matter of gray hair or wire-rimmed glasses. It was their manner, and the fragrance of camphor that clung to their clothes. Once he had wandered into the library and taken a book down from the shelf. Tiny black beetles scurried out of the crevice. Alarmed he had put the book back. If there had been air-conditioning in the place it might have been different. But the old house was too big for that- or so they had said back then. The ceilings soared fourteen feet overhead. And the sluggish breeze carried with it the scent of mold.”
Good description
- Now, that’s what good description looks like
- This passage is from Anne Rice’s The Witching Hour, and the first time I read it, I had yet to visit New Orleans, but I came to love all of her writing because it’s so descriptive that you feel like you’re really there with her- years later when I finally did visit New Orleans, I had the opportunity to walk down a quiet street in the Garden District, and I remember thinking to myself how amazing it was because I knew what to expect before I got there- I already knew what it would look and feel and smell and sound like from her writing
Figurative language
- There’s another element to good description, and that’s figurative language- defined as- using words or expressions with a meaning that is different than the literal interpretation
- - Her head was spinning with new information- it wasn’t literally spinning… we hope, or we’re in The Exorcist
- - The toast jumped out of the toaster- the last time I checked, toast can’t jump (though toasters can according to the second Ghostbusters movie)
- - I’m so hungry I could eat a horse- a slight over-exaggeration… probably
FL
- Maybe the easiest forms of figurative language are similes (comparisons between two things using the words like or as) and metaphors (direct comparisons between two things)
- - I ran quickly like a cheetah
- - America is a melting pot
- HOWEVER, the problem with all of the examples we’ve seen so far is that they’re clichés- overused expressions- that are by definition un-creative, unoriginal, the opposite of thought-provoking (and creativity, originality, and thought-provoking ideas differentiate the A and B papers)
FL
- So we want ORIGINAL figurative language
- Now Stephen King is one of my favorite authors- and one of the reasons why is because he’s so good at original figurative language
- Now if you’ve ever read any King, he can be crass at times (which you aren’t allowed to be), but the following comparisons from his short story “Autopsy Room Four” are great pieces of figurative language
FL
- “There’s a thump followed by a faint whoosh. It is, I think, the sound of a door with a pneumatic hinge being opened.”- that’s onomatopoeia
- “and my tongue, lying on the floor of my mouth like a stunned mole”- a simile (he could have said like a dead possum or playing possum but that would have been a cliché)
- “in Lyndon Johnson’s shitty little Asian adventure” (aka Vietnam- that’s a modern kenning you might say)
- “black as a woodchuck’s asshole” (another simile- gross but effective)
FL
- “he looks like Michael Bolton” (simile)
- “he looks like one of those beach beefcakes on Baywatch or Melrose Place” (simile)
- “the grin of a kid who should have a tattoo reading “Born to Snap Bra Straps” on one wasted bicep” (metaphor)
- “Christ, Jennings. I know him. He gave Noah his physical after the ark grounded on Mount Ararat” (hyperbole)
FL
- They’re original- they’re creative- they’re thought-provoking (sometimes in a gross or uncomfortable way but still provoking)- they jump off the page- and a lot of the time, they’re funny
- Good ways to add creativity
Dominant Impressions
- Ultimately, you want all of these details to add up to one picture- and we should all see the same picture- so if the story you tell is a scary one, then the details should be too
- That’s called a dominant impression
Definition
- Now that’s what description is, but what’s narration?
- It is writing that tells a story (a personal, factual, or fictional story), that tells a good story (by using an interesting and time-ordered plot, relatable characters, dialog, detail, and style), a good story with significance (a moral to the story- something the readers can take away from it)
- There are many types of narration- like memoir, personal essay, and literacy narrative, etc.
Definition
- Now a personal story is one that involves yourself, that’s told from the first person point of view
- So I would write, “I wrecked my car”
- We’re not doing that
- We’re doing factual/fictional
- A factual story is one that might involve you or might not, but regardless, it’s told from the third person point of view
- So I would write, “Melissa Ford-Minor wrecked her car”
- Now that might seem a little strange to talk about yourself in third person like that, but it’s required for this assignment
And …
- A factual story is typically true and a fictional story is typically made up- the assignment you’re going to write might be one, or the other, or something that kind of straddles the line between the two, which we’ll talk more about later (because a lot of people swear this or that urban legend or ghost story to be true)
- Now you know what interesting means, and time-ordered or chronological just means that you tell the story as beginning, middle, end
And …
- Relatable characters- this usually means that you offer enough detail on the characters to make them seem like real people, real people just like us that we can relate to in some way
- Dialog is when you have your characters speak- when you give them voices of their own
- For example, Velma said, “Jinkies,” while Shaggy managed to stutter out, “Zoinks.”
