: Procedural Email Message

Choosing the Channel or Medium

P eople in organizations use a number of channels to com- municate with internal and external audiences. When sending a message that is pos- itive or neutral, you have nu- merous choices, as shown in

Figure 6-1 on page 91. Depending on the message, the recipient, and constraints of time and location, the best channel might be spoken or electronic. In addition to the electronic and verbal tools discussed in Chapter 5 (email, instant messaging, web communications, and phone), companies also use paper documents, such as memoran- dums and letters, to communicate information.

Memorandums (commonly referred to as memos) provide a tangible means of sharing information with people inside an organization. Letters are more formal because they are used to convey information to external audiences, such as customers, clients, business partners, or suppliers. Regardless of whether the audience is an inter- nal or external one, communication should be carefully planned and prepared to achieve the desired purposes.

The Deductive Organizational Approach

A s discussed in Chapter 4, you can organize business messages either deductively or inductively depending on your assessment of the receiver’s reaction to your main idea. Learning to or-

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1 Describe the deductive outline for good news and routine information and its adaptations for specifi c situations.

2 Prepare messages that convey good news, including thank-you and appreciation messages.

3 Write messages presenting routine claims and requests and favorable responses to them.

4 Write messages acknowledging customer orders, providing credit information, and extending credit.

5 Prepare procedural messages that ensure clear and consistent application.

BCOM Communication Through Electronic, Voice, and Written Messages Part 2 Chapter 6

Preparing Good- and Neutral-News Messages

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C H

A P

T E

R

ganize business messages ac- cording to the appropriate organizational approach will improve your chances of pre- paring a document that elic- its the response or action you desire.

In this chapter, you will learn to compose messages that convey ideas that a re- ceiver likely will fi nd either pleasing or neutral. Mes- sages that convey pleasant information are referred to as good-news messages. Messages that are of interest

to the receiver but are not likely to generate an emo- tional reaction are referred to as neutral messages.

Because message expectations and social conven- tions differ from culture to culture, the effective writer will adapt as necessary when writing for various audiences. Asians, for ex- ample, typically use indi- rect patterns of writing, even when writing about good news; they avoid negative messages or

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outline for good news and routine information

and its adaptations for specifi c situations.

good-news message message that conveys pleasant information neutral message message of interest to the re- ceiver but unlikely to generate an emotional reaction

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camoufl age them so expertly that the reader might not recognize them. On the other hand, Germans tend to be more direct than North Americans, even with bad news.

In North America, good-news or neutral messages follow a deductive or direct sequence—the message begins with the main idea. To present good news and neutral information deductively, begin with the major idea, followed by supporting details as depicted in Fig- ure 6-1. In both good-news and neutral messages, the third point (closing thought) may be omitted without seriously impairing effectiveness; however, including it unifi es the message, avoids abruptness, and if written well can help to build goodwill with your audience.

The deductive pattern has several advantages:

• The fi rst sentence is easy to write. After it is written, the details follow easily.

• The fi rst sentence gets the attention it deserves in this emphatic position.

• Encountering good news in the fi rst sentence puts re- ceivers in a pleasant frame of mind, and they are more receptive to the details that follow.

• The arrangement may save receivers some time.

Once they understand the important idea, they can move rapidly through the supporting details.

As you study sample deductive messages in this chap- ter, note the bad example notation that clearly marks the examples of poor writing. Detailed comments highlight important writing strategies that have been applied or violated. While gaining experience in developing effec- tive messages, you will also learn to recognize standard business formats. Fully formatted messages are shown as printed documents (letters on company letterhead or paper memos) or as electronic formats (email messages or online input screens). Details about formatting letters, memos, and email messages are included in the style cards at the end of the book.

In the following sections, you will fi nd consider- ations for preparing a variety of good- and neutral- news messages and examples of each. More specifi cally, you will fi nd a discussion of:

• Good-news messages, including positive news, thank-you, and appreciation messages.

• Routine claims and their responses.

• Routine requests and their responses.

• Routine messages about orders and credit.

• Procedural messages.

Good-News Messages

M essages deliver- ing good news are organized using a direct approach, as illustrated in Figure 6-1. You’ll study examples of messages that con- vey positive news as well as thank- you and apprecia- tion messages that generate goodwill.

Positive News

The memo sent to all employees in Figure 6-2 on page 92 begins directly with the main idea—the implementa- tion of a new process for requesting vacation days. The discussion that follows includes a brief review of the old process and ends positively by encouraging employees to take advantage of the new system as well as offers contact information if they encounter problems.

90 P a r t 2 : C o m m u n i c a t i o n T h r o u g h E l e c t r o n i c , V o i c e , a n d W r i t t e n M e s s a g e s

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deductive sequence (direct sequence) when the message begins with the main idea

objective 2 Prepare messages that convey good

news, including thank-you and appreciation messages.

