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Paper One by Abeer Alyami

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T IME SUBMIT T ED 09- OCT - 2015 08:52AM

SUBMISSION ID 5824 33260

WORD COUNT 1334

CHARACT ER COUNT 6154

I_WANT _T O_KNOW_WHY.DOCX (18.61K)

FINAL GRADE

73/100 Paper One GRADEMARK REPORT

GENERAL COMMENTS

Instructor Yo u have a very go o d start here!! Co me see me f o r so me help with main po ints and grammar

Signif icant issues with sentence structure. Please see this link f o r help: http://grammar.abo ut.co m/o d/basicsentencegrammar/a/basicstructures.htm

Signif icant issues with punctuatio n. See this link: http://www.cayuga- cc.edu/pdf /academics/writingassistance/clauses_phrases.pdf

Signif icant issues with paragraph structure. T hink o f a paragraph like a sandwich. T he f irst sentence sho uld be a statement o f the po int yo u want to make in yo ur paragraph. T his sho uld be a main po int o r a suppo rting po int. T hen, the meat o f the sandwich is suppo rting inf o rmatio n. Yo u give details f ro m the sto ry o f the research to suppo rt yo ur po int. Yo u explain HOW the details suppo rt yo ur po int. T he f inal sentence clo ses the po int, and suggests ho w it leads to the next po int.

. the paper do es no t use pro per MLA f o rmat, including present tense verbs Wo rks Cited Page

PAGE 1

Comment 1 put literature title into yo ur title

Set of f titles Use Italics to sho w bo o k titles o r " " to set o f f Sho rt sto ries

Sp. Spelling erro r

http://grammar.about.com/od/basicsentencegrammar/a/basicstructures.htm

Sp. Spelling erro r

present tense use present tense f o r all that happens o n the page

Missing "," Missing co mma: T ho ugh it may no t always be grammatically necessary, a co mma can o f ten help to prevent a misreading. When a sentence o pens with an intro ducto ry element (a phrase, clause o r wo rd that is lo gically related to ano ther phrase o r clause in the same sentence), it is a great help to yo ur reader to place a co mma af ter that intro ducto ry element. Such phrases will o f ten begin with wo rds like "because," "while" o r "altho ugh," as in the f o llo wing example: "While everyo ne was f ighting, the bear wandered away." As yo u can see, witho ut the co mma, the sentence wo uld be co nf using.

Prep. Yo u may be using the wro ng prepo sitio n.

Comment 2 put yo ur thesis here, at the end o f the paragraph

Missing "," Review the rules f o r using punctuatio n marks.

Comment 3 paragraphs sho uld be a minimum o f 4 sentences explain ho w Fo ster suppo rts this po int

S/V T his subject and verb may no t agree. Pro o f read the sentence to make sure the subject agrees with the verb.

PAGE 2

is lo gically related to ano ther phrase o r clause in the same sentence), it is a great help to yo ur reader to place a co mma af ter that intro ducto ry element. Such phrases will o f ten begin with wo rds like "because," "while" o r "altho ugh," as in the f o llo wing example: "While everyo ne was f ighting, the bear wandered away." As yo u can see, witho ut the co mma, the sentence wo uld be co nf using.

ownership use 's to sho w o wnership

Vague Unclear: When making a po int in o ne o f yo ur bo dy paragraphs, o ne o f the mo st co mmo n mistakes is to no t o f f er eno ugh details. A paragraph witho ut much detail will seem vague and sketchy. A paper is always strengthened when yo ur claims are as specif ic as po ssible, T he mo re detailed evidence yo u o f f er, the mo re ref erence po ints yo ur reader will have. Remember that yo u are co mmunicating yo ur argument to a reader who has o nly yo ur descriptio n to go by. So meo ne who reads yo ur essay will no t auto matically kno w what yo u mean to express, so yo u have to supply details, to sho w the reader what yo u mean, no t just tell him o r her.

present tense use present tense f o r all that happens o n the page

Sp. Spelling erro r

Citation Needed Cite So urce: Please use the link belo w to f ind links to inf o rmatio n regarding specif ic citatio n styles: http://www.plagiarism.o rg/plag_article_citatio n_styles.html

Comment 4 state

Proof Read! Pro o f Read! T ry reading alo ud, o r having so meo ne else lo o k at yo ur paper to catch small mistakes.

