writing and supporting a thesis

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Chapter 9

Writing Essays: From Start to Finish 9.1 Developing a Strong, Clear Thesis Statement

L E A R N I N G O B JE C T I V E S

1. Develop a strong, clear thesis statement with the proper elements.

2. Revise your thesis statement.

Have you ever known a person who was not very good at telling stories? You probably had trouble

following his train of thought as he jumped around from point to point, either being too brief in

places that needed further explanation or providing too many details on a meaningless element.

Maybe he told the end of the story first, then moved to the beginning and later added details to the

middle. His ideas were probably scattered, and the story did not flow very well. When the story was

over, you probably had many questions.

Just as a personal anecdote can be a disorganized mess, an essay can fall into the same trap of being

out of order and confusing. That is why writers need athesis statement to provide a specific focus for

their essay and to organize what they are about to discuss in the body.

Just like a topic sentence summarizes a single paragraph, the thesis statement summarizes an entire

essay. It tells the reader the point you want to make in your essay, while the essay itself supports that

point. It is like a signpost that signals the essay’s destination. You should form your thesis before you

begin to organize an essay, but you may find that it needs revision as the essay develops.

Elements of a Thesis Statement

For every essay you write, you must focus on a central idea. This idea stems from a topic you have chosen

or been assigned or from a question your teacher has asked. It is not enough merely to discuss a general

topic or simply answer a question with a yes or no. You have to form a specific opinion, and then

articulate that into a controlling idea—the main idea upon which you build your thesis.

Remember that a thesis is not the topic itself, but rather your interpretation of the question or subject. For

whatever topic your professor gives you, you must ask yourself, “What do I want to say about it?” Asking

and then answering this question is vital to forming a thesis that is precise, forceful and confident.

A thesis is one sentence long and appears toward the end of your introduction. It is specific and focuses on

one to three points of a single idea—points that are able to be demonstrated in the body. It forecasts the

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content of the essay and suggests how you will organize your information. Remember that a thesis

statement does not summarize an issue but rather dissects it.

A Strong Thesis Statement

A strong thesis statement contains the following qualities.

Specificity. A thesis statement must concentrate on a specific area of a general topic. As you may recall,

the creation of a thesis statement begins when you choose a broad subject and then narrow down its parts

until you pinpoint a specific aspect of that topic. For example, health care is a broad topic, but a proper

thesis statement would focus on a specific area of that topic, such as options for individuals without health

care coverage.

Precision. A strong thesis statement must be precise enough to allow for a coherent argument and to

remain focused on the topic. If the specific topic is options for individuals without health care coverage,

then your precise thesis statement must make an exact claim about it, such as that limited options exist

for those who are uninsured by their employers. You must further pinpoint what you are going to discuss

regarding these limited effects, such as whom they affect and what the cause is.

Ability to be argued. A thesis statement must present a relevant and specific argument. A factual

statement often is not considered arguable. Be sure your thesis statement contains a point of view that can

be supported with evidence.

Ability to be demonstrated. For any claim you make in your thesis, you must be able to provide

reasons and examples for your opinion. You can rely on personal observations in order to do this, or you

can consult outside sources to demonstrate that what you assert is valid. A worthy argument is backed by

examples and details.

Forcefulness. A thesis statement that is forceful shows readers that you are, in fact, making an

argument. The tone is assertive and takes a stance that others might oppose.

Confidence. In addition to using force in your thesis statement, you must also use confidence in your

claim. Phrases such as I feel or I believe actually weaken the readers’ sense of your confidence because

these phrases imply that you are the only person who feels the way you do. In other words, your stance

has insufficient backing. Taking an authoritative stance on the matter persuades your readers to have

faith in your argument and open their minds to what you have to say.

Tip

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Even in a personal essay that allows the use of first person, your thesis should not contain phrases such

as in my opinion or I believe. These statements reduce your credibility and weaken your argument. Your

opinion is more convincing when you use a firm attitude.

E X E R C I S E 1

On a separate sheet of paper, write a thesis statement for each of the following topics. Remember to

make each statement specific, precise, demonstrable, forceful and confident.

Topics

 Texting while driving

 The legal drinking age in the United States

 Steroid use among professional athletes

 Abortion

 Racism

Examples of Appropriate Thesis Statements

Each of the following thesis statements meets several of the following requirements:

 Specificity

 Precision

 Ability to be argued

 Ability to be demonstrated

 Forcefulness

 Confidence

1. The societal and personal struggles of Troy Maxon in the play Fencessymbolize the challenge of

black males who lived through segregation and integration in the United States.

2. Closing all American borders for a period of five years is one solution that will tackle illegal

immigration.

3. Shakespeare’s use of dramatic irony in Romeo and Juliet spoils the outcome for the audience and

weakens the plot.

