for wizard kim
jlpdierslim1193
draft_.docx
Alexander Ames - 5 days ago
This is apt (i.e. evocative of the tone appropriate to an introduction) but it could benefit from more detailed development.
Alexander Ames - 5 days ago
.
Alexander Ames - 5 days ago
See my previous comment, which is even more applicable here.
Alexander Ames - 5 days ago
traffic in child pornography
Alexander Ames - 5 days ago
You have mentioned this type of cybercrime twice in a short space. Might your your argument benefit from focusing on this aspect of cybercrime?
Alexander Ames - 5 days ago
Page 3
.
Alexander Ames - 5 days ago
I think these remarks could be integrated with preceding paragraphs. Moreover, where is your thesis statement? To which specific question at issue are you responding and how? With what potential solution(s)? Thus far, you have provided more or less lucid descriptions of a criminal phenomenon but you have not addressed it with an arguable claim (i.e. a thesis).
Alexander Ames - 5 days ago
.
Alexander Ames - 5 days ago
This is apt but begs for greater specification hereafter.
Alexander Ames - 5 days ago
.
Alexander Ames - 5 days ago
Could you develop this further?
Alexander Ames - 5 days ago
Page 4
.
Alexander Ames - 5 days ago
Please see my last comment.
Alexander Ames - 5 days ago
.
Alexander Ames - 5 days ago
Herein you cite efforts at combating this practice but you might foreground this information or use it to formulate your own thesis, which you ought to feature earlier int his essay..
Alexander Ames - 5 days ago
Page 5
TYPES OF CYBERCRIME
Alexander Ames - 5 days ago
This is an outline, not a part of an essay. You need to articulate these points in standard academic prose paragraphs.
Alexander Ames - 5 days ago
Causes of cybercrime
Alexander Ames - 5 days ago
You should avoid placing a sectional heading just above a page-break as it separates it from the text it is designed to introduce.
Alexander Ames - 5 days ago
Page 7
.
Alexander Ames - 5 days ago
The preceding is another outline. Please see my earlier comment regarding this means of articulating your ideas.
Alexander Ames - 5 days ago
Impacts/ components of cybercrime
Alexander Ames - 5 days ago
Please see my preceding comments, though the the points of this outline do resemble prose paragraphs. Additionally, while this section demonstrates a wealth of research on your part, it is, still, largely descriptive rather than argumentative.
Alexander Ames - 5 days ago
Page 11
Response
Alexander Ames - 5 days ago
Please see my preceding comments.
Alexander Ames - 5 days ago
Page 16
Conclusions
Alexander Ames - 5 days ago
You make some interesting points herein but you need to establish your argument in response to this phenomenon/problem much earlier in this essay. You might be better able to do this if you were to narrow your focus to a more specific question at issue in your introduction. Additionally, you need to develop this section as an essay (in prose) rather than as a hybrid outline form.
Alexander Ames - 5 days ago
Page 18
References
Alexander Ames - 5 days ago
Make sure your formatting precisely meets the requirements of the APA guidelines.