Possessive

Verb T his verb may be inco rrect. Pro o f read the sentence to make sure yo u have used the co rrect f o rm o f the verb.

Citation Needed Cite So urce: Please use the link belo w to f ind links to inf o rmatio n regarding specif ic citatio n styles: http://www.plagiarism.o rg/plag_article_citatio n_styles.html

Comment 5 jo urneys to see

Citation Needed Cite So urce: Please use the link belo w to f ind links to inf o rmatio n regarding specif ic citatio n styles: http://www.plagiarism.o rg/plag_article_citatio n_styles.html

Sp. T his wo rd is misspelled. Use a dictio nary o r spellchecker when yo u pro o f read yo ur wo rk.

S/V T his subject and verb may no t agree. Pro o f read the sentence to make sure the subject agrees with the verb.

Sp. Spelling erro r

Run-on Run- o n sentence: T he sentence co ntains two o r mo re independent clauses. Separate the clauses with a perio d o r semico lo n.

Citation Needed Cite So urce: Please use the link belo w to f ind links to inf o rmatio n regarding specif ic citatio n styles: http://www.plagiarism.o rg/plag_article_citatio n_styles.html

Sp. Spelling erro r

Comment 6 his age

Comment 7 a place

Citation Needed Cite So urce: Please use the link belo w to f ind links to inf o rmatio n regarding specif ic citatio n styles: http://www.plagiarism.o rg/plag_article_citatio n_styles.html

Sp. T his wo rd is misspelled. Use a dictio nary o r spellchecker when yo u pro o f read yo ur wo rk.

Run-on Run- o n sentence: T he sentence co ntains two o r mo re independent clauses. Separate the clauses with a perio d o r semico lo n.

Dup. Did yo u mean to repeat this wo rd?

Comment 8 based o n his expectatio n o f seeing the races

present tense use present tense f o r all that happens o n the page

Citation Needed Cite So urce: Please use the link belo w to f ind links to inf o rmatio n regarding specif ic citatio n styles: http://www.plagiarism.o rg/plag_article_citatio n_styles.html

present tense use present tense f o r all that happens o n the page

Sentence Cap. Review the rules f o r capitalizatio n.

PAGE 3

ownership use 's to sho w o wnership

Proof read T his part o f the sentence co ntains an erro r o r misspelling that makes yo ur meaning unclear.

garbled this sentence is co nf used in structure, which makes it hard to understand

Possessive

Citation Needed Cite So urce: Please use the link belo w to f ind links to inf o rmatio n regarding specif ic citatio n styles: http://www.plagiarism.o rg/plag_article_citatio n_styles.html

Missing "," Review the rules f o r using punctuatio n marks.

Sp. Spelling erro r

Run-on Run- o n sentence: T he sentence co ntains two o r mo re independent clauses. Separate the clauses with a perio d o r semico lo n.

Comment 9 but he is to o big: he canno t ride

Citation Needed Cite So urce: Please use the link belo w to f ind links to inf o rmatio n regarding specif ic citatio n styles: http://www.plagiarism.o rg/plag_article_citatio n_styles.html

present tense use present tense f o r all that happens o n the page

Citation Needed Cite So urce: Please use the link belo w to f ind links to inf o rmatio n regarding specif ic citatio n styles: http://www.plagiarism.o rg/plag_article_citatio n_styles.html

P/V Yo u have used the passive vo ice in this sentence. Yo u may want to revise it using the active vo ice.

Citation Needed Cite So urce: Please use the link belo w to f ind links to inf o rmatio n regarding specif ic citatio n styles: http://www.plagiarism.o rg/plag_article_citatio n_styles.html

present tense use present tense f o r all that happens o n the page

Article Error Yo u may need to use an article bef o re this wo rd.

Citation Needed Cite So urce: Please use the link belo w to f ind links to inf o rmatio n regarding specif ic citatio n styles: http://www.plagiarism.o rg/plag_article_citatio n_styles.html

PAGE 4

Sp. T his wo rd is misspelled. Use a dictio nary o r spellchecker when yo u pro o f read yo ur wo rk.

Citation Needed Cite So urce: Please use the link belo w to f ind links to inf o rmatio n regarding specif ic citatio n styles: http://www.plagiarism.o rg/plag_article_citatio n_styles.html

Sp. Spelling erro r

ownership use 's to sho w o wnership

Sp. T his wo rd is misspelled. Use a dictio nary o r spellchecker when yo u pro o f read yo ur wo rk.