4. J. D. Salinger’s character in Catcher in the Rye, Holden Caulfield, is a confused rebel who voices

his disgust with phonies, yet in an effort to protect himself, he acts like a phony on many occasions.

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5. Compared to an absolute divorce, no-fault divorce is less expensive, promotes fairer settlements,

and reflects a more realistic view of the causes for marital breakdown.

6. Exposing children from an early age to the dangers of drug abuse is a sure method of preventing

future drug addicts.

7. In today’s crumbling job market, a high school diploma is not significant enough education to

land a stable, lucrative job.

Tip

You can find thesis statements in many places, such as in the news; in the opinions of friends, coworkers

or teachers; and even in songs you hear on the radio. Become aware of thesis statements in everyday life

by paying attention to people’s opinions and their reasons for those opinions. Pay attention to your own

everyday thesis statements as well, as these can become material for future essays.

Now that you have read about the contents of a good thesis statement and have seen examples, take a look

at the pitfalls to avoid when composing your own thesis:

 A thesis is weak when it is simply a declaration of your subject or a description of what you will

discuss in your essay.

Weak thesis statement: My paper will explain why imagination is more important than knowledge.

 A thesis is weak when it makes an unreasonable or outrageous claim or insults the opposing side.

Weak thesis statement: Religious radicals across America are trying to legislate their Puritanical

beliefs by banning required high school books.

 A thesis is weak when it contains an obvious fact or something that no one can disagree with or

provides a dead end.

Weak thesis statement: Advertising companies use sex to sell their products.

 A thesis is weak when the statement is too broad.

Weak thesis statement: The life of Abraham Lincoln was long and challenging.

E X E R C I S E 2

Read the following thesis statements. On a separate piece of paper, identify each as weak or strong. For

those that are weak, list the reasons why. Then revise the weak statements so that they conform to the

requirements of a strong thesis.

1. The subject of this paper is my experience with ferrets as pets.

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2. The government must expand its funding for research on renewable energy resources in order to

prepare for the impending end of oil.

3. Edgar Allan Poe was a poet who lived in Baltimore during the nineteenth century.

4. In this essay, I will give you lots of reasons why slot machines should not be legalized in Baltimore.

5. Despite his promises during his campaign, President Kennedy took few executive measures to

support civil rights legislation.

6. Because many children’s toys have potential safety hazards that could lead to injury, it is clear that

not all children’s toys are safe.

7. My experience with young children has taught me that I want to be a disciplinary parent because I

believe that a child without discipline can be a parent’s worst nightmare.

Writing at Work

Often in your career, you will need to ask your boss for something through an e-mail. Just as a thesis

statement organizes an essay, it can also organize your e-mail request. While your e-mail will be shorter

than an essay, using a thesis statement in your first paragraph quickly lets your boss know what you are

asking for, why it is necessary, and what the benefits are. In short body paragraphs, you can provide the

essential information needed to expand upon your request.

Thesis Statement Revision

Your thesis will probably change as you write, so you will need to modify it to reflect exactly what you have

discussed in your essay. Remember from Chapter 8 "The Writing Process: How Do I Begin?" that your

thesis statement begins as a working thesis statement, an indefinite statement that you make about your

topic early in the writing process for the purpose of planning and guiding your writing.

Working thesis statements often become stronger as you gather information and form new opinions and

reasons for those opinions. Revision helps you strengthen your thesis so that it matches what you have

expressed in the body of the paper.

Tip

The best way to revise your thesis statement is to ask questions about it and then examine the answers to

those questions. By challenging your own ideas and forming definite reasons for those ideas, you grow

closer to a more precise point of view, which you can then incorporate into your thesis statement.

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Ways to Revise Your Thesis

You can cut down on irrelevant aspects and revise your thesis by taking the following steps:

1. Pinpoint and replace all nonspecific words, such as people, everything,society, or life, with more

precise words in order to reduce any vagueness.

Working thesis: Young people have to work hard to succeed in life.

Revised thesis: Recent college graduates must have discipline and persistence in order to find and

maintain a stable job in which they can use and be appreciated for their talents.

The revised thesis makes a more specific statement about success and what it means to work hard. The

original includes too broad a range of people and does not define exactly what success entails. By

replacing those general words like people and work hard, the writer can better focus his or her research

and gain more direction in his or her writing.

2. Clarify ideas that need explanation by asking yourself questions that narrow your thesis.

Working thesis: The welfare system is a joke.

Revised thesis: The welfare system keeps a socioeconomic class from gaining employment by alluring

members of that class with unearned income, instead of programs to improve their education and skill

sets.

A joke means many things to many people. Readers bring all sorts of backgrounds and perspectives to the

reading process and would need clarification for a word so vague. This expression may also be too

informal for the selected audience. By asking questions, the writer can devise a more precise and

appropriate explanation for joke. The writer should ask himself or herself questions similar to the 5WH

questions. (See Chapter 8 "The Writing Process: How Do I Begin?" for more information on the 5WH

questions.) By incorporating the answers to these questions into a thesis statement, the writer more

accurately defines his or her stance, which will better guide the writing of the essay.

