for WIZARD KIM:Common Roles within the Family System
eldrba
922.docxThere are many variations of roles that can occur in families where substance abuse is present. Let’s briefly examine the four most common. They are:
· Family hero
· Scapegoat
· Lost child
· Mascot
The Family Hero
Family heroes are typically the oldest children who work hard to help maintain a sense of harmony or balance at home. The family members who assume this role feel great responsibility for the family pain and believe that if they are perfect, the substance abusers will be cured. The family heroes get lots of affirmation from other family members with the basic message that they are “special” and “needed.” This only serves to make the persons in the hero position work that much harder to please the members. In fact, the persons assuming this role are often perceived as perfectionists.
Perfectionism can be seen in exceptional school achievement, a high degree of orderliness, and a fear of taking risks that may lead to failure. Externally, such people appear to “have it all together.” Others consider them highly dependable, successful, and conscientious. The need to be “perfect” is the driving force behind this role. However, even when the family hero is “perfect,” there is a sense of failure attached because the substance abuser continues to drink or use drugs. This feels like failure and causes the heroes to work harder to try to succeed, which, in this case, means to help the substance abusers stop using substances.
The Scapegoat
If the hero is the ideal child, the scapegoat could be considered the “problem child.” The scapegoat is the child who acts out for attention and, as a result, is blamed for the family’s problems. The child may act out behaviorally by using or abusing substances, fighting with peers, or showing underachievement in school. The scapegoat has trouble with authority figures and is frequently in conflict with parents, teachers, coaches, and others who demand control of a situation.
Scapegoats learn early that defiance is a good cover for deep feelings of hurt and inadequacy. Acting out is their way of getting some relief from the pent-up feelings of feeling so inadequate. This forms a vicious circle. The more the scapegoat acts out, the less the family members and others are drawn to that person, reinforcing the rejection the person already feels.
The Lost Child
The lost child has a lot in common with the scapegoat in that they both feel insignificant and unimportant in the family. While the scapegoat acts out to get attention, the lost child seems almost invisible to the members of the family, being quiet, withdrawn, and aloof.
Perhaps the greatest fear of the lost child is that it will draw attention to itself and, therefore, be yet another burden that the family members will have to bear. In this quest to remain silent and invisible, the family members may perceive incorrectly that the lost child is content and has no needs. This lack of attention can often result in feelings of alienation, loneliness, and even depression. As adults, they may have great difficulty having meaningful relationships because they have withdrawn from people most of their lives.
The Mascot
Mascots, as the name implies, try to bring some levity and humor to the family situation. They provide an escape from painful events occurring in the family by entertaining everyone. They learn through trial and error that the best way they can serve the family, especially during tense moments, is by diffusing the situation with laughter. That is how mascots become noticed or attended to by others in the family. At school, the mascot may continue in this role and attempt to become the center of attention by being the class joker.
Although many who assume the mascot role appear confident, the majority use humor as a way to hold people at arm’s length because they do not know how to carry on meaningful conversation or maintain ongoing relationships. They may carry these patterns into adulthood and avoid serious conversations and relationships by being immature or inappropriate with their humor.
These role descriptions are guidelines, but sometimes the distinctions don’t cleanly apply to all individuals. Families often find their own unique modifications on the basis of the dynamics in the home. In addition, all roles evolve over time. This is in contrast to the notion that roles are assigned, like parts in a play. Roles develop as an extension of children’s age, birth order, personality, and the circumstances that are present at a given time. For example, a male middle child may become the hero if the older brother assumes the role of the scapegoat.
