Write the rest of my rhetorical appeals paper

Smarthinking Tutor Response Form

Your tutor has written overview comments about your essay in the form below. Your tutor has also embedded comments [in bold and in brackets] within your essay. Thank you for choosing Smarthinking to help you improve your writing!

My name is Tina B. and I look forward to working with you on this Essay Center Review to improve your writing today. Let's get started!

*Writing Strength:  You did a good job of addressing how the use of the particular 70s love song in connection with the actions of the family and the dogs suggested their need for one another and how this connects to the pairing of a specific type of food with the brand’s condiments. This helps the reader see how the commercial used its elements to get a specific idea across. Good job! 8665710 has requested that you respond to the Main Idea/Thesis:  From the information you provided me, the goal of this essay was to present an argument as to how and why an ad was effective at conveying a specific meaning. As such, a thesis statement for such an essay needs to make it clear what the specific meaning that was being conveyed was and the means by which the ad was effective at conveying it. This is missing from the current thesis statement. This statement vaguely addresses how the ad had appeals that made the audience believe that they couldn’t live without the great taste of their ketchup. While the meaning is clear, it isn’t clear how or why you feel the ad was successful at getting this message across.

To remedy this, you will need to revise your thesis statement. You need to think about how the ad was able to convey this meaning to the reader and why it was effective at doing this. What elements were at play in the ad? What ideas were being expressed through them? How did they work together to realize a specific concept or idea to the viewer? These are the sorts of questions you need to ask yourself to help you pinpoint how and why the ad was successful in presenting this meaning to the viewer. Once you have this in hand, you will be in a better position to revise your thesis statement to be stronger. Here’s an example of a thesis statement that would be appropriate for such an essay and that you can use to assist you in the process of developing your own:

WhiteSoft’s paper towel commercial was successful at presenting the idea that purity in ingredients makes for better performance through its symbolic use of color, its Cinderella like protagonist, and its strategic use of a flute solo.

This statement makes it clear to the reader that the essay is going to be about WhiteSoft’s commercial with the focus on what meaning I felt it successfully presented and the reasons behind why it was able to present this meaning so effectively. With this in mind do some brainstorming on the elements used in the ad, how they were used, and what effect they had in conveying ideas and concepts. From there work on revising your thesis statement so that you address how and why the ad was successful at getting the viewers to believe they can’t live without this brand of ketchup. Here are some links that will offer further assistance: http://services.smarthinking.com/static/document_library/docs/writeman/1_02_08.cfm

http://services.smarthinking.com/static/document_library/docs/writeman/1_02_13.cfm

Organization 

It is important that when the essay is dealing with a specific type of work (be it a story, a piece of music, a piece of art, a film, or an ad) that you provide the readers with a summary or description of the work in question. Your readers aren’t necessarily going to be familiar with the work in question, and if they aren’t, they will find it difficult to follow an in-depth discussion of it. To avoid losing the readers because they can’t understand what is being discussed, it is best to start your discussion with a brief summary and description of the work in question. At present your discussion is lacking this. Since I wasn’t familiar with the commercial in question, I found it difficult to follow. As such, I recommend that you go back and start your discussion with a brief descriptive summary of this particular commercial.

*Natasha 8665710 has requested that you respond to the Introduction/Conclusion:  Your conclusion is weak at the moment because it is so short and is addressing commercials in general and not the specific commercial which was the focus of your discussion. The result is that the readers are going to think you are merely switching the direction of the discussion and are not prepared when the essay abruptly ends.

Before you can end your essay, you need to ease your readers out. The best means of accomplishing this is to help them become aware that you have concluded with what you have to say about the topic. A good way of bringing this about is by reminding the reader what the overall purpose of your discussion was. This would be where you remind the reader that you believe this commercial was successful in getting people to think they can’t live without their brand of ketchup due to how the commercial was made. To help the readers realize the validity of your viewpoint, you would provide a review of the main points you addressed as to how and why this is correct. This would be summarizing what you pointed out in your body paragraphs. Finally, you would leave the reader with your final thoughts and opinions on the topic so they have something else to think of after. This will help them to think of the construction of this particular commercial further and specifically your essay about it.

With this in mind, work on revising your conclusion to be stronger and more effective. Here’s a link that will offer you more assistance in this area: http://services.smarthinking.com/static/document_library/docs/writeman/3_02.cfm

Summary of Next Steps: 

· Revise your thesis statement so that you make an argument about what the commercial was about and why it was effective at conveying that meaning.

