Editing English Essay
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yao_yang_spring_essay_1.docxYao Yang
Professor Winter
English 1A
21 Apr 2015
Face the Truth
I have always wanted to be person who can take charge of many people even since primary school. However, being a competent leader is not easy, different kinds of situations might happen all the time and you have to handle it appropriately. This type of ability depends on a person’s experience and intelligence. Certainly, a leader will makes mistake, so does everybody else, but he has to have the courage to admit, face it and find a way to solve it. People should learn to face their real selves, the truth bravely and release themselves at the right time. While, when I was 13 years old, I was not ready to be a successful leader at all.
The memorable event happened on a typical school day before summer vacation, and the weather was very hot. As usual, my primary school asks each student to take a nap after lunchtime in summer time and sometimes the teacher would let student form grade five or six to take charge students in grade one or two. On that day, as a sixth grade student, my teacher told me to look after a second grade class during naptime. I was so excited after I know this and could not wait to meet these students.
That was my first time to being a “guard”, and the chaotic scene was different from what I imaged. Our naptime starts on twelve o’clock at noon everyday, I prepared myself some books and left my classroom at 11:55 a.m. Before I arrived there, I thought my job was just sitting in the front of the classroom, looking outside view or maybe reading my books when I feel boring. Contrary to expectation, everything was totally opposite when I stood at the door – students were chasing around each other, talking loudly and looked like they didn’t hear the bell rang and had no idea it was time to be quiet and relax. Few seconds later, I heavily knocked on the door with my book and waited them to notice me. As expected, they indeed became quiet and returned to their seats.
“Hun, it works! Maybe I should continue to be strong and let them be afraid of me,” I thought. Then, I walked straight to the platform and sat next to it. The naptime was from twelve o’clock to one o’clock in the afternoon, but quietness only last no more than five minutes. Soon, some students in the back started whispering, passing notes and disturbing others. I remained at the seat until their noise got louder and louder. I couldn’t endure any more and I shouted out “Be quiet” instantly without the slightest bit of hesitation. Suddenly, everything went silent except the thrum of the fans in the classroom wall and the chirp of grasshoppers hidden in the bushes.
Soon after, I realized taking care of young kids was not an easy task. You never know what they are going to do in next second, so no one should ever underestimate children’s strength. After I used my loudest voice to suppress these students, I thought they would behave. While, the fact proved my thought was wrong again. A boy with a taper haircut sat in the first row abruptly ran toward me and asked:
“Why you? Why our teacher sends you to watch us taking nap?”
“Go back to your seat! Now,” I stood up with finger pointed on his seat, “You don’t need to ask any question, just go and relax.”
As I expected, he listened to my words. Then, I started to walk around the classroom to check if anyone was unruly. Not until I returned to the platform, the same boy in the first row was gone. I thought he might hide under the desk so I quickly ran to his seat, but I found nothing. While I was worrying about him and deciding if I should go outside look for him, a shout of laughs heard from my back.
“Hahaha, fooled you! I am behind you,” said by the boy.
I do not remember the boy’s name exactly, but I could not forget how mad I was. Even though, I kept telling myself I need to clam down and be patient to younger kids. Therefore, I didn’t yell at him, I leaded him to his seat and said: “Please don’t leave your seat.” I went back to my chair, glanced around the classroom, and wished everything could maintain peace.
Contrary to expectations, that boy suddenly spoke quite loud to me: “When will…”
Not until he finished the whole sentence, I subconsciously grabbed the nearest object and threw to his direction. It was a blackboard eraser with backside made of iron, putted on the platform. In that instant, I couldn’t believe my eyes—his forehead close to the left eyebrow was bleeding. That was not my real intention. Instead, I only just wanted to frighten him so that he could stop talking. I was panicked and don’t know how to do anything. “Should I take him to the school infirmary? What if his parents found out this? Will I be punished…”Messy thought made me couldn’t even thinking rationally. At last, I chose to leave.
After I escaped form that classroom, I felt so regard leaving without a word or any action. More over, I never knew I was such a person: coward, irresponsible and ruthless. Ever since that day, I’d rather walk long way than pass by his classroom; I started to bow walk to avoid that boy seeing me; I imaged almost every kind of result.
Until one day, after lunch, I met that boy by chance and he was looking at me. There was no way I could avoid seeing him or escaping again. Although there’s a long distance between him and me, I could still see the white, square shaped gauze sticking on his forehead. Embarrasses and stress were full of my body, I lost my head. However, when I looked up my head again, he smiled to me like nothing happened. His reaction astonished me that I had never thought of this kind of situation might occur. I couldn’t believe what just happened in front of my eyes. By that time, I had regained my presence of mind and prepared myself to speak to him but he made off in a hurry. He was few seconds there before, but disappeared in a flash. I ran to the place he was standing at and tried to look for him, but I didn’t find him over the crowds.
Ever since that day, the boy’s face came to my minds very often even after I graduated from the primary school. I kept asking myself why I was so impulsive at that moment. How I hope that I didn’t throw that blackboard eraser to him. This event became a secret in my heart until I told my mother one day. She replied:
“ Feeling regret is the normal reaction to a person who has the basic conscience. You know you did wrong already but there’s no chance for you to make up any more, so you should let go. No one is perfect and human called human because we do make mistakes, let alone you were so young.”
“But I indeed did bad things and hurt other people.” I retorted.
“Thinking about the fact, you threw the eraser unintentionally. Instead of endless self-reproach, you could reflect on your own and learn things to improve yourself,” mother said: “Don’t let this one piece of memory drag you too long, you need to forgive yourself. If you can accept that and just do your best, you stop judging yourself. You have tortured yourself enough. ”
