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Los Vendidos

First Performance: Brown Beret junta, Elysian Park, East Los Angeles.

Characters:

Honest Sancho Secretary Farmworker Pachuco Revolucionario Mexican-American

Scene: HONEST SANCHO’S Used Mexican Lot and Mexican Curio Shop. Three models are on display in HONEST SANCHO ’S shop. To the right, there is a REVOLUCIONARIO, complete with sombrero, carrilleras and carabina 30-30. At center, on thefloor, there isthe FARMWORKER, under a broad straw sombrero. At stage lefr is the PACHUCO, filer0 in hand. HONEST SANCHO ismoving among.his models, dusting them off and preparing for another day of business.

SANCHO: Bueno: bueno, mis monos, vamos a ver a quién vendemos ahora, ¿no? (To audience.) iQuihubo! I’m Hon- est Sancho and this is my shop. Antes fui contratista, pero

, .‘l.

Los Vendidos

ahora logre tener mi negocito. All I need now is a customer. (A bell rings offstage.) Ay, a customer!

SECRETARY: (Entering.) Good morning, I’m Miss Jimenez from . . .

SANCHO: Ah, una chicana! Welcome, welcome Señorita Jiménez.

SECRETARY: (Anglo pronunciation.) JIM-enez. SANCHO: ¿Que? SECRETARY: My name is Miss JIM-enez. Don’t you speak

English? What’s wrong with you? SANCHO: Oh, nothing, Señorita JIM-enez. I’m here to help

you. SECRETARY: That’s better. AsI was starting to say, I’m a

secretary from Governor Reagan’s office, and we’re look- ing for a Mexican type for the administration.

SANCHO: Well, you come to the right place, lady. This is Honest Sancho’s Used Mexican Lot, and we got all types here. Any particular type you want?

SECRETARY: Yes, we were looking for somebody suave SANCHO: Suave. SECRETARY: Debonaire. SANCHO: De buen aire. SECRETARY: Dark. SANCHO: Prieto. SECRETARY: But of course, not too dark. SANCHO: No muy prieto. SECRETARY: Perhaps, beige. SANCHO: Beige, just the tone. Asi como cafecito con leche,

SECRETARY: One more thing. He must be hard-working. SANCHO: That could only be one model. Step right over here

to the center of the shop, lady. (They cross to the FARMWORKER.) This is our standard farmworker model. As you can see, in the words of our beloved Senator George Murphy, he is “built close to the ground.” Also, take special

¿no?

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I I ! . Luis Valdez I

i notice of his 4-ply Goodyear huaraches, made from the rain tire. This wide-brimmed sombrero is an extra added feature; keeps off the sun, rain and dust.

SECRETARY: Yes, it does look durable. SANCHO: And our farmworker model is friendly. Muy amable.

FARMWORKER: (Lifis up head.) Buenos días, señorita. (His

SECRETARY: My, he is friendly. SANCHO: Didn’t I tell you? Loves his patrones! But his most

attractive feature is that he’s hard-working. Let me show you. (Snaps fingers. FARMWORKER stands.)

Watch. (Snaps his fingers.)

head drops.)

FARMWORKER: ¡El jale! (He begins to work.)

Los Vendidos

and chile. Plenty of chile. Chile jalapeños, chile verde, chile colorado. But, of course, if you do give him chile, (Snap. FARMWORKER furns lefr face. Snap. FARMWORKER bends over.) then you have to change his oil filter once a week.

SECRETARY: What about storage? SANCHO: No problem. You know these new farm labor camps

our Honorable Governor Reagan has built out by Parlier or Raisin City? They were designed with our model in mind. Five, six, seven, even ten in one of those shacks will give you no trouble at all. You can also put him in old barns, old cars, riverbanks. You can even leave him out in the field over night with no worry!

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SANCHO: Asyou can see he is cutting grapes. SECRETARY: Oh, I wouldn’t know. SANCHO: He also picks cotton. (Snaps. FARMWORKER

SECRETARY: Versatile, isn’t he? SANCHO: He also picks melons. (Snaps. FARMWORKER

picks melons.) That’s his slow speed for late in the season. Here’s his fast speed. (Snap. FARMWORKER picks faster.)

SECRETARY: Chihuahua . . .I mean, goodness, he sure is a hardworker.

