9-12 page paper Counseling
mgrg72
conflicted3.pdf
2
PREPARE/ENRICH Customized Version
Facilitator: Crystal J. Wallace Date Completed: 12/30/2012
Couple Names: Chris Olympia
Couple Login Code: FBM2E4-
447PNH
Customizations: Married Children from Previous Relationship Protestant Cultural/Ethnic Differences Children Under 18
This Facilitator's Report is not to be given to the couple. It is for the Facilitator's use only. Please print a copy of the Couple's Report for the couple.
Contents Report Section Page
Background Information 3
Couple Typology / Strength & Growth Areas 4
Overall Satisfaction & Idealistic Distortion 5
Relationship Dynamics 6
Commitment & Abuse 7
Personal Stress Profile 8
Core Relationship Categories 9-17
Additional Customized Categories 18-20
Couple Map 21
Family Map 22
SCOPE Personality Scales 23-25
PREPARE/ENRICH © Copyright, 2008 - 2012 Life Innovations, Inc.
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Background Information
Question
Chris
Olympia
Gender Male Female
Age Range 36 - 40 31 - 35
Ethnic Background African American African American
Education Completed Some College/TechnicalSchool Some College/Technical
School
Religious Affiliation Protestant (Christian) No Answer
Which category best describes your area of employment?
Construction Not employed outside ofhome
Role at work Trained Professional Not employed outside of thehome
Employment Status (paid) Full-time No Answer
Individual Yearly Income $20,000 - $29,999 $10,000 - $19,999
What is your birth position in your family?
Second Second
No. children in your family Five or more Four
What is your current living arrangement?
Married and living with spouse
Married and living with spouse
Where do you live? Suburban Area Small Town
How long have you and your spouse been married?
1-5 years 1-5 years
No. children you have Five or more Five or more
How many more children do you want?
One One
Is the woman pregnant? No No
Number of previous marriages 0 - never married before 1 previous marriage
Parents' marital status Married Divorced, 1 single/1remarried
Raised by Both Biological Parents Single Parent
4
Couple Typology (Core Scales)
Conflicted Couple Type Based on the PCA scores across the core categories, this couple is best categorized as a Conflicted Couple. They disagree and have concerns about many aspects of their relationship. Conflicted couples often struggle to communicate well with one another and have difficulty resolving issues. They should concentrate on improving their communication and conflict resolution skills. Based on past research with thousands of couples, PREPARE/ENRICH categorizes couple relationships into one of five common relational patterns:
Vitalized couples are typically most satisfied with their relationship, skilled in communication and conflict resolution. Harmonious couples also enjoy high levels of satisfaction across most areas of their relationship. Conventional couples are often highly committed to one another, but not as skilled in communication or conflict resolution. Conflicted couples have a lower level of satisfaction and often struggle with many areas of their relationship. Devitalized couples have the lowest level of satisfaction and have growth areas in almost all aspects of their relationship.
Strength and Growth Areas
Levels of Positive Couple Agreement Core and Customized Scales
Relationship Strengths (PCA=80 - 100%) Areas with High Couple Agreement Sexual Relationship
Possible Relationship Strengths (PCA=50 - 70%) Areas with Moderately High Couple Agreement
Cultural/Ethnic Issues Family & Friends
Financial Management Spiritual Beliefs
Step Parenting Issues
Possible Growth Areas (PCA=30 - 40%) Areas with Moderately Low Couple Agreement
Leisure Activities Roles & Responsibilities
Growth Areas (PCA=0 - 20%) Areas with Low Couple Agreement
Communication Conflict Resolution
Forgiveness Partner Style & Habits
5
Overall Satisfaction
The graphs below plot the Overall Satisfaction for each individual and the couple based on the Core Scales.
Idealistic Distortion
Idealistic Distortion measures the extent to which a person distorts their relationship in a positive direction.
Chris may be somewhat realistic, but sometimes denies or minimizes problems in their relationship. Olympia is generally realistic and open to admitting limitations or problems in their relationship.
Interpretation of Idealism A high score (above 65%) indicates that a person describes their relationship in an overly positive manner and sees it through "rose colored" glasses. A lower score (below 40%) indicates a more realistic approach to describing the relationship. Revised Individual Scores In order to provide more accurate individual scores for each category, each person's Individual Scores are corrected based on how high their score is on Idealistic Distortion. Revised Individual scores are graphed and defined in many of the following relationship categories.
