9-12 page paper Counseling
mgrg72
conflicted1.pdf
2
PREPARE/ENRICH Customized Version
Facilitator: John T. Risse Date Completed: 12/31/2012
Couple Names: walter pam
Couple Login Code: N8XJBH-
44M9J4
Customizations: Married All Children Over 18 Protestant One or Both Over 55
This Facilitator's Report is not to be given to the couple. It is for the Facilitator's use only. Please print a copy of the Couple's Report for the couple.
Contents Report Section Page
Background Information 3
Couple Typology / Strength & Growth Areas 4
Overall Satisfaction & Idealistic Distortion 5
Relationship Dynamics 6
Commitment & Abuse 7
Personal Stress Profile 8
Core Relationship Categories 9-17
Additional Customized Categories 18-20
Couple Map 21
SCOPE Personality Scales 22-24
PREPARE/ENRICH © Copyright, 2008 - 2012 Life Innovations, Inc.
3
Background Information
Question
walter
pam
Gender Male Female
Age Range 51 - 60 51 - 60
Ethnic Background More than one ethnicity Caucasian
Education Completed Finished High School Some College/TechnicalSchool
Religious Affiliation Protestant (Christian) Protestant (Christian)
Which category best describes your area of employment? Military or Government
Professional, Business, or Financial Services
Role at work Executive Self-Employed
Employment Status (paid) Full-time Part-time
Individual Yearly Income $75,000 - $99,999 $20,000 - $29,999
What is your birth position in your family? Second Second
No. children in your family Four Five or more
What is your current living arrangement?
Married and living with spouse
Married and living with spouse
Where do you live? Suburban Area Suburban Area
How long have you and your spouse been married? 31-40 years 31-40 years
No. children you have Two Two
Number of previous marriages 0 - never married before 0 - never married before
Raised by Both Biological Parents Both Biological Parents
4
Couple Typology (Core Scales)
Conflicted Couple Type Based on the PCA scores across the core categories, this couple is best categorized as a Conflicted Couple. They disagree and have concerns about many aspects of their relationship. Conflicted couples often struggle to communicate well with one another and have difficulty resolving issues. They should concentrate on improving their communication and conflict resolution skills. Based on past research with thousands of couples, PREPARE/ENRICH categorizes couple relationships into one of five common relational patterns:
Vitalized couples are typically most satisfied with their relationship, skilled in communication and conflict resolution. Harmonious couples also enjoy high levels of satisfaction across most areas of their relationship. Conventional couples are often highly committed to one another, but not as skilled in communication or conflict resolution. Conflicted couples have a lower level of satisfaction and often struggle with many areas of their relationship. Devitalized couples have the lowest level of satisfaction and have growth areas in almost all aspects of their relationship.
Strength and Growth Areas
Levels of Positive Couple Agreement Core and Customized Scales
Relationship Strengths (PCA=80 - 100%) Areas with High Couple Agreement
Role Transitions Spiritual Beliefs
Possible Relationship Strengths (PCA=50 - 70%) Areas with Moderately High Couple Agreement
Financial Management Health Issues
Intergenerational Issues Leisure Activities
Possible Growth Areas (PCA=30 - 40%) Areas with Moderately Low Couple Agreement
Conflict Resolution Family & Friends
Sexual Relationship
Growth Areas (PCA=0 - 20%) Areas with Low Couple Agreement
Communication Forgiveness
Partner Style & Habits
5
Overall Satisfaction
The graphs below plot the Overall Satisfaction for each individual and the couple based on the Core Scales.
Idealistic Distortion
Idealistic Distortion measures the extent to which a person distorts their relationship in a positive direction.
Both individuals may be somewhat realistic, but sometimes deny or minimize problems in their relationship.
Interpretation of Idealism A high score (above 65%) indicates that a person describes their relationship in an overly positive manner and sees it through "rose colored" glasses. A lower score (below 40%) indicates a more realistic approach to describing the relationship. Revised Individual Scores In order to provide more accurate individual scores for each category, each person's Individual Scores are corrected based on how high their score is on Idealistic Distortion. Revised Individual scores are graphed and defined in many of the following relationship categories.
Strongly Disagree 1
Disagree 2
Undecided 3
Agree 4
Strongly Agree 5
walter
pam
Idealistic Distortion Items 2 3 Every new thing I have learned about my partner has pleased me. 4 2 I have never regretted my relationship with my partner. 4 2 My partner always gives me the love and affection I need. 3 2 My partner and I understand each other completely. 2 2 My partner completely understands and sympathizes with my every mood. 5 4 My partner has all the qualities I've always wanted in a mate. 2 2 We are as happy as any couple could possibly be.