3. Replace any linking verbs with action verbs. Linking verbs are forms of the verb to be, a verb that

simply states that a situation exists.

Working thesis: Kansas City schoolteachers are not paid enough.

Revised thesis: The Kansas City legislature cannot afford to pay its educators, resulting in job cuts and

resignations in a district that sorely needs highly qualified and dedicated teachers.

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The linking verb in this working thesis statement is the word are. Linking verbs often make thesis

statements weak because they do not express action. Rather, they connect words and phrases to the

second half of the sentence. Readers might wonder, “Why are they not paid enough?” But this statement

does not compel them to ask many more questions. The writer should ask himself or herself questions in

order to replace the linking verb with an action verb, thus forming a stronger thesis statement, one that

takes a more definitive stance on the issue:

o Who is not paying the teachers enough?

o What is considered “enough”?

o What is the problem?

o What are the results

4. Omit any general claims that are hard to support.

Working thesis: Today’s teenage girls are too sexualized.

Revised thesis: Teenage girls who are captivated by the sexual images on MTV are conditioned to

believe that a woman’s worth depends on her sensuality, a feeling that harms their self-esteem and

behavior.

It is true that some young women in today’s society are more sexualized than in the past, but that is not

true for all girls. Many girls have strict parents, dress appropriately, and do not engage in sexual activity

while in middle school and high school. The writer of this thesis should ask the following questions:

o Which teenage girls?

o What constitutes “too” sexualized?

o Why are they behaving that way?

o Where does this behavior show up?

o What are the repercussions? E X E R C I S E 3

In the first section of Chapter 8 "The Writing Process: How Do I Begin?", you determined your purpose for

writing and your audience. You then completed a freewriting exercise about an event you recently

experienced and chose a general topic to write about. Using that general topic, you then narrowed it down

by answering the 5WH questions. After you answered these questions, you chose one of the three

methods of prewriting and gathered possible supporting points for your working thesis statement.

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Now, on a separate sheet of paper, write down your working thesis statement. Identify any weaknesses in

this sentence and revise the statement to reflect the elements of a strong thesis statement. Make sure it is

specific, precise, arguable, demonstrable, forceful, and confident.

Collaboration

Please share with a classmate and compare your answers.

Writing at Work

In your career you may have to write a project proposal that focuses on a particular problem in your

company, such as reinforcing the tardiness policy. The proposal would aim to fix the problem; using a

thesis statement would clearly state the boundaries of the problem and tell the goals of the project. After

writing the proposal, you may find that the thesis needs revision to reflect exactly what is expressed in the

body. Using the techniques from this chapter would apply to revising that thesis.

K E Y T A K E A W A Y S

 Proper essays require a thesis statement to provide a specific focus and suggest how the essay will be

organized.

 A thesis statement is your interpretation of the subject, not the topic itself.

 A strong thesis is specific, precise, forceful, confident, and is able to be demonstrated.

 A strong thesis challenges readers with a point of view that can be debated and can be supported

with evidence.

 A weak thesis is simply a declaration of your topic or contains an obvious fact that cannot be argued.

 Depending on your topic, it may or may not be appropriate to use first person point of view.

 Revise your thesis by ensuring all words are specific, all ideas are exact, and all verbs express action.

9.2 Writing Body Paragraphs L E A R N I N G O B JE C T I V E S

1. Select primary support related to your thesis.

2. Support your topic sentences.

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If your thesis gives the reader a roadmap to your essay, then body paragraphs should closely follow

that map. The reader should be able to predict what follows your introductory paragraph by simply

reading the thesis statement.

The body paragraphs present the evidence you have gathered to confirm your thesis. Before you

begin to support your thesis in the body, you must find information from a variety of sources that

support and give credit to what you are trying to prove.

Select Primary Support for Your Thesis

Without primary support, your argument is not likely to be convincing. Primary support can be described

as the major points you choose to expand on your thesis. It is the most important information you select

to argue for your point of view. Each point you choose will be incorporated into the topic sentence for each

body paragraph you write. Your primary supporting points are further supported by supporting details

within the paragraphs.

Tip

Remember that a worthy argument is backed by examples. In order to construct a valid argument, good

writers conduct lots of background research and take careful notes. They also talk to people

knowledgeable about a topic in order to understand its implications before writing about it.

Identify the Characteristics of Good Primary Support

In order to fulfill the requirements of good primary support, the information you choose must meet the

following standards:

 Be specific. The main points you make about your thesis and the examples you use to expand on

those points need to be specific. Use specific examples to provide the evidence and to build upon your

general ideas. These types of examples give your reader something narrow to focus on, and if used

properly, they leave little doubt about your claim. General examples, while they convey the necessary

information, are not nearly as compelling or useful in writing because they are too obvious and

typical.

