Final paper for Maiodi only

1. Evaluate the thesis statement: note whether the author’s thesis and overall representation of these particular articles are clearly stated.  Make suggestions to help with the wording if you think it will help the author’s clarity.

Don’t forget your title at the beginning of the essay. When you say “This activity is known as cyber bullying” I think you should reword it as maybe “one example is…”.With the sentence before it to me it reads that cyber bullying is the only criminal activity. In your first source paragraph I kind of get a little lost with the third sentence with how it is worded.

2. Share any concerns you have about the accuracy of the author’s sources. You can also suggest other sources that would help the author to have the most comprehensive understanding of his or her particular topic.

Without more information listed on your author’s or where their information came from in the bibliography it’s hard to get a sense of how credible the sources are. Maybe you could add what type of document the information came from like a magazine or scholarly journal. Also you could mention where the author works to help prove their credibility.

3. Note whether the organization of the essay is effective. Suggest an alternate organizational strategy if you think one is needed or would be useful.

The organization of your essay is nice and flows smoothly. Don’t forget to add a paragraph at the end to wrap up your opinion on the usefulness of your sources.

4. Note whether this short essay convinces you that the author has located sufficient materials to be knowledgeable about his or her topic for the final essay and, therefore, is ready to proceed to taking a stand on the issue, which is our next step in the research process.

I believe you have great resources for your final essay, I like that you found one by Sugarman that shows that this is not a new subject and has been around for a long time. It is more common though it seems now. I think it was wise of you to find a source that goes deeper looking into who is doing the bullying so we can understand why this is happening and better ways to put an end to it.

5. Offer corrections to errors in in-text citations and references. We want to have a discussion about how to correctly format citations and references so that this aspect of writing is also made clear in the process of writing.

Your in-text citations seem to be correct; I can easily find who you are talking about in the paragraphs down on your reference page.

Laura

1. Evaluate the thesis statement: note whether the author’s thesis and overall representation of these particular articles are clearly stated. Make suggestions to help with the wording if you think it will help the author’s clarity.

I really don’t get the thesis, although I do get what you are trying to get across. I had the same problem with my paper.

2. Share any concerns you have about the accuracy of the author’s sources. You can also suggest other sources that would help the author to have the most comprehensive understanding of his or her particular topic.

Your sources look credible; I also got some advice from one of our classmates about the hyperlink. You can remove it by right clicking and selecting remove hyperlink, if that helps.

3. Note whether the organization of the essay is effective. Suggest an alternate organizational strategy if you think one is needed or would be useful.

I think that the long paragraph in your essay can be shortened into small segments, so you don’t have to read a long passage.

4. Note whether this short essay convinces you that the author has located sufficient materials to be knowledgeable about his or her topic for the final essay and, therefore, is ready to proceed to taking a stand on the issue, which is our next step in the research process.

It seems like your well on your way to creating a good paper, all your resources are good and you have a a sense of where you are going with the paper.

5. Offer corrections to errors in in-text citations and references. We want to have a discussion about how to correctly format citations and references so that this aspect of writing is also made clear in the process of writing.

Your APA format needs to be corrected a little. The citation should include the author’s last name and year. If that helps. Other than that good job

1. Evaluate the thesis statement: note whether the author’s thesis and overall representation of these particular articles are clearly stated.  Make suggestions to help with the wording if you think it will help the author’s clarity.

After reading your thesis statement I think it could be worded a little better than you have worded it.

In your first sentence change the word has to have.

I think these two sentence sound better joined together.

Many people have access to technology today. Because of this technology has gone to both good and bad hands.

(Because people have access to technology today it has gone from good to bad hands.)

2. Share any concerns you have about the accuracy of the author’s sources. You can also suggest other sources that would help the author to have the most comprehensive understanding of his or her particular topic.

I think you have some really good sources to support your thesis statement.

3. Note whether the organization of the essay is effective. Suggest an alternate organizational strategy if you think one is needed or would be useful.

It could be organized a little better and just add a little more incite to the thesis statement.

4. Note whether this short essay convinces you that the author has located sufficient materials to be knowledgeable about his or her topic for the final essay and, therefore, is ready to proceed to taking a stand on the issue, which is our next step in the research process.

I think you have sufficient enough materials to support your essay.

5. Offer corrections to errors in in-text citations and references. We want to have a discussion about how to correctly format citations and references so that this aspect of writing is also made clear in the process of writing.

You need to put your references in APA format. Other than that you did a great job!!!