zeek the geek

See tips inside your essay as well. Thank you for your work this week!! Susan

** Indent your paragraphs 5-7 spaces so readers easily see where they begin and end. ;_)

** Check sentences for ‘wordiness’ / see if you can rewrite the sentences using fewer words to make a more smooth read.

WORDINESS / CONCISENESS

I want us all to work on 'wordiness’ (conciseness) as we continue writing this term; please take note as to what it means. Begin to make your papers more concise. Use fewer words in the place of several, or eliminate some words all together. You will begin to notice smoothness in your work right away!

This is something that most of us have problems with. Once you conquer your ‘wordiness’, your writing will flow so much better! When I say wordiness, I am referring to one or more extra words or phrases that don’t really add value to your work. These words can be easily eliminated. Believe it or not, most readers feel like they are stumbling through a text that has too many unnecessary words. The reader may not know what the difficulty is, but it is often this thing we do. In speaking, we add extra words and phrases such as: ‘a’s, along the lines of, all of these, a lot of, by the way, in all likelihood, that, very good, have the ability to, general consensus, ………and on and on…..’

Ten-Year Goals: What do I Want to Accomplish for My Education and Career?

I live in the small town of Toledo, Ohio, currently studying Business……./ try to combine these first two sentences for good flow. . I am a student studying Business Management while working in order to ?? not sure what this means/ feed my University needs. My current job specification entails the duties of a dispatcher. I am held responsible and accountable for payroll, warranty workcomma and quoting activities in the office. My job has taught me the discipline reads a little confusing/ rewrite for simplicity/ required in the detailed description of order of duties to be performed. This includes the ….is to include the mathematical, IT and analysis skills that I have so far managed to expand in the course of my current employment delete/ wordy/ in my current job. Outside the office am an animal lover. This is to refer to my liking of the different types and tastes of pets that we keep at home which can be evidenced by the frequency of my visits to the Toledo Zoo, mostly unaccompanied. Keep your introduction a bit more brief. I’m not too sure what your thesis statement is here.

Just as life is a series of meetings and partings, so is it a series of lessons. My future expectations concerning my education will not end…/ avoid using ‘would’ when possible/ write more directly to be effective/ would not end at my graduation in my current course. I endeavor to find myself employed or working in order to earn enough money to further my education. Going into the specifics, I want to …would like to specialize as an operational researcher and to be a renowned one in the business industry. After doing my Masters and PhD, I am hopeful to join the business academia and engage in further research of our business world today.

Ten-Year Goals: What do I Want to Accomplish for My Education and Career?

I live in the small town of Toledo, Ohio. I am a student studying Business Management while working in order to feed my University needs. My current job specification entails the duties of a dispatcher. I am held responsible and accountable for payroll, warranty work and quoting activities in the office. My job has taught me discipline required in the detailed description of order of duties to be performed. This is to include the mathematical, IT and analysis skills that I have so far managed to expand in the course of my employment in my current job. Outside the office am an animal lover. This is to refer to my liking of the different types and tastes of pets that we keep at home which can be evidenced by the frequency of my visits to the Toledo Zoo, mostly unaccompanied.

Just as life is a series of meetings and partings, so is it a series of lessons. My future expectations concerning my education would not end at my graduation in my current course. I endeavor to find myself employed or working in order to earn enough money to further my education. Going into the specifics, I would like to specialize as an operational researcher and to be a renowned one in the business industry. After doing my Masters and PhD, I am hopeful to join the business academia and engage in further research of our business world today.

Studying for a Bachelor’s degree in Business Management makes my first career objective as of now to become a manager in the current office that I am working in. From there I would add some more experience by engaging into multiple activities or jobs just to gain a skills in being able to focus, being disciplined and being a good relations manager by myself. All this would prove useful after my graduation whereby I am hoping to work hard to relocate to a different town, far from my current location, probably Philadelphia which has a larger population that would bring market to my career endeavors.

In the event of attaining the specified criteria required for starting a business that include an Employee Identification Number, business privilege tax and checking account, I would have one of my own; a vet hospital. This is totally related to my other love in life. It would be a place where visitors would come with their pets to have them checked regularly or in emergencies. Other activities would be a small pet zoo and occasional advice from experts that I would employ to customers on healthy pet keeping. I have a vision of opening up other such branches in various towns and cities in the country and, even further, explore the world outside our borders.

Aside from helping the United Animals Nation to care for the animals kept in our homes, I would like to have the opportunity to impart into mankind the love for flora and fauna and the desire to ensure its balance. Everyone wants to go green, but we also need the aid of our animals to do this. While engaging in such activities I would be able to foster a relationship with the flora of the world. With these visions I hope to help feed mankind and also feed Mother Nature.