6
Relationship Dynamics
Assertiveness is the ability to express one's feelings and ask for what one wants.
walter: High
walter is good at expressing thoughts and feelings, and is able to ask for what he/she wants in therelationship.
pam: Average
pam is generally good at expressing thoughts and feelings, and is sometimes able to ask for what he/shewants in the relationship.
Self Confidence focuses on how good one feels about oneself and their ability to accomplish what they want in life.
Both: High
Both individuals have a high level of Self Confidence and positive self-esteem. They both feel good abouttheir ability to effectively accomplish what they want in life.
Avoidance is the tendency to minimize issues and reluctance to deal with issues directly.
walter: Low
walter scored low in Avoidance and will generally be open to identifying and discussing issues in theirrelationship.
pam: Average
pam scored in the moderate range and will sometimes minimize problems and may occasionally bereluctant to deal directly with issues.
Partner Dominance focuses on how much one feels controlled or dominated by their partner.
walter: Very Low
walter scored in the very low range in Partner Dominance and does not feel his/her partner is dominant,controlling, or interested in managing his/her life.
pam: High
pam scored in the high range in Partner Dominance and may often feel his/her partner is dominant,controlling, or interested in managing his/her life.
7
Commitment
Strongly Disagree 1
Disagree 2
Undecided 3
Agree 4
Strongly Agree 5
Questions
walter
pam
I am committed to making our marriage last a lifetime. Strongly Agree Strongly Agree
I am open to doing whatever it takes to improve our marriage. Agree Strongly Agree
I believe my partner is committed to making our marriage last a lifetime. Strongly Agree Strongly Agree
I believe my partner is open to doing whatever it takes to improve our marriage.
Agree Agree
Abuse
Never 1
Seldom 2
Sometimes 3
Often 4
Very Often 5
Questions
walter
pam
Have your parents ever had problems with alcohol or drug use? Never Never
Have you ever had problems with alcohol or drug use? Never Seldom
Has your partner ever had problems with alcohol or drug use? Never Never
Have you ever observed abuse between your parents? Never Never
Were you ever abused by your parents? Never Seldom
Have you ever been abused by your current partner? Never Sometimes
Have you ever been abused by anyone else? Never Never
Do you struggle with unhealthy sexual behavior or use of pornography? Seldom Never
Does your partner struggle with unhealthy sexual behavior or use of pornography?
Never Sometimes
8
Personal Stress Profile
The Personal Stress Profile examines each individual's personal stress level over the last year. Stress levels are based on responses to 25 common sources of personal stress.
walter has very few frustrations or challenges that are causing personal stress. When stressful situations are encountered, it is likely that effective coping strategies are being used to manage the frustrations of daily life. pam appears to have a high level of personal stress which can create many demands on a person’s time and energy. The stress may also contribute to problems with physical, relational, and emotional health. It will be helpful to learn and make use of effective coping resources to better manage personal stress.
How often have these issues created stress for you?
Never 1
Seldom 2
Sometimes 3
Often 4
Very Often 5
walter
Top 10 Stressors
Very Often Lack of sleep
Sometimes
Eating too much Feeling emotionally upset
Feeling overweight Lack of exercise
pam
Top 10 Stressors
Very Often Owe too much money (credit cards, loans, etc.)
Often
Eating too much Feeling emotionally upset
Feeling overweight Your own health
Your spouse
Sometimes Lack of exercise
Lack of sleep Lack of time for family
Your child/children
Help this couple compare their lists of top stressors. It is not uncommon for their lists to be somewhat different. Take a moment to help them discuss where things are similar and where they are different. Key resources for coping with stress include healthy communication, conflict resolution, flexibility, and closeness.
PREPARE/ENRICH Exercises: Identifying Most Critical Issues, Balancing your Priorities
9
Communication
The Communication category measures how couples feel about the quality and quantity of communication in their relationship. It explores how they share feelings, understand, and listen to one another.
walter feels generally good about their family communication, but has some concerns about sharing feelings and listening to each other. pam has some concerns about the quality of their family communication and has difficulty identifying strengths in this area.
Growth Area: The couple disagrees or shares mutual concern about most of the items in this category. Help them discuss 1-2 Agreement Items and 2-3 of the Disagreement, Indecision, or Special Focus items listed below. By learning and practicing new communication skills such as assertiveness and active listening, they can improve their family communication.