SANCHO: (Pulls the FARMWORKER to his feet.) And that isn’t the half of it. Do you see these littie hoies on his arms that appear to be pores? During those hot sluggish days in the field when the vines or the branches get so entangled, it’s almost impossible to move, these holes emit a certain grease that allows our model to slip and slide right through the crop with no trouble at all.

begins to pick cotron.)

SECRETARY: Wonderful. But is he economical? SANCHO: Economical? Señorita, you are looking at the

Volkswagen of Mexicans. Pennies a day is all it takes. One plate of beans and tortillas will keep him going all day. That,

SECRETARY: Remarkable. SANCHO: And here’s an added feature: every year at the end

of the season, this model goes back to Mexico and doesn’t return, automatically, until next Spring.

SECRETARY: How about that. But tell me, does he speak English?

SANCHO: Another outstanding feature is that last year this model was programmed to go out on STRIKE! (Snap.)

FARMWORKER: ¡Huelga! ¡Huelga! Hermanos, sálganse de esos files. (Snap. He stops.)

SECRETARY: No! Oh no, we can’t strike in the State Capitol. SANCHO: Well, he also scabs. (Snap.) F,d,‘),MWOI?K3.R: Me vendo barato, iyqué? (Snap.) SECRETARY: That’s much better, but you didn’t answer

SANCHO: Bueno . . .no, pero he has other. . . SECRETARY: No. SANCHO: Other features. SECRETARY: No! He just won’t do! SANCHO: Okay, okay, pues. We have other models. SECRETARY: I hope so. What we need is something a little

question. Does he speak English?

more sophisticated.

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SANCHO: Sophisti-qué? SECRETARY: An urban model. SANCHO: Ah, from the city! Step right back. Over here in this

comer of the shop is exactly what you’re looking for. Introducing our new 1969 JOHNNY PACHUCO model! This is our fast-back model. Streamlined. Built for speed, low-riding, city life. Take a look at some of these features. Mag shoes, dual exhausts, green chartruese paint-job, dark- tint windshield, a little poof on top. Let me just turn him on. (Snap. JOHNNY walks to stage center with a PACHUCO bounce.)

SECRETARY: What was that? SANCHO: That, señorita, was the Chicano shuffle. SECRETARY: Okay, what does he do? SANCHO: Anything and everything necessary for city life. For

instance, survival: he knife fights. (Snaps. JOHNNY pulls out a switchblade and swings at SECRETARY. SECRE- TARY screams.) He dances. (Snap.)

JOHNNY: (Singing.) “Angel Baby, my Angel Baby . . .” (Snap.)

SANCHO: And here’s a feature no city model can be without. He gets arrested, but not without resisting, of course. (Snap.)

JOHNNY: En la madre, la placa. I didn’t do it! I didn’t do it! (JOHNNY turns and stands up against an imaginary wall, legs spread out, arms behind his back.)

SECRETARY: Ohno, we can’t have arrests! -We must maintain law and order.

SANCHO: But he’s bilingual. SECRETARY: Bilingual? SANCHO: Simón que yes. He speaks English! Johnny, give us

some English. (Snap.) JOHNNY: (Comes downstage.) Fuck-you! SECRETARY: (Gasps.) Oh! I’ve never been so insulted in my

SANCHO: Well, he learned it in your school. whole life!

Los Vendidos

SECRETARY: I don’t care where he learned it. SANCHO: But he’s economical. SECRETARY: Economical? SANCHO: Nickels and dimes. You can keep Johnny running

on hamburgers, Taco Bell tacos, Lucky Lager beer, Thun- derbird wine, yesca .. .

SECRETARY: Yesca? SANCHO: Mota. SECRETARY: Mota? SANCHO: Leños. . . marijuana. (Snap. JOHNNY inhales on

SECRETARY: That’s against the law! JOHNNY: (Big smile, holding his breath.) Yeah. SANCHO: He also sniffs glue. (Snap. JOHNNY inhales glue,

JOHNNY: Tha’s too much man, ese. SECRETARY: No, Mr. Sancho, I dont’ think this . . . SANCHO: Wait a minute, he has other qualities I know you’ll

love. For example, an inferiority complex. (Snap.) JOHNNY: (To SANCHO.) You think you’re better than me,

huh, ese? (Swings switchblade.) SANCHO: He can also be beaten and he bruises. Cut him and

he bleeds, kick him and he . . .(He beats, bruises and kicks PACHUCO.) Would you like to try it?

