Human Communication Essay

Case Study Paper #2

The goal of the case study paper is to apply course concepts to a real-life example of

communication. The ability to apply course concepts to a real-life example will help you make

use of the information you learn in class in “the real world.” To complete the assignment you

must clearly demonstrate your ability to apply the course material (lectures and readings) to the

case scenario. Make sure to define each concept you use and make an explicit connection

between the concepts cited and the case provided.

For this second case study, you will read a pre-written prompt. From the prompt, you will

identify macro and micro-level concepts as well as make recommendations based on the case

scenario. You will analyze the case scenario using course concepts from the second section of

the course (Listening, Developing and Maintaining Relationships, Managing Conflict in

Relationships). You can certainly reference the first section of the course, but it is recommended

that you focus primarily on content from the second half of the course.

Remember that the first section of the course features distinctions on listening, developing and

maintaining relationships, and managing conflict in relationships. You will want to make

recommendations based on what you think is the best course of action to remedy this issue. You

are the critical analyst here, so write these recommendations with the imagined power that these

changes will go into effect immediately.

Specifically, you should accomplish three goals:

 First, you should evaluate macro-level concepts (Attachment Styles, Knapp's stair case model, Relational Maintenance, etc.) that apply to the case.

 Next, you will focus on the micro-level components that help to illustrate the course concepts (e.g., specific concepts from any lecture or reading such as perception, conflict, marital

schemata, attraction, etc

 Finally, make recommendations citing macro and micro-level concepts on how to improve or change the case scenario. How might you recommend the situation be improved? Please

specifically cite macro and micro-level components from the text to help reinforce your

ideas.

Your paper should be 5 double-spaced pages (excluding references) in Times New Roman 12-

point font with 1” margins. Your paper should explicitly reference content from the textbook.

Quotations should include language such as, “Cognitive complexity is a term that describes…

(O’Hair et al., 2015, p. XX).”

Papers will be graded according to the following criteria:

Macro/Micro Analysis (10 points): Clearly demonstrate how the concepts relate to your

case. How does the textbook help us understand what occurred in the case? Be sure to

provide clear, direct, and persuasive links between the text reviewed and the case. If you

cannot clearly articulate why we should be paying attention then you are likely not

fulfilling the requirements of this assignment.

Recommendations (10 points): Makes 2-3 analytical and insightful recommendations

for what should have been done or could be done in the future regarding the issue/event

you analyzed. When you make your recommendations, be sure to draw on the textbook

content you reviewed to support the importance or effectiveness of your

recommendations. You should also aim to make your recommendations as specific as

possible. Why is your recommendation valuable to the overall argument you are making

in the paper?

Writing and style (5 points): Writing is clear, concise, direct, and free of grammatical

and spelling errors. In-text citations and a reference page for all non-original information

are included. Follows paper formatting requirements (margins, font, spacing, page

limits).

Case Scenario*

Six weeks after the wedding, Denise was sitting at home alone, already “thinking they'd made a

mistake. Denise was an architect and Jose was a computer-game designer; each valued being a

separate individual as well as being a couple. They secretly enjoyed being the couple everyone

saw as different and special. Jose and Denise realized that others looked up to them as an ideal

relationship. They lived together for a year before the wedding. That way everything would

work smoothly and there wouldn't be any surprises, right? Wrong. It wasn't that Jose was

acting as if there was no relationship; he was acting as if she wasn't even there! What had

happened?

Denise was so worried she started thinking back to see if there were any signs that might have

foretold such a disappointing turn of events. All she could remember were the good things. Jose

was the first one to start talking about the relationship. That's what impressed Denise right

away. She remembered the cool summer evening she and Jose were having dinner on the

outdoor patio of Bicycle Jim's, a local hangout. They had met only a month before, but he said,

"I'm hoping we can consider this relationship to be a monogamous one.” Whoa, Denise thought,

a man who talks about the relationship!? Even initiates it? Well, she knew she was attracted to

him, that's for sure. He had an interesting job, was a rock-climber for fun, went swimming for

exercise, was funny, smart, and good-looking, and they could talk on and on about everything,

even the relationship! So why not? Denise was so flabbergasted, all she could say was, "I'd like

that; sounds good to me.”

Was that a mistake? Did they rush into things too quickly? Take a deep breath, Denise told

herself; of course they didn't rush into anything. That was why they waited three years before

they got married! So why was he not coming home for dinner, and not letting her know? Why

did he now start making plans that didn't include her? Why were they together less now than

before they got married? And it was only six weeks ago that they took their vows! Jose loved

being with her; at least that's what he told her. Denise recalled one day, about a year after they'd

started seeing each other when they were driving along the highway with Jose on the way to the

big outlet mall. They stopped to take pictures of ducks on a pond. The mama duck was leading

the way, and three yellow ducklings were lined up behind her. Out of the blue, Jose said, "1

really love the way we are together. I love this relationship.” Now most men tell you they love

you, she thought, and yes, he had done that many times; but this is different. He is telling me

how good our relationship is. It was thrilling. So it's not like I ever forced him to talk about it,

or that we had to talk about it only when there was a problem, and maybe he even talked about it

more than I did. Could that be it? That I didn't talk about it enough? A little voice inside of her

said, "Get real.”

