for Paula
moj
engrep.pdf
Unit 1d Drafting, revising & editing;
submissions; model report
DRAFTING, REVISING & EDITING ................................. 2
Drafting ..................................................................... 2
Revising ..................................................................... 3
Editing ..................................................................... 4
SUBMISSIONS ..................................................................... 4
Hard copy ..................................................................... 4
Soft copy ..................................................................... 5
MODEL REPORT ......................................................... 8
Report Mark Sheet ......................................................... 27
Academic & Professional Communication T132 2
The 214 Major Report: 1d: Drafting, revising & editing; submissions; model report
DRAFTING, REVISING & EDITING
All the general information you need regarding drafting, revising and editing is contained
in chapter 2 of Successful Writing at Work: drafting (page 37); revising (pages 38-41);
and editing (pages 41-50). The following brief description sets out some specific detail
regarding drafting in this English 214 course.
Drafting
Your first draft is worth one third of the report grade (10% out of 30%).
A period of about two weeks has been set aside for you to write the first draft of your
report in class. You need only write the body of the report in class—the prefatory parts
(“front matter”), introduction, conclusion and list of references can all be prepared
outside if you wish. The minimum length of an English 214 report from the start of your
introduction to the end of your conclusion is 1500 words; there is no official maximum
limit though 2200 words is the recommended limit. This means that you should aim to
write between 250 and 300 words of first draft (body only) on each of the in-class writing
days. Optionally, your teacher may decide to insert some non-writing classes during the
drafting stage in order to give you more time to reflect on what you have written so far
and what you still have to write.
Preparation is the key to writing a good first draft. Decide in advance which part of your
report you will write in class—it is often helpful to start with the easiest section rather
than to write sequentially from section one—and review your notes and outline the day
before. To write the draft, you are allowed to refer to your outline and your notes. At your
teacher’s discretion, you may also refer to your sources; however, if you have taken good
notes, these should contain all the information you require to write the draft. Note cards
are recommended as the best system of note taking for your report but you are also
allowed to use other methods, including online methods such as Evernote, which will
require the use of a laptop or iPad. It should be stressed, however, that there is
currently no permission for writing the first draft in class on a laptop. At the end of
each day’s drafting class, you must submit a hard copy of your draft to your teacher.
After each day’s writing except the last (see below), your teacher will collect your draft,
make some helpful comments and corrections on it, and return it to you the following
class. He will not correct every error he finds since it is important that you also learn and
practise the skill of proofreading your own work. On the final day of drafting, your
teacher will not collect your work; you will take everything away with you in order to
revise, edit and prepare the final document.
Academic & Professional Communication T132 3
All students are expected to complete their first draft in the six writing classes that have
been allocated. If you miss one or more of these drafting classes, you may be allowed to
make up the work as long as you provide your teacher with an official excuse for any
absences. Without an excuse, you must complete the draft in whatever class time
remains. If, through your own lack of preparation, you fail to complete the draft within
the scheduled class time, you will be allowed to complete it at home but will incur
penalties if a significant portion needs completing. A ‘significant portion’ is roughly in
excess of 10% of the body. Penalties are left to the discretion of your teacher but the
recommended penalty is to deduct 5% (out of 100%) for every 100 words of the body
that has to be written at home. You will be informed about any potential penalties before
you start writing the first draft.
In addition to the above, be sure to read page 37 of Successful Writing at Work.
Revising
The final (ie, revised and edited) version of your report is worth one sixth of the report
grade (5% out of 30%).
Given the in-class time constraints, all or most of the revising step is best conducted
outside of class. As mentioned above, you are responsible for revising all the first draft,
not simply those parts that your teacher remarked on when he reviewed your first draft.
Between ending the first draft in class and submitting the final revised/edited draft, you
will normally have about one week.
Typically, teachers collect each day’s draft (except the last), correct it, and return it to
you the following class. When you receive each corrected draft back from the teacher,
you should make the necessary revisions. This can be done immediately or you may
prefer to wait until the whole of the first draft is finished before thinking about revisions.
Apart from making use of your teacher’s comments and corrections, you may also seek
input from friends and colleagues—such ‘peer reviewing’ can provide you with insights
that might otherwise not occur to you but they must not write the report for you.
Revising is a major step in the writing process involving a thorough check of all aspects
of your report but especially the content and organization. You should re-think
everything you have written—for example, the relevance, clarity and completeness of
your information—and make changes where necessary.
You will find it helpful to type your revised draft using a tracker to record the changes
you make. In addition, your teacher will have opened a Turnitin plagiarism checker on
your section’s Blackboard home page; you should use this to check the originality of your
report by uploading the draft two or three times. By the end of the revision stage, you
should have a draft that is plagiarism-free, complete, accurate, well organized, which
contains all the necessary illustrations and headings, and which is fully documented.
In addition to the above, be sure to read pages 38-41 of Successful Writing at Work.
Academic & Professional Communication T132 4
Editing
Editing is a form of “quality control.” It is the final step in the drafting process and
typically occurs after the writer has made a thorough revision of his first draft and now
has a version he is satisfied with.
Editing involves mechanics such as spelling, punctuation and documentation but also
grammar, style, readability, choice of vocabulary, and the overall formatting and neatness
of the revised document. The final revised and edited report will be a printed document of
at least 1500 words (ie, from the start of the introduction to the end of the
conclusion/recommendations). It will contain a cover page, a table of contents, an
introduction, a body divided into sections and subsections with ample graphics, a
conclusion, possibly a set of recommendations, and, finally, a list of references.
Additional prefatory parts may be required such as a glossary or list of illustrations. All
ideas taken from the six (or more) sources will be fully documented using the APA style,
and the writer may also include ideas of his own. The report must be entirely free of
plagiarism.
Your teacher can choose whether to require separate revised and edited drafts or whether
to include the revision and the editing in a single document (“the final version”). As
indicated earlier, the combined score for both steps is 5% out of 30% regardless of
whether they comprise one or two documents.
In addition to the above, be sure to read pages 41-47 of Successful Writing at Work.