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Thank-You and Appreciation Messages

Empathetic managers take advantage of occasions to write goodwill messages that build strong, lasting re- lationships among employees, clients, customers, and various other groups. People usually are not reluctant to say “Thank you,” “What a great performance,” “You have certainly helped me,” and so on. Despite good intentions, however, often people don’t get around to sending thank-you and appreciation messages. Because of their rarity, written appreciation messages are espe- cially meaningful—even treasured—and can positively distinguish you as a person who values others.

Thank-You Messages

After receiving a gift, being a guest, attending an inter- view, or benefi ting in various other ways, a thoughtful person will take the time to send a written thank-you message. A simple handwritten or electronically sent note is suffi cient for some social situations, such as a follow-up to a job interview. However, when written

from a professional offi ce to respond to a business situ- ation, the message may be printed on company letter- head. Your message should be written deductively and refl ect your sincere feelings of gratitude. The following thank-you messages (1) identify the circumstances for which the writer is grateful and (2) provide specifi c rea- sons the action is appreciated.

To express thanks for a gift

After conducting your strategic planning seminar, I was pleasantly surprised to receive a certifi cate to your online music site. Downloading music added some “jazz” to my day while giving me more insight into your business model. Thanks for your kindness and for this useful gift.

To extend thanks for hospitality

Ray and I thoroughly enjoyed the weekend excursion you hosted at Lake Douglas for our work team. Since we moved here from Myrtle Beach, sailing has become a rare pleasure. You were kind to invite us. Thanks for a delightful time.

91C h a p t e r 6 : P r e p a r i n g G o o d - a n d N e u t r a l - N e w s M e s s a g e s

Figure 6-1 Direct Outline Used in Good- and Neutral-News Messages Sent in Written, Electronic, or Spoken Form

O P E N I N G :

States the pleasant or main idea

B O D Y :

Provides details and explanation

C L O S I N G :

Reminds receiver of the good news or main idea and includes a future-oriented closing thought

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92 P a r t 2 : C o m m u n i c a t i o n T h r o u g h E l e c t r o n i c , V o i c e , a n d W r i t t e n M e s s a g e s

TO: All Employees

FROM: Randy House, Human R esources Manager RH

DATE: January 1, 2010

SUBJECT: New Policy for Reques ting Vacation Days

A new system for requesting vacatio n days has been implemented by the

Human Resources department. The n ew system is now available, and you

should use it to request your vacatio n days for the coming year.

The new system replaces the old pol icy of requesting vacation days in

writing from your supervisor. The ne w system is designed to save you tim

e,

ensure a quick confi rmation of your request, and help the company main

tain

better records and coordinate resourc e needs better.

To use the new system, follow the st eps below:

1. Log on to the human resources w ebsite at www.Luna/HR.com.

2. Click on the link that appears in t he upper right-hand corner of your

computer screen, “vacation request.”

3. Type in the days you are requesti ng. You should use the following for

mat:

“06/05/10” in both the start date and end date boxes.

4. You will receive a confi rmation v ia email if your vacation is approved

within one week. If there is a proble m with your request, you will receiv

e

an email message from human resou rces explaining the problem and

providing you additional instruction s on what to do next.

Please visit the HR website to make your vacation request soon. The earl

ier

your request is made, the more likely it is to be approved without potentia

l

complications due to staffi ng needs. If you have problems with the electr

onic

system, please contact our technical support staff at ext. 001.

• Announces approval of new

vacation request policy.

• Provides clear explanation to

ensure policy is understood.

Formats as numbered list

for quick, easy reference for

specifi c details.

• Continues with a reason to try

the new system soon.

• Provides additional information for readers who

may have problems with the

new system.

Figure 6-2 Go od Example of a Good-News Message

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INTEROFFICE MEMORANDUM

Format Pointers Uses a template with standard memo h

eadings for effi cient production. Review other formatting

guidelines on your style cards at the end of the book.

Includes writer’s initials after printed na me and title.

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Appreciation Messages

An appreciation message is intended to recognize, reward, and encourage the receiver; however, the sender also gains happiness from commending a deserving person. Such positive thinking can be a favorable infl uence on the send- er’s own attitude and performance. In appropriate situa- tions, you may wish to address an appreciation message to an individual’s supervisor and send a copy of the docu- ment to the individual to share the positive comments.

For full potential value, follow these guidelines for appreciation messages:

• Send in a timely manner. Sending the appreciation message within a few days of the circumstance will emphasize the genuineness of your efforts. Apprecia- tion letters sent long overdue may arouse questions about the sender’s motive.

• Avoid exaggerated language. You may believe the exaggerated statements to be true, but the recipient may fi nd them unbelievable and insincere. Strong language with unsupported statements arouses ques- tions about your motive for the message.

• Make specifi c comments about outstanding qualities or performance. The following cold, me- chanical message may have only minimal value to a speaker who has worked hard and has not been paid for the engagement. While the sender cared enough to say thank you, the message could have been given to any speaker, even if its sender had slept through the entire speech. Similarly, a note merely closed with sincerely does not necessarily make the ideas seem sincere. Including specifi c remarks about understand- ing and applying the speaker’s main points makes the message meaningful and sincere and helps the writer to better convey goodwill.

Original: Your speech to the Lincoln Jaycees was very much appreciated. You are an excellent speaker, and you have good ideas. Thank you.

