discussion 2

REVISION CHECKLIST

Shauntelle Hunter

April 14, 2016

Outline your essay as it currently stands.

Introduction: Desert Jewel

State your attention grabber: One should never stop exploring.

State your thesis: Sedona’s sunrise, destination Cathedral Rock, and Sedona’s vortex.

Body paragraph 1: Sedona’s sunrise

State your topic sentence: “suddenly the light of the world began to touch the mountains the valley and all that was present”.

Summarize your evidence/examples: Light of the world is being used instead of sunrise, a creative way to let reader know he or she is beginning with first thesis.

Body paragraph 2: Destination Cathedral Rock

State your topic sentence: “lost showed me the most strenuous and difficult hike through Sedona, but each step was worth the glorious destination Cathedral Rock”.

Summarize your evidence/examples: Difficult hike, glorious destination Cathedral Rock, tells the reader the topic and it syncs with thesis in order.

Body paragraph 3: Sedona’s vortex

State your topic sentence: “I backpacked toward stillness, balance, and harmony through Sedona’s vortex”

Summarize your evidence/examples: Evidence of topic are words describing vortex, and ending sentence with thesis point.

Conclusion

Transition word: reflect. “As I reflect on Sedona”

How purpose is reemphasized: stating that I reflect on my experiences, moments captured, and what I found through adventure in Sedona.

Locate two gaps in the outline where you need to make connections more clear:

1. I could add a connecting sentence at the end of each paragraph to connect to the next.

2. I could use words in last sentence to make reader feel the story is being continued such as: more, continuing, moving forward, and so on.

How can I make my essay more organized? List to ideas:

1. I could be more in depth with topic sentence for a better connection with thesis.

2. I could find a way to add the topic at the beginning of each paragraph making them more structured overall.

Where can I add more content? Describe what you might add.

1. I can always add more about details, if I continue with three paragraphs they need to be made longer with specifics.

2. I can add details about vortex and the features of Cathedral Rock. Making these paragraphs the same length as the first one.

List three to five instructions for improvement provided by your instructor from week one practice essay.

1. Continue to be more specific about events/experiences with these places.

2. I had many grammar and punctuation errors in week one. I need to step away, come back and edit in more that one session.

3. I lacked focus in week one for sequence of ideas. I need to improve on sticking to main idea beginning with a better outline and narrowing technique.

List one to three suggestion improvements provided by your peers.

1. The review should that reader wanted specifics and more detail for the experience. I need to tell a story and not just give facts.

The part of my essay I revised were many of the areas that needed concision and clarity. I revised each of them by carefully reading the comments and focusing on what it was really asking me to do and why. The recourses I will be using to improve my writing are a laundry list from Chapter 9 Essentials of college writing including:

· Giving myself more time away after I have completed my goals for the day.

· Writing any/all ideas down no matter how silly.

· Take time to revise, rewrite and repeat and get feedback from peers.

· Read aloud to myself

· Congratulate myself when I turn in my final paper, and never stop improving.