Strongly Disagree
1 Disagree
2 Undecided
3 Agree
4 Strongly Agree
5
walter
pam
Positive Couple Agreement (20%) 4 4 + I can express my true feelings to my partner. 1 2 - My partner sometimes makes comments that put me down.
Disagreement (50%) 2 4 - At times it is hard for me to ask my partner for what I want. 2 4 - It is difficult for me to share negative feelings with my partner. 4 2 - My partner often doesn't understand how I feel. 2 5 - Sometimes I have trouble believing everything my partner tells me. 2 5 - When we are having a problem, my partner often refuses to talk about it.
Indecision (20%) 3 2 + I am very satisfied with how my partner and I talk with each other. 3 3 + My partner is a very good listener.
Special Focus (10%) 4 4 - I wish my partner were more willing to share his/her feelings with me.
PREPARE/ENRICH Exercises: Creating a Wish List using Assertiveness & Active Listening, Daily Dialogue
and Daily Compliments
10
Conflict Resolution
The Conflict Resolution category looks at a couple's ability to discuss and resolve differences. It measures how effectively couples share opinions, ideas, and feelings, even during times of conflict.
Both individuals feel generally good about their conflict resolution, but have concerns about some aspects of their ability to discuss and resolve differences.
Possible Growth Area: While the couple has some positive agreement, they disagree or share mutual concern on several items in this category. Help them discuss 2-3 Agreement Items and 2-3 of the Disagreement, Indecision, or Special Focus items listed below. By learning and practicing new skills such as the 10 Steps for Resolving Conflict, they can improve their relationship.
Strongly Disagree
1 Disagree
2 Undecided
3 Agree
4 Strongly Agree
5
walter
pam
Positive Couple Agreement (30%) 4 4 + Even during disagreements, I can share my feelings and ideas with my partner. 2 2 - I go out of my way to avoid conflict with my partner. 2 2 - To avoid hurting my partner's feelings during an argument, I tend to say nothing.
Disagreement (20%) 4 2 - At times my partner does not take our disagreements seriously. 3 5 - My partner and I have different ideas about the best way to solve our disagreements.
Indecision (20%) 3 4 - At times I feel some of our differences never get resolved. 4 3 - To end an argument, I tend to give in too quickly.
Special Focus (30%) 4 4 - Sometimes we have serious disputes over unimportant issues. 4 4 - When we argue, I usually end up feeling responsible for the problem. 2 2 + When we discuss problems, my partner understands my opinions and ideas.
PREPARE/ENRICH Exercises: 10 Steps for Resolving Conflict, How to Take a Time-Out, Seeking and
Granting Forgiveness
11
Partner Style & Habits
The Partner Style & Habits category measures each person's satisfaction with the personal characteristics and habits of their partner. It looks at each person's relationship style and habits as expressed in their behavior.
walter feels generally good about the personality traits, habits, and behaviors of his/her partner, but has some concerns that may need to be discussed. pam has some concerns about the personality traits, habits, and behaviors of his/her partner.
Growth Area: The couple disagrees or shares mutual concern about most of the items in this category. Help them discuss 1-2 Agreement Items and 2-3 of the Disagreement, Indecision, or Special Focus items listed below. Reinforce healthy communication and problem solving skills as they talk about this difficult area.
Strongly Disagree
1 Disagree
2 Undecided
3 Agree
4 Strongly Agree
5
walter
pam
Positive Couple Agreement (20%) 2 2 - I am sometimes upset or embarrassed by my partner's behavior. 2 1 - I am unhappy with some of my partner's personality characteristics or personal habits.
Disagreement (50%) 2 4 - I am sometimes concerned that my partner appears to be unhappy and withdrawn. 2 4 - I wish my partner were less critical or negative about some topics. 2 4 - I wish my partner were more reliable and followed through on more things. 2 5 - Sometimes I am concerned about my partner's temper. 2 4 - Sometimes my partner is too stubborn.
Indecision (0%)
Special Focus (30%) 4 4 - My partner has some personal habits that bother me. 4 5 - Sometimes I have difficulty dealing with my partner's moodiness. 4 4 - Sometimes my partner seems to be too controlling.
PREPARE/ENRICH Exercises: Assertiveness and Active Listening, 10 Steps for Resolving Conflict, How to
Take a Time-Out
12
Financial Management
The Financial Management category looks at having realistic financial plans and agreement in the area of finances. It explores opinions about spending habits, savings, debt, and making financial decisions.