Improved: This past week I have found myself applying the principles you discussed last week at your speech to the Lincoln Jaycees. When I completed the time analysis you sug- gested, I easily identifi ed a number of areas for better management. Taking time to prioritize my daily tasks will be a challenge, but I now see its importance for accomplishing critical goals. Thank you for an informative and useful seminar.

The appreciation message in Figure 6-3 on the next page was sent from a manager to an employee who gave a seminar on improving interpersonal communication.

It conveys a warmer, more sincere compliment than a generic, exaggerated message. The net effects of this message are positive: The sender feels good for having passed on a deserved compliment, and the employee is encouraged by the manager’s satisfaction with her ini- tiative as well as her training sessions.

An apology is written much like an appreciation mes- sage. A sincere written apology is needed to preserve re- lationships when regrettable situations occur. While often diffi cult for the writer to prepare, the recipient will usu- ally respond favorably to a well-written apology. See the Model Document card for this chapter for an example.

Routine Claims

A claim is a request for an adjustment. When busi- ness communicators ask for something of which they think they are en- titled (such as a refund, replacement, exchange, or payment for damages), the message is called a claim message.

Claim Message

Requests for adjustments can be divided into two groups: routine claims and persuasive claims. Persua- sive claims, which are discussed in Chapter 8, assume that a request will be granted only after explanations and persuasive arguments have been presented. Routine claims (possibly because of guarantees, warranties, or other contractual conditions) assume that a request will be granted quickly and willingly, without persuasion. Because you expect routine claims to be granted will- ingly, a forceful, accusatory tone is inappropriate.

When the claim is routine, the direct approach shown in Figure 6-1 will be followed. Let’s consider the situation referred to in Figures 6-4 and 6-5 on page 95. Clearly, the copier company intends to fi x the copiers because it is in their contract and they have already sent a worker out. Because of the spe- cifi c terms of the contract, WorkPartners, Inc. can ex- pect the copiers to be fi xed without persuasion. Thus,

93C h a p t e r 6 : P r e p a r i n g G o o d - a n d N e u t r a l - N e w s M e s s a g e s

objective 3 Write messages presenting

routine claims and requests and favorable responses

to them.

claim a request for an adjustment routine claim claim granted quickly, willingly, and without persuasion persuasive claim claim granted only after expla- nations and persuasive argu- ments have been presented

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the administrative assistant can ask for a service person before providing an explanation, as shown in Figure 6-5. Beginning with the request for an adjustment gives it the emphasis it deserves. The message in Figure 6-4 is written using an indirect approach—the details are presented be- fore the main idea, and the tone is unnecessarily forceful. Such an indirect approach may frustrate the reader since it takes longer to determine the purpose of the message and the tone is potentially insulting. Such an effect may result in a negative relationship and a less positive, conscientious response to the request.

Favorable Response to a Claim Message

Well-run businesses want their customers to commu- nicate when merchandise or service is not satisfac- tory. They want to learn of ways in which goods and

services can be improved, and they want their customers to receive value for the money they spend. With consid- erable confi dence, they can assume that writers of claim letters think their claims are valid. By responding fairly to legitimate requests in adjustment messages, businesses can gain a reputation for standing behind their goods and services. A loyal customer may become even more loyal after a business has demonstrated its integrity.

When the response to a claim letter is favorable, present ideas using the deductive or direct sequence. Al- though the word grant is acceptable when talking about claims, its use in adjustment messages is discouraged. An expression such as “Your claim is being granted” unnec- essarily implies that the sender is in a position of power.

Because the subject of an adjustment is related to the goods or services provided, the message can include a brief sales message. Resale refers to a discussion of goods or services already bought. It reminds customers and clients that they made a good choice in selecting a company with which to do business, or it reminds them of the good qualities of their purchase. Sales pro- motional material refers to statements made about re- lated merchandise or service. For example, a message

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adjustment message message that adjusts the terms of a sale in the customer’s favor resale a discussion of goods or ser- vices already bought sales promotional material statements made about related merchandise or service

To:

From:

Subject:

New Message

Ellen Meyer <[email protected]>

Martha Riggins <[email protected]>

Appreciation for Outstanding Contribution

Ellen,

Thank you for spearheading the initiative to improve interpersonal communication within the offi ce and for arranging for the training sessions to achieve that goal. It was a big commitment on your part in addition to your regular duties.

Your efforts are already paying off. I have observed the techniques we learned in the training sessions being used in the department on several occasions already. In times of uncertainty, anxiety can often spill over into people’s professional lives, so the seminar was very timely in helping to ensure a collaborative and civil workplace where everyone is treated respectfully.

You have proven yourself a dedicated and insightful employee, a true asset to the continued success of our organization.

Best regards, Martha

• Extends appreciation for employee’s eff orts to improve departmental communication.

• Provides specifi c evidence of worth of experience without exaggerating or using overly strong language or mechanical statements.

• Assures writer of tangible benefi ts to be gained from training session.

