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J
v e d o n e ıt.
s u c c e s s f u l k id s . T h e y w o n d e r w h a t t h e s e
p a r e n t s d o t o p r o d u c e s o m
a n y
a n d in sc h o o l.
a c c o m p a n ie d a n in c re a s in g e m p h a s is o n c h ild re n '
s s e lf- e s t e e m , b o t h a t h o m e
"
s p o ilin g "
th e c h ild . In th e d e c a d e s t h a t fo llo w e d , th is p a re n t in g a p p ro a c h
o w n ju d g m e n t a n d to m e e t t h e ir c h ild re n '
s n e e d s ra t h e r t h a n w o rry in g a b o u t
th e c o n te x t o f t h e b a b y - b o o m g e n e ra t io n . s p o c k u rg e d p a re n t s t o t ru
st th e ir
b la m e d fo r - a so c ia l s h ift to w a rd m o re p e rm is s iv e c h ild - re a rin g , e s p e c i a lly
in
m o u s ly in flu e n t ia l B a b y a n d C h ild C a re in 1 9 4 6 , is o ft e n c re d it e d w it h
- o r
g u id e fo r a m o t h e r P e d ia t ric ia n B e n ja m in S p o c k , w h o p u b lis h e d h is �� e n
o
(189 4 ), "
in stin c t a n d m a te rn a l lo v e a re to o o fte n a s s u m e d t o b e a s u ffic ie n t
e x p e rts . A s D r. Lu th e r E m m e tt H o lt w ro t e in T h e C (ır e a n d F e e d in g o f C h ild r e n
u su a lly fo c u se d o n d isc ip lin e , e m o t io n a l d e t a c h m e n t , a n d th e w is d o m o f
n in e te e n t h a n d e a rly tw e n t ie t h c e n t u rie s , A m e ric a n p a re n t in g p h i lo s o p h ie s
a re n o t s p o ile d b y o u r fa u lt, c hild re n w a n t n o t h in g u s e le s s ly B u t in th e
p o se d a m o re sy m p a t h e tic v ie w o f t h e c h ild , w r itin g t h a t w h e n
"
c h ild re n '
s w ills d a m n e d F re n c h E n lig h te n m e n t fig u r
e J e a n - Ja c q u e s R o u s s e a u (17 12
- 1778) ��p r
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ilo s o p h y o f v is u a l
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in th e w o o d s to d ie o f e x p o s
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c e n tu ry s u rv e y s th
e h isto ry o f p a r
e n tin g - fro m t h e a n c ie n t G re e k s ,
w h o c o m m o n ly le ft c h iıd re n
'
s s e if- e ste e m s u c h a n x ie t ie s
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ry
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e x tre m e ly a n x io u s a b o u t th e irB a c k g ro u n d o n p
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b e st k n o w n fo r h e r p a
re n t in g m e m o ir,
B a ttle H y m n o f th e T ig e r M o th e r (2 0 ,
Eth n ic H a tre d o n d G l
o b a l in s ta b ility o
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b u sin e s s, e t h n ic c o
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t h e ıa w . T h e h a s w ritte n tw o e x e c u t
iv e e d i to r o f
th e H a rv a rd
L a w R e v ie w
. C h u a is n o w th e J o h n M . D u ff p ro ·
A m y c h u a w
a s b o rn in
c h a m p a ig
n , Illin o is , in 19
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r e g o o d 6 X Ţ . . . . B y c o n t r a s t , w e s t e r n k id s a r e is t h a t n o th
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y b e lie v e t h e ir c h
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s t u d e n ts , t h a t m o th e rs fe lt t h e s a m e w a y
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e c h in e s e m o � �t
idea th a t le a r n in g
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r a n t m o t h e r s ,
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g . In o n e s t u d y o f f if
t y
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u a n t if ia b le d if fe r e n c e s b e tw e e n
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e s ,
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g h .
