psyb

Love is Blind. Your Friends Aren’t

Who predicts breakups? Even though your family and friends may not see everything that goes on in your relationship, they know about some of the important stuff, plus people are overly optimistic about their relationship and have positive illusions about how things are going. I know that on occasion, I talk to my mother, sister and BFF about some things that go on in my relationship to get some positive feedback on what they may think about a certain situation. People are motivated to protect their self-esteem by thing that their relationship is better than it actually is; your friends are under no such psychological pressure and may not deceive themselves in the same way.

According to the article, there was a research gathered on heterosexual dating couples and had them identify “his friends,” “her friends,” and “our friends” and asked them to rate the commitment and closeness of the couple. When they compared all of the responses, “her friends” were predictors that the couple would break up, which neither the couple nor his friends predicted the same. After her friends spoke of what they thought about the relationship, you really didn’t need to ask anyone else what they thought about the relationship, you already knew everything that was needed to predict the couple’s fate. (http://www.scienceofrelationships.com/home/2011/10/18/love-is-blind-your-friends-arent.html)

Why is it you as that her friends seemed to have the most insight on the relationship? It is because women talk to their friends more about their relationships; therefore her friends have more information. Remember the phrase, “women’s intuition”? It is said because females are likely more accurate in relationship assessment because they seem to be more concerned than men. In all actuality, female friends have a pretty good sense of what is going on in your relationship.

Interdependence, the social glue that keeps us together, shows that the more couples are independent, measured by the time spent together, shared activities and influences one partner has over the other, the more vested the relationship becomes, the longer it is likely to last, and if the relationship ever ends, they are devastated. Factors that contribute to a long lasting relationship are the same factors that intensify the fear of rejection, which makes coping more difficult after a relationship ends. People spend millions of dollars on online dating sites actively seeking long -term love and relationships. They do so, because of the vast majority rate of divorce, looking to re-marry and looking for a new sense of what “family” really means. Million’s of men and women try and find ways to attract, commit, and permanently get close to the one they truly love. (Kassin, 2011, pp. 385-386)

References

Kassin, S. Fein, S, & Markus, H (2011). Social Psychology. Belmont, CA: Cengage.

http://www.scienceofrelationships.com/home/2011/10/18/love-is-blind-your-friends-arent.html