Verb T his verb may be inco rrect. Pro o f read the sentence to make sure yo u have used the co rrect f o rm o f the verb.

QM Missing "," Missing co mma: T ho ugh it may no t always be grammatically necessary, a co mma can o f ten help to prevent a misreading. When a sentence o pens with an intro ducto ry element (a phrase, clause o r wo rd that is lo gically related to ano ther phrase o r clause in the same sentence), it is a great help to yo ur reader to place a co mma af ter that intro ducto ry element. Such phrases will o f ten begin with wo rds like "because," "while" o r "altho ugh," as in the f o llo wing example: "While everyo ne was f ighting, the bear wandered away." As yo u can see, witho ut the co mma, the sentence wo uld be co nf using.

PAGE 5

Comment 10 why the huge space

PAGE 6

RUBRIC: WIC RUBRIC 20 11

ST RUCT /ORG (8%)

EXCEPT IONAL (4)

GOOD (3.40)

FAIR/ADEQUAT E (3)

LIMIT ED (2.60)

POOR (0.01)

RESEARCH (7 %)

EXCEPT IONAL (4)

GOOD (3.40)

FAIR/ADEQUAT E (3)

LIMIT ED (2.60)

POOR (0.01)

READING COMP. (7 %)

EXCEPT IONAL (4)

GOOD (3.40)

FAIR/ADEQUAT E (3)

LIMIT ED (2.60)

2.9 3 / 4

2.60 / 4

T his measure examines the ef f ectiveness o f the structure and o rganizatio n o f the student's paper.

Has a so phisticated o rganizatio nal structure that demo nstrates a co mplex understanding o f the material

Well o rganized f ro m intro ductio n to co nclusio n; paragraphs and ideas f lo w co herently

Easy to f o llo w, but wo uld benef it f ro m so me restructuring and/o r stro nger transitio ns between ideas

Readable, but o rder o f ideas and/o r transitio ns between ideas need wo rk

Dif f icult to f o llo w

3 / 4

T his measure examines the ef f ectiveness o f the student's use and integratio n o f seco ndary so urces.

Meets o r exceeds research requirements and integrates so urces skillf ully

Meets o r exceeds research requirements and integrates so urces ef f ectively

Meets research requirements and integrates so urces co rrectly

Either f ails to meet research requirements o r f ails to integrate so urces appro priately

Fails bo th to meet research requirements and to integrate so urces appro priately

3.4 0 / 4

T his measure examines the student's reading co mprehensio n o f bo th primary and seco ndary so urces.

Demo nstrates co mprehensio n o f all so urces, ability to evaluate so urces, and ability to advance kno wledge

Demo nstrates co mprehensio n o f all so urces plus ability to evaluate so urces

Demo nstrates basic co mprehensio n o f bo th primary and seco ndary so urces

Demo nstrates inco nsistent co mprehensio n o f so urces

POOR (0.01)

DOCUMENT AT ION (7 %)

EXCEPT IONAL (4)

GOOD (3.40)

FAIR/ADEQUAT E (3)

LIMIT ED (2.60)

POOR (0.01)

FORMALIT Y (7 %)

EXCEPT IONAL (4)

GOOD (3.40)

FAIR/ADEQUAT E (3)

LIMIT ED (2.60)

POOR (0.01)

GRAMMAR (7 %)

EXCEPT IONAL (4)

GOOD (3.40)

Fails to demo nstrate co mprehensio n o f so urces

2.60 / 4

T his measure examines a student's ability to f o llo w assigned do cumentatio n styles, such as APA, MLA, o r Chicago

Demo nstrates independent research o f do cumentatio n manual and emplo ys advanced do cumentatio n style techniques

Fo llo ws basic style (MLA, APA, Chicago ) with no mo re than two o r three f laws

Has punctuatio n o r o ther mino r erro rs in do cumentatio n, but in- text citatio ns are clearly co o rdinated w/ biblio graphy

Includes bo th in- text citatio ns and biblio graphy, but they are inco nsistent o r inco mplete

Either o r bo th in- text citatio ns o r biblio graphy missing

3 / 4

T his measure examines the student's use o f f o rmal o r pro f essio nal language and wo rd cho ice

Highly articulate academic to ne emplo ying pro f essio nal language o n an advanced level

Clear and appro priate language emplo ying pro f essio nal terms co rrectly

Acceptable language use o verall, but so me inf o rmal language

So me acceptable language use, but o verall to ne is inf o rmal

Lack o f respect sho wn to subject thro ugh use o f slang and/o r o verly casual o r co llo quial language

0.01 / 4

T his measure examines the paper's sentence structure, subject/verb agreement, pro no un and antecedent agreement, etc.