Strongly Disagree 1
Disagree 2
Undecided 3
Agree 4
Strongly Agree 5
Chris
Olympia
Idealistic Distortion Items 2 2 Every new thing I have learned about my partner has pleased me. 2 2 I have never regretted my relationship with my partner. 4 2 My partner always gives me the love and affection I need. 2 2 My partner and I understand each other completely. 4 1 My partner completely understands and sympathizes with my every mood. 5 5 My partner has all the qualities I've always wanted in a mate. 5 2 We are as happy as any couple could possibly be.
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Relationship Dynamics
Assertiveness is the ability to express one's feelings and ask for what one wants.
Chris: High
Chris is good at expressing thoughts and feelings, and is able to ask for what he/she wants in the relationship.
Olympia: Low
Olympia has some difficulty expressing thoughts and feelings, and sometimes finds it difficult to ask for what he/she wants in the relationship.
Self Confidence focuses on how good one feels about oneself and their ability to accomplish what they want in life.
Chris: Very High
Chris has a very high level of Self Confidence, positive self-esteem, and feels very sure of his/her ability to effectively accomplish what is wanted in life.
Olympia: Average
Olympia has a moderate level of Self Confidence and may generally have positive self-esteem, and typically feels good about his/her ability to accomplish what is wanted in life.
Avoidance is the tendency to minimize issues and reluctance to deal with issues directly.
Chris: Low
Chris scored low in Avoidance and will generally be open to identifying and discussing issues in their relationship.
Olympia: High
Olympia scored in the high range and may tend to minimize problems and be reluctant to deal directly with issues.
Partner Dominance focuses on how much one feels controlled or dominated by their partner.
Chris: Very High
Chris scored in the high range in Partner Dominance and often feels his/her partner is dominant, controlling, and usually interested in managing his/her life.
Olympia: High
Olympia scored in the high range in Partner Dominance and may often feel his/her partner is dominant, controlling, or interested in managing his/her life.
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Commitment
Strongly Disagree 1
Disagree 2
Undecided 3
Agree 4
Strongly Agree 5
Questions
Chris
Olympia
I am committed to making our marriage last a lifetime.
Strongly Agree Strongly Agree
I am open to doing whatever it takes to improve our marriage.
Strongly Agree Strongly Agree
I believe my partner is committed to making our marriage last a lifetime.
Strongly Agree Strongly Agree
I believe my partner is open to doing whatever it takes to improve our marriage.
Strongly Agree Agree
Abuse
Never 1
Seldom 2
Sometimes 3
Often 4
Very Often 5
Questions
Chris
Olympia
Have your parents ever had problems with alcohol or drug use?
Never Never
Have you ever had problems with alcohol or drug use?
Never Seldom
Has your partner ever had problems with alcohol or drug use?
Never Seldom
Have you ever observed abuse between your parents?
Never Never
Were you ever abused by your parents?
Never Seldom
Have you ever been abused by your current partner?
Never Seldom
Have you ever been abused by anyone else?
Sometimes Often
Do you struggle with unhealthy sexual behavior or use of pornography?
Sometimes Never
Does your partner struggle with unhealthy sexual behavior or use of pornography?
Never Seldom
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Personal Stress Profile
The Personal Stress Profile examines each individual's personal stress level over the last year. Stress levels are based on responses to 25 common sources of personal stress.
Both individuals have very few frustrations or challenges that are causing personal stress. When stressful situations are encountered, it is likely that effective coping strategies are being used to manage the frustrations of daily life.
How often have these issues created stress for you?
Never 1
Seldom 2
Sometimes 3
Often 4
Very Often 5
Chris
Top 10 Stressors
Very Often Lack of time for friends
Often
Lack of time for yourself Your spouse
Sometimes
Your child/children
Olympia
Top 10 Stressors
Very Often Feeling emotionally upset
Often
Your spouse
Help this couple compare their lists of top stressors. It is not uncommon for their lists to be somewhat different. Take a moment to help them discuss where things are similar and where they are different. Key resources for coping with stress include healthy communication, conflict resolution, flexibility, and closeness.
PREPARE/ENRICH Exercises: Identifying Most Critical Issues, Balancing your Priorities
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Communication
The Communication category measures how couples feel about the quality and quantity of communication in their relationship. It explores how they share feelings, understand, and listen to one another.
Chris feels generally good about their family communication, but has some concerns about sharing feelings and listening to each other. Olympia appears to be very concerned about the quality of their family communication and feels they have few strengths in this area.
Growth Area: The couple disagrees or shares mutual concern about most of the items in this category. Help them discuss 1-2 Agreement Items and 2-3 of the Disagreement, Indecision, or Special Focus items listed below. By learning and practicing new communication skills such as assertiveness and active listening, they can improve their family communication.
