For Prof. Dan.

I want to let you know that these were discussion questions and these are some of the strategies from other peoples answers. My answer is first…

I chose Strategy One -Deal with Past Failures, I believe that we must recognize our past problems and move forward. Problems from the past can continue to linger on and stifle a marriage. Couples must identify the problem, discuss it then work on forgiving and forgetting. This is the only way to begin or continue a marriage with a fresh new start. The next one was Strategy Four- The Awesome Power of Emphathetic Listening and Stategy. This is one of the greatest strategies. Listen.. listen...listen... to your spouse or partner. Many couples are so concerned about being heard that they forget to listen to their partner. Partners must learn how to listen and not be so quick to judge. Stategy  Six- Maximizing Your Differences. Couples should learn to understand each others differences , it is okay to be different because God made each one of us unique, many couples prefer to have a mate that is equally compatiable. But there are bound to be differences. Couples have to work together to maximize differences that are causing problems. If the differences are not resolved then the marriage may struggle to continue. I enjoyed reading these strategies because first and foremost God and the bible are mentioned and should be the center of any marriage. Having God's word as a guide can help save any marriage going through winter and fall seasons.

Using the information presented in the The Four Seasons of Marriage text, choose four of the seven strategies for enhancing marriage that were discussed in part II of the book. How is the application of each strategy that you select beneficial to a marital relationship? What is the impact on a marriage when they are absent? Compare your choices with those of your classmates.

Out of the seven strategies to enhance the seasons of marriage, I chose Strategy 1: Deal with Past Failures, Strategy 3: Learn to speak your spouse’s love language, Strategy 6: Maximize your differences, and Strategy 7: Implement the power of positive influence (Chapman, 2012).

First of all, dealing with past failures is very important because if a person cannot move on or deal with the past issues, arguments will arise, regret, and there will always be a hole in your heart. When a couple is able to deal with their individual past failures maturely and together, that strengthens the bond and the trust in each other, making the relationship run smoothly when things begin to go roughly. A couple must identify their past failures, confess and repent, and have forgiveness, if not, then things will only get worse. “Forgiveness means that we don’t bring up past failures” (Chapman, 2012, p. 80).

Secondly, is being able to speak the love language of your spouse—Saying kind words to your spouse, especially after they do something for you or if they are working hard with the chores, thanking them and making them feel appreciated. Showing you love your spouse by letting your actions speak louder than your words by helping them with chores or taking care of the kids letting you rest, etc. Third, is giving gifts to your spouse letting them know they are appreciated and loved, expressing your love for them with their favorite flowers, object, etc. Fourth, is the quality time you give to your spouse, stopping what you are doing when they walk in the room, fixing your eyes on them and interacting with them with love. And lastly, is the physical touch—for example, running your hands through his/her hair while cuddling, holding hands while walking, kissing, and/or making love, etc.

The third strategy is maximizing your differences—Identifying your differences, looking for assets in your differences, learn from your differences, replace condemnation with affirmation, and discovering a plan for maximizing your differences (Chapman, 2012).

And last strategy that I chose is implementing the power of positive influence—When you choose to have a positive impact on your spouse by making positive choices that leads to positive actions, that results in positive feelings. Once a couple does this, everything will fall into place where it can only get better, rather than worse.

When these strategies are absent, there is constant yelling, arguing, bitterness, hurt, anger, where love and joy is absent, lacking effective communication and empathetic listening skills, to a point where the only things on their minds are negativity and no way out to move on and be happy again. I have experienced these things, where it was really positive and great at the beginning, and as the relationship prolongs, little things begin to make us angry, arguments are daily, he decides not to even try to resolve things with me anymore, we break up and make up, and then we become strangers in the end. However, it really takes two to make a marriage/relationship work. Therefore, if only one partner is doing all the hard work to make the relationship effective, as the other is not willing to try and work harder, then you know what happens to that bond—it breaks.

 

Reference:

Chapman, G. (2012). The four seasons of marriage. Carol Stream, IL: Tyndale House Publishers, Inc. ISBN-13: 9781414376349

 

The seven strategies that enhance marriage are beneficial to any relationship, if I were to pick the 4 that I thought were the most helpful, I would have to choose the first 4 strategies. Strategy 1 helps benefit the marital relationship by dealing with past failures, if couples don't learn to work on past mistakes they may come back and harm the relationship; this strategy deals with identifying, confessing, repenting and forgiving the spouse of past mistakes. Strategy 2 is about attitude, if a couple is to be successful they need to view each other in a positive way, the book talked about having a Christian world view which is important that each spouse views the other as a valuable and unique person that God has created. Strategy 3 is important for each spouse to find out what love language they need to learn to speak to their spouse, the couple needs to be intentional in working on these acts of love for the other. Strategy 4 is so important for a married couple to learn and work on, it is about emphatic listening, which is for each spouse to not listen to the other in a judgmental way, but truly listen and try to understand where the other person is coming from. Viewing your spouse as a unique gift from God changes the impact of negative thoughts and feelings one may have for them. 

The impact on a marriage when these strategies are not implemented would be for the marriage to be in a Fall/Winter season on the brink of divorce. A couple must work to have a successful marriage, this means being intentional in their love for one another, offering forgiveness when it is needed and repenting when a spouse has offended another. When spouses accuse and judge each other this stops communication and without communication the marriage will be cold and wintry. Chapman (2005) said that positive choices lead to positive actions that result in positive feelings for the spouse, so this is to say when a married couple has a negative attitude towards each other than they will have negative feelings towards their spouse as well. These strategies can be affective in helping a married relationship succeed if they are put into action. 

 

Chapman, G. (2005). The four seasons of marriage. Wheaton, Ill.: Tyndale House.

Please add this as a reference and there is a pdf online in reference to the book.