teacher_ideas.docx
1. As you read, look for the places where you start a new topic. As you know, this is where you begin a new paragraph. Then, put a note in the margin about what that paragraph is about, just a word or phrase. This will help you connect your ideas or see where perhaps they aren't connected.
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> 2. So, I think you are saying that the subconscious mind is keeping you from choosing a dream to focus on. If the beliefs in your subconscious mind are negative or in conflict with our dreams, they can hold you back or create fear. Later on, you mention that school is where you feel excited. You might explain that school is your present "vision" or dream. It will lead you toward a vision for your career. School exposes you to the different careers within your field of study. At some point, your inner guidance will make it clear about your career path.
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> 3."Everybody will eventually die someday and all the hard work we have done in life will disappear..." This is an idea that needs to be connected to something. There may be a connection in your mind, but it's not clear to the reader. Or maybe, you don't need it, or maybe it will fit better somewhere else.
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> 4. Towards the end, you mention how hard life can be. Again, think of guiding the reader to see how this idea ties into the others. You might connect it to the sentence I quoted above - you seem to be saying something about how hard life is & then we die... Then, you could contrast this idea with your concluding thoughts about karma. You might explore the idea that life is hard, but we may live by the idea of karma - what goes around comes around. If we live well with kindness (or whatever quality you think is most important), these are the qualities that make life meaningful no matter what a person chooses to do for a career, right? This idea may be your main idea & it could be your introduction. Play around with it. Sometimes cutting the paragraphs from paper allows you to shift them around & then, read it & hear how it sounds.
I trust these comments are helpful.
bymustea
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