n es e m o t h e r , t h e f ir s t h o u r is t h e e a s y p a r t . It '
s h o u r s tw o a n d th r e e th a t g e t tice th e ir in s t r u m e n ts 3 0 m in u t e s e v e r y
d a y
. A n h o u r a t m o s t . F o r a � � C W es te rn fr ie n d s w h o c o n s id e r t h e m s e lv e s s t r ic t m a k e t h e ir c h ild r e n ��p r
a
th ey u s u a lly
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t c o m e c lo s e t o b e in g
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le ,
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A ll th e s a m e , e v e n w h e n W e s t e r n p a ı ·
e n t s t h in k th e y r e b e in g s t r ic t, 4 an d h o w t h
e y
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m o m s ra is e d b y
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r a n ts w h o s h a r e w h a t it w a s lik e g
r o w in g
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e g
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C h r is tin a T s u e i s p
e a k s to t w o
w h o d i s p ļ a y a c a d e m
ic e x c e İ le n c e ,
m u s ic a l m a s te r y ,
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W h e n it c o m e s t o p a r e n tin g , t h e C h in e s e s e e m to p
r o d u c e c h ild r e n 3
term « w e s t e r n p a r e n t s
"
lo o s e l y
. W e s te r n p a r e n ts c o m e in a ll v a r ie tie s .
w h o a r e n o t
C h in e s e m o t h e r s , b y c h o ic e o r o t h e r w is e . ľ m a ls o u s in
g t h e
ikn o w s o m e m o t h e r s o f C h in e s e h e r it a
g e
, a lm o s t a lw a y s b o r n in t h e w e s t
,
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2
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r a d e le s s t h a n a n A
. c h o o s e t h e ir o w n e x t r a c u r r ic u la r a c tiv itie s
. " " c
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a r e n ts a r e n '
t . T h e y
a s s u m e s c re n g th ,
n o t
t e s t o r a t a r e c it a l . In o th e r w o r d s , W e s te r n
p a r e n t s a r e c o n c e r n e d
a b o trt
a b o u t h o w g
o o d t h e y
a r e n o t w it h s t a n d in g a m e d io c r e p
e r fo r m a n c e o
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th e y
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e ir c h i ld re
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th e ir c h ild r e n '
s s e lf e s te e m . T h e y
w o r r y a b o u t h o w t h e ir c h ild r e n w il
t fe e t if
F ir s t , I ' v e n o t ic e d t h a t W e s t e r n
p a r e n t s a r e e x t r e m e l
y a n x io u s
a b o u t û
n e s e a n d W e s te r n p
a r e n t a l m in d - s e t s ,
w it h w h a t t h e y d o . I th in k t h e r e a r e th r e e b i
g d if fe r e n c e s b e t w e e n t h e ��
ch
ľ v e t h o u g
h t lo n g
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a r e n ts c a n g e t a w a y
11
m e n t ,
a n d t r y
t o p
e r s u a d e t h e m s e lv e s t h a t t h e y r e n o t d is a p p o in te d a b o u t
h o w t h e ir k id s t u r n e d o u t .
P a r e n t s h a v e to s t r u g g
İ e w it h t h e ir o w n c o n fl ic t e d f e e iin g s a b o u t ��a ch
i e v
la z y
. A ll y o u r c la s s m a t e s a r e g
e t t in g
a h e a d o f y o u .
"
B y c o n t r a s t , w e s te rn
c a n o n l y a s k t h e i] k id s t o t r
y th e ir b e s t . C h in e s e
p a r e n t s c a n s a
y , "
Y o u ' r e
C h in e s e p
a r e n ts c a n o r d e r t h e ir k id s to g
e t s t r a i g
h t A s . w e s t e r n p
a re n ts 1o
c o m p
e t e n t . "
S h e la te r to ld m e t h a t m a d e h e r f e e l lik e g
a r b a g
e . )
fa t h e r t o a s t h is a d u l t d a u g
h t e r b y c a llin g h e r
"
b e a u t if u l a n d in c re d ib ly
fo r e a tin g d is o r d e r s a n d n e
g a t iv e s e lf im a
g e . (i a ls o o n c e h e a r d a w e s te rn
a n d n e v e r e v e r m e n t io n in g
t h e w o r d , a n d th e ir k id s s t ill e n d u
p in t h e ra
p y
e r n p
a r e n t s h a v e t o t i p
t o e a r o u n d t h e is s u e ,
t a lk in g
in t e r m s o f "
h e a İ th "
s a y
to t h e ir d a u g
h t e r s ,
"
H e y fa t ty
- lo s e s o m e w e i g
h t . "
B y c o n t ra s t, � �w e s
im a g in a b le - e v e n le
g a ll
y a c t io n a b le - to W e s te r n e r s . C h in e s e m o th e rs c a n
T h e fa c t is t h a t C h in e s e p
a r e n t s c a n d o t h in g
s t h a t w o u ld s e e m u n - 9
th e r p m a in in g g
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h a d to le a v e e a r l y
. M y fr ie n d S u s a n , t h e h o s t , t r ie d t o r e h a b ilit a te m e w ith
c iz e d . O n e g
u e s t n a m e d M a t ·
c y g
o t s o u p
s e t s h e b r o k e d o w n in te a rs a n d
m e n t io n e d t h a t I h a d d o n e t h is a t a d im n e r p
a r t y ,
I w a s im m e d ia te l y ��osE
r
in E n g
lis h w h e n s h e a c te d e x t r e m e l y
d is l e s p
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th in g
lik e t h a t . I k n e w e x a c t l y
h o w h i g
h l y
h e t h o u g
h t o f m e . I d id n '
t � � a c t a 1ıy th in k I w a s w o ] t h le s s o r f e e l lik e a
p ie c e o í
g a r b a
g e .