SUBMISSIONS You will make two different kinds of report submission: hard copy and soft copy.
Hard copy
All the hard copy report materials listed below must be submitted to your teacher on the
specified day of submission. Your teacher may provide you with a large brown envelope
for this purpose; if not, you should buy a plastic folder big enough to hold all the
materials. A penalty of 5% per day (out of 100%) will be imposed on reports submitted
late without an acceptable excuse.
1. The final (revised and edited) draft
The final draft is typed using an approved font (eg Times New Roman) and font
size (eg 12 points); double-space the lines or use 1.15 or 1.5 spacing
(your teacher will decide). The draft is contained within a protective
plastic folder with the cover page visible. The total report length should
be at least 1500 words—with the precise word count stated after the
conclusion/recommendations. The report consists of a cover page, a table
of contents, an introduction, a body of between two and four sections, a
conclusion, and an alphabetized list of APA-style references.
Academic & Professional Communication T132 5
2. The first draft
The first draft is the hand-written document that you produced in the six
drafting classes and which should be annotated with comments from your
teacher. There are unlikely to be any illustrations in this document. Also,
it consists only of the body of the report unless your teacher required the
introduction and conclusion to be added.
3. The final outline
This is a typed formal three- or four-level topic outline that accurately reflects
the final version of the report. (It is likely to be more detailed than the
report’s table of contents.) This final outline should also include the
report title and purpose statement.
4. Notes
If your teacher required the note-card method of note taking, you should submit
a complete set of cards bound together in some way (for example with a
large clip or a rubber band). If other methods were allowed, for example
Evernote, your teacher will ask you to submit proof of your note-taking
activity.
5. Sources
A minimum of six sources are required to write your English 214 major report.
All of them should be submitted, together with the three required source
evaluations. All sources must be cross-referenced with the report. This is
done in the following way:
As you read through your report for the last time before
submission, pay particular attention to each in-text citation,
for example (Johnson, 2011, p. 4). In order to cross-
reference, return to page 4 of Johnson’s 2011 article and find
the exact point on page 4 where the documented text is
located. Highlight the original text that you find there and, in
the margin next to it, write the page number and report
section number that identifies its location in your report, for
example, Report p.8, III.B.2. This means that the original
highlighted text was paraphrased, summarized or quoted in
your report on page 8 in sub-section III.B.2. This procedure
must be followed for every in-text citation in your report.
6. Progress report
Include your original progress report in the envelope, together with any revision.
To avoid any penalties, submit a complete set of the above-mentioned hard-copy
materials on the due date that is set by your teacher.
Academic & Professional Communication T132 6
Soft copy
Your teacher may ask you to submit the full soft copy of your report to him via
Blackboard so that he and the department can file it away in the archives for future
reference. The information here, however, refers to the soft copies that must be uploaded
via Blackboard to Turnitin.
Your teacher will set up two different Turnitin originality-checkers on your section’s
Blackboard home page. The first, mentioned earlier under Revision, is intended to help
you eliminate plagiarism from your report before you make the final submission. You
should use this checker two or three times during the drafting stage; these uploaded drafts
will not be stored in the Turnitin database. The second checker will appear on the home
page on the day that the final submission of your report is due. You will have one chance
only to submit the complete report (from the cover page to the
conclusion/recommendations). The document you upload now will be entered into
Turnitin’s massive database of documents and will be used to check for plagiarism
whenever a document is uploaded in future by anyone.
To obtain a grade for your report, you must submit both hard and soft copies of your
report punctually.
Academic & Professional Communication T132 7
MODEL REPORT
The following pages contain a recently submitted English 214 report, which received an
above-average grade. You will find notes about various aspects of it on each of the facing
pages. Study these notes carefully and try to incorporate the requirements and
recommendations into your own report. Note that the instructions set out below
sometimes differ from APA style guidelines and from the model report on pages 338 to
354 in Successful Writing at Work. Where there are such differences, you must always
follow the instructions below.
NOTES
1. General Formatting Guidelines
Use plain white A4-size paper. Use a regular 12-point font such as Times New
Roman or Calibri. You may double-space the lines (APA recommendation) or use
either 1.5 or 1.15 spacing (214 recommendation). Set all four margins to 2.5 cm.
(one inch). Type on one side of the paper only. See also Successful Writing at
Work, pp. 197-207.
2. Cover Page
At the top of the cover page write the semester theme (20-point, boldface,
centered, and capitalized). About three or four lines below it, write the title of
your report using capital letters for the main words only. Center and boldface your
title; the recommended font size is 32 points but this can be slightly larger or
smaller depending on the length of the title.
Your title should accurately and succinctly describe the focus of the report. Titles
such as "The 2012 Financial Crisis" and "The Uses of DDT” are not acceptable
because they do not indicate a clear focus. Better titles would be "The Role of the
Banking Sector in the 2012 Financial Crisis" and "The Benefits of Using DDT in
Malaria Prevention." Your title should also show a clear link between your major
and the semester’s theme.
A few lines below the title, give the writer’s details: your name, your ID number,
your section and serial numbers, and your major. All items are 16 points and
centered.
At just below the mid-point of the page, using a 14-point font, give the teacher’s
details: his name followed by the title of the English course, and the course code.
Towards the foot of the page, write a descriptive abstract of about 50 words; it
should be 10 points and single-spaced. Give it the heading “Abstract.” End with
the date of submission.
Note that the cover page opposite does not have a page number although it does
count in the overall pagination of the report. (See note 5 on pagination.)
Do your best to make your title page as neat, simple and attractive as possible.
Use plenty of white space, avoid using a colored or patterned background, and do
not place any illustrations on the cover.
HEALTH
Reducing the Adverse Health
Effects of Dirty Electricity
by
Ali Al-Ali
201012340—214-99/08
Major: Applied Electrical Engineering
for
Mr. Thomas Wilson
Academic & Professional Communication
English 214
Abstract
This report discusses the causes and the negative effects on health of dirty
electricity. Using some case studies, it suggests a number of solutions to help
eliminate or at least reduce the damage caused to human health.