Both individuals feel generally good about how finances are being handled, but may have some concerns about spending/saving habits.
Possible Strength: The couple agreed on several of the items in this category. Review these Agreement Items, highlighting their strengths and resources. Next, review and talk about 1-2 of the Disagreement, Indecision, or Special Focus items. Many couples report finances as the single biggest problem in their relationship. Determining a budget, savings plan, and financial goals are proactive ways to avoid later stress and conflict.
Strongly Disagree
1 Disagree
2 Undecided
3 Agree
4 Strongly Agree
5
walter
pam
Positive Couple Agreement (70%) 2 2 - I am concerned about who is responsible for our money. 2 2 - I am concerned that my partner is more of a spender than I am. 1 2 - It bothers me that I have to seek my partner's approval before spending money. 2 2 - Sometimes I wish my partner were more careful about spending money. 4 4 + We do a good job of managing our financial debts. 4 4 + We have developed a financial plan for our marriage and/or retirement. 2 2 - We have different ideas on how to invest money.
Disagreement (20%) 2 4 + I am satisfied with our decisions about how much money we should save. 4 2 + We usually agree on how to spend our money.
Indecision (0%)
Special Focus (10%) 4 4 - I have some concerns about whether our income will be sufficient.
PREPARE/ENRICH Exercises: Financial Goals, Budget Worksheet, The Meaning of Money
13
Leisure Activities
The Leisure Activities category measures a couple's satisfaction with the amount and quality of leisure time spent together. It looks at similarities in interests, and satisfaction with the balance of time spent together and apart.
walter feels generally good about their leisure activities, but has some concerns about the amount and quality of their shared interests. pam feels positive about their leisure activities and the amount and quality of their shared interests.
Possible Strength: The couple agreed on several of the items in this category. Review these Agreement Items, highlighting their strengths and resources. Next, review and talk about 1-2 of the Disagreement, Indecision, or Special Focus items. A balanced level of shared interests can help them increase the quality of their relationship.
Strongly Disagree
1 Disagree
2 Undecided
3 Agree
4 Strongly Agree
5
walter
pam
Positive Couple Agreement (50%) 2 1 - I am concerned that my partner has too many activities or hobbies. 2 1 - I sometimes feel pressured to participate in activities my partner enjoys. 4 4 + It is easy for us to make new couple friends. 4 5 + My partner and I enjoy the same interests and recreational activities. 4 4 + We find it easy to think of things to do together.
Disagreement (30%) 4 2 - As a couple, I wish we did a better job of balancing time together and time apart. 4 2 - I wish my partner had more time and energy for recreation with me. 4 2 - My idea of a good time differs somewhat from my partner's.
Indecision (0%)
Special Focus (20%) 4 4 - I wish my partner and I shared more activities that we both found enjoyable.
4 4 - My partner's activities (television, computer, sports, etc.) interfere with our timetogether. PREPARE/ENRICH Exercises: The Dating Exercise
14
Sexual Relationship
The Sexual Relationship category measures a couple's satisfaction with their sexual relationship and the level of affection expressed. This category also explores their interest in sex and ability to discuss sexual issues as a couple.
Both individuals feel less satisfied with their sex and affection and may have concerns about how they deal with sexual issues.
Possible Growth Area: While the couple has some positive agreement, they disagree or share mutual concern on several items in this category. Help them discuss 2-3 Agreement Items and 2-3 of the Disagreement, Indecision, or Special Focus items listed below. This can be a difficult topic for couples to manage and discuss openly. Good communication skills can help them talk openly about their affection and sexual relationship.
Strongly Disagree
1 Disagree
2 Undecided
3 Agree
4 Strongly Agree
5
walter
pam
Positive Couple Agreement (30%) 5 4 + I am comfortable talking with my partner about sexual issues. 2 2 - I am concerned that my partner is interested in viewing sexually explicit material. 4 4 + I am satisfied with our openness in discussing sexual topics.
Disagreement (20%) 3 1 - I am concerned that my partner's interest in sex might be different from mine. 2 4 + We are both able to enjoy intimacy without intercourse.
Indecision (0%)
Special Focus (50%) 2 2 + I am completely satisfied with the amount of affection my partner gives me. 5 4 - I am concerned about the ways our sexual relationship is changing as we age. 4 5 - I wish my partner were more affectionate and/or sexual. 1 1 + Our sexual relationship is satisfying and fulfilling to me. 2 2 + We try to find ways to keep our sexual relationship interesting and enjoyable.
