Eng week3 assignment

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eng122.w3.modelroughdraft.pdf

Running head: RESCUE AND SHELTER DOGS 1

Rescue and Shelter Dogs: Rough Draft

Yolanda B. Student

ENG122: English Composition II

Professor I. M. Jackson

August 31, 2016

ENG122
Comment on Text
This title is somewhat appropriate but it should be more descriptive to reflect the argument being presented.

RESCUE AND SHELTER DOGS 2

Rescue and Shelter Dogs: Rough Draft

Dog’s are important members of many families, especially since they live for many years

and can be with children from childhood all the way through until they become adults. People

without children also enjoy having dogs in their lives as surrogates for the parent-child

relationship. There are man ways to obtain a dog in America nowadays. First, there is pet stores.

Second there are licensed breeders. Then there are unlicensed or home breeders. There are also

many shelters and rescue organizations that take care of homeless or unwanted pets until they’re

forever family can be found. Due to the pet overpopulation in America and the exacerbated

medical ramifications of selective breeding, people should adopt rescued dogs rather than

purchase a puppy from any type of breeder or pet store.

Pet overpopulation in America is causing environmental and sociological problems. Pet

waste left behind by unsupervised and/or homeless animals have an impact on ground water

quality (Paterson, 2011). If pet waste is left on the ground, it seeps into the ground, gets washed

into storm drains, makes its way into streams and lakes, and is left as untreated sewage in the

natural water cycle. Rescue organizations reduce the pet population in America by spaying and

neutering all animals before they are released. There were 3,500 individual animal shelters

operating at capacity in the United States in the mid 1990s (Motavalli, 1995). This is a large

number that has only increased over the years. The numbers grow because too many pets are

allowed to breed freely without control. According to environmentalist Jim Motavalli (1995), the

average female dog can produce two litters a year, which means that one un-spayed girl dog can

be responsible for 67,000 births during her fertile years if her offspring are also left intact and not

spayed or neutered.

ENG122
Comment on Text
The draft begins with an apostrophe error. Some mistakes are bound to appear in the rough draft.
ENG122
Sticky Note
In the opening lines of the introduction, the student includes a few pertinent sentences that lead up to the thesis statement.
ENG122
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The thesis statement is properly positioned at the end of the introductory paragraph. The student clearly communicates the message by using words and syntax that are simple and concrete.
ENG122
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The topic sentence stated a claim. The second sentence provided supporting evidence. This is an effective way to build a paragraph for an argumentative essay.
ENG122
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Details within the paragraph support the topic of the paragraph without veering off into a tangent.
ENG122
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The paragraph ends with some explanation of the information within the context of the thesis statement.

RESCUE AND SHELTER DOGS 3

Designer and purebred dogs are created by artificial genetic modification through

selective breeding practices. Since humans have selectively bred dogs for physical and

behavioral characteristics through inbreeding, pedigree dogs can be plagued by genetic disease

(Farrell, Schoenebeck, Wiener, Clements, & Summers, 2015). Breeders who work in commercial

enterprises are focused on those physical characteristics when breeding an animal for sale.

Selective breeding practices result in exacerbated medical conditions in canines.

Previously, breed standards were focused on aesthetics and temperament with disregard for

health, leading to increased medical issues in pedigree dogs. Indrebø (2008) found that it will

take “several generations to change the breed through genetic selection in order to eradicate the

unhealthy over-typed dogs” (pp. 1-2). Shelters and rescue organizations do not participate in

selective breeding for designer or purebred animals. Instead, rescue organizations accept animals

in any variety until a permanent home can be found.

Rescue organizations do not participate in selective breeding for designer or purebred

animals. Pet stores, however, are supplied by breeders who do participate in selective breeding

but do not take the steps necessary to ensure healthy pets. The only way breeders can ethically

create healthy litters is through ongoing diagnostic screening of all dogs along with genetic

testing regardless of arbitrarily chosen aesthetics of the animal (Farrell et al., 2015). There are

ten recommendations for ethical breeding programs that require all breeders to only breed very

healthy dogs, calculate percentages for breeding stock, limit “matador breeding,” exclude female

dogs who are unable to give birth naturally, screen for polygenetic diseases, conduct DNA

testing, and practice natural puppy-rearing with birth mothers (Indrebø, 2008). Without firm

regulations and legal ramifications, commercial breeders continue to breed animals without

regard for health and welfare.