20 April 2014
Academic & Professional Communication T132 9
NOTES
3. Table of Contents
A Table of Contents (TOC) shows the range of the report and the sequence in
which the information is presented to the reader. It is essentially a shorter version
of your final outline with page numbers included.
Note the different typography in the TOC to indicate different levels. Certain
parts of the TOC are capitalized and boldfaced. These include prefatory
elements (also referred to as “front matter”) like the optional List of Illustrations,
end parts such as the Conclusion, Recommendations, and References, and all
first-level section headings in the body of the report. The sub-sections of the
report (ie, second-level headings) are indented under the main sections with only
the first letter of each important word capitalized. Third-level headings are
indented still further, are italicized, and also follow the usual conventions of
capitalization.
Every first-, second-, or third-level heading in your report must be reproduced
exactly in the TOC. In a relatively short report such as this English 214 report, it
is not necessary to include any fourth-level headings in the TOC, even if they
appear in the report text itself. When you come to edit the final version of your
report, be sure to check that the headings in your TOC correspond to those in the
report.
As with the rest of the report, neatness and clarity are important. Leave plenty of
white space around the margins and between the items in the TOC. In the
example opposite, "leader dots" have been used to connect headings with page
numbers, producing a pleasing effect which also helps the reader.
4. Outline Notation
The APA style does not require outline notation in either the TOC or in the
report headings. However, it is required in your English 214 report. As you will
recall from Unit 1c, there are two well-known outline notation systems: the
traditional outline system (I.A.1.a) and the decimal system (1.1.1.1); you may use
either of them, but always follow your teacher’s instructions.
5. Pagination
Number all pages except the cover page. Use boldface Arabic numbers (ie,
regular numbers such as 2, 3, and 4) from the TOC to the References. Center the
page numbers at the foot of each page. The simplest way to do this is to insert a
footer. If you choose this method, you can also click on the ‘Different First Page’
box in the Design tab so that no page number will appear on the cover page.
6. Other Prefatory Parts
‘Prefatory parts’ are those report elements that appear before the introduction.
They include the cover page, the TOC, a glossary, a list of illustrations, and a list
of symbols. Apart from the cover page and TOC, prefatory parts are optional so
include them only if they are necessary. For example, your report may contain
many technical terms. By defining these words in a glossary rather than having
them intrude in the text itself, you can make the report more readable. As a
general rule, if you have four or more illustrations, symbols, or technical terms
that require defining, you can list them in a prefatory element on the TOC page or
the page following the TOC. (See the list of illustrations opposite.)
Table of Contents
LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS...........…………………………………………............ 2
INTRODUCTION.....………………………………………………………………… 3
I. THE SOURCES OF DIRTY ELECTRICITY………………………………...... 3
II. THE EFFECTS OF DIRTY ELECTRICITY...……………………………….... 4
III. REDUCING DIRTY ELECTRICITY………………......................................... 5
A. The GS Filter.................................................................................................. 5
1. Case Study: Hypersensitivity.............................................................. 6
2. Case Study: Multiple Sclerosis........................................................... 6
3. Case Study: Diabetes......................................................................... 7
B. Other Devices................................................................................................ 7
C. Individual Behavior Changes........................................................................ 8
CONCLUSION.........…………………………………………………………………. 9
RECOMMENDATIONS.....…………………………………………………………. 9
REFERENCES ………………………………………………………………… 10
List of Illustrations
Figures
Figure 1 The GS Filter: Front and Side.......................................................................... 6
Figure 2 Response of a 42-year-old male....................................................................... 6
Figure 3 Response of a 43-year-old female.................................................................... 7
Figure 4 The Microsurge Meter...................................................................................... 7
Figure 5 The Effectiveness of xZubi.............................................................................. 8
Tables
Table 1 Symptoms of Dirty Electricity………………………………………………… 5
2
Academic & Professional Communication T132 11
NOTES
7. Introduction
The Introduction aims to give the reader four pieces of information: some
essential background, a statement of the problem, a specific purpose statement,
and the scope of the report. For additional information, see pages 325-326 in
Successful Writing at Work. Note, however, that your English 214 introduction
should not contain subheadings.
Background
Background is likely to be the largest element in the introduction but it should not
exceed a couple of paragraphs. If your background is longer than this, it is
advisable to shift the bulk of it into the Discussion (body) section of the report.
Start the background element of your introduction by telling your reader what
your subject is; then provide additional information such as definitions and
description or some historical and theoretical background; state also why your
topic is an important one. You may find that the content of this background
element is similar to the introduction of your progress report.
Problem
Your report will almost certainly be discussing a particular problem. State it
clearly and concisely.
Purpose
Your purpose statement should tell the reader what the report is specifically
aiming to do. Like the problem statement that precedes it, the purpose can usually
be expressed concisely in a single sentence.
Scope
The scope statement indicates the limits of the report. It explains what areas are
included in the report and sometimes also mentions areas that are specifically
excluded. You can further define your scope by identifying the audience that the
report is aiming to inform.
Depending on the amount of information to give, these four elements can be
combined or dealt with in separate paragraphs. If handled separately, do not give
each element its own section heading (cf. the introduction of the model report in
Successful Writing at Work on pages 342-344.)
8. Headings
Note: these instructions do not follow APA guidelines. All headings should be
boldfaced and placed flush left. All main (first-level) headings are fully
capitalized. Subsections (second-level headings) consist of upper- and lower-case
letters. Third-level headings should be italicized with upper- and lower-case
letters. You are unlikely to need fourth-level headings, but if you do, they should
appear in lower-case plain text.
EXERCISE 1
1. Identify the four elements of an introduction in the model report, and note what
each element contains.
2. Identify some of the coherence devices used to connect sentences together.
INTRODUCTION
This report is about the effects of dirty electricity—also known as electrical
pollution—on human health. Dirty electricity does not appear often in the literature of
electrical engineering but its existence is widely accepted by the scientific community
even if it is also widely ignored. A rough definition of it would be the fluctuations in
electrical power that can harm health and damage electrical devices. Dirty electricity is a
worldwide phenomenon whose effects are felt by millions of people although people’s
sensitivity to it varies from person to person. Also, dirty electricity does not affect
everybody in the same way. Apart from individual differences between those affected,
the consequences may also depend on the distance a person is from the source or on the
size of the electrical frequencies in the device itself.
