activity paper . (film the stone family.)

Conf lict and Interpersonal relationships

Conflict

 “interaction of interdependent people who perceive incompatible goals and interference from each other in achieving those goals” (Folger, Poole, & Stutman, 2001)

Components of conflict?

Causes of conflicts –Unpacking sources of conflict

 Behavior: e.g., Bad habits

 Relationship : e.g., Violation of norms or expectations for the relationship

 Traits: personality traits

Forms of Conflict

Conflict involving communication

 Argument

 Communicating explicitly with another person about a particular disagreeable situation

 Disagreeable communication

 Involves communication but not on a specific topic/event

 Conversation may include insulting and yelling

 May ref lect non-visible tensions between the relevant parties

Conflict NOT involving direct communication 1

 Hostile Episode

 There is a clear underlying problem that annoy you but you do not communicate about that.

 Experienced through the expression of negative feelings towards another.

Pervasive Tension

•A friction presented when people communicate with each other •Does not involve communication about a particular topic or event •Occurs in every interaction between conf lict parties

Conflict NOT involving direct communication 2

Your conflict styles?  Compute your average score for each

conf lict style.

 Dominating - 6, 7, 14, 18;

 Integrating - 3, 10, 16, 20;

 Obliging - 1, 8, 9, 17;

 Avoiding - 2, 4, 13, 19;

 Compromising – 5, 11, 12, 15.

 If your score is greater than 4, it implies that you tend to use that conf lict style.

Class Activity – Diagnose your conflict style with your boss  Based on your conf lict style, think about how you

will retaliate against your boss (or someone else) for his/her hostility.

Conflict Style 1

 Dominating (competing) style

 Confront problems for personal benefit

 Feel justified to confront, and correct other people.

Conflict Style 2  Integrating style

 Try to satisfy both their own goals & partner’s

 Look for a long term solution

 Encouraging open and honest disclosures from people involved.

Conflict Style 3

 Obliging style

 Prioritizing the other party’s goals/needs

 Accommodating or giving in to a conf lict partner’s needs and desires

 Downplaying conf licts and focusing on positive aspects of relationships

Conflict Style 4

 Avoiding style

 Dislike discussing conf lict

 Pay limited attention either to their own or their partner’s goals

 Keep complaints to themselves or pretending to agree

Conflict Style 5

 Compromising style

 Find a balance between their own priorities and the other party’s goals/needs

 Try to find a middle ground

Compromising Vs. Integrating

 Then, what would be the difference between compromising and integrating styles?

e.g., Disagreement on vacation

 Compromising: split the half

 Integrating: novel alternative

Conflict goals

 Conf lict goals – Outcomes a person hopes to achieve at the end of the dispute

Conflict goals  Goals of conf lict

 Instrumental: Tangible and material outcomes (e.g., promotion)

 Relational: Type of relationship people want after the conf lict is ended (e.g., equality)

e.g., Retaliating against your boss (or someone else) for

his/her hostility

Conflict goals – cont.  Goals of conf lict - cont.

 Self identity: The self-image that a person wants to project during a conf lict (e.g., looking creative and being committed to work)

 Other identity: The self-image that a person wants the partner to have at the end of the conf lict (e.g., not hurting the boss’s self-esteem)

 Process: Strategies and rules for managing conf lict (e.g., being polite)

Conflict style & Conflict goals

 How your conflict style enhances or interferes conflict goals

e.g., Dominating (competing) style – can achieve the identity goal but may fail to achieve relational and/or other-identity goal

e.g., Obliging style – may fail to achieve the identity goal but can achieve relational and/or other-identity goal

Conflict dynamics

Chilling effect of power

Demand-withdraw

Conflict dynamics - 1

 Chilling effect of power

• The role of power (e.g., dominant conf lict style) in restricting interpersonal communication

e.g., hide secrets from coercive parents, avoid discussions about sensitive topics with a partner who is not committed to the relationship

Conflict dynamics - 2

 Demand-withdraw

•One partner demands something from the other The other partner withdraws

•Reflect “unhappiness” in the relationship

•Related to relationship dissatisfaction

How to overcome conflicts??

What’s the fundamental cause of conf lict?

Bias; people often fail to understand another’s perspective (recall “hot-cold empathy gap” and “attribution bias”)

Different (diverse) perspectives

Discussion- Positive side of conflict - 1

Diversity & Conf lict

Diversity → “discomfort, a lack of trust, perceived interpersonal conf lict, lower communication, etc.” (Phillips, 2014)

Diversity forces group members;

“Anticipate alternative viewpoints.”

“Expect that reaching consensus will take effort.” (Phillips, 2014)

Discussion- Positive side of conflict - 2