PREPARE/ENRICH Exercises: The Expression of Intimacy
15
Family & Friends
The Family & Friends category measures relationship satisfaction with relatives and friends. It looks at each individual's opinions of the other's family and friends, as well as the level of influence and/or interference experienced from these relationships.
walter feels generally good about how they relate to family and friends, but may be aware of 1-2 issues that need to be discussed. pam feels positive about how they relate to one another's family and friends.
Possible Growth Area: While the couple has some positive agreement, they disagree or share mutual concern on several items in this category. Help them discuss 2-3 Agreement Items and 2-3 of the Disagreement, Indecision, or Special Focus items listed below. Family and friends can provide great encouragement and support for a relationship, but they can sometimes interfere and undermine a relationship as well. Healthy boundaries with family and friends are important to finding balance in this area.
Strongly Disagree
1 Disagree
2 Undecided
3 Agree
4 Strongly Agree
5
walter
pam
Positive Couple Agreement (40%) 2 1 - I am worried that accepting financial assistance or advice from our families will causeproblems for us. 4 4 + I enjoy spending time with my partner's family. 4 4 + I really enjoy being with most of my partner's friends. 1 2 - My partner is too involved with or influenced by his/her family.
Disagreement (40%) 1 4 - I have concerns when my partner spends time with friends or co-workers of theopposite sex. 2 5 + My partner gets along well with most of my friends. 3 1 - One or both of our families cause trouble in our marriage. 4 2 - Sometimes my partner's friends or family interfere with our relationship.
Indecision (20%) 3 2 - I wish we had more friendships with other married couples. 3 4 + My family (parents/siblings) accepts me completely and respects the decisions I make.
Special Focus (0%)
PREPARE/ENRICH Exercises: Couple and Family Map: Balancing your Relationship, Practical Tips to
Balance your Relationship
16
Role Transitions
The Role Transitions category measures satisfaction with how roles and responsibilities are handled in the relationship. More specifically, this category looks at how older couples feel about managing role transitions associated with retirement.
walter feels positive about how roles are managed in their relationship and is optimistic about handling future role transitions. pam feels generally good about managing responsibilities and role transitions in their relationship, but may be aware of one or two issues that need attention.
Relationship Strength: The couple has positive agreement with most of the items in this category. Review some of their Agreement Items, which represent strengths in their relationship. They may also have 1 or 2 Disagreement, Indecision, or Special Focus items to discuss. Congratulate them for finding ways to share and effectively deal with household chores, decision-making, and role transitions.
Strongly Disagree
1 Disagree
2 Undecided
3 Agree
4 Strongly Agree
5
walter
pam
Positive Couple Agreement (80%) 2 2 - After retirement, I'm concerned about how we will adjust to spending more timetogether.
2 2 - As our lifestyle changes, I am concerned I will have more role adjustments than mypartner. 2 2 - As our lifestyle changes, I worry that power struggles may arise. 2 2 - Decisions about our lifestyle are made mostly by my partner. 1 2 - I am concerned about doing more than my share of the household tasks. 4 4 + I am happy with the flexibility we have in our roles and responsibilities. 4 4 + My partner would not make an important decision without consulting me. 4 4 + We participate equally in setting new goals.
Disagreement (10%) 4 2 + I am happy with how we share leadership in our relationship.
Indecision (0%)
Special Focus (10%) 2 2 + We are flexible and adjust well to changes in our relationship.
PREPARE/ENRICH Exercises: Sharing Roles
17
Spiritual Beliefs
The Spiritual Beliefs category measures how satisfied or involved couples are with the practice and expression of spiritual beliefs in their relationship. This category looks at similarities in spiritual beliefs and whether they are a resource or a source of tension.
walter feels very positive about the practice and expression of spiritual beliefs in their relationship and recognizes several strengths in this area. pam feels positive about the practice and expression of spiritual beliefs in their relationship.
Relationship Strength: The couple has positive agreement with most of the items in this category. Review some of their Agreement Items, which represent strengths in their relationship. They may also have 1 or 2 Disagreement, Indecision, or Special Focus items to discuss. A shared spiritual foundation can be a great resource for couples, helping them increase their commitment and connection.