The problem with dirty electricity is that the people affected by it usually are not
aware of the cause of their health problems. It cannot be seen, smelled, heard, tasted or
touched and yet it has its negative effects. Some people, for example, may suffer from
headaches, a ringing in the ears, an inability to concentrate, or other much more serious
illnesses such as cancer and Alzheimer’s. So they carry on with their routine daily
activities with no idea why they feel the way they do. The purpose of this report,
therefore, is to highlight this ignored problem and to examine effective solutions.
This report is limited to a discussion of the health effects of dirty electricity that
stem from regular consumer devices such as computers and mobile phones rather than
large-scale sources such as power lines. Also the report focuses on the negative effects on
people rather than the damage that can be caused to other electrical devices. It will be of
direct relevance to the average electronics user, who will be informed about the problem
of dirty electricity and about ways to avoid its negative impacts.
I. THE SOURCES OF DIRTY ELECTRICITY
The sources of dirty electricity are found everywhere, and have been increasing
exponentially since electricity was first used on a large scale. It began with the growth of
high frequencies (that is, those above 2kHz) with the invention of electricity itself (the
1900s) passing through radio, radar and TV (the 1920s - 1950s) up to personal
3
Academic & Professional Communication T132 13
NOTES
9. Paragraph Indentations
The APA style recommends that you indent your paragraphs one half inch (just
over one centimeter). The right edge should not be justified.
10. In-Text Citations
The report page 4 contains four in-text citations:
The first (Havas, 2006, p. 259) is an example of paragraph documentation so the
citation is placed at the end of the paragraph outside the full stop (period). The
APA style does not require citations for paraphrases and summaries to indicate
the exact location of the original text (such as a page or paragraph number), but
this is a requirement in English 214.
The second (“Dirty electricity,” n.d., para. 4) is also the documentation for an
entire paragraph. The original document is a web source that has no author or
date. As a result, the citation starts with the first couple of words of the article title
in quotation marks and the abbreviation n.d. (“no date”). The paragraph number
is given to help the reader locate the original words quickly if he needs to.
The third citation refers to Havas again. Only the page number is given in
parentheses (p. 260) because Havas and the date of publication are mentioned
earlier in the sentence.
The fourth citation (as cited in NFAM, n.d., p.2) refers to the quoting of an
original work in a secondary source. If you wish to use a quotation that appears in
one of your secondary sources, mention the original writer and his work and then
use the words as cited in followed by the details of the secondary source where
the original words are quoted. See also APA Quotation below.
11. APA Quotation
Your teacher will set guidelines for the number and type of quotations you can
make in your report. As a general rule, you are allowed a maximum of three short
quotations or two short quotations plus one long quotation. Short quotations are
fewer than forty words each; long quotations are forty words or more. Short and
long quotations are formatted differently. (For a reminder about APA quotation,
see Unit 1c, pp. 22-26.)
12. Topic sentences
Topic sentences at the start of your paragraphs are a helpful aid for your readers.
By announcing the main idea of the paragraph, they prepare the reader for the
content that follows. They also help the writer to stay focused on a single idea,
which gives the paragraph “unity.”
13. Starting a new section at the foot of a page
You do not have to start every new section or subsection at the top of a new page.
As long as there is adequate space for the heading and at least two lines of text, a
new section or subsection can be started near the foot of a page.
EXERCISE 2
1. Locate and evaluate the quotation. Is it justified in the context of the paragraph? Is it
incorporated grammatically into the rest of the sentence? Is it a short or long quotation? Is
it correctly documented and formatted?
2. Evaluate the three topic sentences of section I. Do their paragraphs have unity?
computers and mobile phones (1970s – 1980s). Such personal electronic equipment is
increasing all the time, for example in the wireless routers that are now a part of all
home and work networks. In addition to these devices, dirty electricity can also exist in
distribution lines, for example in wires inside houses and buildings or in transmission
lines along the highways. (Havas, 2006, p. 259)
What causes ordinary electronic devices to fluctuate their energy levels and so
generate dirty electricity? Basically, it is the result of trying to be energy efficiency.
Electronic devices such as computers, TVs, and fluorescent light bulbs are intended to
run on a frequency of 60 hertz (“cycles per second”). However, to use energy more
efficiently, these devices turn off and on rapidly and frequently—sometimes thousands
of times per second—and this results in power fluctuations. These microsurges divide
up the hertz into rapid and very high frequencies, and it is these high frequencies that
enter the body and cause the problems. (“Dirty electricity,” n.d., para. 4)
Avoiding dirty electricity is virtually impossible. Even if someone doesn’t use
polluting devices, dirty electricity can enter the home or work environment from
neighboring buildings, where they could be used without filters to reduce any potential
damage. Dr. Magda Havaz (2006), a scientist interested in dirty electricity, said that
almost every house in the world contains dirty electricity so it is a serious global threat
(p. 260). In addition, one of the first scientists to recognize the dangers of dirty
electricity, Dr. Robert O. Becker, stated in his 1990 book Cross Currents that "the
greatest polluting element in the earth's environment is the proliferation of
electromagnetic fields. I consider it to be far greater on a global scale than warming" (as
cited in NFAM, n.d., p.2).
II. THE EFFECTS OF DIRTY ELECTRICITY
Dirty electricity can cause multiple problems for people. These include
fibromyalgia, attention deficit disorder, asthma, chronic fatigue syndrome, diabetes, and
asthma. There are also cases showing how electrical pollution aggravates other pre-
existing conditions such as migraine headaches, Alzheimer's disease, heart disease, and
4
Academic & Professional Communication T132 15
NOTES
14. Illustrations
See also Successful Writing at Work, pp. 209-237.
