Conflict paper (3 pages Essay)

Koerner, A. F., & Fitzpatrick, M. A. (2002). You never leave your family in a fight: The impact of family of origin on conflict-behavior in romantic relationships. Communication Studies, 53(3), 234-253.

This article deals with conflict in family and romantic relationships. The authors found that an adult’s conflict behavior in romantic relationships is strongly influenced by his or her family of origin’s conflict patterns. Undergraduate students who were currently in a dating relationship, with a mean age of 21.5, responded to questionnaires measuring their conformity and conversation orientation as well as conflict interactions in their romantic relationships.

The article categorized family conflict patterns into four family types: Consensual, pluralistic, protective, and laissez-faire families. Consensual families tend to be high in both conversation and conformity orientation. There tends to be tension between (1) the pressure to agree and preserve the status quo and (2) an interest for open and honest communication. Although conflict is viewed as negative in these families, unresolved conflict can be threatening to the relationships within the family, so conflict resolution is seen as important.

Pluralistic families tend to be high in conversation but low in conformity orientation. There are open, unrestrained discussions involving all family members. There is also much less emphasis on the family system and more on the individual. For these families, conflict is perceived as non-threatening to the family and there are seldom personal attacks or other forms of verbal aggressiveness.

Protective families tend to be low on conversation but high on conformity orientation. Obedience and conformity are very important, but little emphasis is placed on communication. In these families, communication tends to enforce family norms rather than serve as a way to exchange ideas. Conflict is seen as a threat to the family system, and family members are expected to avoid conflict as well as avoid dealing with problems. This results in unresolved conflict, high tension, and verbally aggressive tendencies.

Laissez-faire families are low on both conversation and conformity orientation. There are few, usually uninvolving interactions among family members on a small number of topics. Individuality is valued, but unlike members of pluralistic families, these family members develop their individuality with the help of outside resources as opposed to their family. Conflict is rare because emotional involvement is low; family members tend to be “emotionally divorced” from other members of the family.

The findings also indicate that not all families prepare their children well for conflict in later life; for example, for some consensual families, the participants reported the most positive conflict interactions as children while living with their parents, whereas later they reported the least positive conflict experiences in their adult romantic relationships. The authors believe the reason for this is that as children, they are taught to defer to their parents, and as a result, are unskilled in conflict management once they reach adulthood. Pluralistic families, however, had a somewhat opposite response. These participants reported the most extensive and volatile conflict experiences as children, and reported the most positive conflict interactions as adults in romantic relationships. This seems to indicate that pluralistic families prepare their children the best for conflict in future relationships.