Format Pointers Uses short lines, mixed case; omits special formatting such as emoticons and email abbreviations for improved readability.

Figure 6-3 Good Example of an Appreciation Message

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Mr. Kelly,

Three of our copiers have been out of service for a week. One of your service people came out three days ago to work on the copiers, but they still are not working properly. In all three cases, the copiers jam when used. This has caused us to have to go down the street to get our copying done with a loss of time and at additional expense to us.

Could you please send a competent service person immediately to fi x the three copiers that still are not working? Our contract with your company says that all copier repairs will be made satisfactorily within three working days of the initial request for service. If you cannot honor that contract, we will be forced to look elsewhere for our copier servicing needs.

• Uses writer-centered, forceful tone to convey details receiver already knows.

• Continues discussion of problem but shows no empathy for receiver.

• Uses second person with negative language that emphasizes receiver is at fault.

• States claim that should have appeared in fi rst paragraph and continues forceful tone damaging to human relations, including a threat.

Figure 6-4 Poor Example of a Routine Claim

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To:

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Subject:

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John Kelly <[email protected]>

David Betty <[email protected]>

Immediate Service Needed for Broken Copiers

Mr. Kelly,

Please send us a service person immediately to fi x three copiers that are not working at our offi ce at 3970 West Vista Street.

The copiers have been out of service for a week. One of your service people came out three days ago to work on the copiers, but they still are not working properly. In all three cases, the copiers jam when used. The work order for that visit was number 39K402.

Our contract with your company says that all copier repairs will be made satisfactorily within three working days of the initial request for service, so we would appreciate your immediate attention to this matter.

Thanks,

David Betty Administrative Assistant WorkPartners, Inc.

• Provides subject line that is meaningful to reader and writer.

• Emphasizes main idea by placing it in fi rst sentence.

• Provides explanation and relevant information, including work order number.

• Ends on positive note, reminding reader that company has immediate need for working copiers.

Format Pointers Limits message to single idea—the claim request.

Composes short, concise message that fi ts on one screen.

Includes salutation and closing to personalize message.

Refl ects other formatting guidelines covered on your style cards.

Figure 6-5 Good Example of a Routine Claim

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about a company’s recently purchased offi ce furniture might also mention its offi ce equipment offerings. These subtle sales messages may be more effective than direct sales messages, since they are more likely to be read.

Consider the ineffective response in Figure 6-6 to David Betty’s claim letter and the message it sends about the com- pany’s commitment. Now notice the deductive approach and the explanation in the revision in Figure 6-7. Because the writer can be fairly confi dent that David will be pleased that three service persons will be sent that day, the good news appears in the fi rst sentence. The details and closing sentence follow and show a desire to correct the problem.

Routine Requests

L ike claims, requests are divided into two groups: routine requests and persuasive requests. Routine requests and favorable responses to them follow the deductive se- quence. Persuasive requests, which are discussed in Chapter 8, assume

that action will be taken after persuasive arguments are presented.

Routine Request

Requests for infor- mation about people, prices, products, and services are common. Because these requests

from customers and clients are door openers for future business, well-run businesses accept them optimistically. Follow the steps in the deductive sequence for preparing effective requests you are confi dent will be fulfi lled.

Figure 6-8 does not follow the deductive outline that is appropriate for a routine request. Note that the revision in Figure 6-9 on page 98 starts with a direct request for specifi c information. Then, as much detail as necessary is presented to enable the receiver to answer specifi cally. The revision ends confi dently with appre- ciation for the action requested. The message is short, but because it conveys enough information and has a tone of politeness, it is effective.

Favorable Response to a Routine Request

The message in Figure 6-10 on page 99 responds fa- vorably but with little enthusiasm to an online request for detailed information related to more specifi c in- formation about CommunicationCounts! With a little

96 P a r t 2 : C o m m u n i c a t i o n T h r o u g h E l e c t r o n i c , V o i c e , a n d W r i t t e n M e s s a g e s

• Uses a defensive tone and content that attempts to take any blame away from the service fi rm.

• Implies that the reader has made a mistake or is at fault, potentially putting him or her on the defensive or angering him or her.

• Continues discussion of problem but shows no empathy for receiver.

• States claim that should have appeared in fi rst paragraph at end of second paragraph.

• Closes with a generic conclusion that ignores earlier negative tone of the message.

Figure 6-6 Poor Example of a Favorable Response to a Routine Claim

t

t

Poor Examplp e of a Favorable Respop nse to a Routine Claim

Thank you for your email of May 30. It has been referred to me for reply.

I have reviewed the work report made by our service person, and it looks as if the problem you refer to was repaired on May 27, the day of his last visit to your offi ce. The operating issues that you now report experiencing with your copiers thus appear to be a new problem. We will honor our contract with your fi rm by sending out a service person this afternoon—under the three-day period outlined in our contract with your company.

We at CopyHelper are dedicated to providing excellent copier repair service to our valued customers.

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To:

From:

Subject:

New Message

David Betty <[email protected]>

John Kelly <[email protected]>

Service Persons Will Arrive at 1 p.m. Today

Mr. Betty,

Please expect three service people to arrive at your offi ces at 1 p.m. today to make the repairs you requested this morning.

