Your thesis does not really identify a claim. Your topic is on the increase in cyber-security attacks, right? Perhaps you can strengthen your thesis statement o hmake your claim, reason and position on the issue stand out. Since this is a letter, you can

Your thesis does not really identify a claim. Your topic is on the increase in cyber-security attacks, right? Perhaps you can strengthen your thesis statement o hmake your claim, reason and position on the issue stand out. Since this is a letter, you can maintain professionalism while making your voice heard.