Part 3-Parenting Today

BEHS 343 7381

Scenario: You have noticed behavioral changes in your 14-year-old and are concerned that he may be using drugs or alcohol

Conclusion: Lot in life is not true

SECTION III: SOLUTION (20pts)

(Should be 2-3 pages)

► Description of how to deal with the situation: (5) ______ Contacted two local community agencies (not just Web sites) that can help provide information, training, or support about the problem. Included specifics on how to contact the agency, what services they have available, and how much these services cost.

► Conclusion: (10) _____ Paper should not just end with description of local community agencies. Provide insight/final thoughts/reactions reached based on your individual research. 2-page limit ► References: (3) _____ Appropriate references cited in the body of paper and in a reference section at the end of the report using APA style. ► Format: (2) _____ Format must include correct grammar, spelling, and punctuation. Paper must be neatly typed using 12-point font, and double-spaced. Paper should be between 7-10 pages. The paper should be written either as a letter to a relative or close friend or as a diary from the perspective of a parent writing about his or her child. back

MY DIARY:

Yesterday, I got back from work, and found the house in a mess. There were pizza boxes and slices on the kitchen floor; the house was untidy and going upstairs, found my son’s room in a mess. In fact, it stank, and on looking closely through the pile of clothes, found a week old pizza slice rotting under the bed. This has not been the first time that I have found the house in this state. Furthermore, these days, he hardly stays at home, and I cannot remember the last time we were in the same room at the same time.

These days, I hardly recognize my son. He spends most of his time locked up in his room. He is sulky, get angry for no reason, and his grades have been falling for the last half year. In addition, I have found punch holes in his bedroom wall, which he tried covering up with posters. This is a complete turnaround from the kid I used to know, who got straight A’s, and was very clean. In fact, over the weekends he used to help me clean the house, attic and garage. He was also respectful, calm, and quite reasonable; and seemed more mature than I ever was at his age.

When his behavior changed, I thought that his adolescence was finally overcoming his self composure, because we had not had any major changes at home or in school and, was not overly concerned. However, when his grades started falling, and I got weekly calls about truancy from his school, I started getting worried. In addition, when he started abdicating his roles and duties- he stopped cleaning his room; and he stopped volunteering at the local church for no reason- I sensed that something was amiss, and highly suspected drug use.

When I was growing up, I had an older cousin who abused drugs for a while, and I remember the way he acted whenever we visited. It was the same mannerisms that I now started seeing in my son. For instance, some nights he would be drowsy and his pupils would become pins. At other times, he had bloodshot eyes, and he would appear uncoordinated. However, what really narrowed my focus were the behavioral changes shown by my son. In fact, during weekends when he was not in school, his behavior normalized somewhat, but on weekdays, he would seem like a different person. Furthermore, whenever he goes out for parties to his friends’ houses, he always comes back drunk.  My son may be considered mildly popular, and he has always been invited to parties, and he has never come back drunk.

Today, I am leaving work early. I am going to search my son’s room with a fine toothcomb. I am going to locate and flush down any drugs he has stashed away. Yesterday before going to bed, I peeped into my son’s room and saw him sleeping, his face as I remembered- innocent and angelic- but was rudely brought to reality when I got a whiff of pot in the room. I now know that my son is using drugs. I have no idea how deep he is into using, but I am going to start dealing with the issue immediately.

First, I am going to destroy any drugs I find stashed away in his room. So, I will search his room thoroughly, maybe I can get a police dog from somewhere to help? Second, I am going to cut off all his allowance money. I know he will not have any money because he lost his job at a laundry a few weeks ago for tardiness. Third, I am going to lock up all the drugs in the house, this is because my son may be tempted to get a high from any of the drugs in the house. Finally, I am going to talk to my son, and have a heart a heart. I will try and get him to talk to me about what is going on and how I can help him. I am also going to explain to him that drug use in my house is unacceptable and that he needs to respect everyone at home. These are rules which cannot be negotiated on. In addition, a friend of mine recommended that we visit a therapist who specializes in working with teens using drugs. My partner also reckons that we should talk to my son’s school about the situation, and let them know that there are potential drug sellers in the school.

I am scared. Six months ago, my son was perfectly fine, and my source of joy. Today, he is a stranger, yet he is 14. I have no idea if this is my fault, or if I contributed to his drug use. However, what I do know is that his fight is a family fight, and we will support him all the way.

This lot in life is not true for me. However, I have had close family who dealt with the same issue. The cousin I mention in my diary above is real, and he was addicted to drugs for close to four years. His addiction affected everyone including the extended family because he would often visit family, and steal, and generally cause chaos whenever he visited. He was able to break free from his addiction when he was admitted to a rehabilitation center, and his family moved to another city. Nonetheless, he has had two relapses lasting a few months each, but generally he has been able to stay sober, and now works as an addiction recovery coach.

Introduction

Macmillan Dictionary defines lot in life as a general situation in someone’s life. The term is often used by people facing problems in their life to show self-pity or resignation. More so, the phrase is used to express frustration over a certain situation in one’s life or to gain sympathy.

Once in a while people are faced with adversity. Such challenges might so tough that one might feel the need to resign and say that whatever situation they are facing is their lot in life. Nonetheless, problems are part of life and one will surely find people faced with tougher problems than theirs. However, how we face our challenges can create a huge difference whether we overcome the change or we are consumed by the challenges. The word ‘lot’ is used to portray different meanings. For instance, a parcel of land inherited by an individual can be described as his lot. Also a batch of goods can be referred to as a lot among others. Yet the phrase ‘lot in life’ is often used to refer to an individual’s fate.

Life in lot belief however is not true. Life in lot cannot exist because human beings have the capacity to make decisions and to change their minds. Claiming that one is faced with a lot in life is to justify limitation and inefficiencies in human mind.