Illustrations are either tables (the vertical and horizontal presentation of data) or
figures, (which include graphs, photos, maps, charts, and clip art). Number your
tables and figures separately using Arabic numerals (1, 2, 3, and so on). Be sure to
give each one a concise descriptive heading which should be reproduced exactly
in your list of illustrations after the TOC. Place the table number and its heading
above the illustration; place the figure number and heading below it. The APA
does not require an in-text citation after these headings but you should supply one
in your English 214 report in case your teacher wishes to check the source.
Only use illustrations if they are necessary and helpful to your report. Always
refer to them explicitly in your report and place the illustrations as close as
possible to the text they are intended to support. Try and keep your illustrations as
clear and simple as possible, eliminating any details that are not absolutely
required. If necessary, adjust the size of your illustrations so they make an
attractive fit with the rest of the page.
15. Elements of good writing
See also Successful Writing at Work, pp. 376-380.
It is important to divide your report into sections, each one dealing with a distinct
element of the overall topic. These sections may also require sub-sections and, in
some cases, further subdivisions. As a general rule, three levels of headings
should be enough in a report of this length. Also, use outline notation for every
heading to help your teacher navigate easily through the information.
Link together the ideas in your sentences, paragraphs and sections to achieve a
coherent flow of information. This can be achieved with, for example, the use of
transition words. Words such as “first” and “next” show chronology;
“consequently” and “therefore” show a causal relation; “nevertheless” and
“however” show contrast; and so on. Pronoun reference, parallel structures, and
the intelligent repetition of key words also help to achieve coherence.
Revise and edit your report thoroughly to identify and correct ambiguous, missing
or irrelevant information and to achieve a more concise style. Adjust your style if
necessary to achieve the right tone, which should be formal and non-combatitive
(ie, not aggressive), even when your purpose is to persuade rather than simply to
inform. Choose your vocabulary carefully to avoid informal colloquialisms on
the one hand and technical jargon on the other.
Technical writing is concise. Revise your work to eliminate needless repetitions
and wordy expressions. For example, do not use an expression like “based on the
fact that” when “because” conveys the same meaning; avoid redundant
expressions such as “red in colour” and “a total of four different groups.”
Choose the right sentence and paragraph length. Overly short sentences and
paragraphs can make your writing seem disjointed while long, complex ones often
lack clarity because the ideas are buried in an excess of detail.
EXERCISE 3
1. Vocabulary: replace the word “juice” (III, para. 1) with a more formal word.
2. In the same paragraph, find one instance of wordiness and two redundant
expressions.
multiple sclerosis. Children are particularly sensitive to dirty electricity, in particular in
the effect of hyper-activity that it can exert. In fact, studies have shown how children’s
behavior can be improved with a reduction in the amount of dirty electricity being
emitted in their environment. However, dirty electricity affects everybody: males and
females, young and old, and the symptoms they suffer cover a very wide range.
(Milham, 2010, para. 8). The following table illustrates some of the main symptoms that
some scientists believe are caused by dirty electricity:
Table 1 Symptoms of dirty electricity (NFAM, n.d, p. 2)
TYPE
EXAMPLES of SYMPTOMS
neurological Headaches, dizziness, nausea, insomnia, memory loss, irritability,
depression, muscle and joint pain, seizures, psychosis, stroke.
cardiac Palpitations, chest pain, low or high blood pressure, slow or fast
heart rate, shortness of breath.
respiratory
Sinusitis, bronchitis, pneumonia, asthma.
dermatological
Skin rash, itching, burning, facial flushing.
ophthalmological Pain or burning in the eyes, pressure in/behind the eyes,
deteriorating vision, floaters, cataracts.
other Digestive problems, impaired sense of smell, hair loss, ringing in
the ears, nose bleeds, internal bleeding, dehydration.
III. REDUCING DIRTY ELECTRICITY
Owing to the fact that we have almost total dependency on electricity to do
everything from cooking meals, heating and cooling our homes, providing entertainment,
and helping us to communicate, simply turning off the juice is not an option. Solutions
that will enable us to continue to use electricity but as safely as possible are absolutely
essential. This section of the report will set out some likely possibilities.
A. The GS Filter
The GS filter has proven itself to be the most effective device so far in combating
dirty electricity. GS stands for Graham Stetzer, the owner of Stetzer Electric Inc. and a
co-inventor of the device. His collaborator was Dr. Martin Graham, Professor Emeritus at
5
Academic & Professional Communication T132 17
NOTES
16. Grammar and sentence structure See also Successful Writing at Work, pp. 41-47 and 380-387.
Faulty grammar and sentence structure make a bad impression on the reader
and, at worst, can affect the clear communication of ideas. A thorough revision
and editing of your work should be able to uncover the most common grammar
and sentence structure errors.
Always check subjects and verb to make sure that they agree. Also, check that
pronouns agree with their antecedents. Read carefully to detect any run-on or
comma splice sentences (in which two separate sentences are joined with a
comma or with no punctuation at all). Eliminate sentence fragments in which
sentences lack an essential element such as a main verb or subject.
The APA recommends that, where a choice exists, use active verbs rather than
passive ones. For example, “the filter reduces dirty electricity” is preferable to
“dirty electricity is reduced by the filter.” Active verbs tend to make the ideas
clearer and the writing more authoritative. However, use the passive if the action
is more important than the actor or if the actors are not known. For example, “the
experiment was conducted in the field” is preferable to an alternative that uses an
active verb.
17. Words or numerals
There are clear, but quite complex, rules for when a writer should express
numbers in words (“five”) and when in figures (“5”). The following gives a few
of the more common rules:
In general, use numerals for:
numbers 10 and above (28, 103, 897); for numbers that precede a unit of
measurement (8 cm., 120 kg.); and for mathematical expressions such as
decimals (“3.06”, “8%”).
In general, use words for:
any number that begins a sentence or heading; and for common fractions
(“three quarters”).
Sometimes, a combination of words and numbers may be required for clarity and
readability:
“two 10-step plans,” “11 one-sentence paragraphs.”