Strongly Disagree
1 Disagree
2 Undecided
3 Agree
4 Strongly Agree
5
Chris
Olympia
Positive Couple Agreement (0%)
Disagreement (40%) 2 5 - At times it is hard for me to ask my partner for what I want. 4 1 + I am very satisfied with how my partner and I talk with each other. 4 2 + I can express my true feelings to my partner. 2 5 - It is difficult for me to share negative feelings with my partner.
Indecision (0%)
Special Focus (60%) 5 4 - I wish my partner were more willing to share his/her feelings with me. 2 2 + My partner is a very good listener. 4 5 - My partner often doesn't understand how I feel. 4 5 - My partner sometimes makes comments that put me down. 4 4 - Sometimes I have trouble believing everything my partner tells me. 4 4 - When we are having a problem, my partner often refuses to talk about it.
PREPARE/ENRICH Exercises: Creating a Wish List using Assertiveness & Active Listening, Daily Dialogue
and Daily Compliments
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Conflict Resolution
The Conflict Resolution category looks at a couple's ability to discuss and resolve differences. It measures how effectively couples share opinions, ideas, and feelings, even during times of conflict.
Chris feels generally good about their conflict resolution, but has concerns about some aspects of their ability to discuss and resolve differences. Olympia has some concerns about their ability to discuss and resolve differences, and has difficulty identifying strengths in this area.
Growth Area: The couple disagrees or shares mutual concern about most of the items in this category. Help them discuss 1-2 Agreement Items and 2-3 of the Disagreement, Indecision, or Special Focus items listed below. By learning and practicing new skills such as the 10 Steps for Resolving Conflict, they can improve their relationship.
Strongly Disagree
1 Disagree
2 Undecided
3 Agree
4 Strongly Agree
5
Chris
Olympia
Positive Couple Agreement (10%) 2 2 - To avoid hurting my partner's feelings during an argument, I tend to say nothing.
Disagreement (70%) 4 2 - At times my partner does not take our disagreements seriously. 4 1 + Even during disagreements, I can share my feelings and ideas with my partner. 4 2 - I go out of my way to avoid conflict with my partner. 2 4 - My partner and I have different ideas about the best way to solve our disagreements. 2 4 - To end an argument, I tend to give in too quickly. 2 5 - When we argue, I usually end up feeling responsible for the problem. 4 2 + When we discuss problems, my partner understands my opinions and ideas.
Indecision (0%)
Special Focus (20%) 4 5 - At times I feel some of our differences never get resolved. 5 5 - Sometimes we have serious disputes over unimportant issues.
PREPARE/ENRICH Exercises: 10 Steps for Resolving Conflict, How to Take a Time-Out, Seeking and
Granting Forgiveness
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Partner Style & Habits
The Partner Style & Habits category measures each person's satisfaction with the personal characteristics and habits of their partner. It looks at each person's relationship style and habits as expressed in their behavior.
Both individuals have some concerns about the personality traits, habits, and behaviors they observe in each other.
Growth Area: The couple disagrees or shares mutual concern about most of the items in this category. Help them discuss 1-2 Agreement Items and 2-3 of the Disagreement, Indecision, or Special Focus items listed below. Reinforce healthy communication and problem solving skills as they talk about this difficult area.
Strongly Disagree
1 Disagree
2 Undecided
3 Agree
4 Strongly Agree
5
Chris
Olympia
Positive Couple Agreement (0%)
Disagreement (40%) 2 4 - I am unhappy with some of my partner's personality characteristics or personal habits. 1 4 - I wish my partner were more reliable and followed through on more things. 5 2 - Sometimes I am concerned about my partner's temper. 4 2 - Sometimes I have difficulty dealing with my partner's moodiness.
Indecision (0%)
Special Focus (60%) 5 5 - I am sometimes concerned that my partner appears to be unhappy and withdrawn. 4 4 - I am sometimes upset or embarrassed by my partner's behavior. 5 4 - I wish my partner were less critical or negative about some topics. 4 4 - My partner has some personal habits that bother me. 4 5 - Sometimes my partner is too stubborn. 4 4 - Sometimes my partner seems to be too controlling.
PREPARE/ENRICH Exercises: Assertiveness and Active Listening, 10 Steps for Resolving Conflict, How to
Take a Time-Out
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Financial Management
The Financial Management category looks at having realistic financial plans and agreement in the area of finances. It explores opinions about spending habits, savings, debt, and making financial decisions.
Chris feels positive about how finances are being handled, and is generally satisfied with their spending/saving habits. Olympia feels generally good about how finances are being handled, but may have some concerns about spending/saving habits.