Thank you for bringing this situation to my attention so quickly, because we are dedicated to providing our clients the highest quality repair services. As part of that goal, we will happily reimburse your company for the additional copying costs you may have had over the past three days if you will submit copies of those receipts to one of our service people visiting today. A check will be in the mail tomorrow to reimburse you for those costs.

Thanks,

John Kelly Service Manager

• Begins with good news (main idea) for deserved emphasis; assures receiver that action is being taken.

• Expresses appreciation for being informed about problem.

• Presents explanation and assurance of company’s process for assuring quality service.

• Attempts to regain possible lost goodwill by off ering personalized assistance.

Figure 6-7 Good Example of a Favorable Response to a Routine Claim

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• Provides vague subject line that provides no meaningful reference to topic.

• Delays request (main idea of letter).

• Presents request vaguely using writer-centered language and rambles needlessly.

• Lacks logical organizational structure for easy readability.

• Closes with weak cliché that provides no incentive for quick response.

Figure 6-8 Poor Example of a Routine Request

Subject: Need training information

Our company appears to be having problems with its communication process. These problems appear to be affecting productivity and morale. For example, a major change in our policy for dealing with client fi nancing was not communicated properly to the sales staff, and this mistake has cost the company thousands of dollars and may cause the company to lose some of its most valued clientele. In addition, our employees have had to deal with the frustration and anger of those clients, and this has not gone as well as it might. Some of our most valued employees are threatening to leave, and we are afraid that the fallout will cause a loss of productivity in those that remain.

I found your company on the Internet, and it looks like you might be the answer that we need. I don’t know much about communication at the organizational level, but I think we may need an audit of the sort that you describe on your website. We need to look at the process for disseminating messages from management to the lower levels in the organization as well as how feedback gets transmitted upward. I am sure there is more to it than that, though.

I look forward to receiving your reply soon.

Ou

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98 P a r t 2 : C o m m u n i c a t i o n T h r o u g h E l e c t r o n i c , V o i c e , a n d W r i t t e n M e s s a g e s

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To:

From:

Subject:

New Message

Figure 6-9 Good Example of a Routine Request

Rosalind LeBlanc <[email protected]>

Mitchell Lewis <[email protected]>

Please Send Information About Communication Auditing Services

Dear Ms. LeBlanc:

The excellent information on your website describing your communication audit services suggests your company might be able to assist VMI, Inc. in improving its organizational communication practices and processes.

To assist us in selecting a consulting fi rm to achieve these goals, please provide the following information:

• A detailed explanation of the services that you provide, the procedure used to gather the information that you need, an anticipated project schedule, a brief explanation of the deliverables you will provide, and a cost sheet.

• Contact information for past clients so that we might get some information on the effectiveness of the services that your company provides.

• A copy of your standard contract for our legal department to review.

The information you provide could likely confi rm our expectation that CommunicationCounts! can assist our company in meeting its communication improvement goals. Should you wish to contact me directly, please call (310) 555-3910, Ext. 120.

Thank you,

Mitchell Lewis Director, Strategic Planning VMI, Inc.

• States request plainly.

• Asks for specifi c items with necessary explanation; uses list for emphasis.

• Expresses appreciation and alludes to benefi ts of quick action.

• Opens door for personal dialogue by providing telephone number.

Format Pointers Provides salutation appropriate for company.

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planning and consideration for Mr. Lewis, the message in Figure 6-11 on the next page could have been written just as quickly. Note the specifi c answers to Mitchell’s questions and the helpful, sincere tone.

Favorable Response to a Favor Request

As a business professional, you may occasionally be asked for special favors. You may receive invitations to speak at various civic or education groups, spearhead fund-raising and other service projects, or offer your expertise in other ways. If you say “Yes,” you might as well say it enthusiastically. Sending an unplanned, generic acceptance suggests that the quality of contri- bution will be similar.

If you fi nd yourself responding to invitations fre- quently, you can draft a form message that you’ll revise for each invitation you receive. This well-written accep- tance illustrates that individualized form messages sent by mail or electronically enable businesses to communi- cate quickly and effectively with clients or customers.

Form Letters for Routine Responses

Form letters are a fast and effi cient way of transmitting frequently recurring messages to which receiver reac- tion is likely favorable or neutral. Inputting the custom- er’s name and address and other variables (information that differs for each receiver) personalizes each letter to meet the needs of its receiver. Companies may use form paragraphs that have been stored in separate word processing fi les. Perhaps as many as fi ve versions of a paragraph related to a typical request are available for use in a routine request letter. The originator selects the appropriate paragraph for the receiver’s request. After assembling the selected fi les on the computer screen, the originator inputs any additional variables (e.g., name and address). A copy of the personalized letter is printed on letterhead and sent to the receiver.

Form letters have earned a negative connotation be- cause of their tendency to be impersonal. Many people simply refuse to read such letters for that reason. Per- sonalizing a form letter can circumvent this problem.

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• Provides general subject line.