In my lot in life case, a 14-year-old child is suspected to be using drugs or alcohol. This boy had a choice to abstain from the use of drugs but he decided to succumb to peer-pressure at school. His intention to use drugs and alcohol can therefore not be termed to be his lot in life or his parent’s lot in life.

Moreover, with proper guidance and care the boy can decide to stop drug abuse and become the good child he used to be.

Causes of drug use among teenagers

The child is 14 years old. According to Erickson’s stages of psychosocial development, children between the ages of 13 and 19 years old are said to be in fidelity stage (Erickson, 1994). Erickson (1994) states that, during this stage the young adolescent become concerned with their appearance to other people. During this stage, adolescent contemplates their role in the adult word and may experience role confusion or mixed ideas concerning their role in the society (Erickson, 1994).

As children grow into adulthood, they experience physical and mental changes. They also develop internal sense of their true self and beliefs. Children also begin to express their independence (Erickson, 1994). Despite, the importance of parents during this period, the young adolescents begin to seek control of their life and decisions and may begin to express divergent opinion from their parents (Erickson, 1994). The child may also experience mood swings and other unusual tendencies. Additionally, the child will begin to spend more time with friends.

While spending time with friends, young teenagers may decide to experiment with drugs and alcohol. Naturally, young people would want to experiment new things and that the reason why most of them fall into peer pressure. However, consistent use of drugs from a young age may lead to physical, mental and emotional complications.

Drugs are items that are used to change ways of human natural thinking, action and feeing. Common drugs are caffeine, alcohol, cannabis, nicotine and codeine (Kumpfer & Turner, 1990). Drugs are used for several reasons including; treatment of an illness, as symptoms reliever, to enhance ability for instance in sports. Some drugs are used to alter state of mind. Both legal and illegal drugs can be misused by teens. Hence all drugs are potentially harmful especially to children.

There are various drug substances accessible to young adults. While some children might not use drugs, majority are lured to try drugs during their teenage years (Kumpfer & Turner, 1990). Some end up being drug addicts in later years hence destroying their life potentials. Nonetheless, there are various reasons that push teenagers to drug use and drug abuse.

Majorly, young people try drinking alcohol and using drugs out of curiosity (Kumpfer & Turner, 1990). As children grow into adulthood, they are filled with the desire to experience things that the society has to offer which includes drugs. Perhaps the children would want to learn the effects of drugs on their behavior and mind and will often throw caution to the window in this pursuit.

Second, other teenagers use drugs to fit in a crowd. In other word, the desire to belong to certain groups is intensified during teenage age. Most young adults find it difficult to downplay opportunities to be included in certain groups especially in school. Such teenagers might be tempted to use drugs to boost their confidence or because their friends use them too (Belcher & Shinitzky, 1998).

Third, other children begin to use drugs to run away from their boring life or their lack of passion in school activities. Therefore, such students erroneously believe that drugs keeps them focused. On the other hand, teens may use drugs for fun since drugs temporarily alter how they perceive the world.

Fourth, some teenagers turn to drugs and alcohol as a way of relieving themselves from challenging situations. Such challenging situations include unstable home environment maybe due to parents quarrelling, anxiety, depression and fear of failure.

Preventing your child from becoming a drug user

We should thus appreciate that drug use is a personal choice and not a lot in life. Parents should prepare their children for the world at each stage of their development. However, parents are faced with challenges during their child adulthood since they have less control over their activities, friends and way of thinking (Belcher & Shinitzky, 1998). Parents should therefore become more of guide as her child gets to adulthood. There is need for parents to maintain reasonable and consistent expectation of their child. Expectations and rules provide guideline for the young adult facing challenges of adulthood. Additionally, the child should be involved in creating such expectations and rules (Belcher & Shinitzky, 1998). Parents should also encourage and provide support for their children passion and interests. There is need for flexibility as the child shows more maturity and signs of responsibility.

Parents should strive to maintain a strong attachment with their children even in the adolescent stage (Belcher & Shinitzky, 1998). Parents ought to show their children that they believe in their abilities. Such way, a child’s confidence and resilience is made stronger. Moreover, teenagers should be encouraged to face and solve problems hence building their self-esteem. Children with high self-esteem, resilience and confidence will less likely be attracted to drug misuse (Belcher & Shinitzky, 1998).

During adolescent stage, children internalize the moral standards of their adult role models (Kohlberg, 1981). Therefore, parents must be positive role model to their children. The role of a parent is to model healthy behaviors and attitudes in their children. Parents should consider their use of medication and smoking habits. Teenagers with parents who smoke or drink alcohol are highly likely to abuse drugs in future (Kumpfer & Turner, 1990).

Conclusion

Lot in life is used by people facing challenges in their life to express resignation or self pity. Such individuals resign to the challenge claiming that the problem is their share of world problem. However, this essay refutes the existence of lot in life since human beings have the ability to make choices in their life. Using the example of a teenage that is drowning into drug abuse, the essay narrates factors that lead to teenage substance abuse. The essay shows that the decision to use alcohol or other drugs is a matter of choice rather than fate.

Reference

Belcher, H. M., & Shinitzky, H. E. (1998). Substance abuse in children: Prediction, protection, and prevention. Archives of pediatrics & adolescent medicine, 152(10), 952-960.

Erikson, E. H. (1994). Identity: Youth and crisis (No. 7). WW Norton & Company.

Kohlberg, L. (1981). The philosophy of moral development moral stages and the idea of justice.

Kumpfer, K. L., & Turner, C. W. (1990). The social ecology model of adolescent substance abuse: Implications for prevention. International Journal of the Addictions, 25(sup4), 435-463.

Wright, J. E. (1982). Erikson, identity and religion. Seabury Pr.

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