fix feedback
Running head: PAMELA GIVING UP.
Name: Talal Bazheer
Course: English 002
Date: 29/01/2016
Pamela Giving Up.
A story of a girl born cripple with neither arms nor legs to a wealthy family in South Africa, this is shown when her mother shared her thoughts of taking her to a special school in Homburg. Being the only child she was given everything she wanted.it is clear when her father opened up a trust fund for her; the story shows how the girl struggled with her life until she gave up. Comment by Rachel D Heicher: You need at least one more sentence in your introduction to function as a thesis statement. Make an arguable claim about the story.
Pamela was a determined girl never accepting her disability as a hurdle. She was witty, this was when she was able to write and send books to England for marking, and they came marked with an excellent comment. Wendy was her friend and only company. One day conflict arose between the two when Pamela felt that Wendy's friendship was not genuine, but due the payment she got from keeping her company, this was when she said to Wendy “you only come because my mother pays you. You are just a shopper like all others." Wendy felt hurt, resulting in them to argue and Pamela being short tempered called Wendy a liar and her father a thief. Wendy was annoyed to a point she felt like slapping her friend, but due to the respected of her state, she gave back abusive words by saying, ”my friend has no arms no legs and no brain". Pamela was looking for that all along and started telling out on Wendy's mom having no job. Wendy ran out and cried. Pamela felt some guilt, and due to a change in heart and pity, she asked her primary reason for crying, Wendy explained the possibility of her mother becoming jobless because she had fainted on her job by lacking food to eat. Pamela felt her friend and said she would ask her mother to request Wendy's mom reinstatement. Wendy's mom got her job back, and was well treated and fed. While Pamela and Wendy were playing together, Wendy said something that made Mrs. Geldenhuys, Pamela's mother, moods changed like the first time she turned gray when she heard Wendy calling Pamela, Pamelump, she requested to take Wendy home immediately. Very protective of her child, Mrs. Geldenhuys drove Wendy home while she interrogated her. Mrs. Geldenhuys wanted to find out if their friendship is genuine or counterfeit, and realized that Wendy loved Pamela; went on further asking why Wendy called Pamela the name Pamelump terming it as cruel. Wendy confirmed that Pamela wanted to be called Pamelump and if she could not then she should not play with her. Comment by Rachel D Heicher: Looking for what? Clarify this point.
Next day after school Wendy went to Pamela's place for swimming in the pool on Geldenhuys farm behind a mulberry groove. They swam until Pamela's mother caught them, and after being caught she scolded Wendy, but Pamela defended saying that it was her idea swimming in the pool. Mrs. Geldenhuys was half proud and half disappointed at the same time, disappointed that Pamela took Miss Mbata's goodwill to far and proud she stood for her friend. Wendy went back home and was to go and visit Pamela the next day. The following day, they were not playing anything. Pamela wanted to talk to Wendy and the first thing she told her was that she wanted to die, the reason being growing old and most people like her never reach puberty in their life, and she will die alone. Wendy tried to convince her that she will always be by her side, but Pamela's with her stubbornness said that she will once get tired and want to have her healthy life. Comment by Rachel D Heicher: Your topic sentence for each body paragraph should make a claim in support of the thesis statement. This one is a statement of fact, which is more likely to lead you into a paragraph of summary rather than analysis.
Wendy was disturbed by Pamela's decision to commit suicide she tried everything to convince Pamela, but she had already made up her mind. She tried by reminding all she will live behind the mulberry, the bougainvillea and the fact that she liked Wendy. Pamela unconvinced she said that it was not enough, this made her remember her the incident at the swimming pool that even her mother Mrs. Geldenhuys knew that Pamela could not plot such a thing like swimming, and there she had no reason in staying. Pamela had a certain complexity that she never wanted anybody to feel pity for her. She revealed her plan on Wendy on how she wanted to kill herself this was by using her mother's sleeping peels on a Wednesday when no worker would be home to interfere with her plans and Wendy would help her by feeding her the pills if she was her friend. Wendy said she would not take part in killing her friend and that she would do the necessary by just keeping Medicine near Pamela but if she wanted she could kill herself. Pamela tried to convince Wendy to feed her the pills so that so could peacefully die. Wendy went away and denied Pamela's request. The next day, she was called by Pamela's who said that Pamela had a terrible accident by falling off her chair. Wendy rushed to Pamela's place to see her friend, and she was a little guilty of having a hand in the accident. Pamela asked Wendy if her love was genuine and wouldn't have let her suffer and allow her to die. Wendy finally agreed and gave Pamela the pills Pamela asked her to stay for while then she stayed for a while after Pamela had closed her eyes Wendy strokes her hair and kisses her. She went on to the garden to pick some bougainvillea where her friend liked to stay.
Pamela being cripple she faced many torments and as, by the story, many of the torments were her making she tried to reject love and care where she found and pushed away those who tried to be good on her and at the end she took away her life due to pride. Comment by Rachel D Heicher: This comes closer to a thesis statement than anything you have in your introductory paragraph so far. The claim that Pamela’s torments are her own doing would be a great overall point for your essay to focus on. You just need to get this idea into the introduction and make sure that each body paragraph relates directly back to this idea and shows your readers how your interpretation of Pamela’s character is a valid one.