EXERCISE 4
1. Find a subject – verb disagreement in the first paragraph of report page 6.
2. In section III.A.2, find an example of:
a. a sentence fragment
b. a pronoun – antecedent disagreement
c. the misuse of a numeral
3. Find examples of inconsistent line spacing.
the Electronics Research Laboratory of the
University of California (Havaz & Stetzer,
2004, para. 4). The invention of GS filters
were the result of numerous studies and
experiments, carried out with the aim of
preventing or at least reducing dirty
electricity to a minimum, and of hundreds of
quality control tests to check its validity and
to verify its usefulness. The GS filter is
simple to use: it plugs into a wall socket
from where it measures, filters and removes
high-frequency ambient radiation from
household wiring (NFAM, n.d. p. 2).
Figure 1 The GS Filter: Front and Side
(Havaz, 2006, p.264)
1. Case study: Hypersensitivity
Figure 2 Response of a 42-year-old Male
(Havaz & Stetzer, 2004, para. 3)
The DS Filter, also known as the
“Stetzerizer,” has had proven success. In
one case, a 42-year-old male suffered
from headaches, dental pain, a ringing in
the ears, and a lack of sleep. At first
baffled by the causes of these symptoms,
doctors eventually narrowed them down
to electrical hypersensitivity. They
installed a GS filter in his house, and
readings of dirty electricity dropped
sharply from 900 to 20 GS units. The
man’s sleep improved and the other
symptoms started to vanish. (Havaz &
Stetzer, 2004, para. 3)
2. Case study: Multiple Sclerosis
A second example of the effectiveness of the GS filter the case of a 43-year-old
woman with multiple sclerosis, who could only walk with the aid of a cane or zimmer-
frame. After 13 GS filters were installed in various rooms inside their house, the readings
of dirty electricity dropped from 170 to 30 GS units. Within the first 24 hours after
installation, she could maintain her balance for short distances without using the cane or
zimmer-frame. After 1 week, her muscle weakness had decreased gradually and she
6
Academic & Professional Communication T132 19
NOTES
18. Precision
Precision is very important in technical writing. Ideas and factual information
taken from sources must be reported faithfully when you paraphrase, summarize
and quote. Measurements must be given exactly (not rounded off); statistical data,
dates and names must be accurate. Words must also be used precisely and defined
if necessary. All technical reports should be proofread carefully to eliminate
errors.
Examples of imprecise words are “good,” “bad,” “big” and “small.” Examples of
imprecise numbers are “some time ago,” “about one hundred,” and “quite a long
distance away.” Writers tend to use imprecise expressions when they do not
know—and cannot be bothered to discover—the accurate word or number.
However, in technical writing, the precise word and number is usually required so
always make the extra effort to find out the precise facts.
19. Relevance
When revising your report, it is important to read it critically in order to find any
content that is not strictly relevant to the purpose. This is not always an easy task
as some information may superficially appear to be relevant. For example, in
section III.B opposite, the student writes about “other devices” similar to the GS
filter, and he provides an illustration of one of them in Figure 3. This is the
microsurge meter. This appears at first glance to be relevant to the purpose of
section III, which is to describe solutions. However, the microsurge meter is in
fact not a filtering device, like the GS filter, but simply a measuring device. This
should have been picked up during the revision stage and the information about
the microsurge meter removed and replaced by information about a more relevant
piece of equipment.
EXERCISE 5
Section III.A.3 contains some precise numbers but also three examples of
imprecise language. Find them and suggest what sort of content should replace
them.
experienced less pain while walking.
After two weeks, she was able to walk
for long distances without any help or
support. Also, she could sleep
comfortably. From week 3 to week 6
there were random changes: an
occasional return of some symptoms but
in general the trend in symptoms was
downward. (Havaz & Stetzer, 2004,
para. 6).
Figure 3 Response of a 43-year old
Female (Havaz & Stetzer, 2004, para. 6)
3. Case study: Diabetes
Diabetes is known to be on the increase all over the world but it had not until
recently been connected with dirty electricity. However, this case study demonstrates a
strong connection between blood sugar levels and dirty electricity and shows clearly how
GS filters give a positive effect. An 80-year-old female with diabetes installed some GS
filters in her home. This produced an almost immediate effect on the dirty electricity,
which dropped considerably. Second, after a comparatively short time her blood sugar
level fell to 119 mg/dl having been 171 mg/dl previously. This had a very significant
positive effect on her diabetes. (Havaz & Stetzer, 2004, para. 11)
B. Other Devices
Figure 4 The Microsurge Meter
(Havaz, 2006, p. 262)
The GS Filter is not the only
measuring device on the market.
Another one is the microsurge meter.
Like the GS filter, it was also designed
by Dr. Graham and Mr. Stetzer. It can
read up to 1999 GS units, and the
acceptable average reading of dirty
electricity should be below 30 GS units.
(Havaz, 2006, p. 262)
7
Academic & Professional Communication T132 21
NOTES
20. Plagiarism
To avoid plagiarism, source wording should be paraphrased and fully documented
in your report. Neither of these necessary actions was taken in the example below.
The paraphrase is still too close to the original wording and there is no in-text
citation at the end of the paragraph:
Original wording
By placing the DERF filters in the wall outlets, they can filter the harmonic distortion (Dirty
Electricity) and other white noise frequencies on the line to produce a cleaner, more stable electrical current for operation. The removal or filtering of Low Frequency, Kilohertz range
emissions are supposed to help in many ways electrically sensitive people
Student’s paraphrase on p.8 of his report DERF, standing for Dirty Electricity Removal Filter, is placed in a wall power outlet and
from here it can filter the dirty electricity and other so-called white noise frequencies in the
wiring to produce a much cleaner and much more stable electrical current. This will have a benefit for people who are electrically sensitive.
Better DERF, which stands for Dirty Electricity Removal Filter, can help those whose health is
easily affected by dirty electricity. By plugging a filter into a regular wall socket, users can
reduce fluctuations in the current, leading to increased current stability and so to less harmful electrical pollution. (RealUVcorp, n.d., “How the filters,” para. 2)
During the revision stage of report writing, make frequent use of the originality
checker posted on your section’s Blackboard home page.