And …
- Detail means including little things that we can see and hear and smell, etc. to help make us feel like we’re really there with you in the story
- Including figurative language
- And style means about the same thing as creativity and voice
And …
- A story with significance or a moral means there’s a lesson to be learned from the events that transpired
- Now sometimes that can be something really serious like always wear your seatbelt or it can be something really silly like never pick on your little brother because someday he might grow up bigger than you and get you back
Assignment
- So what’s your combination descriptive narrative assignment specifically?
- Resurrection Mary
- Tell it from the third person point of view
- Include as much description/detail as possible
- Add in your own writing “voice” where you can
- For 1 ½ - 2 pages in length (you can always go over)
- Making sure you include a time-ordered and interesting plot, relatable characters, dialog, detail, style, and a moral
No plagiarism
- Just make sure that when you get ready to write, you close everything out, and pull ONLY from your own mind
- So NO SOURCES ALLOWED this time
- And keep in mind that you have two ways you can tell this- you can tell just the origin story, so for the Dover Lights that would be the story of the two little girls who got lost and died as the source of the light for ex.
- Or you can mention the origin story, but focus on someone’s encounter with the legend, so that would be like what happened the time I went to see the lights
Setting it up…
- Here’s how you’re going to set the assignment up:
- MLA format
- 1st paragraph-
- 1. Intro- hook and thesis
- Hook- grab the reader’s attention in some creative way
- And then transition smoothly into
- Thesis- sum up the story (the purpose for the assignment)
Body
- 2nd, 3rd, and 4th paragraphs (or more)
- 2. Body- tell the story from start to finish
- In chronological order (beginning, middle, end)
- Make logical paragraph breaks (you need at least 3 body paragraphs)
- And use transitions at least at the beginning of each body paragraph (time transitions like after that, a few seconds later, in the meantime, for the next two hours, at around 8pm, etc.)
Body
- Make sure you hit the requirements for a good narrative
- So for starters, we’re going to need some setting (when and where the story takes place)- which should be very descriptive
- And some relatable characters (with little details worked in on them- names, physical appearance, personality, etc.)- more description
- Some dialog spread throughout where it makes sense to do so (have the characters talk)
- And make sure that you use appropriate dialog formatting
Body
- Dialog needs a marker- like he said, she cried, they whispered
- A comma (on both sides if the sentence keeps going in both directions)
- Quotation marks “”
- To be written the way it was said (you’re not counted off for forbidden words or grammar errors in the dialog)
- And to be written in the context of your paragraph- not on its own separate lines (this isn’t a novel)
Body
- For example- When the three friends finally reached the dead Confederate’s grave, they stood nervously shuffling their feet, blowing on their hands to keep them warm in the cold December night air. “You go first,” Katie said, jabbing Mallory in the ribs with her jacket-covered elbow. Penny eyed them both warily, as Mallory jabbed Katie back, replying, “No way. Huh-uh. You do it Penny.” “Penny never does crap,” Katie snapped, stepping forward to call forth the ghost, feigning a false bravado.
Body
- And then work in little sensory details (using ALL 5 senses if possible) and at least one piece of figurative language- more description – all in the context of your story or narrative- hence it will be a descriptive narrative
- So like- how clear the night sky was, black with sharp points of white light- the sound of the cicadas singing- the cool, brisk breeze raising goosebumps on arms- the smell of honeysuckle wafted on the breeze
- Plus creativity and your own writing voice where you can
Conclusion
- 5th paragraph (last paragraph)
- 3. Conclusion- summary and speak to reader
- Summary- summarize the story BRIEFLY
- And then transition smoothly into
- Speak to the reader- leave the reader with something to do or to think about – the “moral” in other words
Conclusion
- So you might do something like- All in all, it doesn’t really matter why people are so afraid of cemeteries because at the end of the day, literally, they’re all a little creepy, though none more so than this one, thanks to the ghost of this nameless dead Confederate. Perhaps it’s just safer if we all avoid cemeteries… at least once the lights go out.
- That sums up the story (about this cemetery and this ghost) and leaves the reader with some advice