Possible Strength: The couple agreed on several of the items in this category. Review these Agreement Items, highlighting their strengths and resources. Next, review and talk about 1-2 of the Disagreement, Indecision, or Special Focus items. Many couples report finances as the single biggest problem in their relationship. Determining a budget, savings plan, and financial goals are proactive ways to avoid later stress and conflict.
Strongly Disagree
1 Disagree
2 Undecided
3 Agree
4 Strongly Agree
5
Chris
Olympia
Positive Couple Agreement (60%) 2 2 - I am concerned about how my partner handles money. 5 5 + I am satisfied with our decisions about how much money we should save. 1 1 - Use of credit cards and charge accounts has been a problem for us. 5 4 + We do a good job of managing our financial debts. 1 1 - We have difficulty deciding how to handle our finances. 5 4 + We usually agree on how to spend our money.
Disagreement (30%) 2 4 - I am concerned that my partner is more of a spender than I am. 2 5 - My partner tries to control the money we have. 2 4 - We have trouble saving money.
Indecision (0%)
Special Focus (10%) 4 4 - Sometimes I wish my partner were more careful about spending money.
PREPARE/ENRICH Exercises: Financial Goals, Budget Worksheet, The Meaning of Money
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Leisure Activities
The Leisure Activities category measures a couple's satisfaction with the amount and quality of leisure time spent together. It looks at similarities in interests, and satisfaction with the balance of time spent together and apart.
Chris feels generally good about their leisure activities, but has some concerns about the amount and quality of their shared interests. Olympia has some concerns about the amount and quality of their leisure activities and has difficulty identifying strengths in this area.
Possible Growth Area: While the couple has some positive agreement, they disagree or share mutual concern on several items in this category. Help them discuss 2-3 Agreement Items and 2-3 of the Disagreement, Indecision, or Special Focus items listed below. Helping them begin to identify a balanced level of shared interests can increase the quality of their relationship.
Strongly Disagree
1 Disagree
2 Undecided
3 Agree
4 Strongly Agree
5
Chris
Olympia
Positive Couple Agreement (30%) 2 2 - My idea of a good time differs somewhat from my partner's. 5 4 + My partner and I enjoy the same interests and recreational activities.
2 1 - My partner's activities (television, computer, sports, etc.) interfere with our time together.
Disagreement (50%) 1 4 - I am concerned that my partner has too many activities or hobbies. 5 1 - I sometimes feel pressured to participate in activities my partner enjoys. 2 5 - I wish my partner had more time and energy for recreation with me. 5 1 + It is easy for us to make new couple friends. 5 2 + We find it easy to think of things to do together.
Indecision (0%)
Special Focus (20%) 5 5 - As a couple, I wish we did a better job of balancing time together and time apart. 4 5 - I wish my partner and I shared more activities that we both found enjoyable.
PREPARE/ENRICH Exercises: The Dating Exercise
14
Sexual Relationship
The Sexual Relationship category measures a couple's satisfaction with their sexual relationship and the level of affection expressed. This category also explores their interest in sex and ability to discuss sexual issues as a couple.
Chris feels very positive about their sex and affection and how they handle sexual issues. Olympia feels positive about their sex and affection and how they handle sexual issues.
Relationship Strength: The couple has positive agreement with most of the items in this category. Review some of their Agreement Items, which represent strengths in their relationship. They may also have 1 or 2 Disagreement, Indecision, or Special Focus items to discuss. Congratulate them! Their affection and sexual relationship can be difficult topics to manage and discuss openly.
Strongly Disagree
1 Disagree
2 Undecided
3 Agree
4 Strongly Agree
5
Chris
Olympia
Positive Couple Agreement (80%) 5 5 + I am comfortable talking with my partner about sexual issues. 1 1 - I am concerned that my partner may not be interested in me sexually. 1 1 - I am concerned that my partner's interest in sex might be different from mine.
2 2 - I am reluctant to be affectionate with my partner because he/she often interprets it as a sexual advance.
5 5 + I am satisfied with our openness in discussing sexual topics. 1 1 - My partner uses or refuses sex unfairly. 5 5 + Our sexual relationship is satisfying and fulfilling to me. 5 5 + We try to find ways to keep our sexual relationship interesting and enjoyable.
Disagreement (20%) 5 2 + I am completely satisfied with the amount of affection my partner gives me. 2 4 - I am concerned that my partner is interested in viewing sexually explicit material.
Indecision (0%)
Special Focus (0%)
PREPARE/ENRICH Exercises: The Expression of Intimacy
15
Family & Friends
The Family & Friends category measures relationship satisfaction with relatives and friends. It looks at each individual's opinions of the other's family and friends, as well as the level of influence and/or interference experienced from these relationships.
