Persuasive Analytical Essay

RECOMMENDATIONS & STRATEGIES FOR IMPROVEMENT:

 

Development: On page three, you say that “Brigham and Women’s hospital was established in the year 1980, by merging three hospitals: Peter Bent Brigham Hospital (formed in the year 1913), Robert Breck Brigham Hospital (formed in the year 1914), and Boston Hospital for Women (formed in the year 1966).” I see at the very end of the paragraph where you got these facts, but if you can fit in who said this earlier, and fit it into the text of the essay, it will avoid confusion in the reader.

 

So, you might say: “Brigham and Women’s hospital was established in the year 1980, by merging three hospitals: Peter Bent Brigham Hospital (formed in the year 1913), Robert Breck Brigham Hospital (formed in the year 1914), and Boston Hospital for Women (formed in the year 1966).”  Then associate this quote with your own point. Why have you used this quote? What is it showing? This may be obvious already, but you want to make as few logical leaps as possible. Move your reader along with you step by step.  

 

Paragraph Organization: In your short and long-term goals section you set off your point with a bullet list. For the purposes of this assignment, it might work better to work these into whole paragraphs. Bullets work well for making a list, but I’d like for you to explain the links between where you are now, and where you would like to go. You might do this in two paragraphs, using the sentences you already have, but also connecting them to one another step-by step.

 

Again, at the end of page four, you write “the key skills required to perform the job of health Administrator are:” and then list the skills. I’d like you to have each of these work as a standalone paragraph, without the reference to this being a list.

 

Sentences--Syntax and Grammar: On page four, you write, “The hospital is pioneer in the field of medical services and research thereby; they look for excellent candidates to perform assigned jobs.” One thing to look out for is to see that singular nouns almost always need an article (‘a,’ ‘an’ or ‘the,’ ‘our’ and your’) This helps avoid confusion as well. Go through and check to make sure your nouns have appropriate articles.

 

“Management skills enables health administrator to perform multiple activities efficiently.” Also, keep track of your subject and verb agreement. Make sure that each noun matches its verb in number (singular or plural). Most singular verbs will end in ‘s,’ which can be confusing since plural nouns also end in ‘s.’ Go through your essay and make sure each noun matches each verb.