21. Biased sources
Your report is based almost entirely on secondary sources, that is, sources you
found in the Library or on the Internet. It is important that you select the best
sources you can, ideally those written by experts in the field and published in
reputable magazines, journals and books. Be particularly suspicious of Internet
web pages, especially those set up by commercial enterprises and by single-issue
activist groups; these are quite likely to contain some bias. For example, the
student uses xZubi as an example of a device that lowers emf radiation in cell
phones. However, he has chosen the company’s own website—www.xzubi.ca—
for his information about this device. Further Internet research about this device
should have been done to check the company’s high opinion of its own invention.
22. Third-person point of view
The use of the first person (“I,” “my,” “we,” “our,” and so on) is acceptable in
reports. The use of the second person (“you” and “your”) should be avoided. In
general, reports are best written in the third person (“it,” “he,” “they,” “the
problem”). This is because the writer is usually not focused on himself or on the
reader but on a particular problem, object, or event. Be careful, therefore, when
taking ideas from magazine articles that give the reader advice about what or what
not to do. When paraphrasing, it is easy to retain the same grammatical structure
as the original and introduce “you” and command forms of verbs into your report.
Change such verbs to the third person or to the passive, as in the examples below:
Original: Switch off your devices when you’re not using them.
Passive: Devices should be switched off when they’re not being used.
Third person: Consumers should switch off their devices when they’re not using them.
EXERCISE 6 1. In section C opposite, find and correct examples of “you” verbs.
2. Is Figure 5 big, simple and clear enough to convey the intended information?
Two other useful devices that are similar to GS filter are the DERF-50 filter and
the xZubi filter. DERF, standing for Dirty Electricity Removal Filter, is placed in a wall
power outlet and from here it can filter the dirty electricity and other so-called white
noise frequencies in the wiring to produce a much cleaner and much more more stable
electrical current. This will have a benefit for people diagnosed as electrically sensitive.
Cell phone radiation is also considered
to be dirty electricity, so in order to
reduce its damage one can use xZubi. It is
a disc that can be attached to the cell
phone and it reduces the bad effect of the
electromagnetic field (EMF) on the brain.
(http://www.xzubi.ca/faq.php)
Figure 5 The Effectiveness of xZubi
(http://www.emf-protection.org/xzubi)
C. Individual behavior changes
The devices described above have been successful but prevention is always better
than cure. There are many actions that people can take by themselves to reduce their
exposure to dirty electricity. For example, one technical solution is to have larger-sized
neutral wires. The job of a neutral wire is to return any energy to its original source but
modern neutral wiring cannot handle the greater electrical loads that are common today.
As a result, the misdirected energy is emitted into the environment, in homes and offices,
where it can cause health damage. (“What is,” n.d., para. 11)
Changing the wiring is not something that average users can do but there are
plenty of other actions they can take. For example, replacing dimmer light switches with
ordinary switches can reduce the high frequency. Replacing a T.V monitor with an LCD
screen will also reduce dirty electricity. If it is possible, do not use a microwave oven or
at least stand five feet away from it because it produces large amounts of EMF radiation
(Malhim, 2010, para. 5). Also, users should avoid wireless whenever possible, avoid
Bluetooth headsets, unplug any devices that are not being used, and never place a laptop
on your lap. (Segell, n.d.) These are just a few things everybody should be encouraged to
do in their normal routines.
8
Academic & Professional Communication T132 23
NOTES
23. Conclusion
See also Successful Writing at Work, pages 327 and 351. In general, your
conclusion is the place to summarize the key findings of your research. However,
there are other ways to conclude in addition to summarizing. For example, a
pertinent quotation can be a strong way to end; for a report about a particular
problem, a look to the future or an explicit warning can also be suitable endings.
If your report has only one or two recommendations, then place them in the
conclusion rather than in a separate Recommendations section.
24. Recommendations
See also Successful Writing at Work, pages 327 and 351. Have a separate
Recommendations section if you have three or more recommendations to make.
Typically, they are not taken from your sources but come from your own thinking
about the problem and the solutions described in your report. As a result, there is
likely to be little or no documentation.
Recommendations are basically calls to action. They should logically follow on
from the conclusions you reached about your research topic.
25. Avoiding Sexist Language
Avoid using masculine pronouns to express ideas that apply to everybody, as in
the example below:
Every user should turn off his electrical device when he’s not using it.
There are several ways to avoid this, as shown in the examples below:
Electrical devices should be turned off when they’re not being used.
People should turn off their electrical devices when they’re not using them.
Every user should turn off the electrical device when it’s not in use.
Using “he or she” or “s/he” is best avoided.
Of course, sometimes the use of masculine pronouns to refer to the entire group is
acceptable, as in the example below:
At KFUPM, every student should register his courses before the start of the
semester.
26. Word Count
Do a word count to include all words from the start of the introduction to the end
of your conclusion/recommendations section. The total should be 1500 or more.
There is no official maximum limit but the recommended one is 2200 words.
EXERCISE 7
1. What does the student’s conclusion consist of?
2. Do his recommendations make sense in the context of the report?
3. Find and correct an example of sexist language in the conclusion.
CONCLUSION
To conclude, dirty electricity is a very serious problem facing ordinary people all
over the world wherever electricity is the source of energy. The topic has been largely
ignored by the scientific community in recent years but people are slowly becoming more
aware of it. Fortunately, some inventors and entrepreneurs have already taken action and
we now have devices with proven effectiveness. In addition, there is a lot a person can do
to protect himself although this is becoming more difficult as our dependence on
electrical gadgets increases.
RECOMMENDATIONS
Solving the problem of dirty electricity is not going to be easy. People can no
longer live without their computers, mobile phones, TVs and iPads. However, the
following recommendations will help improve the situation for ordinary people. Their
implementation depends on the willingness of governments and health agencies to take
an active stand and on users themselves to give up some of the conveniences they
currently enjoy with their gadgets:
1. The scientific community, especially electrical engineers, should be encouraged
to devote more research to the problem of dirty electricity.
2. The manufacturing sector should be encouraged to produce more GS filters and
similar devices in order to increase the availability and decrease the costs.