In the meantime, Jose is in his office, feeling overwhelmed with work. He's thinking that he has

just got one more idea that he needs to promote, one more job to finish, and then he'll start

getting home earlier, but there is such pressure now. Not to mention the after-work social

obligations of the business. And there are all these rock-climbing opportunities that have just

come up. He thinks it's a good thing that Denise isn't the clingy type and doesn't smother

him. Thank goodness she has her own career and even makes it known that she wants her

independence, too. Jose did notice she seemed a bit tense lately, but he wasn't too worried about

it. Being an architect is a high-pressure job, too, so she probably felt pressured at

work. Besides, Jose thinks, I know the rules. If something is wrong with the relationship, she'll

let me know right away.

Denise is pacing the floor. She has decided that she has been patient for too long. It's time to

talk about this problem. She knows they agreed that independence was something they both

needed, but not to the exclusion of each other. Besides, it wasn't the fact of Jose's not being at

home that hurt, it was that he was being inconsiderate by not letting her know his plans ahead of

time, as if she had nothing else in her life that could be planned when he wasn't around. He was

always considerate before they got married. Now all of a sudden he seems like another

person. How could she be so blind?

Denise heard the garage door open, and she froze. How should I start? What should I say

first? I can't believe I'm even worrying about all this considering how much we've been able to

talk about in the past! So as soon as Jose walked in the door, she blurted out, "We've got to talk

about our relationship!” Taken aback, Jose said hesitantly, "Okay. ...really? I mean, umm, I

didn't know there was a problem.” "Well, there is," Denise said forcefully, surprising herself

with her own anger. Now Jose looked really worried and confused. He wasn't sure what was

happening, but something ill the back of his mind told him he was angry, too. Denise seemed to

know so much more about relationships than he did, and she made sense, too. But sometimes it

felt like he just let her decide how the relationship was going to be, even when it came to

rearranging furniture in what used to be his home. Whatever was bugging her now, he was

going to stand firm and not let her rule the roost.

So they sat down on the old couch in the living room that was crowded with all kinds of things

from his and her past lives. It seemed a bit too crowded, in fact, because it was meant only to be

Jose's place as a single guy. Then Denise moved in and brought all her things, and it didn't seem

the same any more. Denise wondered if Jose could be thinking he lost his freedom. After being

with her for three years, why would it hit him now?

Jose said, "Well, what is it?” "I don't know where to start, so I hope you can be patient with me,"

Denise replied. "Okay, I'll listen," said Jose. Denise began to pour out thoughts that at first

didn't make any sense. She talked about his not coming home, her feeling more alone than when

she lived alone, her feeling that he's changed, until finally she came to what seemed like a

conclusion. "I feel like you don't want to be married," she said. "What!?” Jose asked

incredulously. "Why do you say that?”

"Well, ever since we got married you have more and more things to do and seem to find more

and more excuses to stay out of the house and shut me out of your life.” "But you always said

we should have our separate identities, didn't you?” "Yes, but not to the point where you pretend

the other person doesn't exist!” "What do you mean, doesn't exist? We see each other every

night when I get home.”

"Yeah, but that's only when it's convenient for you. I'm not even talking about the amount of

time we spend together, even though that might be part of it. I'm talking about the way you seem

to be doing things without even letting me know first. I don't want to be some ball and

chain. And although we both enjoy our freedom during the day, I at least want to know when

you're going to be home so I know whether I can expect to eat a meal with you or spend some

time with you in the evening. Otherwise, I worry that something bad must have happened,

because you always used to be so considerate in letting me know what you were

doing. Something has changed, and we need to figure out what it is.”

"Well, I have been really pressured at work lately," Jose said, "but I bet that excuse won't satisfy

you, will it? It doesn't feel right to me either. ... Hmmm. ...I guess, I feel stifled somehow.”

"Stifled?” asked Denise, with obvious irritation in her voice. "What have I done to stifle

you? We've been together three years, and now you feel stifled? What have I done? What's

changed?”

"Oh well, let's see. More people are making demands on my time now, but, well, I guess that

doesn't account for not calling you, does it? I admit there is something going on, but I can't put

my finger on it. I am feeling some resentment or something. Maybe I feel like you always have

the right words to say when I don't, or that you seem to have some kind of radar that zeroes in on

any little tension in the relationship. Maybe I resent that.” Jose thought he might be close, but

he still didn't feel that he had it right yet.

"It's weird," said Denise, "There is nothing you've said about me that is any different from the

way I've been all along. You even said you liked the fact that we could talk about things as they

came up, and that it felt freer to have no hidden baggage of tension dragging you down. The

only thing I can see that is different from six weeks ago is that we got married.”

Then Jose's face turned red. His thoughts felt jumbled. Was that it? It couldn't be. They had

been in a committed relationship for quite some time. So how could that piece of paper change

things so much that she thinks I'm a different person - that I don't want to be married to

her? Denise saw the look on Jose's face. "That's it, isn't it?” she asked. "There's something

about marriage.”

They sat in silence for awhile, a bit stunned. Here they were, the "perfect" couple feeling bad

about marriage! "You know," Jose said, "I bet there's something about marriage that none of us

can ever really escape.” "What's that?” asked Denise. "It is such an ingrained part of our

culture that everyone has some idea about what it is supposed to mean," said Jose. "Now I'm not

sure if that has anything to do with our problem, but I do know that we can't help but think we

know what marriage means.”

"Yes, that's it!” Denise said, excitedly. "If we each assume we know what it means, we don't

even talk to each other about it. We think we know what the other thinks it means. We assume

we have the same ideas about marriage because everybody does! Then that unspoken

knowledge makes us feel as if we know what the other is supposed to do. Oh, man, I can't

believe we have new things to talk about after all this time. I can't believe I am asking you this

for the first time. What does being married mean to you?”

Finally, and reluctantly, Jose said. "I thought marriage meant I had no freedom to be who I

wanted to be. I thought that, in spite of the fact that my relationship with you had shown me that

I could be part of a couple and an individual, too.” Denise said, "Do you think that being

married meant you had to prove you were free, regardless of how you felt about us?”

"I guess so," said Jose. "Maybe that is why I felt so pressured but didn't know why. I hadn't

thought about how much power the institution of marriage would have to negate all that we had

built up and put us into a trap that I'm sure lots of couples get into. I can't believe we did this. I

thought we had the perfect relationship.” Jose laughed at how silly the word "perfect" sounded,

even to him.

"But it's really not the institution of marriage, is it? I mean, the institution isn't making us do

anything. It's our own 'idea' of marriage. Maybe we should think about this - just because

everyone else has an idea of what marriage is supposed to be, that doesn't mean we have to have

the same idea, does it? First off, we need to find out what each of us thinks marriage

means. Then we can come to some agreement about what it will mean for us, okay?” Denise

asked, knowing that this would work out, just like all of the other issues they had worked on

before.

"Well, sure, but I have to say something else first. I am not the only one who seems to have

changed," said Jose, surprising the heck out of Denise. "What, what do you mean?” she

asked. He said, "What about that rule we agreed upon, that we would bring up stuff as it comes

up, no matter how big or small? No baggage, remember? I was amazed at how good you were

at that even though you admitted it frightened you. So what happened this time? Why did it take

weeks?”

Now Denise turned red, thinking to herself, I've got my own lessons to learn. Relationship

problems always involve at least two people, not just one. "Okay, you caught me off guard

here. ...Why didn't I speak up right away? ... Well, we had just gotten married, and, well, um, I

didn't want to rock the boat.” Jose looked at her and said, "You've got to admit that that's a lame

excuse, given all we've just talked about.” "Okay take it easy on me, I'm still trying to figure it

out myself," Denise said, holding her hands up as if to protect herself. Perhaps she needed to ask

herself the same question, what did marriage mean to her? The only marriages she'd seen up

close (including her parents') had ended in divorce. All of a sudden she found herself crying. " I

guess I was worried that you'd leave me if started complaining.”

Jose put his arm around her, realizing they were treading on vulnerable territory, and he said,

"Now why would I do that? Think back in the three years we've known each other and how

many times you brought up things that bothered you. How did I handle those times?” "You

were amazing," she said. "You'd listen and keep asking me to tell you more about it, even if it

was only a little thing such as how the dishes were put in the dishwasher, or how you shrunk my

sweater in the dryer. You'd ask if there was anything else, and then we'd work on it, and I

always felt better afterwards.” So now the power of the idea of marriage hit her, too. "Wow, I

can't believe I let my childhood idea of marriage take over like that after all we had done to make

our relationship unique. My problem is that I don't really have any models of good marriages, so

I really only know what marriage isn't supposed to be. Perhaps that is why I am so eager for us

to create our own marriage based on what we want. I guess we still have some things to talk

about. It never ends, does it?”

"Just as it should be," Jose smiled.

* Note: This case was adapted from the following source:

Acitelli, L. K. (1999). Can we talk about us? Talking about the relationship. In D. O.

Braithwaite & J. T. Wood (Eds.), Case studies in interpersonal

communication: Processes and problems (pp. 165-172). Belmond, CA: Wadsworth.