Chris feels very positive about how they relate to one another's family and friends and recognizes several strengths in this area. Olympia feels generally good about how they relate to family and friends, but may be aware of 1-2 issues that need to be discussed.
Possible Strength: The couple agreed on several of the items in this category. Review these Agreement Items, highlighting their strengths and resources. Next, review and talk about 1-2 of the Disagreement, Indecision, or Special Focus items. Family and friends can provide great encouragement and support for a relationship, but they can sometimes interfere and undermine a relationship as well. Healthy boundaries with family and friends are important to finding balance in this area.
Strongly Disagree
1 Disagree
2 Undecided
3 Agree
4 Strongly Agree
5
Chris
Olympia
Positive Couple Agreement (60%) 1 1 - I am worried that accepting financial assistance or advice from our families will cause
problems for us. 5 5 + I enjoy spending time with my partner's family. 5 4 + My partner gets along well with most of my friends. 1 1 - My partner is too involved with or influenced by his/her family. 1 1 - One or both of our families cause trouble in our marriage. 1 1 - Sometimes my partner's friends or family interfere with our relationship.
Disagreement (30%) 1 4 - I have concerns when my partner spends time with friends or co-workers of the
opposite sex. 4 2 + I really enjoy being with most of my partner's friends. 5 2 + My family (parents/siblings) accepts me completely and respects the decisions I make.
Indecision (0%)
Special Focus (10%) 5 5 - I wish we had more friendships with other married couples.
PREPARE/ENRICH Exercises: Couple and Family Map: Balancing your Relationship, Practical Tips to
Balance your Relationship
16
Roles & Responsibilities
The Roles & Responsibilities category measures satisfaction with how roles and responsibilities are handled in the relationship. More specifically, this category looks at how household chores and decision making are shared.
Both individuals feel generally good about how roles and responsibilities are handled in their relationship, but may be aware of one or two issues that need attention.
Possible Growth Area: While the couple has some positive agreement, they disagree or share mutual concern on several items in this category. Help them discuss 2-3 Agreement Items and 2-3 of the Disagreement, Indecision, or Special Focus items listed below. Developing a plan to share and effectively deal with household chores, decision-making, and leadership can be very helpful in this area.
Strongly Disagree
1 Disagree
2 Undecided
3 Agree
4 Strongly Agree
5
Chris
Olympia
Positive Couple Agreement (30%) 5 4 + I am happy with how we share leadership in our relationship. 4 5 + We adjust well to changes in our roles and responsibilities. 2 2 - We are often too busy to complete our household chores.
Disagreement (50%) 5 2 - I am concerned that I do more than my share of the household tasks. 2 5 + I am happy with the flexibility we have in our roles and responsibilities. 5 2 + I feel good about how we have divided household chores. 5 2 + My partner does not make important decisions without consulting me. 2 5 - When it comes to making important decisions, we often have power struggles.
Indecision (0%)
Special Focus (20%) 4 4 - I wish my partner would take on more responsibility around the house. 4 5 - There are some household chores that seldom get done.
PREPARE/ENRICH Exercises: Sharing Roles
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Spiritual Beliefs
The Spiritual Beliefs category measures how satisfied or involved couples are with the practice and expression of spiritual beliefs in their relationship. This category looks at similarities in spiritual beliefs and whether they are a resource or a source of tension.
Chris feels very positive about the practice and expression of spiritual beliefs in their relationship and recognizes several strengths in this area. Olympia feels positive about the practice and expression of spiritual beliefs in their relationship.
Possible Strength: The couple agreed on several of the items in this category. Review these Agreement Items, highlighting their strengths and resources. Next, review and talk about 1-2 of the Disagreement, Indecision, or Special Focus items. A solid spiritual foundation can be a great resource for couples, while dissimilar beliefs can sometimes lead to tension.
Strongly Disagree
1 Disagree
2 Undecided
3 Agree
4 Strongly Agree
5
Chris
Olympia
Positive Couple Agreement (70%) 5 5 + My faith is the foundation for the commitment I have to my partner. 1 1 - My partner and I disagree about our spiritual beliefs. 5 5 + My partner and I feel closer because of our Christian faith. 2 2 - Spiritual differences cause some tension in our relationship. 5 5 + We have discussed the importance of our Christian faith. 5 5 + We rely on our faith in God during difficult times. 5 5 + We share very similar spiritual beliefs.
Disagreement (30%) 5 2 + I believe our marriage must include active participation in a church. 5 2 + Prayer is an important part of my daily life. 4 2 + We both support the practice of giving a portion of our income to the church.
