Religion HW

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Anuttama Dasa is an American who was raised as a Presbyterian. After a period of soul searching and religious experimentation in high school and college, he began to practice Hinduism with the International Society for Krishna Consciousness. He has continued his practice all his adult life and raised his family to be Krishna devotees.

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My name is Anuttama Dasa (which means “servant of God” in Sanskrit), and I have been a Hindu since 1975. I am a Hare Krishna devotee, and work as the Director of Communications for the International Society for Krishna Consciousness (ISKCON).

I was born in Detroit, Michigan in 1954, the third of three children, and raised in the suburbs of Detroit. My family was not particularly religious, and probably most of my religious education in my youth came from my camp. I attended a Presbyterian Church camp for about 12 years.

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I was kind of ambivalent about religion until my last years of high school and early years of college, when I kind of rejected the whole idea of God. I was becoming very concerned about the need for social reform, and I think sensitive to the inequities that existed in society. I felt that many of America’s religions were very complacent about the deeper social issues. I guess I was angry with the idea of God, because I couldn’t understand how God could make a world so full of suffering: war, pestilence, racism, exploitation of women, death, disease, old age. I mean, if there was a benevolent God, why would God design a world that was such a difficult place? Why was he such a poor designer?

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So I became agnostic for about three years. During this time, my interest in social reform led me to think about political questions of how society should be organized to bring about the best for everybody. I studied Western political philosophers like Rousseau and Plato and Marx and Locke. They all had answers. But as I studied more and more political philosophy, kind of against my will, I found that Jesus and Krishna and Buddha seemed to have a lot deeper answers than anybody else I read. That made me consider the whole religious experience again.

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At the same time, I was coming to an understanding of my own shortcomings. I realized that if I wanted to change the world—as they say—I’d have to start with myself. That was kind of threatening. But I didn’t want to be a hypocrite; I realized I’d really have to change myself first. That also drew me back to religion.

So I embarked on a two-year process of thinking hard about how I was going to incorporate religion into to my life. I started attending Buddhist retreats. I actually started going to church every week. I started going to the Hare Krishna Temple. And I started hanging out on campus with the Jesus freaks. And just, really, asking them all a lot of questions.

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I remember hearing a very striking biblical parable, the parable of the seeds where Jesus says if you throw out many seeds, most get eaten by birds and only a few take root. And that frightened me because I had a sense that I was being thrown a seed. It was a very powerful internal experience that everyone in life gets: a divine calling. And if you are willing to open your eyes and see where that leads to, that’s God pulling you closer to him. But if you choose instead to say no, and think, OK, I’m happy with my ordinary pursuits, then you’re allowed to do so. But you won’t be happy. So that was kind of a heavy burden that I felt.

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I remember attending a Methodist church, and when they passed the basket around I threw in a few dollars. I remember praying as sincerely as I could: “Dear God, please don’t just take the money, please take me.” So I was just gradually being pulled more and more towards the spiritual path.

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My father came to see me at school, when I was doing all this soul searching, and he said to me, “Your mother tells me you’re interested in religion. I don’t think you’ll be happy visiting hospitals and people that are sick.” Because that was his conception of religion. I remember thinking, “That’s not what it’s about. It’s about experiencing God, and awakening the relationship with God. And if it’s true, it’s the most exciting thing you could possibly do. But I’m just not sure it’s true. Yet. If it is, that’s definitely what I want to do with my life.”

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But before I made the final decision to devote myself to God, I went and visited all of my friends, all of my relatives, all of the places that had deep meaning for me. And after spending some time with each of those persons in each of those places, I asked myself: If I was to stay here and dedicate my life to being with this person—loving, serving this person—will it make them happy? And can it make me happy?

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And each time I realized that no, I can’t make them happy. I was starting to really get a sense that you need God to be happy. There’s something that we’re really meant to achieve far beyond just a roof over our heads, and a garage, and a chicken in the oven, and all of that stuff. So I said, “OK then, I have to go. I have to step off the edge and really make a commitment. I’m going to go to find God, and see what he wants me to do.”

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I left Michigan, and traveled, ending up in Colorado. I accepted an invitation to stay in a Krishna Temple in Denver, Colorado, for about a week, on a trial basis. And the first night I moved in, I remember praying very heavily: “Dear God, Dear Jesus, Dear Moses, Dear Buddha, Dear Krishna, whoever you are, whatever you are, I’m only here because I’m trying to seek you. And if you want me to be here, then please keep me here. If it’s not the right place or if it’s offensive to you, then take me somewhere else.”

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After that first week, I made a promise to myself that I was going to stay and seriously dedicate myself as a Krishna devotee unless I find something better. And ultimately I found that the other religions I studied didn’t go far enough or deep enough for me. Krishna theology and the Krishna philosophy helped put the pieces of the puzzle together into a more cohesive way. There is a loving God who never condemns us to an eternal hell. You always have a chance to come back to God. We believe there is a God and the purpose of life is to connect to God.

So that was 34 years ago.

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My parents were originally a little shocked and disturbed. Mostly because they weren’t vey religious and they just couldn’t fathom my choice. It probably took about five years—they had spent some time visiting Temples, meeting Krishna Devotees, doing a little academic research—but they became very supportive. At one point they told me that of their three children, they thought I was the happiest.

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Today, I have a wife, a son, a daughter-in-law and two granddaughters. My wife came from a Jewish background, and my son married a woman who was half-Indian. And everyone’s pretty happy as a Krishna devotee. And I haven’t found anything better. I can’t say that I’ve realized God, but I think I’m on the right path.