Failure to launch happens after young adults are old enough to leave home and start a life of their own, however for one reason or another they don’t. While there are numerous reasons that a young adult might decide to live at home, quite possibly one of the biggest reasons in western culture is due to financial obligations. Some countries that tend to have a lower cost of living have reported that young adults move out earlier than other countries where the cost of living is higher (Burn, 2015). This is not always the case, but typically it is easier for a young adult to be able to support themselves when the cost of living is lower, especially when they are just starting out. In the United States the cost of living tends to be higher in certain regions, as is the number of younger adults still living at home with their parents. Young adults that continue to live at home will make a strong impact on both themselves and their parents (Burn, 2015). The benefits of living at home due to financial reasons are the ability to save money and eventually be able to live out on their own, being able to help out parents who might be getting to a stage in life where help is needed on a steady basis, and being able to provide company to each other. There are obvious negative effects of young adults failing to launch as well. If financial reasons are the reason why a young adult continues to live at home then potentially the parent is supporting the adult child, which may create a financial burden for the parent. Additionally, adult children that continue to live at home potentially may not be living up to parent expectations creating tension and potential arguments (Burn, 2015).
Another reason why adult children may not be able to leave home is due to dependency. Healthy or not, this can happen from both the adult child and the parent. From a young adult’s perspective, they might be unable to leave simply because they are dependent upon their parent for providing basic needs such as shelter, food, and clothing. For example, the adult child might not know how to cook for themselves but relies on the parent to take care of that for them because they always have. Or, the typical adult child that you might see a television talk show like Dr. Phil do a story on because the young adult is lazy, sleeps all day, doesn’t have a job, and allows mom and dad to do everything for him, obviously all negative aspects of adult children living at home. However, there are positives for adult children living at home even though they might be considered dependent. If the adult child isn’t the stereotypical lazy young adult but instead takes initiative and provides help around the house where needed, benefits both the young adult and the parents. Not only is it teaching the adult child to help out around the house and being an active part of the family and society, but it’s also taking some of the workload off of the parents which is helpful, especially as they begin to age and grow older where some things are not as easy to do as they once were. Additionally, if the adult child is slowly transitioning to independent living but still at home and is helping out by financially contributing, this is can be a positive aspect.
Many times it appears that the choice to live at home is made by the young adult, but that is not always the case. Sometimes, it is the parent that don’t want their young adult to leave the home and so they find ways to keep the adult child at home as long as possible. A parent might knowingly or unknowingly place emotional guilt on the young adult or simply enable them keeping them from being able to survive on their own. There are interventions to help families get through these sometimes emotional times and to help the young adults to take the initiative to get out and live independently. Clinicians are able to show a non-biased and without judgement treatment option that respects both the adult child and the parent (Lebowitz, 2016). In this day and age where it’s often normal for young adults to live with their parents late into their 20’s and early 30’s there are many things to consider, but the Bible does say, “therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh (Genesis 2:24, ESV).” This suggests that ultimately young adults are to leave home and begin a new life of their own.
Reference
Burn, K., & Szoeke C. (2015). Boomerang families and failure-to-launch: Commentary on adult children living at home.Maturitas. 83(2016): 9-12.
Holy Bible: English Standard Version. (2001) Wheaton, IL: Crossway.
Lebowitz, E. R. (2016). “Failure to launch”: shaping intervention for highly dependent adult children. Journal of the American academy of child & adolescent psychiatry. Vol. 55(2): 89-90.
Discussion #2
“Within academia, some sociologists have asserted that higher ages of marriage and parenthood indicate that ‘growing up is harder to do’ than in the past.” (Arnett, p. 70) Reading this passage made me examine myself and those closest to me that also fit into this age group we are discussing this week. Let’s start with myself - 32 years old and a newlywed. In the years immediately following my undergrad career, I postponed pursuing my graduate degree for two reasons: my job at the time offered me a management position making more money than I would in an entry level job utilizing my degree and I was not completely sure what field I wanted to obtain a graduate degree in. My original plan after graduation was to return home and work two jobs to save up while I would try to figure out what I wanted to do. As time progressed, I went from position to position and retailer to retailer. Although I did not completely hate being in retail, it was not my full passion or what my purpose in life served. I think as the years go by, times are steadily changing and we should all recognize the period when adulthood has not fully been reached, people are simply trying to find themselves. It was not until recently that I decided it was time to step out on faith and make the decision to go back to school to pursue my dreams. Arnett reminds us that “Most young people now spent the period from their mid-20s not settling into long term adult roles but trying out different experiences and gradually making their way toward enduring choices in love and work.” (p. 69) By the time my parents were my age, they were already married with two children, both well established in life and what they wanted to do. This just supports that in today’s age, adulthood is not reached at the same age of our parents and grandparents.
According to Beyers and Kins, “Continued coresidence with parents during emerging adulthood thus possibly hampers the achievement of an adult status and of a sense of independence in particular.” (p. 6) I also have witnessed some of my peers that stayed home longer than others and still rely on their parents in day to day choices. In some cases, their parents still assist in paying their credit card bills, car insurance, and cell phone, etc. This leads to lack of independence. While there’s nothing wrong with having a support system you know you can count on during rough times, there comes a point when you must leave the emerging adult phase and take full responsibility for your own well-being. Arnett states that “the theory of emerging adulthood was proposed as a framework for recognizing that the transition to adulthood was now long enough that it constituted not merely a transition but a separate period of the life course.” (p. 69) I would consider those still depending on parental support while living outside of the home experiencing a type of emerging adulthood phase. Here we have two different examples of what could be considered failure to launch. My journey, of not establishing a marriage and family prior to my late 20s to early 30s and others who are still dependent on parental financial support. It will be interesting to see where research on this topic goes ten years from now.
References
Arnett, J. J. Emerging adulthood: What is it, and what is it good for? (2007). Child development perspectives. Vol 1, pp 68-73
Beyers, W., & Kins, E. Failure to launch, failure to achieve, criteria for adulthood? (2010). Journal of Adolescent Research
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