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clp1006_ppt_ch03.pptxChapter 3 Learning to Accept Yourself
Chapter 3 - Overview
The Concept of Self-Esteem
The Roots of Self-Esteem
How to Boost Your Self-Esteem
Enhancing Your Self-Esteem: The Positive Psychology Approach
The Core Virtues and Corresponding Signature Strengths
The Concept of Self-Esteem
Self-Concept – Your paradigm about yourself
How you would describe yourself
Self-esteem – How you judge and evaluate yourself based on this paradigm
Carl Rogers distinguished between:
Ideal Self – The person you feel you should be
Real Self – The person you feel you actually are
The discrepancy between them is a measure of your self-esteem
The Concept of Self-Esteem cont.
Today thought of as a socially constructed emotion and not necessarily stable over time
Correlated with effectiveness in our culture, not necessarily in others
Unrealistically high self-esteem inhibits effectiveness and can be detrimental to well-being
A universal concept of self-esteem should include:
Self-liking: a sense of social worth
Self-competence: a sense of personal efficacy
The Question of Self Worth
What is Your Self Worth Based On?
Contingencies of self-worth: Having multiple sources is more effective than a single source
Family Support
Competition
Appearance
God’s Love
Academic competence
Virtue
Other’s Approval
Perhaps most effective is to have “non-contingent” self-esteem based on nothing
Characteristics of People with Healthy Self-Esteem
Believe that they are worthwhile and valuable
Do not view failure or rejection as a reflection upon their self worth
See demanding goals as a challenge
Accept compliments
Recognize the strengths and achievements of self and others
Accept and value constructive criticism
Acknowledge their personal power without being manipulative
Are generous with their praise for others
Are able to give themselves positive self-messages
Take responsibility for their own actions without blaming or making excuses
Do not feel the need to continually prove themselves
Are able to take risks. Are not afraid of failure.
Characteristics of People with Healthy Self-Esteem cont.
Are able to communicate their needs and wants effectively
Are able to develop satisfying interpersonal relationships
Are seldom controlled by guilt
Recognize the value of all experiences
Are optimistic about themselves, others, and the world
Are capable of working well as a team member
Value the power of their word
Have trust in themselves
Are proactive
Seek balance in their life
Accept all their feelings as natural, human, and a part of life
See the value in continued personal growth and self exploration
Are good losers
Surround themselves with people who validate them
Are not afraid to be different or take an unpopular stand
Characteristics of People with Low Self-Esteem
Believe that their worth is based on their accomplishments or the opinion of others
Discount praise from others
Give self-negative internal messages
More likely to be prejudiced
Tend to be highly competitive
Doubt their personal power
May resort to workaholic behavior to prove their worth
Likely to be hero worshipers
Resistant to change
Feel a need to win to prove themselves
Fearful of taking risks that may lead to failure
Have difficulty communicating their needs
View failure or rejection as evidence of their lack of self worth
Are likely to remain in unsatisfying relationships
Characteristics of People with Low Self-Esteem cont.
Are guilt ridden
Tend to value appearance over substance
Are pessimistic about themselves, others, and the world
Inability to make decisions and take action without clearly defined rules
Typically don’t live up to their word
Are reactive
Doubt themselves
Consider negative emotions as further proof of their lack of worth
Are poor losers
Lack balance in their lives
Are threatened by personal growth experiences
Often attract people who denigrate them
Resort to faddism to be included in the “in crowd”
The Pathological Critic
A negative inner voice that attacks and judges you
A misguided critic or coach
Rewards and reinforcement are more effective ways to learn
Parental Influences
Carl Rogers
Unconditional positive regard leads to positive self-esteem
Conditional positive regard leads to conditions of worth
Parenting Styles
Authoritative Parenting
Authoritarian Parenting
Permissive Parenting (Laissez-Faire)
Permissive Indifferent
Permissive Indulgent
How to Boost Your Self-Esteem
Uncover irrational beliefs
Overcome the tyranny of the “shoulds”
Eliminate cognitive distortions
Learn alternative ways to frame mistakes
Love your inner child
The Positive Psychology Approach – Virtues and Signature Strengths
The Tyranny of the “Shoulds”
I should be perfect
I should find a quick solution to every problem.
I should never feel negative emotions
I should always be generous
I should know, understand, and foresee everything
I should never make mistakes
I should always be busy and productive
I should protect my children from all pain
The Tyranny of the “Shoulds” cont.
I should never get sick
I should make enough money so my family can afford ______
I should be totally self-reliant
My emotions should be constant
I should never feel sexually attracted to ___
I should care for everyone who cares for me
I should always put the needs of others first
I should be more like other people
The Six Core Virtues
Wisdom and Knowledge – Cognitive Strengths involving the acquisition and use of knowledge
Courage – Emotional Strengths involving the exercise of will to accomplish goals in the face of external or internal opposition
Love and Humanity –Interpersonal Strengths involving tending and befriending others
Justice – Civic Strengths that support healthy community life
Temperance –Self-Regulatory Strengths that protect against excess
Spirituality and Transcendence – Metaphysical Strengths that forge connections to the larger universe and provide meaning
Core Virtues and Signature Strengths
Curiosity
Love of Learning
Judgment / Critical Thinking / Open Mindedness
Creativity
Emotional Intelligence
Perspective
Wisdom and Knowledge
Core Virtues and Signature Strengths
Courage
Bravery and Valor
Perseverance and Industriousness
Honesty / Integrity / Genuineness
Humanity and Love
Kindness and Generosity
Loving and Allowing Yourself to be Loved
Core Virtues and Signature Strengths
Citizenship / Duty / Teamwork / Loyalty
Fairness and Equity
Leadership
Justice
Temperance
Self Control
Caution and Discretion
Humility and Modesty
Core Virtues and Signature Strengths
Appreciation of Beauty and Excellence
Gratitude
Optimism and Hope
Spirituality
Forgiveness and Mercy
Humor and Playfulness
Enthusiasm / Zest / Passion
Transcendence