• Opening tone too informal and inappropriate to create a professional business impression.

• Focuses on writer and does not address request directly and thoroughly.

• Uses empty cliché and doesn’t show a concerted interest in helping reader.

Figure 6-10 Poor Example of a Favorable Response to a Routine Request

From: Rosalind LeBlanc <[email protected]>

RE: Information Needed

Mr. Lewis:

Holy cow! It sounds like you could really use our help! Communication is often undervalued by companies, particularly as to its potential effects on the bottom line. But it sounds as if you found this out the hard way.

We can certainly help, though. We have been in the communication consulting business for more than ten years, and our clients include large and small businesses alike, including Fortune 500 companies.

The way that our company works is that we will send out a sales team to make a presentation to you that outlines our procedure and explains the deliverables and provides examples. If you like what you see, we will prepare a project schedule and a cost estimate for your review.

We are happy you’re considering CommunicationCounts! for your consulting needs. Please give me a call, and we will schedule a time for a sales visit.

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• Revises subject line after clicking “Reply” to communicate enthusiasm for providing exceptional personalized service.

• Shows sincere interest in request and person.

• Highlights specifi c answers to recipient’s questions using an articulate, concise writing style.

• Encourages direct call and provides more useful information that communicates genuine interest in person and requested service.

Format Pointer Uses Q&A format to enhance readability of response to series of detailed questions.

Figure 6-11 Good Example of a Favorable Response to a Routine Request

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To:

From:

Subject:

New Message

Mitchell Lewis <[email protected]>

Rosalind LeBlanc <[email protected]>

Assistance for Improving Communication Effectiveness at VMI

Mr. Lewis:

Thank you for your interest in the services of CommunicationCounts! We can assist you in meeting your goals to improve your corporate communication processes and practices. Studies have shown that well-conceived communication plans can add as much as 30 percent to an organization’s bottom line.

You will fi nd attached a detailed proposal that addresses your request. For your added convenience, you will fi nd a summary response to your request below.

Q: A detailed explanation of the services that you provide, the procedure used to gather the information that you need, an anticipated project schedule, a brief explanation of the deliverables you will provide, and a cost sheet.

A: CommunicationCounts! is a comprehensive consulting company that customizes its service to meet client communication needs. Since you are requesting a plan to help your entire organization, we recommend a complete audit of your organization, which would entail trained consultants visiting your company to gather information about your current communication practices, using three different tools: observation, confi dential interviews with employees, and questionnaires. The results of these data-gathering methods will then be provided in a report to you that identifi es the aspects of your communication process that appear to be working well and those that appear to need attention. The report will then provide detailed recommendations for addressing those processes that need improvement. If desired, our fi rm will provide experienced personnel to implement the plan and to assess the effectiveness of its implementation.

Communication audits typically take about two weeks for a fi rm of your size, while implementation of a plan may take as long as six months, with a quality control check coming at the end of a year. Depending upon the level of service requested, costs can range from $25,000 for an audit of a company your size to $100,000 for implementation and an effectiveness review.

Q: Contact information for past clients so that we might get some information on the effectiveness of the services that your company provides.

A: A number of our past clients have agreed to speak with new clients about their experience with CommunicationCounts! A full listing is provided in the attached proposal, but I recommend that you start with a call and visit with Renee Warner at First Bank, since she is within easy driving distance of your fi rm. Her phone number is (310) 555-9103. She is expecting your call.

Q: A copy of your standard contract for our legal department to review.

A: Please fi nd a copy of our standard contract attached to this message in a separate fi le for your convenience.

Please call my direct line (213) 555-8401 if you have additional questions about our services after reading the attached proposal. I would be happy to schedule a personal meeting with you if you would like to proceed with the creation of a customized plan to help VMI better meet its corporate communication goals.

Best regards,

Rosalind LeBlanc, Senior Consultant CommunicationCounts!

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Routine Messages About Orders and Credit

R outine messages, such as customer order acknowl- edgments, are written de- ductively. Normally, credit information is requested and transmitted electroni- cally from the national credit reporting agencies to companies requesting credit references. However, when companies choose to request information directly from other businesses, indi- vidual credit requests and responses must be written.

Acknowledging Customer Orders

When customers place orders for merchandise, they ex- pect to get exactly what they ordered as quickly as pos- sible. Most orders can be acknowledged by shipping the order; no message is necessary. For an initial order and

for an order that cannot be fi lled quickly and precisely, companies send an acknowledgment message, a docu- ment that indicates the order has been received and is be- ing processed. Typically, acknowledgment messages are preprinted letters or copies of the sales order. An immedi- ate email message acknowledges an order placed online and confi rms the expected date of shipment, as shown in Figure 6-12 on the next page. Individualized letters are not cost-effective and will not reach the customer in a timely manner. Although the form message is impersonal, cus- tomers appreciate the company acknowledging the order and giving them an idea of when the order will arrive.

