In the articles: “Welcome to College” and “Hookups, Ho’s, and Losing It,” the topic of what kind of relationships and encounters college students are looking for arises. Within these articles there are numerous examples of college-like encounters and some of the typical situations that often take place at universities. Most college students claim to want a long term, committed relationship; however, college students’ actions do not portray this. The hook-up culture, that is popular at many universities, impacts students’ actions and views on relationships on college campuses.
In “Welcome to College,” Amy Stone is the perfect example of a typical college student looking for a committed relationship; however, like most, her actions and her wishes are contradictory. On page 7 in “Welcome to College,” Amy discusses how she was “sort of with someone,” but they were not “calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend.” Amy’s experience demonstrates that not putting a title on a relationship is like opening the door for someone to walk out on the relationship. When a couple is not in a committed relationship, others can see this and think that each person does not want anything exclusive but more physical.
Furthermore, on page 13 and continuing on page 14 in “Welcome to College” the author writes, “hookup culture sets different expectations and values about sex for women and men.” And continues with a comment from a college student who he was interviewing, “Sexiness is no longer about being arousing or alluring, it’s about being worthwhile. Hotness has become our cultural currency, and a lot of people spend a lot of time and a lot of regular, green currency trying to acquire it.” The idea that the author expresses in the article highlights the ironic behaviors college students have today. Some examples are that the same college students who are saying they are looking for a boyfriend or girlfriend let one sex degrade the other, or disrespect them selves. This hookup culture is described as being be based on looks such as “hotness” or “sexiness”. The irony is that a relationship should not be built off of looks or sexual desire, which is a goal for girls when dressing provocatively.
While reading these chapters, one finds that hookup culture makes many people think that their virginity is something that they need to get rid of. On page 132 in “Hookups, Ho’s and Losing It,” the Freitas states, “For guys, being a virgin is a sign that something is wrong with you, rather than something valuable.” Often times, a woman as a virgin is perceived as noble and in other cases as a trophy to be won. The hookup culture sets this way of thinking as the norm. For the average college student being a virgin may be something embarrassing because it seems like everyone is hooking up and “doing stuff”.
College students may say they desire a committed relationship, but their actions do not show it. When college students dress provocatively to get attention, lose their virginity just to “get it over with,” and hook up with random strangers or peers, the last thing that would cross one’s mind is, “Oh, that person looks like they are longing for a committed relationship”. Hookup culture has hindered the ability to get into a committed relationship because people are judged based on their experience and their actions. Even though hookups can replace an awkward first date, a random hookup should not be considered a ticket to relationship. College students may long to find a long-term relationship, but their actions have a bad way of showing it. Following the hookup culture is not a way to respect oneself, get respect from others, and much less obtain a lasting relationship.
Furthermore, upon reading John XXIII, one can continue to reflect on the relationships college students long for. With being human, there is going be an urge to love. On page 205 in My Life With the Saints, it states that “even celibate men and women are prone to the same things that other human beings are: becoming infatuated, getting crushes, falling in love, and so on.” This reading provided a new insight into thinking about relationships and intimacy. Although one may have a human urge to do something, one does not have to act upon it.
On page 197 in My Life With the Saints the author states, “chastity refers to the proper and loving use of one’s sexuality, and this is something everyone is called to.” Freitas continues with, “living as a chaste person requires that the physical and external expressions of our sexuality be “under the control of love, with tenderness and full awareness of the other.”” These statements provide new insight to what relationships should be based on. If college students are looking for a committed relationship, they should seek a chaste person, not someone who is dressed in “sexy” clothes. Relationships based on “the control of ones love…and full awareness of the other”, does not have to be too “idealistic” for a college student.
The hookup culture students are accustomed to at universities does not show the side of relationships that the passage was trying to bring forth. On page 10 in “Welcome to College” Freitas states, “it is difficult not to wonder whether there is a correlation between the drift of college students away from traditional religion—especially in practice—and their immersion in sexually active college culture.” Freitas is stating that because college students are placed in a culture that does not practice celibacy or act upon their religious beliefs college students can be more prone to engaging in sexual activity.
On page 10 in “Welcome to College” the author inquires if, “a strong religious and/or spiritual identity that is both personal and communal (an not simply private) help students to navigate and even resist sexual expectations set for them by their peers?” By this, Freitas is questioning if a strong spirituality or emphasis on religious values could guide college students away from the sexual expectancies given to them by the culture around them.
These quotes and passages help demonstrate how the hookup culture can take a negative toll on college students’ relationships desires. The hookup culture prohibits college students from seeing that relationships should be built on love and care for one another. The relationships depicted in the reading of John XXIII may seem to be out of reach for a college student, but they serve the purpose of giving people a goal to aim for. Everything in the articles explaining the aspects of the hookup culture is the opposite of the relationships exemplified in the reading of John XXIII. It is important for college students to realize this and change the ways they are influenced by the hookup culture.
Work Cited
Freitas, Donna. Sex and the Soul: Juggling Sexuality, Spirituality, Romance, and Religion on America's College Campuses. New York: Oxford University Press, April 2008. Print.
Martin, SJ, James. My Life with the Saints. Chicago: James Martin, SJ, 2006. Print
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