· Revise your discussion so that it begins with a summary of the commercial.

· Revise your conclusion to be stronger and more effective.

Thank you for submitting your essay for a review Natasha. I enjoyed helping you with this step in the revision process. Have a good day! Tina B.

You can find more information about writing, grammar, and usage in the Smarthinking Writer's Handbook.

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Please look for comments [in bold and in brackets] in your essay below. Thank you for submitting your work to Smarthinking! We hope to see you again soon.

“You Cant Resist the Great Taste of Heinz Ketchup!”

Commercial advertisements have come a long way over the years.[This is a good opening statement to have as it is intriguing and can grab the readers’ interest into wanting to know more about what you have to say about commercials. Good job!] They have become more entertaining to watch, and writers and producers have started becoming more and more creative by using appeals in their commercials to attract viewers. The more entertaining your advertisement is, the more engaged the audience will be. It is important to entice the audience so they don’t switch channels as most people do. Whether it is emotional or psychological, many advertisements come up with ways to incorporate appeals to fit every viewers needs. Appeals were used in various ways in the Heinz ketchup commercial that aired during the 2016 Super Bowl. These appeals make the audience believe that no one can live without the great taste of Heinz ketchup.[What were the specific appeals used in this commercial? How and why were they effective at getting viewers to agree with the claim made? These are the sorts of questions your thesis statement needs to address.]

Heinz commercial advertisement was entertaining and family friendly! It had a great message; “dog’s are a man’s best friend!” The use of wiener dogs dressed like edible hotdogs and the connection between mustard and ketchup on a hotdog was a clever way to intrigue the viewers. The use of the costumes on the dogs makes it fun and cute, who wouldn’t love to see cute animals dressed in costumes?[←This is a comma splice. You have combined two sentences together with just a comma when a comma and a conjunction are required.] Heinz incorporating dogs in their commercial draws in animal lovers. It indirectly suggests that Heinz brand loves animals too, “choose our product over the other brands!” The family shown to represent the Heinz family showcasing all of their products shows their products are family friendly. It can also be interpreted as being a family oriented company. This causes a desire for the product, families love supporting one another! The appearance of the family being so overly joyed when the dogs finally reach them suggests using Heinz branded condiments bring out the flavor. [It would be a good idea to start off your discussion by providing the reader with a brief summary of what transpired in the commercial. By providing this description you will help the readers who haven’t seen this commercial to be able to follow your discussion of it more easily.]

“Without you” by Harry Nilsson was the catchy song used in the commercial. Saying the lyrics to this particular song was perfect for the commercial is an understatement. It went wonderfully with the concept of the advertisement. The beginning of the song; “No I can’t forget this evening, or your face as you were leaving, but I guess that’s just the way the story goes. You always smile but in your eyes, your sorrow shows” suggests one wouldn’t want to be without their product, especially when they need it. The song being played while the dogs are running right into the arms of the family of condiments implies that these two products cannot live without each other, but in a humorous way. The family proceeds to desperately pick up the hotdogs, hugging them like they were so desperately missed. This particular song is from the late 70’s, it comes from an era of love and peace. The song was a dramatic way to appeal to the audience’s emotions, but even with it being a serious love song, the humor in the video softened the song up.

Heinz targeted people of all ages with this specific commercial. The “Heinz family” included people of different genders and ages. This makes for a wide variety of viewers. People of all ages, animal lovers, hotdog lovers, and ketchup lovers would all be intrigued by this commercial. It was also aired during Super Bowl Sunday 2016! To have your advertisement on during the Super Bowl implies that the brand is a well known, legitimate company who has the means of advertising during these special events. It was a fun, happy way to promote Heinz brand with millions of families watching! The bright, sunny, green field appeals to the viewer’s emotions. The appearance of bright colors brings attention to the commercial and persuades the spectators to actually want to keep observing. This particular song is from the late 70’s and comes from an era of love and peace. The older generation can very well relate to the song and enjoy the advertisement.

Individuals see advertisements and never think of how much time and effort was put into creating something that appears to be so simple. No one ever notices the appeals in the advertisement. These appeals are what makes people buy into the product that is being sold. The marketing strategies used for appeal are all hidden through out every advertisement seen on a daily basis.[This conclusion is weak as it is short and doesn’t really provide a good wrap of what was discussed in the essay.]