SECRETARY: Oh, I couldn’t. YANLHU: Be my guest. He’s z great a p epat. SECRETARY: No really. SANCHO: Please. SECRETARY: Well, all right. Just once. (She kicks PA-

SANCHO: Wasn’t that good? Try again. SECRETARY: (Kicks PACHUCO.) Oh, he’s’ so wonderful!

(She kicks him again.) SANCHO: Okay, that’s enough, lady. You’ll ruin the merchan-

dise. Yes, our Johnny Pachuco model can give you many

an imaginary joint.)

big smile.)

I . -*--.-

CHUCO.) Oh, he’s SO soft.

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Page 4 i Luis Valdez i I

I hours of pleasure. Why, the LAPD just bought 20 of these to train their rookie cops on. And talk about maintenance. Señorita, you are looking at an entirely self-supporting machine. You’re never going to find our Johnny Pachuco model on the relief rolls. No, sir, this model knows how to liberate.

SECRETARY: Liberate? SANCHO: He steals. (Snap. JOHNNY rushes to SECRETARY

and steals her purse.) JOHNNY: ¡Dame esa bolsa, vieja! (Hegrabs thepurseand runs.

Snap by SANCHO, he stops. SECRETARY runs after JOHNNY and grabs purse away from him, kicking him as she goes.)

SECRETARY: No, no, no! We can’t have any more thieves in the State Administration. Put him back.

SANCHO: Okay, we still got other models. Come on, Johnny, we’ll sell you to some old lady. (SANCHO takes JOHNNY back to his place.)

SECRETARY: Mr. Sancho, I don’t think you quite understand what we need. What we need is something that will attract the women voters. Something more traditional, more ro-

SANCHO: Ah,a lover. (He smiles meaningfully.) Step right over here, señorita. Introducing our standard Revolucionario and/or Early California Bandit type. As you can see, he is well-built, sturdy, durabie. This is the hieí- national Harvester of Mexicans.

I i mantic.

SECRETARY: What does he do? SANCHO: You name it, he does it. He rides horses, stays in the

mountains, crosses deserts, plains, rivers, leads revolutions, follows revolutions, kills, can be killed, serves as a martyr, hero, movie star. Did I say movie star? Did you ever see Viva Zapata? Viva Villa, Villa Rides, Pancho Villa Returns, Pancho Villa Goes Back, Pancho Villa Meets Abbott and Costello?

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Los Vendidos

SECRETARY: I’ve never seen any of those. SANCHO: Well, he was in all of them. Listen to this. (Snap.) REVOLUCIONARIO: (Scream.) ¡Viva Villaaaaa! SECRETARY: That’s awfully loud. SANCHO: He has a volume control. (He adjusts volume. Snap.) REVOLUCIONARIO: (Mousey voice.) Viva Villa. SECRETARY: That’s better. SANCHO: And even if you didn’t see him in the movies,

perhaps you saw him on TV. He makes commercials.

REVOLUCIONARIO: Is there a Frito Bandito in your house? SECRETARY: Oh yes, I’ve seen that one! SANCHO: Another feature about this one is that he is econom-

ical. He runs on raw horsemeat and tequila! SECRETARY: Isn’t that rather savage? SANCHO:Al contrario, it makes him a lover. (Snap.) REVOLUCIONARIO: (To SECRETARY.) Ay, mamasota,

cochota, ven pa ‘ca! (He grabs SECRETARY and folds her back, Latin-lover style.)

SANCHO: (Snap. REVOLUCIONARIO goes back upright.) Now wasn’t that nice?

SECRETARY: Well, it was rather nice. SANCHO: And finally, there is one outstanding feature about

this model I know the ladies are going to love: he’s genuine antique! He was made in Mexico in 1910!

(Snap.)

SECRETP,RY: Made in Mexico? SANCHO: That’s right. Once in Tijuana, twice in Guadalajara,

SECRETARY: Mr. Sancho, I thought he was an American

SANCHO: No, but. . . SECRETARY: No, I’m sorry. We can’t buy anything but Amer-

SANCHO: But he’s an antique! SECRETARY: I don’t care. You still don’t understand what we

three times in Cuernavaca.

product.

ican made products. He just won’t do.

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Luis Valdez

need. It’s true we need Mexican models, such as these, but it’s more important that he be American.

SANCHO: American? SECRETARY: That’s right, and judging from what you’ve

shown me, I don’t think you have what we want. Well, my lunch hour’s almost over, I better. . .