Strongly Disagree
1 Disagree
2 Undecided
3 Agree
4 Strongly Agree
5
walter
pam
Positive Couple Agreement (80%) 5 5 + I believe our marriage must include active participation in a church. 5 5 + My faith is the foundation for the commitment I have to my partner. 1 2 - My partner and I disagree about our spiritual beliefs. 5 5 + Prayer is an important part of my daily life. 5 4 + We both support the practice of giving a portion of our income to the church. 4 4 + We have discussed the importance of our Christian faith. 4 5 + We rely on our faith in God during difficult times. 4 4 + We share very similar spiritual beliefs.
Disagreement (20%) 4 2 + My partner and I feel closer because of our Christian faith. 2 5 - Spiritual differences cause some tension in our relationship.
Indecision (0%)
Special Focus (0%)
PREPARE/ENRICH Exercises: Your Spiritual Journey
18
Forgiveness
The Forgiveness category measures a couple's perception of their ability to forgive one another following a conflict, betrayal, or hurt. It looks at how well they request and grant forgiveness in their relationship.
walter feels generally good about their ability to let go of past hurts, but has some concerns about requesting or granting forgiveness. pam has some concerns about their ability to request and grant forgiveness in their relationship.
Growth Area: The couple disagrees or shares mutual concern about most of the items in this category. Help them discuss 1-2 Agreement Items and 2-3 of the Disagreement, Indecision, or Special Focus items listed below. Forgiveness is a key ingredient for working through issues, hurts and disappointments. Teach this skill along with communication and conflict resolution.
Strongly Disagree
1 Disagree
2 Undecided
3 Agree
4 Strongly Agree
5
walter
pam
Positive Couple Agreement (10%) 2 2 - My partner has done or said some things I may never be able to forgive.
Disagreement (50%) 4 2 + I feel closer to my partner after we work through a disappointment. 1 4 - I find it difficult to trust my partner because of his/her past actions. 2 4 - My partner has a hard time admitting that he/she is at fault. 2 4 - My partner tends to hold a grudge for a long time. 4 2 + We do a good job of resolving issues and moving forward.
Indecision (30%) 4 3 - In our relationship we forgive, but we don’t forget. 3 2 + My partner does a good job of apologizing and asking for forgiveness.
3 4 - Tension remains in our relationship, even after we work through hurts anddisappointments.
Special Focus (10%) 4 4 - My partner has a hard time letting go of past hurts and disappointments.
PREPARE/ENRICH Exercises: Seeking and Granting Forgiveness, How to Take a Time-Out
19
Intergenerational Issues
The Intergenerational Issues category explores the challenges middle-aged couples face as they are positioned as a resource to their adult children and/or aging parents. More specifically, this category looks at how time, attention, and assistance are balanced.
Both individuals feel somewhat satisfied with the time and resources provided to their adult children and/or parents, buy may have some concerns.
Possible Strength: The couple agreed on several of the items in this category. For couples with adult children and/or aging parents, the demands on their time and resources can be quite challenging. It is important to continue nourishing their own marriage in the midst of this busy life stage.
Strongly Disagree
1 Disagree
2 Undecided
3 Agree
4 Strongly Agree
5
walter
pam
Positive Couple Agreement (70%) 2 2 - Caring for our children and/or parents requires more resources than we prefer.
2 1 - I am concerned about staying connected to our children and grandchildren as we growolder. 4 4 + I am satisfied with how we balance our time as a couple and with our families. 2 2 - I feel that our children and/or parents require a great deal of attention. 2 2 - Our children and/or parents expect too much assistance from us. 4 4 + We have discussed our changing roles as parents and grandparents. 4 4 + We have talked to each other and/or our children about inheritance.
Disagreement (0%)
Indecision (0%)
Special Focus (30%) 4 4 - It has been a challenge to help our adult children achieve their own independence(financial, housing, etc.). 2 2 + We are in agreement about offering housing, money, etc., to our children. 1 2 + We are satisfied with how close and connected we are to other family members.
PREPARE/ENRICH Exercises: Identifying Most Critical Issues, Balancing Your Priorities, Defining Personal,
Couple, and Family Goals
20
Health Issues
The Health Issues category explores relationship challenges faced as couples grow older. More specifically, this category looks at attitudes towards having a long, healthy and active life together.
Both individuals feel generally positive about health issues, but may have some concerns about aging.
Possible Strength: The couple agreed on several of the items in this category. Review these Agreement Items, highlighting their strengths and resources. Next, review and talk about 1-2 of the Disagreement, Indecision, or Special Focus items. Maintaining a healthy and active lifestyle becomes more important as couples age and impacts their ability to enjoy a long and healthy life together.