 Be relevant to the thesis. Primary support is considered strong when it relates directly to the

thesis. Primary support should show, explain, or prove your main argument without delving into

irrelevant details. When faced with lots of information that could be used to prove your thesis, you

may think you need to include it all in your body paragraphs. But effective writers resist the

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temptation to lose focus. Choose your examples wisely by making sure they directly connect to your

thesis.

 Be detailed. Remember that your thesis, while specific, should not be very detailed. The body

paragraphs are where you develop the discussion that a thorough essay requires. Using detailed

support shows readers that you have considered all the facts and chosen only the most precise details

to enhance your point of view.

Prewrite to Identify Primary Supporting Points for a Thesis Statement

Recall that when you prewrite you essentially make a list of examples or reasons why you support your

stance. Stemming from each point, you further provide details to support those reasons. After prewriting,

you are then able to look back at the information and choose the most compelling pieces you will use in

your body paragraphs.

E X E R C I S E 1

Choose one of the following working thesis statements. On a separate sheet of paper, write for at least

five minutes using one of the prewriting techniques you learned in Chapter 8 "The Writing Process: How

Do I Begin?".

1. Unleashed dogs on city streets are a dangerous nuisance.

2. Students cheat for many different reasons.

3. Drug use among teens and young adults is a problem.

4. The most important change that should occur at my college or university is

____________________________________________.

Select the Most Effective Primary Supporting Points for a Thesis Statement

After you have prewritten about your working thesis statement, you may have generated a lot of

information, which may be edited out later. Remember that your primary support must be relevant to

your thesis. Remind yourself of your main argument, and delete any ideas that do not directly relate to it.

Omitting unrelated ideas ensures that you will use only the most convincing information in your body

paragraphs. Choose at least three of only the most compelling points. These will serve as the topic

sentences for your body paragraphs.

E X E R C I S E 2

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Refer to the previous exercise and select three of your most compelling reasons to support the thesis

statement. Remember that the points you choose must be specific and relevant to the thesis. The

statements you choose will be your primary support points, and you will later incorporate them into the

topic sentences for the body paragraphs.

Collaboration

Please share with a classmate and compare your answers.

When you support your thesis, you are revealing evidence. Evidence includes anything that can help

support your stance. The following are the kinds of evidence you will encounter as you conduct your

research:

1. Facts. Facts are the best kind of evidence to use because they often cannot be disputed. They can

support your stance by providing background information on or a solid foundation for your point of

view. However, some facts may still need explanation. For example, the sentence “The most populated

state in the United States is California” is a pure fact, but it may require some explanation to make it

relevant to your specific argument.

2. Judgments. Judgments are conclusions drawn from the given facts. Judgments are more

credible than opinions because they are founded upon careful reasoning and examination of a topic.

3. Testimony. Testimony consists of direct quotations from either an eyewitness or an expert

witness. An eyewitness is someone who has direct experience with a subject; he adds authenticity to

an argument based on facts. An expert witness is a person who has extensive experience with a topic.

This person studies the facts and provides commentary based on either facts or judgments, or both.

An expert witness adds authority and credibility to an argument.

4. Personal observation. Personal observation is similar to testimony, but personal observation

consists of your testimony. It reflects what you know to be true because you have experiences and

have formed either opinions or judgments about them. For instance, if you are one of five children

and your thesis states that being part of a large family is beneficial to a child’s social development, you

could use your own experience to support your thesis.

Writing at Work

In any job where you devise a plan, you will need to support the steps that you lay out. This is an area in

which you would incorporate primary support into your writing. Choosing only the most specific and

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relevant information to expand upon the steps will ensure that your plan appears well-thought-out and

precise.

Tip

You can consult a vast pool of resources to gather support for your stance. Citing relevant information

from reliable sources ensures that your reader will take you seriously and consider your assertions. Use

any of the following sources for your essay: newspapers or news organization websites, magazines,

encyclopedias, and scholarly journals, which are periodicals that address topics in a specialized field.

Choose Supporting Topic Sentences

Each body paragraph contains a topic sentence that states one aspect of your thesis and then expands

upon it. Like the thesis statement, each topic sentence should be specific and supported by concrete

details, facts, or explanations.

Each body paragraph should comprise the following elements.

topic sentence + supporting details (examples, reasons, or arguments)

As you read in Chapter 8 "The Writing Process: How Do I Begin?", topic sentences indicate the location

and main points of the basic arguments of your essay. These sentences are vital to writing your body

paragraphs because they always refer back to and support your thesis statement. Topic sentences are

linked to the ideas you have introduced in your thesis, thus reminding readers what your essay is about. A

paragraph without a clearly identified topic sentence may be unclear and scattered, just like an essay

without a thesis statement.