n a t iv e H o k k ie n d ia le c t . It w o r k e d r e a ll y
w e il. I fe lt te r r ib le a n d d e e p ly
d is r e s p
e c t fu l t o m y
m o t h e r , m y fa t h e r a n g r ily c a lle d m e
"
g a r b a g e ·
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u n g
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X " meły
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u n a c t iv it y
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ll h a v e . . · - Lit
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'
s o w n d e s ir e s
a n d p r e f
do n '
t o w e t h e ir p a r e n t s a n y
t h in g .
Th a t t h e y
k n o w w h a t is
b e s t fo r t h e ir 1
8
T h e ir d u ty w ill b e to t
h e ir o w n k id s .
"
dren b e in g p
e r m a n e n tĮy in d e b t e d
t o th e i r p
a r e n ts . M y h
u s b a n d , Je d , ' " � �
sa id to m e . ·
T h e y d o n
'
t e v e n c h o o s e
t o b e b o r n , Ic
'
s p a r e n t s w
h o fo is t lif e
By c o n t r a s e ,
İ d o n ' t t h in k m o s t
w e s te r n e r s h a
v e th e s a m e v ie
w o f c h il - 17
terro g a tin
g , a n d s p y in g
o n t h e ir k id s . ) A n p v a y ,
t h e u n d e r s t a n d in g
s th a t so m u c h fo r t h e
ir c h ild r e n . (A n d it
'
s tr L1e t h a t C h in e s e m o t
h e r s g e t in th e
co n fu c ia n f ilia l p ie ty a n d t h e
f a c t t h a t t h e p
a r e n ts h a v e s a c rific e d a n
d d o n e
iv a c y o f th e h o m
e . )
it '
s p r o b a b ly
a c o m b in a tio n o f
16 kids d o e x c e l,
t h e r e is p l e n ty
o f e g o
- in f la tin g p a r e n ta l p
r a i s e la v is h e d in th e
sh a m e th e c h il
d . T h e C h in e s e p a r e n t b e lie v e s
th a t t h e ir c h ild w ill b e s tr o n g
so lu ti o n c o s
u b s t a n d a r d p
e r f o r m a n c e is a lw a y
s to e x c o r ia te , p u n is h , a n dXX e s it
'
s b e c a u s e t h e c h ild d
id n ' t w o r k h a r d e n o u g h . T h
a ť s w h y th e
c h in e s e p a r e n ts d e
m a n d p e r fe c t g
r a d e s b e c a u s e t h e y b e lie v e th a t th e
ir 15
first b e a s c
r e a m in g , h a ir - t e a r in g e x p lo s
io n . T h e d e v a s ta te d C h in e s e m o th e rif a c h
in e s e c h ild g
e ts a B - w h ic h w o u ld n e v e r h a e n - th e re w o u ld 14
sch ed u
le a m e e t in g
w it h t h e s c h o o l
p r in c i
p a l [o c h a lle n g
e th e w a y th e ��s
u
sa bje c t o f
ch a t th e r e is s o m e th
in g
w r o n g
w ith t h e c u r r ic u lu m a n d p o s s ib lyeo t
s m a y
w o r r y th a t
.