Strongly Disagree
1 Disagree
2 Undecided
3 Agree
4 Strongly Agree
5
walter
pam
Positive Couple Agreement (60%) 4 4 + As we age, my partner and I will be supportive and caring to each other. 2 2 - I am concerned about becoming dependent on my partner or he/she on me. 5 5 + I am looking forward to growing old with my partner. 2 2 - I wish my partner would take better care of himself/herself. 4 5 + We both feel it is important to have an active and healthy lifestyle. 4 4 + We generally have good health habits.
Disagreement (30%) 4 2 - I am concerned that my partner's health will be a problem over the years. 5 2 + I feel confident that we will have a long and healthy life together. 2 4 - My partner has some unhealthy habits that concern me.
Indecision (0%)
Special Focus (10%) 4 4 - As we age, I worry about maintaining the same quality of life.
PREPARE/ENRICH Exercises: Daily Dialogue and Daily Compliments, Defining Personal, Couple and Family
Goals, The Dating Exercise
21
Couple Map
OVERLY FLEXIBLE
VERY FLEXIBLE WALTER
FLEXIBLE PAM
SOMEWHAT FLEXIBLE
INFLEXIBLE
DIS- CONNECTED
SOMEWHAT CONNECTED CONNECTED
VERY CONNECTED
OVERLY CONNECTED
Couple Closeness is defined as the emotional closeness one feels toward their partner. On this dimension, relationships can range from disconnected to overly connected.
Both individuals described their relationship as Connected, meaning they experience a healthy balance of "We" and "I", or closeness and separateness, which reflects an interdependent relationship. Most healthy marriages not only foster connection, but also leave room for each partner to continue to grow and develop as individuals.
Couple Flexibility is defined as the ability to adjust to changes in roles and leadership in response to life's demands. On this dimension, relationships can range from inflexible to overly flexible.
walter feels the relationship is Very Flexible, with a good balance between stability and change. They may often share decision making and are able to adjust to ongoing issues. Most couples function well with this level of flexibility. pam feels the relationship is Flexible. Relationships in the flexible range are open to change when necessary, with a good balance between stability and change. Leadership and decision-making are equally shared, and roles can adjust to life's demands. This is a healthy balance that most couples enjoy.
Couple Discussion: Review the closeness and flexibility results. It can be helpful to discuss what is positive about the current levels of closeness and flexibility. It can also be helpful to discuss any desired changes (increases or decreases) in closeness and flexibility.
PREPARE/ENRICH Exercises: Mapping Your Relationship, Closeness Exercises, Flexibility Exercises
22
SCOPE Personality Scales
The SCOPE Personality assessment consists of five dimensions based on the Five Factor Model of Personality. The five dimensions and the couple's results are described below. Review the results of all five dimensions rather than focusing on just one or two traits where individuals score high or low. Compare where the Personality SCOPE results are similar and where they are different. Discuss the advantages and drawbacks to each. PREPARE/ENRICH Exercises: SCOPE out Your Personality
Social (S) This trait reflects preference for, and behavior in social situations.
walter scored Low on being Social. These individuals tend to be reserved or introverted. Social introverts often lack the exuberance and activity levels of extroverts. They may be low-key, deliberate, and less connected socially. They often prefer to be alone or with just a few close friends. These individuals likely feel re-energized after spending time alone or in small, intimate settings, as opposed to large groups or parties. If out of balance, they could appear reclusive or cut off from others.
pam scored High on the Social dimension. These individuals are generally outgoing. Social extroverts enjoy being with people and are often full of energy. They may be enthusiastic and action-oriented. They often enjoy their ability to make friends and acquaintances easily and do not prefer solitude. In groups they like to talk, assert themselves, and may often be the center of attention. If out of balance, they could appear to be attention seeking or shallow.
Couple Discussion: Couples with one person scoring higher than the other will need to communicate openly with one another about attending social events and getting together with others. One person receives energy from socializing with others, while the other prefers more privacy and alone time. This difference may become more apparent when they are experiencing greater amounts of stress. They can avoid unnecessary conflict in their relationship by checking it out with each other before saying "yes" or "no" to making social plans.
23
SCOPE Personality Scales
Change (C) This trait reflects openness to change, flexibility, and interest in new experiences.
walter scored Low on Change. These individuals are more down to earth, practical in nature, and less interested in new ideas and experiences. Change may be difficult for them and increase their level of stress. These individuals prefer the familiar and things they are accustomed to. Their attitudes are likely to be more conventional or traditional. When out of balance, they could appear rigid or closed off to new experiences.
pam scored High on Change. These individuals will tend to be flexible, unconventional, and very open to new experiences. They are open to change, and often have a broad range of interests. They thrive on developing new and creative solutions to problems, even when a tried and true method might work just as well. When out of balance, they may appear to be too interested in new ideas and adventures. Others may wonder why they are constantly trying to reinvent the wheel.