Tip

Unless your teacher instructs otherwise, you should include at least three body paragraphs in your essay.

A five-paragraph essay, including the introduction and conclusion, is commonly the standard for exams

and essay assignments.

Consider the following the thesis statement:

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The following topic sentence is a primary support point for the thesis. The topic sentence states exactly

what the controlling idea of the paragraph is. Later, you will see the writer immediately provide support

for the sentence.

E X E R C I S E 3

In Note 9.19 "Exercise 2", you chose three of your most convincing points to support the thesis statement

you selected from the list. Take each point and incorporate it into a topic sentence for each body

paragraph.

Supporting point 1: ____________________________________________

Topic sentence: ____________________________________________

Supporting point 2: ____________________________________________

Topic sentence: ____________________________________________

Supporting point 3: ____________________________________________

Topic sentence: ____________________________________________

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Collaboration

Please share with a classmate and compare your answers.

Draft Supporting Detail Sentences for Each Primary Support Sentence

After deciding which primary support points you will use as your topic sentences, you must add details to

clarify and demonstrate each of those points. These supporting details provide examples, facts, or

evidence that support the topic sentence.

The writer drafts possible supporting detail sentences for each primary support sentence based on the

thesis statement:

The following paragraph contains supporting detail sentences for the primary support sentence (the topic

sentence), which is underlined.

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E X E R C I S E 4

Using the three topic sentences you composed for the thesis statement in Note 9.18 "Exercise 1", draft at

least three supporting details for each point.

Thesis statement: ____________________________________________

Primary supporting point 1: ____________________________________________

Supporting details: ____________________________________________

Primary supporting point 2: ____________________________________________

Supporting details: ____________________________________________

Primary supporting point 3: ____________________________________________

Supporting details: ____________________________________________

Tip

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You have the option of writing your topic sentences in one of three ways. You can state it at the beginning

of the body paragraph, or at the end of the paragraph, or you do not have to write it at all. This is called an

implied topic sentence. An implied topic sentence lets readers form the main idea for themselves. For

beginning writers, it is best to not use implied topic sentences because it makes it harder to focus your

writing. Your instructor may also want to clearly identify the sentences that support your thesis. For more

information on the placement of thesis statements and implied topic statements, see Chapter 8 "The

Writing Process: How Do I Begin?".

Tip

Print out the first draft of your essay and use a highlighter to mark your topic sentences in the body

paragraphs. Make sure they are clearly stated and accurately present your paragraphs, as well as

accurately reflect your thesis. If your topic sentence contains information that does not exist in the rest of

the paragraph, rewrite it to more accurately match the rest of the paragraph.

K E Y T A K E A W A Y S

 Your body paragraphs should closely follow the path set forth by your thesis statement.

 Strong body paragraphs contain evidence that supports your thesis.

 Primary support comprises the most important points you use to support your thesis.

 Strong primary support is specific, detailed, and relevant to the thesis.

 Prewriting helps you determine your most compelling primary support.

 Evidence includes facts, judgments, testimony, and personal observation.

 Reliable sources may include newspapers, magazines, academic journals, books, encyclopedias, and

firsthand testimony.

 A topic sentence presents one point of your thesis statement while the information in the rest of the

paragraph supports that point.

 A body paragraph comprises a topic sentence plus supporting details.

9.3 Organizing Your Writing L E A R N I N G O B JE C T I V E S

1. Understand how and why organizational techniques help writers and readers stay focused.

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2. Assess how and when to use chronological order to organize an essay.

3. Recognize how and when to use order of importance to organize an essay.

4. Determine how and when to use spatial order to organize an essay.

The method of organization you choose for your essay is just as important as its content. Without a

clear organizational pattern, your reader could become confused and lose interest. The way you

structure your essay helps your readers draw connections between the body and the thesis, and the

structure also keeps you focused as you plan and write the essay. Choosing your organizational

pattern before you outline ensures that each body paragraph works to support and develop your

thesis.

This section covers three ways to organize body paragraphs:

1. Chronological order

2. Order of importance

3. Spatial order

When you begin to draft your essay, your ideas may seem to flow from your mind in a seemingly

random manner. Your readers, who bring to the table different backgrounds, viewpoints, and ideas,

need you to clearly organize these ideas in order to help process and accept them.

A solid organizational pattern gives your ideas a path that you can follow as you develop your draft.

Knowing how you will organize your paragraphs allows you to better express and analyze your

thoughts. Planning the structure of your essay before you choose supporting evidence helps you

conduct more effective and targeted research.

Chronological Order

In Chapter 8 "The Writing Process: How Do I Begin?", you learned that chronological arrangement has

the following purposes:

 To explain the history of an event or a topic

 To tell a story or relate an experience

 To explain how to do or to make something

 To explain the steps in a process

Chronological order is mostly used in expository writing, which is a form of writing that narrates,

describes, informs, or explains a process. When using chronological order, arrange the events in the order

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that they actually happened, or will happen if you are giving instructions. This method requires you to use

words such as first, second, then, after that, later, and finally. These transition words guide you and your

reader through the paper as you expand your thesis.