3. Filters should be provided free of charge to all schools and universities and to all
government buildings.
4. Generous government subsidies should be provided to help reduce the costs of
buying filters for ordinary people.
5. A publicity campaign using all the media should be started at once to alert
ordinary people to the dangers present in their homes and workplaces and to the
simple actions they should take to reduce their risk.
Word count: 2100
9
Academic & Professional Communication T132 25
NOTES
26. References
Basics
There is no limit on the number of sources you can use to write your report but
there is a minimum requirement of six. For formatting style, refer to Unit 1b, pp.
18-24 and to Successful Writing at Work, pp. 330-336. For an example of a
reference list, see Successful Writing at Work, pp. 352-354.
Arrange your sources in alphabetical order according to the author’s family name
(or the title, if there is no author). Double-space, or use 1.5 line spacing, between
and within your references. Remember to insert a hanging indent for the first line
of each reference.
Specifics
The References opposite have seven listed sources, and two other sources were
referred to in the report (see report page 8 above) but they do not appear in the
References list. This is because those in-text citations refer to an entire website
rather than to a specific web page. In such cases, the APA does not require the
source to appear in the reference list.
When the author is a well-known organization, it is permissible to abbreviate the
full name (eg World Health Organization) to its common acronym (WHO). See
NFAM opposite (an acronym standing for National Foundation for Alternative
Medicine). The use of the acronym here is questionable as this organization is not
especially well known.
Two of the sources on the Reference list opposite are by the same author, Havaz.
In such cases, follow these rules: With two or more one-author entries, order the
sources by date with the earlier source coming first: so Havaz, M. (2004) precedes
Havaz, M. (2005). However, if the same author appears as a co-writer in another
work, a one-author reference always precedes a multiple-author reference even if
the latter is chronologically earlier. So, in the example opposite, Havaz, M. (2006)
precedes Havaz, M., & Steltzer, D. (2004) despite being published later.
Most of the sources opposite were found on the Internet, as evidenced by the
words “Retrieved from” in their references. Your teacher may set requirements
regarding the type and quality of sources you may use. For example, he may
require you to use a variety of genres (journals, magazines, encyclopedias, books,
and so on), different media (print, Internet), and he may insist on all sources
having a recognizable author and date of publication. Several sources opposite
have neither a date nor an author.
Many URLs are long. If you need to break a URL at one or more points, you may
do so after a slash mark (/). If no convenient slash mark is available, break the
line at a hyphen if there is one.
The references for most Internet sources will contain the URL. However, if the
source also has a DOI (“digital object identifier”), the APA requires that you
always use the DOI rather than the URL. See also Unit 1b, pages 21-22.
EXERCISE 8
1. Identify the reference that is not in the right alphabetical order.
2. How many sources have neither a publication date nor an author?
3. Locate the source which has a digital object identifier.
4. Which URL opposite is not broken at a slash mark?
REFERENCES
Dirty electricity explained. (n.d.). Retrieved from http://www.electrahealth.com/
dirtyelectricity.html
Havaz, M. (2006). Electromagnetic hypersensitivity: Biological effects of dirty electricity
with emphasis on diabetes and multiple sclerosis. Electromagnetic Biology and
Medicine, 25, 259-268. doi: 10.1080/15368370601044192
Havaz, M., & Stetzer, D. (2004). Dirty electricity and electrical hypersensitivity: Five
case studies. World Health Organization Workshop on Electrical
Hypersensitivity. Retrieved from http://www.getpurepower.ca/resources/
WHODirtyElectricityStudies.pdf
NFAM. (n.d.). The health effects of electrical pollution. Retrieved from http://www.
electricalpollution.com/documents/NFAMemf.PDF
Milham, S. (2010). Dirty electricity: Electrification and the diseases of civilization.
United States of America: iUniverse. Retrieved from http://books.google.com.sa/
books?id=tDls4TmCTqkC&printsec=frontcover&hl=ar&source=gbs_ge_summar
y_r&cad=0
Segell, M. (n.d.). 11 ways to protect yourself from dirty electricity. Retrieved from
http://www.prevention.com/electroshocker/index.shtml
What is electrical pollution? (n.d.). Retrieved from http://www.dirtyelectricity.org/
electrical-pollution.shtml
10
Academic & Professional Communication T132 27
ENGLISH 214 MAJOR REPORT MARKING SHEET
NAME: ID#: SEC/SN:
REPORT TITLE:
RESEARCHING (15%)
Finding, narrowing, focusing a topic:__________________________________________ Student achieves suitable focus within time allowed; effort made to integrate major and theme.
Note taking:______________________________________________________________ Adequate number of notes; correct format; neat; condensed extracts; paraphrased; minimal SW; punctual completion. Outlining:_______________________________________________________________ Student develops initial rough outline to produce formal, 2-level topic outline, then final 3- or 4-level outline. APA References:__________________________________________________________ Student produces list of sources used; alphabetical order; neat; correct format; all sources included. Source evaluations: _______________________________________________________ At least 3 evaluations: APA reference; article summary; article evaluation; punctual submissions. ________________________________________________________________________
Progress Report:__________________________________________________________ Report background; purpose statement; working bibliography; 2-level outline; schedule of work to complete. ________________________________________________________________________
Other research work:_______________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
DRAFTING (15%)
1. First Draft (10%): Grade: _______________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________ Student is prepared for each day’s in-class writing; report body completed in class (penalties for substantial drafting at home); major-theme integration;
informative; well organized; minimal SW; documented; sources well integrated; appropriate vocabulary and language use.
2. Revised & edited final version (5%): Grade: ________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________ a. Revising: Evidence that student has corrected first-draft errors; significant improvements made; complete revised draft
b. Editing: Punctual submission; complete, professional-looking document (cover, TOC, intro, body, conclusion/recommendations, APA references;
well-formatted; appropriate length; illustrations well integrated; student has cross-referenced report and sources.
3. Other:________________________________________________________________
15% RESEARCH GRADE: COMMENTS:
15% DRAFTING GRADE: COMMENTS:
