FOR HENRY Read attachments. Write 400 word memo on the case study.

EmiiI!I BY RICHARD BIE.RCK

Find the Right Tone for Your Business Writing

The tone for every memo; e-mali, or report is determined by the interplay between energy and formality.

MANY WRITERS aaonizc over word.. choice, syntax. and structure. But getting the words down on paper does- nt mean the job of writing is done. One ofihe most important steps in writing is matching the tone of the piece to the occasicn=-and the audience.

Tone in writing is an elusive quality that determine, whether readers are put art or turned on, whether ihev laugh with you or at you, whether you come across as boor or a seer. Outlin- ing a well-reasoned solution to a COI11- plex problem v ou 't bring readers to your way of thinking unless the writing connects with them on a visceral level. Inappropriate tone leaves readers with 11 bad mental afrertasre. Appropriate tune allows [he reader to concentrate on content without any background I1l ise.

Most successful businesspeople have a keen sense of what's appropriate when talking to others. But many fail to apply this judgment to their writing-c--whether in e-mails. memoranda. letters. or pro- posals, Often. their writing is far ton sl iff and formal or tOO relaxed and col- loquial. Just as often. writers produce pieces that are too upbeat. for situations requiring more gravity. or too grave for circumstances .alling for more energy.

For an appropriate (one ill every circum- stance, you need to carefully monitor two auributes->- ~nergy level and degree of formality.

Measure the energy conveyed in a piece of writing by asking. "How hot or cool should [his memo be'? The extremes of the prose thermometer reveal [he range ,)1'available choices. Here arc examples of both polarities.

Hot Anvone 11·110 hasu 'I had their head ill the .sand latetv knows about the big prob- lems we're having ill the marketplace. Taking aim (If the weaker items 011 our product line, (1 horde of well-trained competitors is infiicting mortal wounds. As u result, we are hemorrhaging rev- euucs. HUII'du I\'C stanch the bleeding? Dump (Jill' weakest products and chon- nel our energy into the stronger ones. That mean.' IF!' must pound 0/.11 a POlV- erjul niarketing plan to drive home {he advantages (~rour product: to the pub- lie. We IIWS; brainstorm ASAP to come lip with {/ STrategy tltat has teeth. ~r\\'e fumble this one. \I'e all nuiv soon be standing in (Ill unemplovment line.

Cool By noli'. most of us are probably aware of rile critical challenges we're facing ill the marketplace. Competitors are

cut t in g into 0111' ma rker share a n d diminishing 0111' revenues. The only solution 11/((1' be (0 fOlXo SOIJW o] our less successful products so IhUE \l'e //'IaI' concentrate-on the more successful. To do this. we'd have [0 streamline 0111' marketing efforts TO communicate value to consumers. This will require plan- ning sessions 10 deveh p ((11 effective strategy. I recommend that 1Fe proceed with ((1/ dcliberat« speed to develop a viable approach. The consequences of jailing to uiove quickl» and incisivelv could indeed be dire.

Though these two passages convey the same content. and have the same inrcllt-to motivate the reader to act- ihey vary greatly in tone. The hot pas- sage draws on hyperbole (the ostrich

HARVARD MANAGEMENT COMMUNICATION I.ETTER ~ 10

image), strong adjectives (e.g., "mor- tal") and combat metaphor. to commu- nicate urgency. Strong verbs and vivid (at limes. even surgical) images are used to incite the reader.

The cool passage is less alarming and, hence. conveys less urgency It relies more on readers to discern the serious- ness of the situation by reading between the lines it bit. While the tone of the hot passage tone is an alarmist call to action. that of the.cool one is less likely to cause a panic. for it avoids emotionalism .

The second attribute to measure is for- mality. As with the energy level, the for- mality of a memo depends on the occasion. the recipient's predilections, and the chara tel' of the company.

You need to know what L, right for your situation, In a venerable insurance com- pany. for example. it's almost always better to stay well within the formal range of the spectrum. Conversely, if your company i a snowboard manufac- turer, this kind of formality may only bring derision and consign your memo to the circular file,

Some examples:

Informal YOLI 've already got the 4-]-/ Of! what 1'1/1 goillg to say: QUI' salesfigures reek. Competitors are putting (he hurt on us ill a serious way, and it's siphoning money (jilt of .1'0/.1I' pocket and mine. The only 11'ay OUI o] this mess may be to trash. The losers in our product line and pump the winners. We're history unless we grease our marketing skids and per- suade {he public that usine our products will produce euphoric: moments. We mUST brainstorm ASAP to come lip with a strategy that rocks. If we don 'I, \Ve all may soon be asking; "You want fries with that? .,

Formal Onlv rite myopic could now be unaware o] our unfortunate position regarding market share. Our sales figures have

reached (( nadir: and our C(}I1IPfliIOI'S are getting the best 1.:( IiS, much In the detriment of our pocketbooks. Perhaps tile oniv solution is {(J forgo the less profitable of our offerings. and jC)CUS 0111' attention (111 our more successful products. Crucial ro a recovery will be a we {/ -crafted IIW rk e t ing pro g ram designed In h ei ght cu c on su m e r demand. Failing to devise such a strut- egv may make all other concerns moot.

