rewrite

It is really bother me to change the essay several times that is my own writing.

Professor Adbul-Jabbaar requires us bring the first draft to him. He will give us suggest and we need to edit it again. I have been writing essays in high school for three years. During that period, I wrote a large amount of essays, but I never thought of revising them. Instead, I hand them in right after finishing the first draft. So That first I did not see how important is revision is. But After second draft, I can really see the improve of my essay is. Finally, I realized that revision is a critical component to successful writing in college. Specifically, I was enlightened in the English 102 class. In the class, I learned that having a peer read over my essay is very beneficial. We peer-reviewed the work of others and gained a lot from this process. When I felt the essay could be improved more, I went to the writing center and ask for the tutors’ help. In addition, we had conferences for our final drafts. The professor gave us the feedbacks in order to makes sure that the essays were on the right track.

I have learned writing techniques from the revising process. I wrote “According to the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA) 32,885 people died in traffic crashes in 2010 in the United States (latest figures available), this includes an estimated 10,228 people who died in drunk driving crashes, accounting for 31% of all traffic deaths that year.” (Do Not Be Stupid After Brandy，1)I did not involve any number in the first draft. Yet my classmate suggested me to reveal the statistical evidence of deaths in traffic accidents that were caused by alcohol consumption. This technique helped me build up the credibility of my argument, and I think it is really helpful in writing. Another time when I went to the writing center, the tutor gave me suggestion that I needed to show the using of “LOGO”, “PATHOS”, and “ETHOS” in the essay. Not only would this help me meet the grading criteria, but it would also improve the overall quality and credibility of my essay. I followed his advice and changed my conclusion to this—“I use logo to convince terry because terry was a very logic guy. I let him know how dangerous it is to drive after drunk. Terry will think in his view to reconsider that is it right？I use pathos to show our brotherhood. We are known each other to well and a few words will be impressed to him. I am not using ethos because that I know terry trust me. I don’t need use ethos anymore.” (Do Not Be Stupid After Brandy，3) After these changes, the essay was much better. I revised my essay and made it a much better one compared to the first draft. Through these experiences, I found that I could learn a lot from revision. Peer review is very important for me. It is more objective because peers can see my weakness that I cannot see. It is common that one overlooks what he lacks, but they help me catch my defects. On the other hand, tutors are different from the peer review. They are trained and have more experience, so they are capable of giving professional opinions on the improvement of my work.

My professor helped me in a slightly different way by giving feedbacks. For Project one, Professor Abdul-Jabbaar gave me feedbacks and helped me a lot. “This paper will thus, examine key elements of an advert against drug use that focused on use of alcohol among teens. The paper will analyze the rhetorical strategies the campaign uses to pass its message to the audience.”（Drunken master first draft，1）Professor tell me this is not a thesis statement. This is a statement of intent. I check my note and find the formula Professor gave the class: Topic + Claim = Thesis. After that I change it way better.“This paper will thus, examine key elements of an advert against drug use that focused on use of alcohol among teens. Drunken master advert is a well developed advert that helped in showcasing the negative impacts of drug abuse in our society. The advert uses effective rhetorical strategies to pass its message to the viewers. ”（Drunken master，1）I use words“I feel” and “in my opinion” in the essay.

But the first essay is campaign rhetoric. I cannot use person opinion in it. So I delete these words after professor give me suggest.

In conclusion, revision makes essays better. My essays were improved a lot through peer review, the writing center, and the professor’s feedbacks. Both my peers and the faculty team helped me a lot. All of these improved my essays and demonstrated that revision is a key part of the writing process to me.

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