Literature Review: “Family is family, no matter what.” This is a statement I made the first week of class that seems to keep coming up over and over again, so it is only right I elaborate more on the reasoning behind my words. Family comes in all different shapes, sizes, ethnic and religious backgrounds. Family by definition is, “a network of people who share their lives over long periods of time and are bound by marriage, blood, or commitment; who consider themselves as family; and who share a significant history and anticipated future of functioning in a family relationship” (McCornack, 2013). With that being said, family isn’t always your blood relatives, granted those will always be your biological family members, but in many instances family isn’t just blood. Have you ever looked at another family and said, “I wish my family was normal like that”. The truth of the matter is, there are no normal families, every family is dysfunctional in their own way. Granted some families may be a little more dysfunctional than others. Dysfunctional doesn’t always mean bad, just different. Acknowledging you have a dysfunctional family is only the first step to many of overcoming the opsticals that it can bring. In rare cases when you have very destructive family members that seem to only want to bring you down there are three things you must always remember. First, accept them for who they are and know that you can never change them. Change will only comes on their own terms. Second, forgive them for any wrong doing they may have done to you in the past. Holding a grudge is a large burden to carry, even though it may take time, forgiveness is the key to happiness. Lastly, know that your family loves you. I know it may seem hard to grasp at first because their actions seem contrary to their words, but sometimes your family members have trouble expressing their true feelings (Pham, 2014).
“I know it seems hard sometimes but remember one thing, through every dark night there is a bright day after that, so no matter how hard it gets stick your chest out, keep your head up and handle it.” This is a quote from the late rapper Tupac Shakur. These are words that I live by, so much so, I have them tattooed on my ribs. Tupac was no stranger to dysfunctional families, he had many issues with his mother Afeni Shakur. Afeni was not only a heroin addict but also a very violent women who became a member of the Black Panthers in her younger years. Through all the years of heart break and neglect Tupac still found it in himself to forgive his mother. Tupac even wrote multiple songs about his mother, his most popular song titled, “Dear Mama” can still be heard on the radio today. This goes to show you, when it comes to dysfunctional families, you are not alone.
Methodology: For this section I would like to talk a little bit more about my life and how it can relate to the topic at hand. The reoccurring theme is that family is family, no matter what. I can think of no more perfect example than my own dysfunctional family. My father and I don’t have your typical father son relationship. When I was only seven years old my parents got divorced, and later to my surprise I learned my father was a hard core drug addict. Becoming less and less apart of my life my father would fade away than renter my life, an ongoing process to this very day. He has done things to me that most people would find hard to forgive, such as stealing three thousand dollars from my mutual fund as a child and even forgetting birthdays. With all that being said there was a time in my life that I thought I could never forgive him, and I started to spiral down a dark road. Ultimately the part of my father that I hated, I started to see in myself. I decided I wasn’t going to let my father bring me down with him. Before I could move on I had to accept, forgive and know that deep down he was still my father. I still don’t have the best relationship with my father but I acknowledge and respect that he is my father and I will never deny that fact. Although my father took no hand in physically raising me, he is the reason I am who I am today, by showing me every quality not to be as a husband and a father, and for that I thank him. You cannot change the past, but you can learn and grow from it. When it comes to family you need to take the good with the bad and even if you don’t have biological family that gives you the mental support that you need, just remember family doesn’t always have to be blood. Toxic family members at times can make you feel like your destined to be just like them, but it’s so crucial to break the cycle. Focus more on the positive influences in your life and how much they mean to you. You cannot have the good without the bad, and same goes for your family members, but at the end of the day your family is still your family. No matter what.
Conclusion: In conclusion, the rough patches we encounter throughout life are a huge part of what makes us unique as individuals. No two families are the same just as no two individuals are the same, but a lot of what we experience others can relate to. So if you believe that your family may be a little, “messed up” trust me you’re not alone. The most important aspect of family is those people who truly care for you as a person, these individuals, whether blood related or not, will help you past any obstacle life throws your way. As for your family members that seem to always bring you down, remember break the cycle, but never turn away from them. Be your own person, but never turn your back on family because at the end of the day. Family is family, no matter what.
Reference:
McCornack, S. (2013). Reflect & Relate An Introduction to Interpersonal Communication. Bedford/St. Martins
Pham, C. (2014). http://coachchinh.com/detox-part-ii-how-to-deal-with-toxic-family-members/
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