Critical Literacy Assignment

Nanette Schmo

Teacher McAwesome

ENG.111.0919

26 March 2014

Emails to Address a Problem

Email #1:

To: [email protected]

From: [email protected]

Subject: Can you believe that?!

Hey, girl. I’M SO PISSED . At daycare today, Robbie was bitten by another punk kid. I mean, seriously, how hard is it to watch a kid? This is the second time he’s been bitten. Ridiculous! The first time, it was some bratty girl who wanted his toy… today, it was another boy who clearly wasn’t being watche d. The teacher said it was just “for play” and that the boy would be “disciplined” by his parents, but I won’t believe it until I see it. I’m so over this daycare. I’ve already paid for the rest of the year tho…. ugh. What do I do? Jax just got a new job but it’s still not enough to pay $$$ for a new daycare. Mybe i’ll file a complaint. I took some pics of his bruises from the two bites --- so pitiful! I just want what’s best for my nugget. Which is clearly NOT this stupid daycare. ARAHRLHGLKHGH! Sorry… wanted to yell at something! What sux is Robbie really like some of his teachers and the other kids… but I’m afraid to leave him here. I don’t trust these people! Advice? Help me. (

Email #2:

To: [email protected]

From: [email protected]

Subject: Issues with Robbie

Dear Mrs. Delaney,

First, I want to thank you for your service to children and for running a business that enriches young lives each and every day. For the past two years, Robbie has enjoyed attending your daycare. Unfortunately, though, there have been a few incidents in the past month that have made me question Robbie’s care in your establishment.

On Monday, March 10, when I picked Robbie up, I noticed he had a deep bruise on his left cheek. Once I asked him, he let me know that Sally bit him that day. This particular incident happened in the morning, but I did not hear of it until the afternoon when I came to pick him up. Immediately, I requested that if any incident happened that injured my child, who, afterall, is only three years old, I would like to know right away.

Nevertheless, on Wednesday, March 26, another problem occurred. That day, Jax, my husband, picked up Robbie after he left work, and during Robbie’s nightly bath, I noticed another bite mark and bruise on Robbie’s leg. When I asked him about it, he told me that Steven bit him during daycare. I could not believe that this was the first I heard about the incident, especially since I requested to be told immediately in my last meeting with Mrs. June.

I understand that your teachers care for multiple children at a time, and I respect your profession and your establishment for its purpose to care for children. However, your care must extend to the parents as well. Because I was not informed immediately and directly about these two incidents, I feel a loss of trust with your facility, and my husband and I have considered removing Robbie from your care.

Before I make my final decision, I would like to ask you to meet with Mrs. June and come up with a documented procedure for how to contact parents in the case of incidents such as this. Once you do, I would like to meet with you to discuss this procedure, my concerns, and Robbie’s future.

Sincerely,

Nanette Schmo

Shifting Codes for Effectiveness

Every day, millions of people send emails – to friends, to colleagues, and to businesses. These emails convey messages of happiness, frustration, love, and sadness; they connect people with words and ideas. Because of this, emails serve as a primary form of modern communication, and it’s extremely important to communicate effectively in emails since they are a staple in our twenty-first century lives. In “Can You Believe That?!” and “Issues with Robbie,” Nanette Schmo demonstrates how to communicate effectively in emails as she code-shifts to convey a similar problem to two different audiences. In her emails, she differentiates her writing by using different word choices and by changing levels of polish.

In the “Can You Believe That?!” email, the writer chooses informal, casual words and phrases , especially compared to the polite, formal style of the “Issues with Robbie” email. Because the writer wrote the first email to her friend, she could use a casual tone. There was no expectation of action or fear of judgment from her friend so she could make informal comments, such as “another punk kid” and “some bratty girl.” In the email to the daycare director, this type of name calling could potentially offend the director, which would hurt the effectiveness of the email. In contrast, the “Issues with Robbie” email used a polite and respectful tone in order to gain the attention of the reader. If the writer had used a combative or disrespectful tone, the goal would suffer, so she made specific comments, like “I want to thank you for your service to children and for running a business that enriches young lives each and every day,” to achieve her purpose. If she called the center a “stupid daycare” in her formal email, like she did in her casual email, she would have lost the attention of her audience. Moreover, if she had just written, “ARAHRLHGLKHGH! Sorry… wanted to yell at something,” to the daycare owner, the owner would not have understood her point or the situation . These examples illustrate that the words the writer chose were specific to each audience, and because she “code shifted” properly depending on the audience’s expectations, the word choice was appropriate in both emails.

Much like the choice of words in both emails , the choices for polish were fitting as well. For example, in the email to her friend, the writer did not worry about proper organization; there was only one paragraph, and it jumped around in topic without transitions. Also, the writer uses a lot of fragments or run-ons rather than full, complete sentences, and she chose to use shorthand and to ignore grammatical mistakes. In her informal email, she wrote, “. . . [I]t’s still not enough to pay $$$ for a new daycare. Mybe i’ll file a complaint. I took some pics of his bruises. . .”; these lines show how she uses “$$$” to stand for money and “pics” to mean pictures. She did not correct the misspelling of “mybe” of the lack of capitalization in “i’ll either.” Since this email was to a friend, she did not need to worry about correct grammar and formal sentence structure; her friend would understand her language because of their history as friends. On the other hand , she had to be much more polished in her formal email. In this email, all sentences are complete, all words are correctly spelled, and no slang or shorthand is present. Additionally, in the formal email, the writer uses an organizational structure with an introductory paragraph, body paragraphs to explain her point, and a conclusion to call for action. This polished organization helps her reader understand her goal to a person in a position of authority.

