This assignment is only meant for (Krystlbrrws) No one is allowed!
kevin_225
project_3_concision_exercises_up-1_1.rtfConcision Exercises ( 100 points) (no word count minimum)
Read Technical Communication [13th or 12th Edition – Chapters 10 & 11]. These chapters provide detailed guidance for editing for concision.
Concision is the act of reducing the length of a passage, yet still conveying the important information from the passage. For example, instead of using a whole paragraph to introduce yourself, you might use only two sentences. Being concise also depends on being precise, which depends on clear thinking.
THIS IS NOT A CONTEST TO SEE HOW MUCH YOU CAN CUT FROM THE PASSAGE. You need to retain all critical information.
Watch out for the following:
- Redundancies (Avoid phrases such as “future prospects.”)
- Repetition (Example: He was tired and exhausted after his run.)
- Roundabout phrases (Avoid using several words when one will work.)
- Replace “along the lines of” with “like.”
- Replace “in spite of the fact that” with “although.”
- Replace “a large proportion of” with “many” or “most.”
- The passive voice (Replace “The rules were amended by the secretary” with “The secretary amended the rules.”)
- Nominal phrases (Example: He achieved the fulfillment of his dream.)
Here are some examples:
Lots of words...
Sally Hodges lives in Houston, Texas, where she rides her bike on Mondays, Tuesdays, and Wednesdays. Sometimes she eats Mexican food because she loves it. Originally from Georgia, she has lived in all kinds of places for all kinds of reasons, and some of these places are Ireland, Baltimore, Oregon, Austin, and Chicago. She hopes one day to leave Houston because of the hot summers. She likes to go to the rodeo, though, so she will miss that.
Fewer words, same basic information...
Originally from Georgia, Sally Hodges resides in Houston,, after living in a variety of cities throughout Europe and the U.S such as London, Baltimore, Austin, and Chicago.. She loves biking, Mexican food, and the Houston rodeo but would give those things up in order to leave hot Texas summers behind.
Lots of words...
The reason I want to work for your company is because I really love being around people who care about their jobs. I get the feeling that your employees care about what they’re doing and how they achieve success, because of the interaction with them I have had over the years. When people love their jobs and are excited about the service or product they provide it really shows and I want to be one of those people in your company.
Fewer words...
Over the years I have interacted with your company and have always been impressed by your employees’ excitement about the services you offer. I want to be a part of that passion.
Lots of words... Decreasing the amount of background noise would be an important thing to do because the coffee house is used for a place of study as well as an eating establishment.
Fewer words... Decreasing background noise is important because the coffee house is used for study as well as for eating.
Remember that you must deliver the message of the paragraph above all else; the assignment is to learn to recognize and transmit essential information without waste. "He just up and quit," can be "He just quit." "The way I see it, we could do without some of those tools" could be, "Obviously we need fewer tools."
BEGIN YOUR ASSIGNMENT ON THE NEXT PAGE
ASSIGNMENT INSTRUCTIONS: Using the guidelines above, revise the following examples. Type your revision beneath each passage.
1. Home Depot offers many promotions to draw customers into their stores. A few of them are: twelve-month, no-interest payment plans, ten to twenty percent off products and installations, gift cards, and online free gift drawings. Home Depot has excellent advertisement in all areas of advertisement media, such as, television, radio, and billboards, the web, as well as a Home Depot race car. Home Depot offers several appliances throughout their stores that are energy efficient that have a bright green E-plus logo on many of their products.
2. This idea of teams’ actually working at lower rates of productivity and efficiency is not a new concept. Research on this topic has been done dating back to the 1970s and has proved these theories to actually exist in real life settings. Psychology research has proven that when the number of people within a team rises, then the overall effort of the team also rises, but the effort from each individual team member decreases. This theory is referred to as the Ringelman Effect and has been a key in diagnosing problems that exist within team settings.
3. It is so important for trainers to meet with managers and supervisors and even conduct surveys. They also should evaluate training effectiveness and be ready with alternative ideas if they are not seeing the necessary improvement. The methods a trainer uses depend on the size and nature of the organization’s goals.
4. Research into the criminal history of the area reveals several interesting trends. The majority of the crimes that occur within the zip code are similar to reported crimes in the Sleepy Hallow apartment complex. The major difference between local crime analysis and the breakdown from the apartment complex is the lack of sex crimes committed at our complex. The surrounding area has a high level of sex crimes and includes 16 registered sex offenders (DPS, 2005). One sex offender is living in the apartment complex. This number is high because Houston is home to the Ried Center, a large halfway house that handles sexual offenders. This institution is over half composed of recently released sexual offenders. This halfway house has little to do with the level of crime that exists at the Sleepy Hallow.
5. In order to successfully come up with a marketing philosophy first we need to divide the scope of work that we are going to perform. To do this we must break down our company into three main categories or sections. The first section or category of the company will be our Residential Servicing side of Dalton & Henry Air. The second category of the company will be our New Construction side (Development side) whether or not it is for residential or light commercial. And the third category of the company will be our Service Contract side.