Less than o ne grammatical erro r per page in a paper that emplo ys a variety o f co mplex sentence structures

No mo re than o ne grammatical erro r per page in a paper that emplo ys a limited range o f co mplex sentence structures

FAIR/ADEQUAT E (3)

LIMIT ED (2.60)

POOR (0.01)

MECHANICS (7 %)

EXCEPT IONAL (4)

GOOD (3.40)

FAIR/ADEQUAT E (3)

LIMIT ED (2.60)

POOR (0.01)

CONT ENT (25%)

EXCEPT IONAL (4)

GOOD (3.40)

FAIR/ADEQUAT E (3)

LIMIT ED (2.60)

POOR (0.01)

T HESIS (25%)

Occasio nal erro rs in grammar (o ne o r two per page) in a paper that emplo ys mo stly basic sentence structures

Several mino r erro rs per page

Grammatical erro rs make it necessary to reread sentences and/o r sectio ns to discern meaning

2.60 / 4

T his measure examines the student's use o f punctuatio n, capitalizatio n, spelling, etc.

Fo llo ws co nventio ns f o r punctuatio n, capitalizatio n, and spelling with f ewer than o ne erro r o f this type per page

No mo re than o ne erro r o f this type per page

Occasio nal erro rs o f this type but no mo re than o ne o r two per page

Appro x. f o ur o r f ive erro rs o f this type per page

Paper requires extensive editing/pro o f reading in this area

3.4 0 / 4

T his measure evaluates the co ntent o f yo ur paper, o r ho w well yo ur thesis is suppo rted and argued.

Paper is insightf ul, tho ught- pro vo king, and co mplex, and it is caref ully argued, develo ped, and suppo rted.

Paper is very tho ughtf ul and engaging but may no t rise to the "superio r" level in co mplexity, argumentatio n, develo pment, o r suppo rt.

Paper meets all requirements, but ideas are basic, o bvio us, and/o r o verly generalized; they may lack caref ul explanatio n and suppo rt. It may have o ne pro mising idea that may need to be mo re caref ully tho ught o ut o r develo ped.

Paper is limited in so me way: (1) f ails to meet all requirements; (2) lacks f o cus; (3) is uninsightf ul, unco nvincing o r underdevelo ped; (4 ) do es no t successf ully argue a thesis that f ulf ills the assignment. Paper may be limited in mo re than o ne o f these ways.

Paper makes little meaningf ul attempt to respo nd to the assignment with substantive co mmentary o n the literature.

3.4 0 / 4

T his measure evaluates yo ur thesis itself , and ho w specif ic, signif icant, and arguable it is.

EXCEPT IONAL (4)

GOOD (3.40)

FAIR/ADEQUAT E (3)

LIMIT ED (2.60)

POOR (0.01)

T hesis is specif ic, signif icant, arguable, and well- written; it gives the reader a "ro admap" to the paper and leads the reader to think dif f erently abo ut the subject.

T hesis is pro mising but co uld be mo re specif ic, signif icant, and/o r better written. T he impo rtance o f thesis may need to be better explained and its implicatio ns mo re f ully drawn o ut. In these papers, the co nclusio n simply restates the thesis suggested at the beginning o f the paper rather than develo ping its tho ught.

T hesis is adequate but may no t demo nstrate a high level o f critical thinking o r pro vide an adequate blueprint f o r the paper. It may be signif icantly lacking in o ne o f the three qualities o f being specif ic, signif icant, o r arguable.

T hesis is weak; makes o nly a generic claim, an o bvio us claim, o r an insignif icant claim. T he paper may be summarizing so urces witho ut stating any tho ught beyo nd its so urces.

T hesis is missing o r unrelated to the assignment.

Paper One

by Abeer Alyami

Paper One

GRADEMARK REPORT

FINAL GRADE
GENERAL COMMENTS

Instructor

RUBRIC: WIC RUBRIC 2011 2.93 / 4