These two emails illustrate the need for writers to differentiate their word choices and their level of polish based on the needs of their audiences. In her email to a friend, the author knew she could be more relaxed and she could say phrases that may offend any other reader, like that “bratty girl,” and she knew she could ramble on without clear structure. However, if Nanette Schmo had written her email to the daycare owner in a casual, sloppy style, then the owner probably would have ignored her email or discredited her opinion. Her approach, which was organized, formal, and detailed, allowed her to convey her message clearly. In both emails, Schmo demonstrates successful “code shifting,” and she proves how the medium of an email can be used for casual exchanges among friends or formal requests to authority figures. She uses the tool of an email with skill and purpose in modern society.

�This is a SAMPLE assignment. Your assignment should not be about a daycare situation, and it should not have the same title for the essay. You should not have the same exact thesis or transitional phrases. You should use this sample as a GUIDE for your assignment; it should help you know the assignment expectations. Also, you should use this to know how to format your piece. If you have any questions about this sample, please ask!

�This essay is in MLA format. Key features of MLA format:

Times New Roman font (size 12)

1 inch margins

Even double space (no extra space between paragraphs)

Last name and page number for the header

On the first page, include your name, teacher’s name, course, and date. After this info, the title is centered (no bold or italics) the VERY next line down.

�This is clearly a personal email account – not a professional one!

�An informal subject line to catch the reader’s attention

�In formal emails, you wouldn’t use all caps.

�The way the writer describes the other children would offend most people, but the writer feels it’s okay to say this to a friend.

�Shortened words and incomplete thoughts make sense when writing to a friend.

�Because it’s her friend, she doesn’t have to explain who Jax is.

�The writer didn’t feel a need to edit for a friend.

�Clearly, this is an informal “rant” to a friend.

�A more professional email.

�For a formal email, the writer opens with a formal greeting.

�The writer begins with a short intro, where she gains the reader’s attention by showing politeness and respect; then, she states her point in the last sentence.

�In these next two paragraphs, the writer uses formal language and sentence structure to “show, not tell” the situation. She uses concrete details to illustrate what happened.

�Here, the writer argues for a “call to action” to give her email more of a purpose. This allows the reader to what could be done to fix the problem. The ending is polite and direct.

�There’s a formal signature in an email like this.

�So after you compose your two emails, you will write an analytical essay that argues the effectiveness of the emails. The trick is NOT to say “I,” so you will refer to yourself by your name or “the writer.” This will help you “code shift” into a formal, academic style.

�The writer selects a unique, compelling title for their own essay. Every essay I read should have a different title based on the overall point of your paper.

�The writer opens with an attention grabber, which then leads into the thesis, or the purpose, of the paper.

�The writer formally introduces the emails by their subject titles, and instead of stating “I,” she uses “Nanette Schmo.”

�This thesis is two sentences, which is okay. You should have 1 or 2 sentences. This thesis states the purpose of the paper by arguing that the emails effectively code shift, and then the thesis “outlines” the direction of the paper by stating that the word choices and polish levels make the code shifting effective. Based on the thesis, I expect the first body paragraph to be about word choices, and the second to be about polish.

�This topic sentence states the main idea of the paragraph, and it connects back to the thesis (and follows its order).

�Throughout this paragraph, the writer references SPECIFIC parts of the emails. She does not spend time summarizing the emails; instead, she discusses HOW the emails use word choice to speak to the intended audience. All Evidence (E) is paired with Analysis (A), like the MEAL plan handout states.

�The final sentence Links (L) the ideas in the paragraph together and back to the thesis.

�To guide the reader smoothly, the writer uses a transition here. She goes beyond just saying “next” or “secondly”; instead, she connects the IDEAS.

�This part of the topic sentence connects back to the thesis, which keeps the essay focused and organized.

�This is a good example of the OREO method:

Top Cookie: Introduction of the quote. (E.g. In her formal email, she wrote,”)

Cream Filling: Integrated quote. Notice the quote isn’t a sentence by itself. It reads smoothly in the sentence and is offset with quotation marks.

Bottom Cookie: Analysis. (E.g. these lines SHOW how….)

Always use the OREO method when you quote.

�Within the paragraphs, the writer uses transitional phrases to guide the reader from one point to the next.

�This link ties the point of the paragraph back to the thesis.

�First, the conclusion restates the thesis. Second, the conclusion answers the question, “So what?” She argues why this essay and the emails matter. She links to a bigger picture.

If you look closely, the writer adds some unity to her piece by ending with a reference to “purpose in modern society,” which was the theme of her attention grabber.

Please note: This essay is formal in tone. It avoids first (no I, us, me, we) and second person (no you). It uses formal sentence structure and language; there is no slang or shortened language.

You should also review this essay’s organization and development. It has an intro, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. You may have more body paragraphs if you’d like, but you must have the intro, body, and conclusion structure. This essay is organized around a clear, specific thesis that states the essay’s main point and outlines the subpoints. Each topic sentence connects back to the language and order of the thesis. All paragraphs use the MEAL plan to structure the ideas. In each paragraph, the writer uses SPECIFIC examples (like quotes) to “show, not tell” the point. The writer pairs each example with analysis to SHOW why these examples matter. Finally, the conclusion wraps up the writer’s paper with significance.