For example, if you are writing an essay about the history of the airline industry, you would begin with its

conception and detail the essential timeline events up until present day. You would follow the chain of

events using words such as first, then, next, and so on.

Writing at Work

At some point in your career you may have to file a complaint with your human resources department.

Using chronological order is a useful tool in describing the events that led up to your filing the grievance.

You would logically lay out the events in the order that they occurred using the key transition words. The

more logical your complaint, the more likely you will be well received and helped.

E X E R C I S E 1

Choose an accomplishment you have achieved in your life. The important moment could be in sports,

schooling, or extracurricular activities. On your own sheet of paper, list the steps you took to reach your

goal. Try to be as specific as possible with the steps you took. Pay attention to using transition words to

focus your writing.

Keep in mind that chronological order is most appropriate for the following purposes:

 Writing essays containing heavy research

 Writing essays with the aim of listing, explaining, or narrating

 Writing essays that analyze literary works such as poems, plays, or books Tip

When using chronological order, your introduction should indicate the information you will cover and in

what order, and the introduction should also establish the relevance of the information. Your body

paragraphs should then provide clear divisions or steps in chronology. You can divide your paragraphs by

time (such as decades, wars, or other historical events) or by the same structure of the work you are

examining (such as a line-by-line explication of a poem).

E X E R C I S E 2

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On a separate sheet of paper, write a paragraph that describes a process you are familiar with and can do

well. Assume that your reader is unfamiliar with the procedure. Remember to use the chronological key

words, such as first, second,then, and finally.

Order of Importance

Recall from Chapter 8 "The Writing Process: How Do I Begin?" thatorder of importance is best used for

the following purposes:

 Persuading and convincing

 Ranking items by their importance, benefit, or significance

 Illustrating a situation, problem, or solution

Most essays move from the least to the most important point, and the paragraphs are arranged in an

effort to build the essay’s strength. Sometimes, however, it is necessary to begin with your most important

supporting point, such as in an essay that contains a thesis that is highly debatable. When writing a

persuasive essay, it is best to begin with the most important point because it immediately captivates your

readers and compels them to continue reading.

For example, if you were supporting your thesis that homework is detrimental to the education of high

school students, you would want to present your most convincing argument first, and then move on to the

less important points for your case.

Some key transitional words you should use with this method of organization aremost

importantly, almost as importantly, just as importantly, and finally.

Writing at Work

During your career, you may be required to work on a team that devises a strategy for a specific goal of

your company, such as increasing profits. When planning your strategy you should organize your steps in

order of importance. This demonstrates the ability to prioritize and plan. Using the order of importance

technique also shows that you can create a resolution with logical steps for accomplishing a common goal.

E X E R C I S E 3

On a separate sheet of paper, write a paragraph that discusses a passion of yours. Your passion could be

music, a particular sport, filmmaking, and so on. Your paragraph should be built upon the reasons why you

feel so strongly. Briefly discuss your reasons in the order of least to greatest importance.

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Spatial Order

As stated in Chapter 8 "The Writing Process: How Do I Begin?", spatial order is best used for the following

purposes:

 Helping readers visualize something as you want them to see it

 Evoking a scene using the senses (sight, touch, taste, smell, and sound)

 Writing a descriptive essay

Spatial order means that you explain or describe objects as they are arranged around you in your space,

for example in a bedroom. As the writer, you create a picture for your reader, and their perspective is the

viewpoint from which you describe what is around you.

The view must move in an orderly, logical progression, giving the reader clear directional signals to follow

from place to place. The key to using this method is to choose a specific starting point and then guide the

reader to follow your eye as it moves in an orderly trajectory from your starting point.

Pay attention to the following student’s description of her bedroom and how she guides the reader

through the viewing process, foot by foot.

The paragraph incorporates two objectives you have learned in this chapter: using an implied topic

sentence and applying spatial order. Often in a descriptive essay, the two work together.

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The following are possible transition words to include when using spatial order:

 Just to the left or just to the right

 Behind

 Between

 On the left or on the right

 Across from

 A little further down

 To the south, to the east, and so on

 A few yards away

 Turning left or turning right E X E R C I S E 4

On a separate sheet of paper, write a paragraph using spatial order that describes your commute to work,

school, or another location you visit often.

Collaboration

Please share with a classmate and compare your answers.

K E Y T A K E A W A Y S

 The way you organize your body paragraphs ensures you and your readers stay focused on and draw

connections to, your thesis statement.

 A strong organizational pattern allows you to articulate, analyze, and clarify your thoughts.

 Planning the organizational structure for your essay before you begin to search for supporting

evidence helps you conduct more effective and directed research.

