202d short report

03/04/2015

Mr. Willison and Family

14522 Bay View Drive

Erie pa, 16509

Dear Willison Family,

I am deeply sorry to hear that Shari has passed away. As you know, Shari and I grew up together when we were young. Your family knows that, too. Moreover, we had worked in the same working place- Civil Engineer Inc for 20 years.

Every person has deep impression on Shari when we work within our working place. We will miss Shari tremendously because we are a tight knit. She is the person who I admire. As far as I am concerned, she was one of the most hard-working and very kindest people I have ever known. We have shared holiday parties, picnics and events together for 20 years that we worked together. In my opinion, I have developed a close relationship to Shari, you Arthur and your two children Jordan and Amy. If there is anything I can do to help you, please give me a call. Still be strong and don’t forget to smile that is what Shari’s wish.

Please accept my deepest sympathy for your loss. If there is anything myself or anyone at Civil Engineer Inc. can do, don’t hesitate to ask. I will be there with you.

Best Wishes,

Bolong Wang

Comments: The routine message works fine with some mechanical issues. You indicate that you grew up with Shari which changes the case substantially. The case indicates that you knew the family socially for the twenty years she had been at the company. Otherwise, the message offers sufficient detail and sincere condolences.

To: Walter Joss

From: Bolong Wang, Director of Marketing

CC: Jill Decker, Marketing Leader

Date: 03/04/2015

Re: Proposal

Dear Walter,

I appreciated that you are creative, hard working and upbeat in the work over the past several years. I would like to thank you for sticking through the rough patches and helping our company succeed. You did make this company grow with your special ideas and recommendations.

I have some feedback for you after reading through your proposal you submitted yesterday. I understand why you want to use a smaller company, as you think that they will pay more attention on us. However their cost, creative skills and abilities are all unknown to us. On the contrary, the advertising agency we are currently using is a large company, they are meeting our needs and are assisting us in increasing our sales every year. So the unestablished agency may not be in our best interest at this time. There are many elements we should consider, for example geographic reach, research capabilities and media experience when looking into advertising agencies. The agency that we are currently co-operating with meets all these needs and we will continue on with our current agency until they can no longer meet all our needs.

Although we are going to stay with our current advertising agency, it was great to hear your opinion. I want to thank you for the proposal and the recommendation that you gave. I am always looking forward to hearing new ways to improve our company and you always have great suggestions. I look forward to hearing your next recommendation.

Thank You,

Bolong Wang

Director of Marketing

Comment: The negative message works quite well but again has mechanical issues that you should address. You use an effective buffer and build the case for the rejection fairly well although the presentation could be clearer at times. You place the bad news at the beginning of the last paragraph rather than in the previous which gives it a bit too much emphasis.

Memo

To: Pechanga Casino Board of Directors

From: Bolong Wang- Food Service Manager

CC: Tina Clark, Marketing director

Date: March 1, 2015

In recent days, I know a touching story. That is about the girl whose name is Melissa. When she was at the age of a week, she got the first open heart surgery because she was diagnosed with multiple congenital heart defects. Now she is 5 and has used more than 50 units of blood. That saved the life of her, and many people like her got the blood through donating. It is a shortage that the blood supplies in our Temecula, California community. In order to ask whether we can hold an event within our Casino to help increase the blood donations, I am writing to you.

I have observed our gaming tables, restaurants, and shows have been thriving over the past couple of months. I believe that it would be a great place to host a Red Cross donation drive when all the people pass through our facility. There are many kinds of people donates blood to support the community in need, such as the customers, employees and even upper management. The reason is that the community is tight-knit. Giving back is great publicity and would really get the Pechanga Casino name out to the community.

I would like not only help out our local community but also organize the event as possible as I can. I would like to ask whether the Casino provide water, juice, and snacks for the people donating because I know that there would be many people coming into the Casino to give blood. With new people entering the Casino we will have new clients, and also an increase in revenue from eating after they donate blood. This is the best way I could think to not only not only giving back to our local community but to also to drive new people into our wonderful place of work. I hope to hear from you and am looking forward to your response of this request. If you have any questions or concerns please feel free to contact me via email or phone.

Thank You,

Bolong Wang

Food Service Manager

(111)-111-1111

Comment: The persuasive message is coming together. You do use AIDA but could be more precise. The buffer you open with makes an emotional appeal but does not connect the reader sufficiently. In fact, you make your request for permission rather than connecting the reader to the concern. You do address some of the concerns of the reader in the next paragraph or so which builds interest toward desire but not in a fully coherent manner. Think about the questions and concerns the reader would have. Assuming they want be among the 5% that acts before an emergency, what would give them pause. They would want to know how the facility would work which you deal with fairly well. They would want to know what it would cost which is not as clear. And they would want to know what is expected of the company. They would want to know if the company would handle the challenge which you do not deal with as well. You have experience in similar events. And they would want to know what value would come to the company although that is a lesser concern. Build that case before asking for a specific and performable action. You imply that at the end but are not clear enough about what the company is committing to and particularly what you are proposing that you do. The language is a problem with this message. Be sure to edit for clarity and correctness.