Marriage & Parenthood

McGraw-Hill/Irwin

Parenthood:

Satisfaction and

Challenge CHAPTER 12

12-2

Parenting

Often presents challenges for couples

 Impacts couple relationship

 Requires balancing work and family more

than before

 Requires decisions regarding:

Parenting styles and approaches to

childrearing (punishment, rules, etc)

Number of children and spacing

12-3

Myths and Realities of Parenthood

Myths Realities

Children will turn out well if they have good parents

Parenting is not the only factor in development

Children are sweet and cute Children can be selfish, destructive, and extremely active

Good parents can manage any child, no matter what the child’s nature

Some degree temperament is present in infants at birth

Today’s parents are not as good as yesterday’s parents

Standards for raising children have gotten higher and challenging

One child is too few It has both advantages and disadvantages

All parents are adults Many adolescent become parents

12-4

Myths and Realities

Myths Realities

Parenthood receives top priority

in our society

Making money receives priority in

our society

Love is enough to guarantee

good parental performance

Parenting also requires hard work

and good parenting skills

Single-parent families are

problematic

There are countless strong single-

parent families in which children

are growing up happy and

healthy

Parenting gets easier as children

get older

Parenting issues change and

become more difficult with time

Parenting ends when the

children leave home

Adult children often return home

to live after some life crisis

The empty-nest syndrome leaves

many parents lonely and

depressed

Many parents enjoy the freedom

that comes with not having

adolescents at home

12-5

Transition to Parenthood

Role of a parent takes priority over other roles

Change of relationship with family of origin

Parent develops a new relationship with the child

New stressors and sources of emotional support

Change in quality of couple relationship changes

12-6

Financial Issues and Children

 Cost of raising children high and often surprising for parents

 Socialization of children to financial issues and management important:

Allowance

Savings account

Common expenditures

Family income

Use of credit

12-7

Figure 12.1 - Cost of Raising a

Child from Birth Through Age 17

Source: Lino & Carlson, 2009, U.S. Dept. of Agriculture, Center for Nutrition Policy and Promotion.

12-8

Adoption

 Estimate that 3% of Americans are adopted

 Open Adoption Practices

 Contact between adoptive and birth families

Mediated: by adoption agency

Fully disclosed: direct contact between parents

 Confidential Adoption Practices

 No information shared between adoptive and birth families

12-9

Adoptees

 Face Stereotypes by Others

Unhappy, poorly adjusted, and

malfunctioning

 Studies suggest most adoptees do fine

 Adolescent adoptees may be at higher

risk for psychosocial difficulties

~(van Dulmen et al., 2000)

12-10

Factors Affecting Success of

Parents Adopting a Child

Exploring expectations for adoption in an open manner

Demonstrating stability, quality, and flexibility in interpersonal relationships

Creating a family environment that openly communicates about adoption

Understanding the issues of adoption that may affect their child

Understanding that adoption is a lifetime commitment

12-11

Child Free Alternative

 Reported Advantages

 Fewer worries or problems

 Financial benefits

 Greater freedom

 Career flexibility

 Reported Disadvantages

 Lack of companionship or loneliness

 Lack of support and care when older

 Missing the experience of parenthood

12-12

Parenting Styles

Democratic/Authoritative

Authoritarian

Permissive

Rejecting

Uninvolved

12-13

Democratic/ Authoritative

Parenting

 Clear rules and expectations

 Discussion with children

 Emotionally mature and happy

children

 “Energetic-friendly” child behaviors

 Consistency in findings

12-14

Authoritarian Parenting

 Rigid rules and Expectations

 Strict enforcement

obedience expected and demanded

 Difficult for adolescents

 Conflicted-irritable children

 Children taught to please rather than be

independent

 Codependency

12-15

Permissive Parenting

 Child’s preferences dominate

 Few or limited rules

 Impulsive-aggressive children

 Rebellious, domineering, and

underachieving

 Parents tend to fear losing the love of

their child

12-16

Rejecting Parenting

Limited attention to child

Few expectations of child

Children immature and

psychological problems

Children often feel unloved

More likely to result in abuse

12-17

Uninvolved Parenting

Ignore child

Child’s preferences prevail as long as don’t interfere with parent

Solitary, withdrawn, and underachieving children

12-18

Contemporary Parenting Issues

 Standards of Discipline:

Changing standards of indulgence

 Corporal Punishment:

Declining acceptance

Emerging evidence of negative outcomes

Gender, educational level, geographic,

age, and ethnic variations in acceptance

12-19

Coparenting

Cooperative arrangement

between mothers and fathers

Equal responsibility in raising of

children

12-20

Coparenting Advantages

 Greater satisfaction with marriage

 Improved relationships with children

 Greater father involvement with children

Increases emotional presence of fathers

 Increased opportunities for mothers

Outside interests

Potential Disadvantage—Marital Neglect

12-21

Single Mothers By Choice

 Chosen From a Position of Strength

 Growing Number

Out of wedlock births

Divorce

 Strategic Development of Social

Support Network

12-22

Gay and Lesbian Parenting

 Chosen by:

Artificial insemination

Adoption

 Impact on Children:

Studies indicate no difference in achievement and adjustment

 Impact on Couple:

Koepke & Hare, 1995 found positive influences for Lesbian Couples

12-23

Fathers as Nurturers

 Fatherhood socially constructed

 Fathers as capable as mothers in performing nurturing tasks

 Engagement in father role influenced or dependent upon: Mothers employment

Social or cultural expectations

Personal experience and comfort

12-24

Good Fathering

Results in children having fewer behavior problems

Promotes children’s development more through physical play

Takes the role of economic provider, protector, and caregiver

Provide economic support leading to more involvement

Provide child support resulting in better behaved children

12-25

Death of a Child

Creates a unique crisis in a family

Recovery dependent upon:

Support of each other

Support of friends and relatives

Support of professionals

Belief in God

Ability to push through the pain and move on

12-26

Satisfaction of Parenthood

Translating philosophy into action is a

major challenge in parenthood

Provide children with a strong

foundation to further build their life