Indecision (0%)
Special Focus (0%)
PREPARE/ENRICH Exercises: Your Spiritual Journey
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Forgiveness
The Forgiveness category measures a couple's perception of their ability to forgive one another following a conflict, betrayal, or hurt. It looks at how well they request and grant forgiveness in their relationship.
Chris feels generally good about their ability to let go of past hurts, but has some concerns about requesting or granting forgiveness. Olympia has some concerns about their ability to request and grant forgiveness in their relationship.
Growth Area: The couple disagrees or shares mutual concern about most of the items in this category. Help them discuss 1-2 Agreement Items and 2-3 of the Disagreement, Indecision, or Special Focus items listed below. Forgiveness is a key ingredient for working through issues, hurts and disappointments. Teach this skill along with communication and conflict resolution.
Strongly Disagree
1 Disagree
2 Undecided
3 Agree
4 Strongly Agree
5
Chris
Olympia
Positive Couple Agreement (20%) 5 5 + I feel closer to my partner after we work through a disappointment. 1 1 - My partner has done or said some things I may never be able to forgive.
Disagreement (40%) 1 4 - I find it difficult to trust my partner because of his/her past actions. 2 5 - In our relationship we forgive, but we don’t forget. 2 4 + My partner does a good job of apologizing and asking for forgiveness. 4 2 + We do a good job of resolving issues and moving forward.
Indecision (0%)
Special Focus (40%) 5 4 - My partner has a hard time admitting that he/she is at fault. 5 4 - My partner has a hard time letting go of past hurts and disappointments. 4 5 - My partner tends to hold a grudge for a long time.
4 5 - Tension remains in our relationship, even after we work through hurts and disappointments.
PREPARE/ENRICH Exercises: Seeking and Granting Forgiveness, How to Take a Time-Out
19
Step Parenting Issues
The Step Parenting Issues category measures agreement on issues related to having and raising children in a stepfamily. This category explores opinions about discipline, parenting responsibilities, and how children have impacted marriage satisfaction.
Both individuals feel very satisfied with how they handle the various responsibilities of having and raising children together in a stepfamily.
Possible Strength: The couple agreed on several of the items in this category. Review these Agreement Items, highlighting their strengths and resources. Next, review and talk about 1-2 of the Disagreement, Indecision, or Special Focus items. As children are raised in a stepfamily, it is important for couples to share in the decision-making and parenting responsibilities. Healthy couples find ways to balance the time and energy they put into the children with the time and attention they set aside for their marriage.
Strongly Disagree
1 Disagree
2 Undecided
3 Agree
4 Strongly Agree
5
Chris
Olympia
Positive Couple Agreement (70%) 1 1 - Children seem to create problems in our relationship. 5 5 + I am satisfied with how we share the responsibilities of raising our children. 1 1 - It bothers me that my partner and I have different styles of parenting. 5 4 + My partner and I have similar views on our children's religious upbringing. 4 5 + My partner is very good with children and is a great parent/stepparent. 5 5 + We agree on how much we should provide financially for our children. 2 1 - We give more time and energy to our children than to our relationship.
Disagreement (30%) 1 4 - Child custody and visitation arrangements have caused problems for us. 2 4 - It has been difficult to deal with the complexity of a stepfamily. 2 5 + We agree on how to discipline our children.
Indecision (0%)
Special Focus (0%)
PREPARE/ENRICH Exercises: Stepfamilies: Choosing Realistic Expectations
20
Cultural/Ethnic Issues
The Cultural/Ethnic Issues category measures how concerned each individual is about differences in their ethnic or cultural background negatively affecting their relationship.
Chris feels positive about how they deal with their unique ethnic/cultural backgrounds. Olympia feels very positive about how they deal with their unique ethnic/cultural backgrounds, and recognizes several strengths in this area.
Possible Strength: The couple agreed on several of the items in this category. Unique ethnic/cultural backgrounds coming together can add richness to life. Couples with different backgrounds can strengthen their relationship by being respectful, interested and accepting of one another.
Strongly Disagree
1 Disagree
2 Undecided
3 Agree
4 Strongly Agree
5
Chris
Olympia
Positive Couple Agreement (70%) 1 1 - Differences in our ethnic/cultural background can sometimes strain our relationship. 1 1 - I am concerned about what others think of our ethnic/cultural differences.
4 5 + It is very important to me that we find traditions, rituals, and holidays we can both feel good about observing.
1 1 - My family is concerned about our ethnic/cultural differences.
5 5 + We both agree that our different ethnic/cultural heritages are positive for our relationship and add richness to our lives.
5 5 + We both have a good understanding of the roles, traditions, and rituals associated with one another's ethnic/cultural background.
