activity paper . (film the stone family.)

Communicating comfort and support CHAPTER 14

Types of support messages – Non-verbal

◦ Non-verbal immediacy

◦ Empathy

- Effective in close relationships

- Should not be superficial!; Understanding + Compassion

Voter: Yeah, and I‘m worried that I‘ll never be able to save up enough to afford tuition and books, especially when the costs keep increasing annually. I know how important getting a bachelor‘s degree is nowadays, and I‘m concerned I may never graduate with one.

Senator 1 running for election: Well, dropping out of college isn‘t the end of the world. There are certainly more important things in life. You should focus on all the things that you do have. Really, you should be happy that you still live in a nice community, that you have a family, and that you have a job, even though it may not pay enough for college tuition right now

Senator 2 running for election: Well, I can certainly understand why you‘re feeling so worried because I know how frustrating it can be to have to pay for college tuition every semester and how the universities keep raising their fees. It can make you crazy trying to pay for it all and focus on your classes at the same time. But I bet in the long run once you have your degree you will be so proud of yourself for all that you accomplished, and it will make you appreciate your hard work all the more.

Types of support messages - Verbal

◦ Person-centered messages: explicitly recognizing and validating receiver’s feelings

 High person-centered: Expressions of empathy, openness, easy accessibility for help

e.g., “I can imagine…..,” “I will be there for you whenever you need to talk.”

Types of support messages

 Moderate person-centered: Demonstrate implicit recognition of the other’s feelings by expressing sympathy and distracting attention from the situation

e.g., “Let’s go to the movies to take your mind off things for a while.”

Types of support messages

 Low person-centered: Deny, criticize, or challenge the recipient’s feelings

e.g., senator 1: “Dropping out of college isn‘t the end of the world.”

Ineffective messages The message sender puts self first; talking about own experience without thinking about whether the other person wants to hear it or not

Ineffective messages • Minimizing: Challenge the seriousness of the problem oE.g., “get over it; at least you passed.”

• Maximizing: Overstate the seriousness of the problem

oE.g., “Maybe if you didn’t go out Saturday night, you would’ve got an A”

Ineffective messages • Cold comfort: Providing limited consolation, sympathy, or

encouragement

o E.g., “That’s too bad. But everything will be fine”

Topics of support messages

◦ Informational support: Messages including advice or pointing out helpful facts

-“Talk to the professor to find out if there is extra credit”

◦ Emotional support: Messages focused on how a person is feeling and attempting to make this person feel better

Topics of support messages

◦ Network support: Messages that link someone in distress to others who can help (e.g., online support group)

◦ Tangible support: Practical aid that addresses the source of a person’s distress

◦ Esteem support: Messages pointing out positive personal qualities. (e.g., You have got great potential to get a better job.)

Identify types of support

1. Identify types of support that Aidan wants to provide for Carrie.

2. In the computer repair center, why didn’t Aidan’s comforting strategies work out for Carrie? Think about whether and how Aidan’s message (or behavior) was “ineffective” to comfort her.

Learning how to provide support

•Cognitive complexity

- The ability to construct a variety of frameworks for viewing an issue (may be increased by training: reading fictions)

Problems when giving comfort messages •The kind of comforting messages that work for me may not work for another person

•Difficulty in gauging how the person in crisis truly feels

•Differences in perception of the situation

Perspective-taking COSTs

the comforter energy & time.

Discussion 1

•Read the article “Empathy as a choice”

•Discussion focus: how we get to empathize with someone and how much it is challenging to be empathetic; any alternative comfort strategy that we can use other than “empathizing”?

Comfort strategies: Empathy + Practical solutions

Supportive strategies

Communicating about the

crisis and providing

emotional support

Communicating about the

crisis and providing

tangible/ task focused

support

Avoiding communication

about the crisis because

talking about it is

depressing

Avoiding communication

about the crisis and

minimizing the

significance of the crisis

Support Strategies : Examples

Solace:

Solve:

Escape:

Dismiss:

“I know you feel really concerned, this must be so hard. You can talk to me whenever you feel like.”

“You are making way too much out of this problem. Just deal with it.”

“Lets see how things move along and plan on applying for additional funding.”

“At this point, there is nothing we can do. Let’s find ways to refresh yourself.”

Discussion 2+ In-Class Question The role of social media in providing comfort and/or avoiding support

1.In the clip, for “Paris Attack”, think about what types of social support were used on social media (informational, emotional, tangible, network, and esteem support)

2.What supportive strategies did people use towards “Paris Attack” on social media? (e.g., solace, solve, escape, & dismiss)

Discussion 2– cont. The role of social media in providing comfort and/or avoiding support.

3. A dark side of social media as a platform to provide support; may avoid to discuss issues causing serious arguments (i.e., Escape)