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110 [ [u
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s t u p i d ,
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w o r t h le s s , "
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t h e W e s te r n ��p a
wiĮİ 51 I th
e ir c h ild d o
w n a n d e x p r e s s d is a
p p ro v a l
, b u t th e
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d a s k w h a t w e n t
w r o n g
. If th e c h ild c o m e s h o m e w ith a B o n th e
【es 【,
s o e W e s '
" n p a r e n ts w iıı s till p
r a i s e t h e c h ild . O th e r w e s te r n p a r e n ts
t w iii m o s t lik e ly p
r a is e th e c h ild . T h e C h in e s e m o th e r w iJl g a s p
inFo f e x ù
p p İ e , if a
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e v e r t a k e a w a y
.
in g
t h e m w it h s k iİ ls ,
w o r k h a b its ,
a n d in n e r c o n f id e n c e t h a t n o o n e c a n
in g
t h e m f o r t h e f ir t u r e , le t tin
g th e m s e e w h a t t h e
y
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r e c a p a b le o c a n d ��a r
th e C h in e s e b e lie v e th a t t h e b e s t w a y
t o p
r o t e c t t h e ir c h i Į d r e n is by ��p r e p a
v id in g p
o s it iv e r e in f o r c e m e n t a n d a n u r t u r in g
e n v i r o n m e n t . B y c o n tra s t,
in g
t h e m to p
u r s u e th e ir t r u e p
a s s io n s ,
s u p p o r t in g t h e ir c h o ic e s , a n d ��p r
W e s t e r n p
a r e n ts t r y
t o r e s p
e c t t h e ir c h ild r e n '
s in d iv id u a lit y ,
e n c o u r a g - 22
o f h o w t o d o t h a t .
w h a t '
s b e s t fo r t h e ir c h iĮ d r e n . T h e C h in e s e ju s t h a v e a t o t a lly d if fe r e n t id e a
t h in k it '
s a m is u n d e r s t a n d in g
o n b o t h s id e s . A ll d e c e n t p
a r e n ts w a n t to d o
e r n e r s ,
w h o s e e m p
e r f e c t l y
c o n t e n t t o le t t h e ir c h ild r e n t u r n o u t b a d l y
. I
th e ir c h ild r e n a n d a r e w illin g
t o s a c r if ic e m u c h m o r e f o r t h e m th a n � �W es
e s ts . F o r t h e ir p
a r t ,
m a n y C h in e s e s e c r e tly b e lie v e t h a t t h e y c a r e m o r e a b o u t
s c h e m in g ,
c a llo u s , o v e r d r iv e n p e o p le in d if fe r e n t t 0 t h e il k id s '
t r u e ��in te
T h e r e a r e a ll t h e s e n e w b o o k s o u t t h e r e p o r t r a y i n g A s ia n m o th e rs as 21
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is to ıe t t h e m g
iv e u p
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s n o t h in g
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a s a p
a r e n t ,
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s s e lf e s te e m
. w e s te r n p
a r e n ts w o r r y a lo t a b o u t t h e ir c h ild r e n
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s s e lf- e s te e m , B u t 2o
c h ild r e n . It '
s ju s t a n e n t ir e iy d iffe r e n t p
a r e n t in g m o d e l ,
th e ir c h ild r e n . Ju s t th e o p p °s it e . T h e y
w o u İ d g iv e u
p a n
y t h in
g fo r the i,
D o n '
t g e t m e w r o n
g I t
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s n o t t h a t C h in e s e p a r e n ts d o n '
t c a r e a bo u t 19
Scanned by CamScanner
2. W o r L in · L e
ho o d to s u p p
o r t y o u r t h e s is .
tıo n o f w h ic h k in d o f p
a r e n t is "
s u p e r io r . "
u s e e x a m p
le s fr o m y
o u r �� chi l
th e y
a c o m b in a t io n o f t h e t w o )? In y o u r t h e s is , t a k e a s t a n d o n t h e � � q u e
da u g h te r s . W e r e
y o u r
p a r e n t s
"
W e s t e r n "
o r
« C h in e s e
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p a r e n t s (o r , w e r e
W rite a n e s s a y
in w h ic h y
o u c o m p
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o u r u p
b r in g
in g
t o t h a t o f C h u a '
s
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