 Chronological order is most commonly used in expository writing. It is useful for explaining the

history of your subject, for telling a story, or for explaining a process.

 Order of importance is most appropriate in a persuasion paper as well as for essays in which you rank

things, people, or events by their significance.

 Spatial order describes things as they are arranged in space and is best for helping readers visualize

something as you want them to see it; it creates a dominant impression.

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9.4 Writing Introductory and Concluding Paragraphs L E A R N I N G O B JE C T I V E S

1. Recognize the importance of strong introductory and concluding paragraphs.

2. Learn to engage the reader immediately with the introductory paragraph.

3. Practice concluding your essays in a more memorable way.

Picture your introduction as a storefront window: You have a certain amount of space to attract your

customers (readers) to your goods (subject) and bring them inside your store (discussion). Once you

have enticed them with something intriguing, you then point them in a specific direction and try to

make the sale (convince them to accept your thesis).

Your introduction is an invitation to your readers to consider what you have to say and then to follow

your train of thought as you expand upon your thesis statement.

An introduction serves the following purposes:

1. Establishes your voice and tone, or your attitude, toward the subject

2. Introduces the general topic of the essay

3. States the thesis that will be supported in the body paragraphs

First impressions are crucial and can leave lasting effects in your reader’s mind, which is why the

introduction is so important to your essay. If your introductory paragraph is dull or disjointed, your

reader probably will not have much interest in continuing with the essay.

Attracting Interest in Your Introductory Paragraph

Your introduction should begin with an engaging statement devised to provoke your readers’ interest. In

the next few sentences, introduce them to your topic by stating general facts or ideas about the subject. As

you move deeper into your introduction, you gradually narrow the focus, moving closer to your thesis.

Moving smoothly and logically from your introductory remarks to your thesis statement can be achieved

using a funnel technique, as illustrated in the diagram in Figure 9.1 "Funnel Technique".

Figure 9.1 Funnel Technique

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E X E R C I S E 1

On a separate sheet of paper, jot down a few general remarks that you can make about the topic for

which you formed a thesis in Section 9.1 "Developing a Strong, Clear Thesis Statement".

Immediately capturing your readers’ interest increases the chances of having them read what you are

about to discuss. You can garner curiosity for your essay in a number of ways. Try to get your readers

personally involved by doing any of the following:

 Appealing to their emotions

 Using logic

 Beginning with a provocative question or opinion

 Opening with a startling statistic or surprising fact

 Raising a question or series of questions

 Presenting an explanation or rationalization for your essay

 Opening with a relevant quotation or incident

 Opening with a striking image

 Including a personal anecdote Tip

Remember that your diction, or word choice, while always important, is most crucial in your introductory

paragraph. Boring diction could extinguish any desire a person might have to read through your

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discussion. Choose words that create images or express action. For more information on diction,

see Chapter 4 "Working with Words: Which Word Is Right?".

In Chapter 8 "The Writing Process: How Do I Begin?", you followed Mariah as she moved through the

writing process. In this chapter, Mariah writes her introduction and conclusion for the same essay.

Mariah incorporates some of the introductory elements into her introductory paragraph, which she

previously outlined in Chapter 8 "The Writing Process: How Do I Begin?". Her thesis statement is

underlined.

Tip

If you have trouble coming up with a provocative statement for your opening, it is a good idea to use a

relevant, attention-grabbing quote about your topic. Use a search engine to find statements made by

historical or significant figures about your subject.

Writing at Work

In your job field, you may be required to write a speech for an event, such as an awards banquet or a

dedication ceremony. The introduction of a speech is similar to an essay because you have a limited

amount of space to attract your audience’s attention. Using the same techniques, such as a provocative

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quote or an interesting statistic, is an effective way to engage your listeners. Using the funnel approach

also introduces your audience to your topic and then presents your main idea in a logical manner.

E X E R C I S E 2

Reread each sentence in Mariah’s introductory paragraph. Indicate which techniques she used and

comment on how each sentence is designed to attract her readers’ interest.

Writing a Conclusion

It is not unusual to want to rush when you approach your conclusion, and even experienced writers may

fade. But what good writers remember is that it is vital to put just as much attention into the conclusion as

in the rest of the essay. After all, a hasty ending can undermine an otherwise strong essay.

A conclusion that does not correspond to the rest of your essay, has loose ends, or is unorganized can

unsettle your readers and raise doubts about the entire essay. However, if you have worked hard to write

the introduction and body, your conclusion can often be the most logical part to compose.

The Anatomy of a Strong Conclusion

Keep in mind that the ideas in your conclusion must conform to the rest of your essay. In order to tie

these components together, restate your thesis at the beginning of your conclusion. This helps you

assemble, in an orderly fashion, all the information you have explained in the body. Repeating your thesis

reminds your readers of the major arguments you have been trying to prove and also indicates that your

essay is drawing to a close. A strong conclusion also reviews your main points and emphasizes the

importance of the topic.