Non-routine orders, such as initial orders, custom or- ders, and delayed orders, require individualized acknowl- edgment messages. When well written, these messages not only acknowledge the order but also create customer goodwill and encourage the customer to place additional orders. Because saying “Yes” is easy, writers may develop the habit of using clichés and selecting words that make

messages sound cold and mechanical. The acknowledg- ment letter shown as a model document on the cards for this chapter confi rms shipment of goods in the fi rst sentence, includes concrete resale on the product and

company, and is sincere and original. When communica- tion with the customer has occurred electronically, an ac- knowledgment by email is often appropriate.

Providing Credit Information

Replies to requests for credit information usually are simple—just fi ll in the blanks and return the document. If the request does not include a form, follow a deduc- tive sequence when writing the reply: the major idea fi rst, followed by supporting details.

When providing credit information, you have an ethical and legal obligation to yourself, the credit ap- plicant, and the business from which credit is requested. You must be able to document any statement you make to defend yourself against a defamation charge. Thus, good advice is to stick with facts; omit any opinions. “I’m sure he will pay promptly” is an opinion that should be omitted, but include the documented fact that “His payments are always prompt.” Can you safely say a customer is a good credit risk when all you know is that he or she had a good credit record when a pur- chase was made from you?

Extending Credit

A timely response is pref- erable for any business

objective 4 Write messages

acknowledging customer orders, providing

credit information, and extending credit.

acknowledgment message a document that indicates the order has been received and is being processed

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To make a form letter more personal . . .

• Add more variables to the standard text to tailor the message to the individual.

• Use personalized envelopes instead of mass-produced mailing labels.

• Be sure to spell names correctly.

• Produce a higher-quality document by using a good grade of paper and a high- quality printer.

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document, but it is especially important when commu- nicating about credit. The Equal Credit Opportunity Act (ECOA) requires that a credit applicant be notifi ed of the credit decision within 30 days of receipt of the request or application. The party granting the credit must also disclose the terms of the credit agreement, such as the address for sending or making payments, due dates for payments, and the interest rate charged. (You will learn more about other legal implications related to credit when you study credit denials in Chapter 7.)

When extending credit, follow these guidelines as you write, using the deductive sequence:

1. Open by extending credit and acknowledging shipment of an order. Because of its importance, the credit aspect is emphasized more than the acknowl- edgment of the order. In other cases (in which the

order is for cash or the credit terms are already clearly understood), the primary purpose of writing may be to acknowledge an order.

2. Indicate the basis for the decision to extend credit, and explain the credit terms. Indicating that you are extending credit on the basis of an ap- plicant’s prompt-paying habits with present creditors may encourage this new customer to continue these habits with you.

3. Present credit policies. Explain policies (e.g., credit terms, authorized discounts, payment dates). Include any legally required disclosure documents.

4. Communicate a genuine desire to build a strong business relationship. Include resale, sales pro- motional material, and comments that remind the customer of the benefi ts of doing business with you and encourage additional orders.

To:

From:

Subject:

New Message

Terry Gross <[email protected]>

[email protected]

Order Confi rmation from www.killergames.com

Terry,

Thank you for shopping online at www.killergames.com. Your order (shown below) has been shipped via UPS with delivery expected on Monday, March 3. Your tracking number is 345K7099.

A summary of your order information follows:

Order No: 6418243370 Order Date: Feb. 25, 2010 10:12 AM

Billed and shipped to: Terry Gross 619 Apple Street Deer Park, WA 86045 USA Day Phone: 513 555-3211 Evening Phone: 513 555-4561 Email: [email protected]

Thank you for shopping with us. If you have questions about your order, please chat online with a customer service specialist at http://www.killergames/service/ or call us at 1-800-555-3198. You can reach us 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

[email protected]

• Acknowledges receipt and delivery of customer’s online order with convenient link to company’s website.

• Confi rms expected shipment date and provides number for easy tracking of delivery at company’s website.

• Itemizes specifi c merchandise ordered and billing and shipping information for verifi cation.

• Closes with off er of assistance and expectation of future business.

Figure 6-12 Good Example of an Online Order Confirmation

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The letter in Figure 6-13 was written to a retailer; however, the same principles apply when writing to a consumer. Each letter should be written so as to ad- dress the receiver’s interests. Dealers are concerned about markup, marketability, and display; consumers are concerned about price, appearance, and durability. Consumers may require a more detailed explanation of credit terms because they may be less knowledgeable about these issues.

Companies receive so many requests for credit that the costs of individualized letters are prohibitive; there- fore, most favorable replies to credit requests are form letters. To personalize the letter, however, the writer should merge the customer’s name, address, amount of loan, and terms into the computer fi le containing the

form letter information. Typically, form messages read something like this:

Dear [TITLE] [LAST NAME]: Worldwide Industries is pleased to extend credit privileges to you. Initially, you may purchase up to [CREDIT LIMIT] worth of merchandise. Our credit terms are [TERMS]. We welcome you as a credit customer at Worldwide Industries and look forward to serving your needs for fi ne imported goods from around the world.