SANCHO: Wait a minute! Mexican but American? SECRETARY: That’s correct. SANCHO: Mexican but. . . (A suddenflash.) American! Yeah,

I think we’ve got exactly what you want. He just came in today! Give me a minute. (He exits. Talksfrom backstage.) Here he is in the shop. Let me just get some papers off. There. Introducing our new 1970 Mexican-American! Ta- ra-ra-raaaa! (SANCHO brings out the MEXICAN-AMER- ICAN model, a clean-shaven middle class type in a business suit, with glasses.)

SECRETARY: (Impressed.) Where have you been hiding this one?

Los Vendidos

make your acquaintance. (He kisses her hand.) SECRETARY: Oh, my, how charming! SANCHO: Did you feel the suction? He has seven especially

engineered suction cups right behind his lips. He’s a charmer all right!

SECRETARY: How about boards, does he function on boards? SANCHO: You name them, he is on them. Parole boards, draft

boards, school boards, taco quality control boards, surf boards, two by fours.

SECRETARY: Does he function in politics? SANCHO: Señorita, you are looking at a political machine.

Have you ever heard of the OEO, EOC, COD, WAR ON POVERTY? That’s our model! Not only that, he makes political speeches.

SECRETARY: May I hear one? SANCHO: With pleasure. (Snap.) Eric, give us a speech. MEXICAN-AMERICAN: Mr. Congressman, Mr. Chairman,

members of the board, honored guests, ladies and gentle-

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SANCHO: He just came in this morning. Ain’t he a beauty? Feast you eyes on him! Sturdy U.S. Steel frame, stream- lined, modern. As a matter of fact, he is built exactly Iike our Anglo models, except that he comes in a variety of darker shades: naugahide, leather or leatherette.

SECRETARY: Naugahide. Sm-c-HO: -weíí, we’íí just write dow. V ncI bJ, onñJ C IlIOI..U , Ata thk....u

model represents the apex of American engineering! He is bilingual, college educated, ambitious! Say the word “ac- culturate” and he accelerates. He is intelligent, well-man- nered, clean. Did I say clean? (Snap. MEXICAN-AMERICAN rakes his arm.) Smell.

SECRETARY: (Smells.) Old Sobaco, my favorite. SANCHO: (Snap. MEXICAN-AMERICAN turns toward

SANCHO.) Eric? (To SECRETARY.) We call him Eric Garcia. (ToERIC.) I want you to meet Miss JIM-enez, Eric.

MEXICAN-AMERICAN: Miss JIM-enez, I am delighted to

men. (SANCHO and SECRETARY applaud.) Please, please, I come before you as a Mexican-American to tell you about the problems of the Mexican. The problems of the Mexican stem from one thing and one thing only: he’s stupid, He’s uneducated. He needs to stay in school. He needs to be ambitious, foward-looking, harder-working. He needs to think American, American, American, Americafi, American! God bless America! God bless America! God bless America! (He goes out of control. SANCHO snaps frantically and the MEXICAN-AMERICANFnally slurnps forward, bending at the waist.)

SECRETARY: Oh my, he’s patriotic too! SANCHO: Sí, señorita, he loves his country. Let me just make

a little adjustment here. (Stands MEXICAN-AMERICAN UP-)

SECRETARY: What about upkeep? Is he economical? SANCHO: Well, no, I won’t lie to you. The Mexican-American

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Luis Valdez

costs a little bit more, but you get what you pay for. He’s worth every extra cent. You can keep him running on dry Martinis, Langendorf bread . . .

SECRETARY: Apple pie? SANCHO: Only Mom’s. Of course, he’s also programmed to

eat Mexican food at ceremonial functions, but I must warn you, an overdose of beans will plug up his exhaust.

SECRETARY: Fine! There’s just one more question. How much do you want for him?

SANCHO: Well, I tell you what I’m gonna do. Today and today only, because you’ve been so sweet, I’m gona let you steal this model from me! I’m gonna let you drive him off the lot for the simple price of, let’s see, taxes and license included, $15,000.

SECRETARY: Fifteen thousand dollars? For a Mexican!!!! SANCHO: Mexican? What are you talking about? This is a

Mexican-American! We had to melt down twopachucos, a farmworker and three gabachos to make this model! You want quality, but you gotta pay for it! This is no cheap run-about. He’s got class!

SECRETARY: Okay, I’ll take him. SANCHO: You will? SECRETARY: Here’s your money. SANCHO: You mind if I count it?

