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Aristotle – Nicomachean Ethics

Book VIII

From: http://classics.mit.edu/Aristotle/nicomachaen.html

3

Now these reasons differ from each other in kind; so, therefore, do

the corresponding forms of love and friendship. There are therefore

three kinds of friendship, equal in number to the things that are

lovable; for with respect to each there is a mutual and recognized

love, and those who love each other wish well to each other in that

respect in which they love one another. Now those who love each other

for their utility do not love each other for themselves but in virtue

of some good which they get from each other. So too with those who

love for the sake of pleasure; it is not for their character that

men love ready-witted people, but because they find them pleasant.

Therefore those who love for the sake of utility love for the sake

of what is good for themselves, and those who love for the sake of

pleasure do so for the sake of what is pleasant to themselves, and

not in so far as the other is the person loved but in so far as he

is useful or pleasant. And thus these friendships are only incidental;

for it is not as being the man he is that the loved person is loved,

but as providing some good or pleasure. Such friendships, then, are

easily dissolved, if the parties do not remain like themselves; for

if the one party is no longer pleasant or useful the other ceases

to love him.

Now the useful is not permanent but is always changing. Thus when

the motive of the friendship is done away, the friendship is dissolved,

inasmuch as it existed only for the ends in question. This kind of

friendship seems to exist chiefly between old people (for at that

age people pursue not the pleasant but the useful) and, of those who

are in their prime or young, between those who pursue utility. And

such people do not live much with each other either; for sometimes

they do not even find each other pleasant; therefore they do not need

such companionship unless they are useful to each other; for they

are pleasant to each other only in so far as they rouse in each other

hopes of something good to come. Among such friendships people also

class the friendship of a host and guest. On the other hand the friendship

of young people seems to aim at pleasure; for they live under the

guidance of emotion, and pursue above all what is pleasant to themselves

and what is immediately before them; but with increasing age their

pleasures become different. This is why they quickly become friends

and quickly cease to be so; their friendship changes with the object

that is found pleasant, and such pleasure alters quickly. Young people

are amorous too; for the greater part of the friendship of love depends

on emotion and aims at pleasure; this is why they fall in love and

quickly fall out of love, changing often within a single day. But

these people do wish to spend their days and lives together; for it

is thus that they attain the purpose of their friendship.

Perfect friendship is the friendship of men who are good, and alike

in virtue; for these wish well alike to each other qua good, and they

are good themselves. Now those who wish well to their friends for

their sake are most truly friends; for they do this by reason of own

nature and not incidentally; therefore their friendship lasts as long

as they are good-and goodness is an enduring thing. And each is good

without qualification and to his friend, for the good are both good

without qualification and useful to each other. So too they are pleasant;

for the good are pleasant both without qualification and to each other,

since to each his own activities and others like them are pleasurable,

and the actions of the good are the same or like. And such a friendship

is as might be expected permanent, since there meet in it all the

qualities that friends should have. For all friendship is for the

sake of good or of pleasure-good or pleasure either in the abstract

or such as will be enjoyed by him who has the friendly feeling-and

is based on a certain resemblance; and to a friendship of good men

all the qualities we have named belong in virtue of the nature of

the friends themselves; for in the case of this kind of friendship

the other qualities also are alike in both friends, and that which

is good without qualification is also without qualification pleasant,

and these are the most lovable qualities. Love and friendship therefore

are found most and in their best form between such men.

But it is natural that such friendships should be infrequent; for

such men are rare. Further, such friendship requires time and familiarity;

as the proverb says, men cannot know each other till they have 'eaten

salt together'; nor can they admit each other to friendship or be

friends till each has been found lovable and been trusted by each.

Those who quickly show the marks of friendship to each other wish

to be friends, but are not friends unless they both are lovable and

know the fact; for a wish for friendship may arise quickly, but friendship

does not.