Although such form messages are effective for in- forming the customer that credit is being extended, they do little to promote sales and goodwill. Managers can

103C h a p t e r 6 : P r e p a r i n g G o o d - a n d N e u t r a l - N e w s M e s s a g e s

July 20, 2010

Sam Becker Custom Painters 613 Avocado Street Tampa, FL 33310

Dear Sam:

You now have access to the hundreds of colors and fi nishes of the fi nest quality paint available in the United States. Endure Paint provide paints and supplies for every type of material, including wood, plastic, fi berglass, concrete, metal, and even fabrics.

Because of your favorable current credit rating, we are pleased to provide you with a $10,000 credit line subject to our standard 2/10, n/30 terms. By paying your invoice within ten days, you can save 2 percent on your paint purchases.

You can access our quick and easy-to-use online ordering service at www. endurepaint.com. Our website also provides lists and samples of all the colors, fi nishes, and types of paint available to our valued customers. You will receive your paint order within fi ve working days, guaranteed.

The highest quality of paint with the widest range of choices is just a click away.

Sincerely,

Tina Wagner

Tina Wagner Credit Manager

Enclosure

• Acknowledges customer’s electronic access to product and implies credit extension.

• Recognizes dealer for earning credit privilege and gives reason for credit extension.

• Introduces credit terms and encourages taking advantage of discount in terms of profi ts for dealer.

• Presents resale to remind of product benefi ts and encourage future business.

• Includes sales promotion for repeat business; assumes satisfaction with initial order and looks confi dently for future orders.

Legal Issue Provides answer to request for credit within required time frame (within 30 days of receipt of request) and mentions terms of credit that will be provided, as required by law.

Figure 6-13 Good Example of Letter Extending Credit

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effectively prepare and personalize form letters so that recipients do not perceive the messages as impersonal, generic responses.

Procedural Messages

M emos or email messages are the most frequently used methods of c o m m u n i c a t i n g procedures and in- structions, changes related to person- nel or the organi- zation, and other internal matters for which a written record is needed.

Instructions to employees must be conveyed clearly and accurately to facilitate the day-to-day operations of business, to increase productivity, and to prevent nega- tive feelings that occur when mistakes are made and work must be redone. Managers must take special care in writing standard operating procedures to ensure that all employees complete the procedures accurately and consistently.

Before writing instructions, perform the procedure, breaking it down into its individual steps. Doing so can also help you locate potential trouble spots about which you might need to elaborate. Then attempt to determine how much employees already know about the process and anticipate any questions or problems.

As you write instructions that require more than a few simple steps, follow these guidelines:

1. Begin each step with an action statement to cre- ate a vivid picture of the employee completing the task. Using an action verb and the understood subject you is more vivid than a sentence written in passive voice. For example, a loan offi cer attempting to learn new procedures for evaluating new venture loans can understand “identify assets available to col- lateralize the loan” more easily than “assets available to collateralize the loan should be identifi ed.”

2. Itemize each step on a separate line to add em- phasis and to simplify reading. Number each step to indicate that the procedures should be completed in a particular order. If the order is not important, use bullets for the steps.

3. Consider preparing a fl owchart depicting the pro- cedures. The cost and effort involved in creating a sophisticated fl owchart may be merited for extremely important and complex procedures.

4. Complete the procedure by following your instruc- tions step-by-step. Correct any errors you locate.

5. Ask a colleague or employee to walk through the procedures. This walk-through will allow you to identify ambiguous statements, omissions of relevant information, and other sources of miscommunication.

The procedures in Figure 6-14 include clear, consis- tent instructions for downloading pay stubs that were written after the manager anticipated potential prob- lems and walked through a draft of the procedures. The policy is being sent as an email attachment and is posted to the company website for easy reference.

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objective 5 Prepare procedural messages

that ensure clear and consistent application.

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To:

From:

Subject:

New Message

All Employees

Manuel Ruiz <[email protected]>

New Procedures for Downloading Pay Stubs

Everyone,

To reduce paper and administrative costs, we have moved many of our personnel functions online. Beginning January 1, all payroll information, including your pay stubs, will be accessible from the Human Resources website.

To view your most recent pay stub or to review your pay history, please follow the procedure outlined in the attached fi le and posted to the company website under Human Resources. This process may be completed from any computer.

Sincerely,

Manuel Ruiz, Payroll Specialist Attachment: Procedures for Downloading Pay Stubs

• Introduces main idea.

• Explains new procedures that are outlined in attached fi le.

• Includes attached fi le for document requiring involved formatting.

• Provides descriptive title that clearly identifi es procedures.

• Enumerates to direct attention to each step and emphasizes need for sequence.

• Begins each item with an action verb to help employees visualize themselves completing procedures.

• Includes date of last revision to ensure currency.

Figure 6-14 Good Example of a Procedural Email with an Attachment

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Procedures for Downloading Pay Stubs

1. Access http://www.westerngeneral.com/HR, and click the “Payroll” option.

2. Create a username and a PIN number for your account, then click “Submit.”

3. Fill in the form that appears with your name and contact information. You will need a current check stub to provide your employee number and department number in the appropriate boxes. Click “Submit” when completed.

4. In the window that appears, click “Payroll Information.” Your most recent pay stub information should appear on your computer screen.

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