Revise-100 Percent Plag Free Required

I was sweating profusely. I half-expected the floor beneath me to be fully wet. Once the realization hit me I glanced down quickly to make sure it was not so. I did not want more attention from people thinking I had wet myself in an exam room. Now all eyes were on me. “Good work on keeping it down Jack”, I thought. I started scribbling busily making as loud a sound a pen can make as I wrote. If only they knew what I was writing. I had not even read one question without it dimming out. I needed to get it together. However, every time I tried my mind just went blank. It occurred to me that I had never really understood the meaning of a panic attack. At that moment I could give an hour’s lecture on the subject using a recorded video of me as a perfect sample. This idea played in my mind for a while that I found myself wishing that the exam paper be about panic attacks and not mathematics. I was not afraid of many things or so I was told. I wondered how a few questions could do what many others have tried and failed. I admit even today, mathematics was my worst nightmare.

I am the last born in a family of three siblings. We are all sons. As fate would have it my elder brothers were the geniuses of the family. Their passions were in different fields. My eldest brother Jason was working as a pilot in an airline in West Africa. John my elder brother was a student in Waterloo University doing Actuarial Science. However, one thing they had in common, they were both exceptional in mathematics. Their trophies in school and at home were a daily reminder of that fact. Then there I was, struggling with high school mathematics. If I weren’t a member of our family or at least I were in a different school from my brothers, I probably would have been comfortable with my mathematics weakness. Admittedly, the subject was not one of the most popular and easiest subjects in school. However, since everyone knew who I was including the teachers, my failure was greatly magnified.

The nature of my misunderstanding with the subject I cannot pinpoint even to this day. My parents actually showed me their high school and college papers to rub it in on this fact. The look of disappointment though unintentional was becoming unbearable. My peers weren’t any better. I was a legend in football in high school attracting many critics who took advantage of any weakness I had on every opportunity. With their help my mathematics records were made public. For some time, any mathematical joke made in the school had to include my name. It actually became a sort of a cliché. The pressure from many sides was becoming exhausting and naturally I had to come up with ways to tackle the issue.

The problems I was facing could easily have solved by a simple task. Pass my mathematics final exams. I had tried conventional means like looking for a study partner. This was a daunting task since I had no mathematics geeks as friends. Football players and geeks did not walk in the same circles to say the least. Convincing one to be my friend was going to be hard enough without having to bear the added embarrassment and insults that will result thereof. I could not ask my parents or brothers to help because it would also be embarrassing and even if I were to skip the embarrassment huddle they were too busy with their ‘genius’ lives to spare time to teach high school mathematics. Self-teaching was also not working therefore only one option remained plausible at the time. Unconventional means.

The plan was clearly set. Everything was supposed to go smoothly. I had already thought of all the angles and their possible outcomes. I might not have been a professional in mathematics but planning, management and argumentation. This was my terrain. This I was good at. I wished at the time that people know that about me. I was also considerably good at sciences especially in using optical instruments. Before the exam date, I found myself analyzing the classroom and where my classmates always sit especially during mathematics lessons. Prior the exam, I set periscopes around the class strategically that it would reflect the work of one of the mathematics geeks to a mirror below my desk. I was proud of my work. This self-applause was not meant to last long since no sooner had I entered the exam room than my panic attack started. I had barely been able to write my name correctly let alone to concentrate on the work on my mirror. Suddenly, the idea which a while ago did not have any possibility of going wrong could do nothing but go wrong in an uncountable number of ways.

Logic kicked in halfway through the exam. By this time, I had already smashed the mirror near my feet to pieces in an act of fury. I had come to terms with the situation and decided that there is no way it could get any worse so the least I could do is to give the questions half a shot. It is amazing that with nothing to lose, the questions did not look so frightening any more. I was convinced of getting a low grade so I just worked to get at least a better low grade. This effort seem fruitless because I had not bothered to revise for the exam since I was overconfident my ‘mirror’ plan would work. It would have worked were it not for my foolish panic attack. Something else dawned on me. Now that I did not have anything to hide, I did not feel any pit in my stomach. I was finally breathing normally and casually. It was at that moment that I knew that despite the results, this is the way I would be tackling this and other exam situations. Obviously, I would add a bit more reading and revision but with no cheating and high expectations.

When the results came out, I had passed. This came to everyone’s surprise except mine. Somehow I felt I would have been at ease despite the nature of results since I knew I did my best. The fact that I did my best is what mattered and still matters. I am one of the best students in mathematics in our class today but am still at ease.