SANCHO: Well, you’ll get your pink slip in the mail. Oh, do you want me to wrap him up for you? We have a box in the back.

SECRETARY: No, thank you. The Governor is having a lun- cheon this afternoon, and we need a brown face in the crowd. How do 1 drive him?

SANCHO: Just snap your fingers. He’ll do anything you want. (SECRETARY snaps. MEXICAN-AMERICAN steps for- ward.)

MEXICAN-AMERICAN: ¡Raza querida, vamos levantando

SECRETAR’í: Go right ahea;.

Los Vendidos

armas para liberarnos de estos desgraciados gabachos que nos explotan! Vamos . ..

SECRETARY: What did he say? SANCHO: Something about taking up arms, killing white peo-

SECRETARY: But he’s not supposed to say that! SANCHO: Look, lady, don’t blame me for bugs from the

factory. He’s your Mexican-American, you bought him, now drive him off the lot!

ple, etc.

SECRETARY: But he’s broken! SANCHO: Try snapping another finger. (SECRETARY snaps.

MEXICAN-AMERICAN comes to life again.) MEXICAN-AMERICAN: Esta gran humanidad ha dicho basta!

¡Y se ha puesto en marcha! ¡Basta! iBasta! ¡Viva la raza! ¡Viva la causa! ¡Viva la huelga! ¡Vivan los brown berets! ¡Vivan los estudiantes! ¡Chicano power! (The MEXICAN- AMERICAN turns toward the SECRETARY, who gasps and backs up. He keeps turning toward the PACHUCO, FARM WORKER and REVOLUCIONARIO, snapping his @gem and turning each of them on, one by one.)

PACHUCO: (Snap. To SECRETARY.) I’m going to get you, baby! ;Viva la raza!

FARMWORKER: (Snap. to SECRETARY.) ¡Viva la huelga! ¡Viva la ¡huelga! ¡Viva la huelga!

REVOLUC!ONAR!O: (Smp. To SECRETARY.) iViva la re- volución! (The three models join together and advance toward the SECRETARY, who backs up and rum out of the shop screaming. SANCHO is at the other end of the shop holding his money in his hand. All freeze. Ajler a few seconds of silence, the PACHUCO moves and stretches, shaking his arms and loosening up. The FARMWORKER and REVOLUCIONARIO do the same. SANCHO stays where he is, frozen to his spot.)

JOHNNY: Man, that was a long one, ese. (Others agree with him.)

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FARMWORKER: How did we do? JOHNYY: Pretty good, look at all that lana, man! (He goes over

to SANCHO and removes the money from his hand. SAN- CHO stays where he is.)

REVOLUCIONARIO: En la madre, look at all the money. JOHNNY: We keep this up, we’re going to be rich. FARMWORKER: They think we’re machines. REVOLUCIONARIO: Burros. JOHNNY: Puppets. MEXICAN-AMERICAN: The only thing I don’t like is how

come I always get to play the goddamn Mexican-American? JOHNNY: That’s what you get for finishing high school. FARMWORKER: How about our wages, ese? JOHNNY: Here it comes right now. $3,000 for you, $3,000 for

you, $3,000 for you and $3,000 for me. The rest we put back into the business.

MEXICAN-AMERICAN: Too much, man. Heh, where you vatos going tonight?

FARMWORKER: I’m going over to Concha’s. There’s a party. JOHNNY: Wait a minute, vatos. What about our salesman? I

think he needs an oil job. REVOLUCIONARIO: Leave him to me. (The PACHUCO,

FARMWORKER and MEXICAN-AMERICAN exit, talk- ing loudly about their plans for the night. The REVOLUCIONARIO goes over to SANCHO, removes his derby hat and cigar, lips him up and throws him over his shoulder. SANCHO hangs loose, lifeless. To audience.) He’s the best model we got! iAjúa! (Exit.)

La Conquista de Mexico (A Puppet Show)

1968

First Performance: At El Centro Campesino Cultural, Del Rey, California.

Characters:

Piedra del Sol Moctezuma I1 Cempoala Tlaxcala & Son Cholula Hernán Cortez

LaMalinche Teomama Cuauhtemoc

Fíay Duíirtolo

Música indígena. Drums and flutes. In Font of a bright red cloth screen is the Aztec calendar stone - la piedra del sol. The sun face at the center of the stone narrates the story.