english paper revision

Worksheet for the Peer Review of the Research Paper

Address the following thoughtfully and thoroughly in your review

Review Category Number

Review Category

Reviewer’s Comments

1

Format

Is the paper formatted properly according to MLA style guidelines? 

· Suggest what to fix, including headings, title, margins, font, page numbers, and last name header

For MLA formatting, a title page is not necessary like you have, you want to have in the upper left corner of your first page your name, the professor’s name, the course name, and the date. Also you need to have page numbers in the upper right with your last name followed by the page number. i.e.Ie (Jones 1)

This the reference I use for MLA formatting: https://owl.english.purdue.edu/media/pdf/20090701095636_747.pdf

2

Thesis

· Write down the thesis statement of the paper

· How can this sentence be improved to become more precise, detailed, or interesting?

· Is it argumentative or merely summary?

· Describe what makes it effective or suggest changes

This kind of falls into what I also wrote in the introduction section, but remember a thesis is basically a summary of your argument you will make in your paper.

You need a thesis that will provide your clear argument for your essay.

I like to refer to this website when making my thesis. http://writingcenter.unc.edu/handouts/thesis-statements/

3

Introduction

· Is the introductory paragraph interesting?

· What makes it effective?

·  How can the author improve the introduction?

· Does it do enough to set the context of the story, mention the title of the work, author’s name, etc.

· Does it prepare the reader for the thesis?

· If not, suggest improvements

Your introduction does not really address the topic of the paper. The papers topic should be comparing/contrast research paper between the film version and the story. Your introduction makes it seem like you’re writing a paper on just the story Soldier’s home. It wasn’t until the fourth paragraph you mentioned anything about comparing it to the film. I understand you were discussing the story first and then the movie, but make your introduction a real introduction make sure the reader knows what your essay is about.

4

Paragraph Development

· Does each paragraph have enough examples, reasoning, proofs, or explanation?

· Which body paragraphs need more development?

One of your paragraphs kind of stuck out, I think I counted it as paragraph #7, you opened up the paragraph with “He looks bewildered, in the scene.” That sentence doesn’t really make any sense, using “He” makes it unclear on who your addressing, also the reader will not be able to understand “the scene” what scene are you referring to. It kind of feels like you should not have a paragraph break there, maybe combine it with the last paragraph somehow.

5

Use of Quotes and Outside Sources

· Does the writer user enough quotations? Too many?

· Where could the writer add or delete quotations? 

· Explain your suggestions

You had enough sources, just one thought however I didn’t know this until this course but I guess you’re never supposed to end a paragraph using a source but rather your own idea. You could use a few more quotations if you can work them in, I only counted two direct quotes.

6

Overall Impressions – Essay’s Strengths

· What is the best part of the research paper?

· Why?

You essay has some strong points and detailed information about the book and the film.

7

Overall Impressions – Essay’s Weaknesses

· What part of the research paper needs the most revision?

The biggest weaknesses is the essay’s flow, it kind of feels like it jumps around. I would reorganize it, you have a lot of great information, and it just needs to be presented better.

With a better introduction for your essay and some work on the paragraphs you can have a great essay.

8

Grammar and Mechanics

· List any grammar, punctuation, mechanical, or syntax problems detected.

· You don’t have to point out each error.

· You can point to categories of errors like run-on sentences or improper comma usage

When reading through the essay, I noticed a few errors like miswritten words. One example of this is your last sentence in the first paragraph, the word close is missing the e. There are a couple other words with similar spelling mistakes. I noticed a few run on sentences and improper verb tense in a few cases. I would just read through it a couple times and edit as you go. Also, just as a suggestion a lot of times the grammar check Microsoft word doesn’t catch everything, I like to also run my papers through a website called grammarly, it seems to catch a lot of my mistakes in my writing and helps me improve my writing.

In a few sentences, please list any additional thoughts, comments or concerns about the essay:

Great essay, I enjoyed reading it. You just need a little work and it will be awesome!