Interventions case study

In the case of Tyrone and Cherie, a classic picture of a verbally abusive relationship is presented. Tyrone displays many of the characteristics of verbally abusive men.

Tyrone and Cherie have been married for thirteen years. Tyrone had always been very critical of Cherie, almost from the beginning of their relationship. If she made an error in the checkbook, he called “stupid” or “retarded.” He constantly criticized her appearance. If she tried to look nice for Tyrone, he called her a “slut.” When she put on weight after having their first child, Tyrone referred to her as “the mother cow” or said she looked like, “a Mack Truck.” At first, the name-calling was confined to the home, but Tyrone soon began to call Cherie names in public or around friends and family members. He would get very jealous if she spent time on the phone with her mother or sister and would go into a rage if she spent any time talking with her girlfriends. Tyrone also had threatened to cut the phone line and to take their checkbook and credit cards away from her. Cherie felt like a prisoner within her home and felt that Tyrone was constantly beating her down with his temper tantrums and criticisms.

Intervention

Tyrone is threatening, controlling, critical, and intimidating toward Cherie. Although abusive patterns like this often go on for years, it is also likely that they can erupt into physical violence. Assuming that there have been no instances of physical violence and also assuming that Tyrone would not come in for counseling either with Cherie or individually, it is most likely that Cherie would seek counseling alone. It is also common, however, that Cherie would be too fearful to initiate counseling herself, so let’s assume that Cherie was referred for counseling by her physician who noted symptoms of depression. In such a case, the session might go as follows:

Counselor: Hello, Cherie, I understand you have been referred here by your internist, Dr. Rodriquez. Is that correct?

Cherie: Yes, I went to see her because I was having trouble sleeping. I thought she would give me a sleeping pill, I didn’t think she would refer me to a psychologist.

Counselor: Why did she?

Cherie: Well, I guess as I was explaining why I couldn’t sleep, she said it sounded like depression, so she referred me here.

Counselor: Would it be all right for me to talk with Dr. Rodriquez? If that’s OK, I will have you sign a release form, allowing us to talk.

Cherie: Sure, I’m fine with that. I guess.

Counselor: So, Cherie, it has been my experience that when people are having trouble sleeping because of depression, that the depression can be caused by a number of things. It can be biologically related, as in the case of heredity where certain kinds of depression will run in families. Or it can be hormonally related, as would be the case with certain kinds of thyroid problems. Depression can also be linked to situations going on in one’s life, as would be the case when someone experiences a traumatic loss, or is going through a situation over which they feel they have little or no control. Do any of these things seem to apply to you, Cherie?

Cherie: Well, no one in my family has ever suffered from depression that I know of. Dr. Rodriquez mentioned that all of my tests came back negative, so there doesn’t seem to be anything medical going on. She asked me if anything was going on in my personal life. I did mention that I was having some stress at home.

Counselor: What kind of stress?

Cherie: Well, Tyrone and I have been married for thirteen years and we have two children. Things between us haven’t been too good lately. Tyrone thinks I spend too much money and even though I work full-time, we just can’t seem to make ends meet.

Counselor: What has been happening between you and Tyrone because of these financial worries?

Cherie: Tyrone gets very angry. He doesn’t hit me or anything, I don’t want you to get the idea that he is abusive, but he can really get going when he’s mad. He’ll yell at me and the kids and I guess I get really stressed out over it.

(Here it is important for the counselor to cautiously explore some of the types of verbal abuse such as those put forth by Evans in her book, The Verbally Abusive Relationship (Evans, 1992), or to explore some of the items listed by Tolman (1989) in his assessment scale called The Psychological Maltreatment of Women Scale. It is also important that the Counselor not launch into an attack of Tyrone, as this would only alienate Cherie or add to her feelings of guilt or responsibility.)

Counselor: So, it sounds like things can get pretty stressful at home. How do you cope with the stress?

Cherie: I try to talk with my girlfriends on the phone or with my sister, but… (hesitates).

Counselor: What were you going to say?

Cherie: Well, Tyrone gets angry if I talk on the phone. One time, he threatened to pull the phone out of the wall. He gets really mad when I’m on the phone with anyone.

Counselor: Is there anything else that Tyrone gets angry with you about?

Cherie: No, mostly the credit cards and the phone. He gets really mad.

Counselor: What do you do when he gets angry?

Cherie: I just try to calm him down. I don’t like him yelling in front of the children. Or I’ll try to find ways to keep him from getting angry like cooking his favorite meals or making sure his newspaper is ready for him when he gets home, stuff like that.

Counselor: It sounds like you have been coping with the stress for a long time.

Cherie: Tyrone wasn’t too bad in the beginning of our marriage, but then he got worse after our baby was born. Things went really downhill from there.

Counselor: Is there anything you can do to change your situation? Are there any options you can use to cope with the stress?

Cherie: No, not really. Divorce is against our religious beliefs and my mother has already told me not to expect any support from her. She was against my marrying Tyrone because she said he was too possessive. Tyrone would never come in for counseling either.

Counselor: Does Tyrone know you were referred here?

Cherie: Yes, but he thinks it is part of my medical problems. Plus Tyrone says I need a “shrink” anyway because he says that I’m crazy. He’s threatened to have me committed and says he’ll take the children away from me.

Counselor: What makes him say these things?

Cherie: Oh, it’s usually something I’ve done. Like I spent too much money on food or I bought the kids new sneakers.

Counselor: Cherie, it doesn’t sound like these purchases are irresponsible. Is it possible that Tyrone is the one with the problem? It sounds like he can be really tough to deal with?

Cherie: Yeah, I guess you could say that. I guess it’s just his nature.

Counselor: Cherie, tell me something nice about Tyrone?

Cherie: Well, he is really good with our son. He takes him fishing with him all the time. Last year they caught ten fluke down at the river. They came home laughing and we had a great time, eating the fish they caught.

Case Conceptualization/Crisis Resolution

This case provides many examples of a verbally abusive relationship. From Cherie’s description, Tyrone tries to control just about every aspect of her life. Cherie plays the dutiful codependent as she tries to placate Tyrone out of fear that his anger will explode. However, no matter what Cherie does, Tyrone continues to use his temper as a means to control and manipulate Cherie. This is a common characteristic of verbally abusive relationships. Victims of verbal abuse often become brainwashed into believing that nothing they do is right, and develop a sense of learned helplessness (no matter what I do, it won’t make a difference). This is one of the reasons that victims so often present with depressive symptoms, as Cherie did when she sought help from her physician.

Evans (1992) makes several recommendations for individuals who find themselves in verbally abusive relationships. She suggests that it is first important for partners to know when they are being put down, ordered around, or yelled at. They also need to develop awareness that they are dealing with an abusive partner who is trying to dominate or control them, but that there is nothing that they have done to cause the abuse. Finally, she suggests that partners take a firm, authoritative tone in dealing with verbal abuse, so as to convey that this type of verbal behavior will not be tolerated. Hopefully, Cherie will continue in counseling beyond this crisis phase and will be open to exploring the issues that Evans recommends.