5 5 + We support each other in maintaining our own ethnic/cultural identity.
Disagreement (30%) 1 5 + Even though we come from different ethnic/cultural backgrounds, we share similar
beliefs and values. 2 5 + My partner is very respectful toward my ethnic/cultural background.
4 2 + We have discussed the challenges associated with raising children in a family with diverse ethnic/cultural backgrounds.
Indecision (0%)
Special Focus (0%)
PREPARE/ENRICH Exercises: Mapping Your Relationship, Daily Dialogue and Daily Compliments
21
Couple Map
OVERLY FLEXIBLE
VERY FLEXIBLE
CHRIS
FLEXIBLE
SOMEWHAT FLEXIBLE
INFLEXIBLE OLYMPIA
DIS- CONNECTED
SOMEWHAT CONNECTED
CONNECTED VERY CONNECTED
OVERLY CONNECTED
Couple Closeness is defined as the emotional closeness one feels toward their partner. On this dimension, relationships can range from disconnected to overly connected.
Chris describes this relationship as Very Connected. Very connected couples often have a good balance of closeness and separateness, which reflects an interdependent relationship. Healthy marriages foster connection, but also leave room for each partner to pursue individual interests and activities. Olympia describes this relationship as Somewhat Connected. These individuals often feel somewhat disconnected or emotionally distant from their partner. Less connected partners are often more independent from one another. They need to guard against allowing their relationship to get too disconnected.
Couple Flexibility is defined as the ability to adjust to changes in roles and leadership in response to life's demands. On this dimension, relationships can range from inflexible to overly flexible.
Chris feels the relationship is Very Flexible, with a good balance between stability and change. They may often share decision making and are able to adjust to ongoing issues. Most couples function well with this level of flexibility. Olympia feels the relationship is Inflexible, resisting changes in leadership or roles. These relationships need to guard against becoming too rigid with unbending roles and structure. Some structure is good, but marriage requires the ability to be flexible in order to remain healthy and balanced while meeting the demands of busy schedules.
Couple Discussion: Review the closeness and flexibility results. It can be helpful to discuss what is positive about the current levels of closeness and flexibility. It can also be helpful to discuss any desired changes (increases or decreases) in closeness and flexibility.
PREPARE/ENRICH Exercises: Mapping Your Relationship, Closeness Exercises, Flexibility Exercises
22
Family Map
OVERLY FLEXIBLE
VERY FLEXIBLE
OLYMPIA CHRIS
FLEXIBLE
SOMEWHAT FLEXIBLE
INFLEXIBLE
DIS- CONNECTED
SOMEWHAT CONNECTED
CONNECTED VERY CONNECTED
OVERLY CONNECTED
Family Closeness is defined as the emotional closeness one felt growing up in their family of origin. On this dimension, family relationships can range from disconnected to overly connected.
Chris grew up in a Connected family. Individuals in these families generally feel close to one another and have a good balance of closeness and separateness. Olympia grew up in a family that was Somewhat Connected. These individuals experienced some family closeness, with plenty of freedom to be an individual and pursue outside relationships.
Family Flexibility is defined as a family's ability to adjust to changes in roles, leadership and discipline. On this dimension, family relationships can range from inflexible to overly flexible.
Both individuals experienced families of origin that felt Very Flexible. These families are generally open to change and somewhat loosely organized. Leadership and decision-making are shared, and roles and routines are adjusted as needed.
Couple Discussion: review family of origin closeness and flexibility results. Discuss family closeness and flexibility with actual examples such as observing a holiday, celebrating a birthday, or handling discipline. What does each person want to bring from their family into the current relationship? What does each person want to leave behind?
PREPARE/ENRICH Exercises: Mapping Your Relationship, Closeness Exercises, Flexibility Exercises
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SCOPE Personality Scales
The SCOPE Personality assessment consists of five dimensions based on the Five Factor Model of Personality. The five dimensions and the couple's results are described below. Review the results of all five dimensions rather than focusing on just one or two traits where individuals score high or low. Compare where the Personality SCOPE results are similar and where they are different. Discuss the advantages and drawbacks to each. PREPARE/ENRICH Exercises: SCOPE out Your Personality
Social (S) This trait reflects preference for, and behavior in social situations.
Chris scored High on the Social dimension. These individuals are generally outgoing. Social extroverts enjoy being with people and are often full of energy. They may be enthusiastic and action-oriented. They often enjoy their ability to make friends and acquaintances easily and do not prefer solitude. In groups they like to talk, assert themselves, and may often be the center of attention. If out of balance, they could appear to be attention seeking or shallow.