The construction of the conclusion is similar to the introduction, in which you make general introductory

statements and then present your thesis. The difference is that in the conclusion you first paraphrase, or

state in different words, your thesis and then follow up with general concluding remarks. These sentences

should progressively broaden the focus of your thesis and maneuver your readers out of the essay.

Many writers like to end their essays with a final emphatic statement. This strong closing statement will

cause your readers to continue thinking about the implications of your essay; it will make your conclusion,

and thus your essay, more memorable. Another powerful technique is to challenge your readers to make a

change in either their thoughts or their actions. Challenging your readers to see the subject through new

eyes is a powerful way to ease yourself and your readers out of the essay.

Tip

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When closing your essay, do not expressly state that you are drawing to a close. Relying on statements

such as in conclusion, it is clear that, as you can see, or in summation is unnecessary and can be

considered trite.

Tip

It is wise to avoid doing any of the following in your conclusion:

 Introducing new material

 Contradicting your thesis

 Changing your thesis

 Using apologies or disclaimers

Introducing new material in your conclusion has an unsettling effect on your reader. When you raise new

points, you make your reader want more information, which you could not possibly provide in the limited

space of your final paragraph.

Contradicting or changing your thesis statement causes your readers to think that you do not actually

have a conviction about your topic. After all, you have spent several paragraphs adhering to a singular

point of view. When you change sides or open up your point of view in the conclusion, your reader

becomes less inclined to believe your original argument.

By apologizing for your opinion or stating that you know it is tough to digest, you are in fact admitting

that even you know what you have discussed is irrelevant or unconvincing. You do not want your readers

to feel this way. Effective writers stand by their thesis statement and do not stray from it.

E X E R C I S E 3

On a separate sheet of a paper, restate your thesis from Note 9.52 "Exercise 2" of this section and then

make some general concluding remarks. Next, compose a final emphatic statement. Finally, incorporate

what you have written into a strong conclusion paragraph for your essay.

Collaboration

Please share with a classmate and compare your answers

Mariah incorporates some of these pointers into her conclusion. She has paraphrased her thesis statement

in the first sentence.

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Tip

Make sure your essay is balanced by not having an excessively long or short introduction or conclusion.

Check that they match each other in length as closely as possible, and try to mirror the formula you used

in each. Parallelism strengthens the message of your essay.

Writing at Work

On the job you will sometimes give oral presentations based on research you have conducted. A

concluding statement to an oral report contains the same elements as a written conclusion. You should

wrap up your presentation by restating the purpose of the presentation, reviewing its main points, and

emphasizing the importance of the material you presented. A strong conclusion will leave a lasting

impression on your audience.

K E Y T A K E A W A Y S

 A strong opening captures your readers’ interest and introduces them to your topic before you

present your thesis statement.

 An introduction should restate your thesis, review your main points, and emphasize the importance

of the topic.

 The funnel technique to writing the introduction begins with generalities and gradually narrows your

focus until you present your thesis.

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 A good introduction engages people’s emotions or logic, questions or explains the subject, or

provides a striking image or quotation.

 Carefully chosen diction in both the introduction and conclusion prevents any confusing or boring

ideas.

 A conclusion that does not connect to the rest of the essay can diminish the effect of your paper.

 The conclusion should remain true to your thesis statement. It is best to avoid changing your tone or

your main idea and avoid introducing any new material.

 Closing with a final emphatic statement provides closure for your readers and makes your essay more

memorable.

9.5 Writing Essays: End-of-Chapter Exercises E X E R C I S E S

1. On a separate sheet of paper, choose one of the examples of a proper thesis statement from this

chapter (one that interests you) and form three supporting points for that statement. After you have

formed your three points, write a topic sentence for each body paragraph. Make sure that your topic

sentences can be backed up with examples and details.

2. Group activity. Choose one of the topics from Note 9.5 "Exercise 1" in Section 9.1 "Developing a

Strong, Clear Thesis Statement" and form a yes-or-no question about that topic. Then, take a survey of

the people in your class to find out how they feel about the subject. Using the majority vote, ask those

people to write on slips of paper the reasons for their opinion. Using the data you collect, form a thesis

statement based on your classmates’ perspectives on the topic and their reasons.

3. On a separate sheet of a paper, write an introduction for an essay based on the thesis statement

from the group activity using the techniques for introductory paragraphs that you learned in this chapter.

4. Start a journal in which you record “spoken” thesis statements. Start listening closely to the opinions

expressed by your teachers, classmates, friends, and family members. Ask them to provide at least three

reasons for their opinion and record them in the journal. Use this as material for future essays.

5. Open a magazine and read a lengthy article. See if you can pinpoint the thesis statement as well as

the topic sentence for each paragraph and its supporting details.