Friendship
In the Nicomachean Ethics, Aristotle values friendship so highly that he argues friendship replaces justice. Friendship, he argues, is necessary for life, since no one would choose to live without friends . Aristotle believes that there are three different kinds of friendship: the friendship of utility, of pleasure, and of virtue. The virtuous friendship is the highest form of friendship and one of the greatest achievements one can attain. Aristotle argues that friendship must be highly valued because it is a complete virtue; friendship is both honorable and virtuous. In addition, Aristotle describes people who engage in the love of utility and the love of pleasure as people who set up relationships for their own personal gain. Aristotle believes that virtuous friendship is the most highly valued form of friendship, and friendship for utility or pleasure are not on the same level. I argue that true friendship will be complete embodiment of all three forms of friendship. Therefore, one should strive for friendship that is virtuous and also includes the senses of pleasure and utility in it.
Friendships of pleasure are based on joy in other people's company alone.Friendship of pleasure would be a sexual relationship without a commitment, ‘beer drinking’ buddies. People who make jokes or have a sense of humor are said to have this kind of friendship. For example, most times people Sara works with are not seen outside of work unless they have activities in common with her. Another instance, Sara enjoys spending time with Sami such as going shopping, throwing a party, and eating at restaurants because he is very wealthy ,so he is the one who takes care of all her expenses , conversely, take advantage of having fun with her. However, when these people no longer enjoy doing or sharing the activity, the friendship will come to an end shortly.
Friendships of utility are those friendships that are useful to each or only one of the friends. For instance, Anna is being friendly to her neighbor because Anna’s neighbor takes care of her children when she is out. Also, when Anna’s neighbor is on vacation, Anna waters her neighbor’s flowers. Another example would be about two students sit next to each other in class, and share notes with one another when they miss a class . In addition, the relationship between a car salesman and a buyer .The car salesman needs the customer because he has to make a living, and the buyer needs the salesman because he needs a car. Therefore, the two friends take care of each other in the case of one’s absences. Their friendship is useful to both parties but does not go beyond its utility.
Friendships of virtue are based on mutual respect and admiration, regardless of utility or pleasure. As long as these friends have similar values and goals, their relationship lasts because its primary motive is to take care of the other person. This kind of relationship takes longer to develop than the other two kinds, since it involves the enjoyment of each other's character. Virtuous relation requires moral characteristics such as courage, generosity, honesty, and loyalty. The virtuous friend is sincerely glad to see his friend get married or get a promotion, even if it means they will have less time to spend with each other, or will not be as important a business connection. When two people recognize that they have similar goals and values, their relationship will be based on loving each other and wanting what is good for them. This is the best kind of friendship and what Aristotle calls true friendship.
Aristotle argues that the virtuous friendship is the only relationship that will last because it consists of good values. The other two forms of friendship will not endure because they only seek pleasure and utility. When considering Aristotle’s various kinds of friendship, one still asks whether it is possible for friendships to be complete without being pleasant and useful. Can people have goodwill for each other just because they have similarity in virtue, even if there is an absence of utility and pleasure?
A person who is looking for a real friend should find the one friend who has all three kinds friendship in one. Virtuous friendship, along with friendship of utility and pleasure, can continue to exist together. In response to what Aristotle believes about virtuous friendship, I believe that people who have virtuous friendship also need to enjoy the pleasure of the other person and be helpful to them.
Aristotle’s virtuous friendship itself is not the complete idea of friendship. It has to be expanded to include friendship of pleasure and utility. Real friends are still useful and pleasant for each other. In the absence of one of the three kinds of friend, the friendship will be incomplete. Each kind of friendship should be supported by the other in order to have friendship in its fullest sense.
People do not seek friendship for friendship's sake, but rather to satisfy needs such as pleasure and utility. It would be more beneficial to all if Aristotle made it clear that it is possible for everyone to experience real friendship and not limited it to 'virtuous' people. If virtue is attained by age and wisdom does that not mean that everyone is possibly virtuous and, therefore, that everyone can potentially be in a virtuous friendship?
Being with a virtuous friend will affect my life and make me aware of the right and wrong things, however I still need to add some flavor to my life. Being with a friend who is pleasant and helpful in addition to being virtuous lets me experience the fullness of friendship. One may ask whether the friendship of pleasure and utility are useless if one has a virtuous friend? Is that virtuous relationship all that someone needs? My response to that question is that we are looking to be happy and useful in both this life and the next life. If we find a relationship that has the three kinds of friendship in one, we will be lucky and fully possess the best characteristics present in all three types of friendship.
References
Ross, W. (2009). The Nicomachean ethics. Oxford: Oxford University Press.
[footnoteRef:1] [1: http://classics.mit.edu/Aristotle/nicomachaen.8.viii.html.
Number 3. Paragraph No. 1, 2,3,4.]
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