Couple Discussion: One person scoring higher than the other may represent a case of being attracted to their opposite. The more practical person is often attracted to the other's free thinking and open attitudes. Conversely, the more open person may recognize the value of their partner's steady approach to life. There may be times when the other's attitudes, preferences or behavior will be challenging or frustrating. They'll want to remember to work with differences rather than attempt to change or criticize one another. Building off each other’s strengths can help them appreciate their differences.
Organized (O) This trait reflects how organized and persistent a person is in their daily life and work. It also reflects persistence in pursuing goals.
walter scored in the Average range on this personality dimension. These individuals are generally organized. They are often dependable and goal-oriented, but can also be flexible, setting aside work and agendas. They know how to get organized, but it is not always a high priority. Their home and workspace are likely somewhat cluttered, but they know where things are located.
pam scored in the High range on this personality dimension. These individuals are methodical, and well- organized. They tend to be persistent and reliable and place great emphasis on this type of behavior. They are quite goal-oriented, and have a well thought-out plan as they strive to achieve their goals. When out of balance, they could be perceived as a perfectionist or too driven. Others may even see them as being too organized or controlling in their approach to life.
Couple Discussion: Couples with one person scoring higher than the other will need to communicate openly with one another about their goals, roles, and expectations. It is likely that their partner’s tendencies may be endearing at times, but can also become annoying, distracting, or even maddening when stressful events come their way. They can balance one another out and avoid the extremes of perfectionism versus sloppiness. Potential challenges include different expectations for housekeeping, relationship roles, and long-term goals. They can work with their strengths and allow the more organized individual to handle necessary details. But they will also need to guard against expecting the organized individual to function more like a "parent" and less like a “partner.”
24
SCOPE Personality Scales
Pleasing (P) This trait reflects how considerate and cooperative one is in their interactions with others.
walter scored Low on Pleasing. These individuals tend to be very assertive and less cooperative. They may express their anger directly, and could be seen as competitive and proud. They may experience high levels of conflict in their partner relationship unless they have learned how to balance their assertiveness. These individuals are less likely to be taken advantage of and can stand up for themselves. When out of balance, they could appear skeptical, unfriendly, or even controlling. They may sometimes find that others are intimidated by their direct approach.
pam scored in the Average range on Pleasing. These individuals can be warm and cooperative, but occasionally somewhat competitive, stubborn, or assertive. When they feel their rights are violated, they are able to respond and stand up for themselves. They might occasionally find themselves arguing about little matters, but generally know how to get along well with others and are well liked.
Couple Discussion: Couples with one person scoring higher than the other may need to practice their communication and conflict resolution skills. One partner may need to develop their ability to honestly express both positive and negative opinions and feelings. In so doing, they can allow the more assertive partner the opportunity to truly understand how they feel. The other partner will benefit from working to be a good listener. Looking for the positives in each other's personality styles can strengthen the relationship.
Emotionally Steady (E) This trait reflects the tendency to stay relaxed and calm even when faced with stress, versus those who are more reactive to stress in their life.
walter scored Low on Emotionally Steady. These individuals are more emotionally sensitive and may be easily upset. They have more difficulty handling stress in their life. They often don't enjoy new situations, and may tend to avoid such experiences. They may be prone to anxiety, anger or depression when faced with stressful situations. When out of balance, these individuals appear fragile or overly sensitive. Some acquaintances may see their reactions as difficult to handle and pull away leaving them to feel even more isolated.
pam scored High in the Emotionally Steady trait. These individuals tend to be more relaxed, calm and less prone to distress. They are likely to be emotionally stable even when confronted with stressful situations. At times, they can even appear unfeeling or unflappable. They often consider life’s stressors to be minor passing annoyances and have an ability to remain composed in situations that others find difficult.
Couple Discussion: Couples with one person scoring higher than the other may experience occasional challenges. In times of stress, the more emotionally calm person may need to take control and help the other feel less frustrated. The one experiencing anxiety, anger or sadness might wonder why their partner doesn't feel the same way. They will need to remember to work with one another's differences rather than attempting to change each other. Flexibility, problem solving and communication are key skills to help them deal with stress as a couple.
