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feedback.doc

Grader Feedback12/1/14 9:57 PM

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Zhipeng, you have lots of work ahead of you to get your paper written. I have left you notes throughout your outline. Here are a few major areas to work on for your paper.

1. Visit the Writing Center or have someone in the International Office help you word your ideas more clearly.

2. Gather more information from Holmes' book and also from Os Guinness' book The Call in order to write three full paragraphs covering personhood. You have just one quotation for each paragraph. You need much more detail from the class and 2-3 ideas for each paragraph so you can explain what Holmes and Guinness are saying.

3. Develop three ideas for your paragraphs that will explain how the liberal arts trains a person to function as a thinking, valuing and responsible person. I have left you a long note in the outline giving a few pointers.

4. Remember in your paper to include an intro and conclusion.

5. See my note regarding your application portion

6. Would love to see you Wednesday at the Union :).

I. Analysis (Personhood Thesis)

2 - The student has not adequately included the following components in his/her thesis sentence.

1. The student has written a clear thesis that identifies the three aspects of Personhood as described by Holmes.

2. The student has used concise and strong language in his/her thesis.

3. The student has focused on course content specifically in his/her thesis.

I do not see a thesis sentence. You have an introduction, but you end it with a direct quotation from the book. For your thesis, you need to pull together Holmes' idea of personhood and put it in your own words to summarize the importance of these three aspects: thinking, valuing, and acting responsibly.

Personhood: Reflective

2 - The student has not adequately included the following components in his/her outline.

聽

1. The student has chosen good direct quotations to explain the reflective component of personhood.

2. The student has organized 3-4 major points explaining the reflective component of personhood.

3. The student has stayed on topic and used the text as the basis for his/her analysis.

Personhood: Valuing

2 - The student has not adequately included the following components in his/her outline.

聽

1. The student has chosen good direct quotations to explain the valuing component of personhood.

2. The student has organized 3-4 major points explaining the valuing component of personhood.

3. The student has stayed on topic and used the text as the basis for his/her analysis.

Personhood: Responsible

2 - The student has not adequately included the following components in his/her outline.

1. The student has chosen good direct quotations from both Holmes and Guinness to explain the reflective component of personhood.

2. The student has organized 3-4 major points explaining the responsible component of personhood.

3. The student has stayed on topic and used the text as the basis for his/her analysis.

II. Analysis (Liberal Arts Shapes Personhood) Thesis

4 - The student has lacked one of the following components or not excelled at all three.

聽

1. The student has written a clear thesis that argues for the liberal arts shaping personhood.

2. The student has used concise and strong language in his/her thesis.

3. The student has focused on course content specifically in his/her thesis.

Liberal Arts Shaping Personhood: A

1 - The student did not include an outline for the first body paragraph explaining how liberal arts shapes personhood.

Liberal Arts Shaping Personhood: B

1 - The student did not include an outline for the second body paragraph explaining how the liberal arts shapes personhood.

Liberal Arts Shaping Personhood: C

1 - The student did not include an outline for the third body paragraph explaining how the liberal arts shapes personhood.

III. Application Plan

5 - The student has a plan that includes:

聽

1. A source of information (interview, article or documentary).

2. A reason why this source is being used.