ENG122
Sticky Note
This paragraph seems appropriate for the argument but needs additional development for the final draft.
ENG122
Sticky Note
This paragraph begins with a topic sentence that is clearly connected to the thesis statement and moves the argument forward.
ENG122
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The student refrains from using long quotes. Long quotes slow down the movement of your paper and work against the effectiveness of your writing.
ENG122
Comment on Text
The author has been cited in the body text. Therefore, the year is cited alone in the parenthetical in-text citation.
ENG122
Comment on Text
This is a direct quote; therefore, the location of the quote within the original source must be cited. Remember, the author and year of publication were already cited at the beginning of the sentence.
ENG122
Sticky Note
This topic sentence prepares readers for a more detailed analysis of the main point.
ENG122
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The student maintains a certain level of objectivity by presenting factual information and by refraining from interjecting personal opinions.

RESCUE AND SHELTER DOGS 4

There is a rich history in dog breeding and Kennel Club registration. Some people feel

that pedigree dogs represent a cultural history. It has been found, however, that desire for a pure-

bred dog may be based upon popular culture trends rather than more rational or logical decision-

making processes (Ghirlanda, Acerbi, & Herzog, 2014). Therefore, it is important to look into

the actual cultural impact of dog breeding as an asset to society without regard for ethical

treatment of animals.

Just as there is no assurance of breed when adopting from a shelter or rescue group, there

is no guarantee of a healthy pet when adopted from a shelter where the animal’s history is

unknown. While it’s true that there is no guarantee of health when a pet is adopted from a

shelter, it is not financially supporting breeders who are breeding animals with disregard for

health and welfare. This has led a number of municipalities across the country to ban the sale of

puppy-mill animals due to the animal welfare concerns (Taylor, 2015). Purebred dogs suffer

needlessly and genetic diversity, as exhibited in mutts from the pound, is preferable for a healthy

and stable pet (Jeppsson, 2014). So while there are no guarantees, the overall impact of adopting

pets rather than investing in commercial breeding is positive.

The sale of commercially-bred puppies from pet stores should be banned unless all

ethical recommendations become legally mandatory. In the meantime, many mixed-breed dogs

in shelters are in need of homes. Therefore, families should first consider adopting a dog from a

shelter or rescue organization rather than purchasing a puppy from an unregulated commercial

enterprise like a pet store or large breeding enterprise.

ENG122
Sticky Note
The student is using last week's outline as a tool to develop this draft. Each paragraph in the body of the essay addresses a single idea. Each main idea relates back to the thesis statement.
ENG122
Comment on Text
Transition words are used to show readers how everything is related.
ENG122
Sticky Note
Notice how the student anticipates the counterargument and introduces it in the topic sentence.
ENG122
Comment on Text
Notice that the source of this information is cited with the author's last name and year of publication. Since the information was paraphrased and not quoted, no page number is required.
ENG122
Sticky Note
This conclusion is a bit rushed. There is room for the student to recap all main points of the body paragraphs to conclude the argument.
ENG122
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Notice the clean page break before the reference list begins.

RESCUE AND SHELTER DOGS 5

References

Farrell, L. L., Schoenebeck, J. J., Wiener, P., Clements, D. N., & Summers, K. M. (2015). The

challenges of pedigree dog health: Approaches to combating inherited disease. Canine

Genetics And Epidemiology, doi:10.1186/s40575-015-0014-9

Ghirlanda, S., Acerbi, A., & Herzog, H. (2014). Dog movie stars and dog breed popularity: A

case study in media influence on choice. PLoS One, 9(9), 1-5.

doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0106565

Indrebø, A. (2008). Animal welfare in modern dog breeding [Special Section]. Acta Veterinaria

Scandinavica, 50(56), 1-6. doi:10.1186/1751-0147-50-S1-S6

Jeppsson, S. (2014). Purebred dogs and canine wellbeing. Journal of Agricultural and

Environmental Ethics, 27(3), 417-430. doi:http://dx.doi.org/10.1007/s10806-013-9470-y

Motavalli, J. (1995). Our agony over animals. E: The Environmental Magazine, 6(5), 28.

Paterson, J. (2011). A greener pawprint. E: The Environmental Magazine, 22(3), 22-27.

Taylor, J. S. (2015). Anti-puppy mill legislation across the country is dogging pet stores. ABA

Journal. Retrieved from

http://www.abajournal.com/magazine/article/anti_puppy_mill_legislation_across_the_co

untry_is_dogging_pet_stores

ENG122
Sticky Note
These references are listed in proper APA style. The References heading is correct, the citations are correct, the page is double-spaced, and each entry is formatted with a hanging indent.