The informal passage is dominated by everyday colloquialisms. Instead of more lofty metaphors. it uses the slang of popular culture. Thirty years from now, readers would have a bard time understanding its meaning. Yet now, this LOne can connect with certain kinds of audiences.

By contrast. the formal passage seeks no such personal connection and avoids common parlance. It distances the writer from his or her audience. While some readers might view this tone as being condescending, others would regard it as being appropriate for a spe- cilic business context.

In many W:IYS, youIl find that. the deci- sions surrounding energy and formality overlap. Informal compositions often tend to be hOI or at lensi warm, but nor always. Formal writing is typically cool. but it can sometimes include warm elements such as metaphor or short sen- tences that convey strong action.

Seldom do even professional writers achieve the appropriate tone on the f rst draft. II take' a refined sensibility and careful honing. Even then. you may nor be sure that you've struck the right tone.

To make sure. ask S0111e people whose judgment YOll respect [0 give it a test read and get their reaction. Do they think if" too energetic or hyperbolic for the audienceand. the occasion'! Or is it too frosty? Similarly. do they think the writing is too distant or too familiar? What are the offending wor ds or phrases? How can they be changed (a do the job at hand? Using test readers is

hardly rocket science, but those willing to go 10 this trouble invariably produce more effective writing.

writing remains a solitary sport, and you are ultimately responsible for developing tile right content-as well as striking the right [one. CJ

Using lest renders may seem like a lot of trouble. But for writers committed III producing effective. impressive prose, this practice is less time-consuming rhan continuing [0 toil futilely in isola- tion. Test readers can help you get back on course before you've strayed too lar.

=-Richard Bierck is a business writer based in Prince-IOn, NJ His worl: has appeared ill U.S. News & World RCPOt1, B loornberg Personal Finance. and Parade. He C(l1I be reached ((I /imc/@hb.ljI./W/"I'{lI-d.edll

And bexides. it's good to share the agony of writing. In the end. however,

Rrprint e (0]09D ----.---.--------- ..•.---- 10 order if feprlfil of (his J!iicle, (ali SOQ-668·670S or 611·7a3·i47'~.

.------:-o----~---'------- ..-! BY NICK MORGAN!

i Use Behavioral Science to Give Better Speeches

A RECENT ARTIl.I.E in our sister publication. Harvard BusinessReview. dis- .. cussed how the insights of behavioral science could lead to better cus- tomer service (J unc 200!). Three of those insights in particular also yield better presentations.

FiRST, the research shows we tend to remember best what we experience last. Accordingly, the authors recommend, "finish strong." The received wis- dom in publi .speaking says that you end by "telling them what you've said." In fact. most speech occasions end with a Q & A session. Both of these end- ings are relatively weak. The repetition involved in it summary might rein- terce learning-if anyone were listening. But most audience members are highly attuned to the cadences of presentations. and when they hear a sum- mary. they check out. You've probably done it yourself: you start r 1 (quietly) pack up your belongings. If you're at a conference, you surreptitiously check to sec where you're supposed to go next. Maybe you g.el OUI your Palm and stun looking over your schedule for the rest or the week. But you don i listen. [0 short. it's a weak ending.

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What about Q & A? It's a weak way to end, ion. Tt':> a freewheeling format. You can'! control it. You have no idea whether the questions asked will be rcl- .! evant or even intelligible. I

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So. t(l end strongly, save a bit of your speech for the cluse-the best bit. EnJ with a stirring call to action. or a favorite story that makes a compelling point. Then leave the stage with all eyes ()11 you.

SECOND) the research sh iws UWt it works best to get the bad news out of the way early. People like improvemeru.Ifyou have something bad to say-some weak quarterly results. for example-gel it out (1[ the way at the beginning of the speech. Then move onto telling the audience how your team is going to fix U1C problem=- ir prevent it next rime.

FIN,U.L v. the research shows people like a choice. because it gives them some control. How does this translate into the public speaking realm? Easy: rnvolve your listeners whenever it's appropriate. Ask them what they think, Get them to design responses to your chal lcnges. Give them actions to under- take. In each case, you're usi ng your audience's psychological needs to craft better presen tali ons. U

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J SEPTEMBER 2001 • 1 1