Olympia scored Low on being Social. These individuals tend to be reserved or introverted. Social introverts often lack the exuberance and activity levels of extroverts. They may be low-key, deliberate, and less connected socially. They often prefer to be alone or with just a few close friends. These individuals likely feel re- energized after spending time alone or in small, intimate settings, as opposed to large groups or parties. If out of balance, they could appear reclusive or cut off from others.
Couple Discussion: Couples with one person scoring higher than the other will need to communicate openly with one another about attending social events and getting together with others. One person receives energy from socializing with others, while the other prefers more privacy and alone time. This difference may become more apparent when they are experiencing greater amounts of stress. They can avoid unnecessary conflict in their relationship by checking it out with each other before saying "yes" or "no" to making social plans.
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SCOPE Personality Scales
Change (C) This trait reflects openness to change, flexibility, and interest in new experiences.
Both individuals scored High on Change. These individuals will tend to be flexible, unconventional, and very open to new experiences. They are open to change, and often have a broad range of interests. They thrive on developing new and creative solutions to problems, even when a tried and true method might work just as well. When out of balance, they may appear to be too interested in new ideas and adventures. Others may wonder why they are constantly trying to reinvent the wheel.
Couple Discussion: Both individuals have a lot in common in terms of flexibility and being open to new experiences. They likely enjoy frequent change and variety in their lives. They may need to be careful not to create too much change, leading to increased stress in their lives. They may also differ on how much change they are each comfortable with in various areas of their relationship.
Organized (O) This trait reflects how organized and persistent a person is in their daily life and work. It also reflects persistence in pursuing goals.
Both individuals scored in the High range on this personality dimension. These individuals are methodical, and well-organized. They tend to be persistent and reliable and place great emphasis on this type of behavior. They are quite goal-oriented, and have a well thought-out plan as they strive to achieve their goals. When out of balance, they could be perceived as a perfectionist or too driven. Others may even see them as being too organized or controlling in their approach to life.
Couple Discussion: Both individuals are very detailed and goal-oriented. They will likely have the discipline to accomplish a lot of long-term goals as a couple. These individuals value consistency and orderliness in many aspects of their life. Sharing this tendency as a couple may help them communicate more effectively. Potential drawbacks for couples who both score high on this dimension include becoming overly driven to achieve their goals and putting tasks before relationships. Their desire for consistency and planning may be challenged by unplanned stressful situations or life changes that surprise them.
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SCOPE Personality Scales
Pleasing (P) This trait reflects how considerate and cooperative one is in their interactions with others.
Chris scored High on the Pleasing dimension. These individuals will be trusting, friendly, and cooperative. They value getting along with others, are considerate, and helpful. Optimistic about people, they view others as basically honest, decent, and trustworthy. When out of balance, they may sacrifice their own feelings and opinions to please others. Some acquaintances may even see them as a push-over. In their partner relationship, they may find it difficult to ask for what they need.
Olympia scored in the Average range on Pleasing. These individuals can be warm and cooperative, but occasionally somewhat competitive, stubborn, or assertive. When they feel their rights are violated, they are able to respond and stand up for themselves. They might occasionally find themselves arguing about little matters, but generally know how to get along well with others and are well liked.
Couple Discussion: Couples with one person scoring higher than the other may need to practice their communication and conflict resolution skills. One partner may need to develop their ability to honestly express both positive and negative opinions and feelings. In so doing, they can allow the more assertive partner the opportunity to truly understand how they feel. The other partner will benefit from working to be a good listener. Looking for the positives in each other's personality styles can strengthen the relationship.
Emotionally Steady (E) This trait reflects the tendency to stay relaxed and calm even when faced with stress, versus those who are more reactive to stress in their life.
Chris scored High in the Emotionally Steady trait. These individuals tend to be more relaxed, calm and less prone to distress. They are likely to be emotionally stable even when confronted with stressful situations. At times, they can even appear unfeeling or unflappable. They often consider life’s stressors to be minor passing annoyances and have an ability to remain composed in situations that others find difficult.
Olympia scored in the Average range on Emotionally Steady. These individuals are generally calm and able to cope with stress. Others likely see them as capable of handling the everyday stressors that face most people. When under high levels of stress, they could experience negative feelings of anxiety, depression or anger, but are generally emotionally steady and in control of their life.
Couple Discussion: Couples with one person scoring higher than the other may experience occasional challenges. In times of stress, the more emotionally calm person may need to take control and help the other feel less frustrated. The one experiencing anxiety, anger or sadness might wonder why their partner doesn't feel the same way. They will need to remember to work with one another's differences rather than attempting to change each other. Flexibility, problem solving and communication are key skills to help them deal with stress as a couple.
